Stool Samples

Things can't get any more chaotic in Dallas. Nearly a week after former wide receiver and Dallas radio show host Michael Irvin announced Cowboys'-sanctioned reality show that will give the winner a spot on the 80-man training camp roster, Terrell Owens and VH-1 revealed a partnership for a T.O. reality show this summer.

VH1 announced Monday that the series takes place in the offseason, and T.O.'s best friends and publicists -- Monique Jackson and Kita Williams -- will help him re-examine his personal life. The two will work as "matchmakers and therapists" for Owens.

By "personal life", the description mean hours spent staring at himself in the mirror.

As if the circus atmosphere in Dallas hadn't reached a crescendo, a week ago Monday it was announced that Sean Salisbury has signed on with 105.3 the Fan in Dallas.

The only thing that could top all this? A reality show about the reality shows, hosted by Salisbury. At this point, it doesn't seem that far fetched.

Crap that actually came from somebody's mouth

"If I had stayed (on Monday Night Football), it would have been me and Joe Theismann in the booth with Michelle Tafoya and Suzy Kolber doing the sideline reporting." - Al Michaels, in a solid interview at The Big Lead

Translation: "No way in hell I'm working with that motor mouth Theismann."
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"I get a kick out of listening to guys on the radio on a Saturday touting their picks, and I think, 'what in the hell could they possibly know, that I don't know?' And even if they know it, what are you going to say, a guy's going to fumble on the 1-yard line? Somebody's going to run a kick back? It's crazy. It's fun to bet a few bucks on the game, but nobody really knows. That's the beauty of sports." - Al Michaels

Michaels' honesty is both necessary and refreshing.
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"This is a groundbreaking opportunity for football players and football fans. The unique element is that these men will actually be competing for a training camp roster spot in an NFL camp. There is so much great undiscovered football talent out there, guys that may have missed their shot for one reason or another." - Michael Irvin

Yes, there is so much undiscovered talent out there that his slipped past the millions of scouts and talent evaluators...and should this happen there is no better way to find them than a reality show.
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"I had some great experiences doing TV with ESPN, but now I'm part of the CBS family and part of The Fan and it's 100,000 watts of interacting with sports fan in this market and we're going to have a blast!" - Sean Salisbury

"This business is the opinion business, and when it comes to sports in Dallas/Fort Worth, I have opinions.'' - Salisbury

And you better watch your backs, people of Dallas, otherwise Salisbury's opinions will kick your ass.

Dan Wetzel adds new wrinkle to Super Bowl Week complaint department

By now, we've become familiar with the annual rite of complaint about the host city of the Super Bowl from some in the mainstream media -- Bill Simmons comes to mind after he annoyed readers with his gripes about Detroit and Jacksonville.

Yahoo! Sports' Dan Wetzel took a cue from Simmons in the most indirect of ways and recently wrote a column talking about how the economy is making for a bad start to Super Bowl Week.

This is no ordinary Super Bowl. This is the first Recession Bowl; the first Corporate Responsibility Bowl; the first Mortgage Meltdown Bowl. It may have only been Monday of game week, but the mood and expectations for this Super Bowl are different than any in recent memory.

Yes, it's nearly 150 hours til game time and Wetzel is impressed by the ghost-town version of "Monday of Super Bowl Week". Could it be that things will pick up as we get closer to game time since it's, you know, Monday -- the day the teams are arriving in town?

Even the cold-weather game three years ago in Detroit saw the city flooded with Steelers fans who made the four-hour drive, whether they had tickets or not.

Dan, we think you may have answered your own "question" with the revelation that it took just four hours for Steelers fans to drive from Pittsburgh to Detroit. It's a little different than the 16 hour, 18 minute hop, skip and jump from the Steel City down to Tampa.

And this is just speculation on our part, but we have a hard time believing very many Steelers fans without Super Bowl XL tickets drove to Detroit on the Monday of Super Bowl Week to hang out for 7-8 days three years ago.

All of which explains why fans could get midfield, lower-level tickets on StubHub Monday for as little as $3,300. Upper-deck seats with $800 face value were going for $1,300 – a year ago they were fetching around $3,000.

The idea that people only have to spend "as little as $3,300" for a ticket and sellers can only make a $500 profit on upper deck seats is clearly a sign that football fans and the Super Bowl are in trouble. Could it be that the economic downturn is bringing the price of items back to a more normal, level state?

There rarely is much business on a Monday of Super Bowl, when even the teams are just arriving. Usually it's just NFL workers and media, but even the media turnout is down this year due to struggles in the newspaper and radio industries.

Ahh yes ... he did realize Monday was arrival day for the teams and not usually jam-packed with people.

Barring some kind of disaster – natural or otherwise – the Super Bowl always is a good time. The weather is great. No one is going to suffer from unwilling sobriety. An economic boost will still occur. And the game – remember that? – should be good.

So what you're saying is .... ..... ......?

The Cardinals, who struggled to sell out their first-round playoff game this year, don't have the fan base or cache.

The economy -- not years of front office and on-field ineptitude -- rippled the Cardinals fanbase.

The Steelers do, but they were in the Super Bowl just three years ago, taking the "once-in-a-lifetime" motivation out of it.

What Dan is saying is that the two week break between Super Bowls has forced him to write about something of which he has no idea.

Reported non-story still being reported



Seriously guys: it happened two weeks ago, the coach involved denied there was a resulting problem, the player involved denied there was a resulting problem and the teammates denied the existence of a resulting problem.

No need to tell us it's a non-story or that we should treat it as a non-story because (GASP) it's a non-story.

Oreo Cookies give Manning boys something to do during down time



Often times the JSF inbox receives press releases announcing "big things" in the world of sports and corporate America. The announcement for Oreo's "Ultimate Sibling Rivalry" is one such example, and while the commercial aired 10 days ago, it's worth revisiting for a couple of reasons.

1. Manning Brothers and Williams Sisters to Compete in Ultimate Sibling Rivalry with a Twist, Lick and Dunk

Not sure about you guys (and ladies), but when promoting the Brothers Manning and Sisters Williams, the use of "twist", "lick" and "dunk" is probably best left in the rough draft.

2. East Hanover, N.J. (Jan. 15, 2009) – On Jan.18, 2009, Peyton and Eli Manning and Venus and Serena Williams, both sibling members of the Oreo® Double Stuf™ Racing League, will come together in their second joint TV commercial to see which pair can twist, lick and dunk an Oreo Double Stuf cookie and glass of milk the fastest. The ad will air during the NFC Conference Championship game.

The matter-of-fact statement that yes, Peyton and Eli Manning and Venus and Serena Williams play for Oreo. That's where their fame came from, people. Bet you didn't know that.

3. If you're a quicker licker, you will rock in the DSRL ...

Blimp implosion lets air out of Williams Manning lick-off

Those were two scrolling headlines on the DSRL Web site ticker. Fun times.

Stool Samples is written by the cofounders of the sports humor web site, JoeSportsFan.com, Josh Bacott and Patrick Imig. They swear this stuff is real. Email them at info@joesportsfan.com.

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