Stool Samples
NBA courtside reporter Jim Gray found himself in a minor controversy Friday when he mistakenly reported to a live audience that Allen Iverson would be traded to the Timberwolves, per his phone conversation with the small disgruntled one. Later in the broadcast, Gray spoke with Iverson’s agent and realized there was no truth to the Timberwolves rumor, and concluded he had spoken to an Allen Iverson impostor.
Gray reported the story originally because he and Allen talk from time to time and he thought it “sounded like Allen” on the phone.
The incident leaves us here at the Stool with a few questions.
How often does Allen Iverson call Jim Gray? And what do they speak about? Is it a random conversation where Iverson calls to say, “Hey, what’s going on? What are you up to? … Oh, I’m just sitting here on the couch, listening to some tunes, playing PlayStation 3.”
Who thought it was a good idea to impersonate Allen Iverson in the first place? It was surely someone with something to gain. Kevin Garnett, perhaps? Maybe Maurice Cheeks attempting to speed up the process?
Isn't it odd we’re discussing this incident since we rarely talk about the NBA? That’s really the only question we can fully answer. Yes, it is.
Carry on…
Crap that actually came from somebody’s mouth
“The other guy that stiffened was Shawne Merriman.” – John Madden
”(Kawika)Mitchell was coming in unmolested.” – Al Michaels
Chalk up another point in the Football Night in America consecutive “uncomfortable commentary” department.
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“You can get a square doink, an inside doink, or an outside doink.” – John Madden on field goals
Madden has been petitioning Webster’s New World Dictionary for 7 years to make doink an official word in the English language. His attempts have been unsuccessful…so far.
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”What the heck have we come to?” – John Madden on TO coverage
What the heck has society come to when John Madden is the voice of reason?
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”God dresses up as number 21 and he plays for the San Diego Chargers.” – Sean Salisbury
Funny: we always thought God wore number 4 and played for the Green Bay Packers.
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” (NBC) could take a page from its Olympic playbook, where Mary Carillo's irreverent Olympic Ice cable TV show was the perfect paprika. NBC should find out what Carillo is doing Sunday nights.”– Michael Heistand, USA Today, discussing ways to improve Football Night in America
And this, Michael, is why you’re writing about media instead of producing it.
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"Just like I said around the draft, it is a three-year process for him and it is a monumental learning curve with the ability to understand coverages.” – Merrill Hoge on Vince Young (quoted by Jim Wyatt in The Tennessean)
Seriously, football analysts would have the normal person believe that “understanding coverages” is the mental equivalent to understanding Condensed Matter Physics.
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“Question: Will Brett Favre play next year?
Jeremy Green: I hope so. He is having fun again and he is playing better. He can still play. I am amazed at some of the throws he can still make on a weekly basis. ” – ESPN.com
Yes, that red zone interception that he threw into triple coverage this week against the Lions was really impressive. We’re also amazed at the throws he makes each week, and even more amazed that the media pretends like they don’t see them.
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“Tony Romo will keep them in every game.” – Peter King
Of course he will, Peter. Sure, he’s never played in a playoff game in his life, and it’s true that his performance against winning teams is still shaky, but none of that matters. After all, he’s Tony freaking Romo.
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"We had the anointing oils for the entire Cowboys team (last week)." - Bob Ryan
”As soon as we anoint the team, they annoy us!” – Chris Berman
Gotta love it when media members openly complain about their own knee-jerk stupidity.
Media Rant of the Week – The Brawl
It’s amazing what one maniac rampaging into the crowd at a sporting event can do to affect us all.
Ever since Ron Artest charged into the crowd in Detroit to take on some hecklers, coverage of any on-court incident involving the NBA is raised to Media DefCon 1. After JR Smith, Nate Robinson, Mardy Collins and Carmelo Anthony engaged in some fisticuffs this past week, all media hands were called on deck and the over saturation of coverage began as if authorities were seconds away from launching tear gas into the crowd at Madison Square Garden.
We’re not saying that grown men fighting on a basketball court isn’t noteworthy. It certainly is. If for no other reason than to watch someone like Carmelo Anthony throw a punch and then book the other way to avoid any further confrontation. And anytime a fight spills into the crowd, as this one did briefly, it warrants some additional coverage, but thanks to Artest and Co., NBA brawls have taken on a life of their own.
For the past four days, the news has been packed with info regarding the fight. In depth break downs, analysis by any media member with two eyes and a mouth (Stu Scott partially qualifies), even coverage of David Stern’s conference call on the issue (more on this later).
The question is – was this brawl really that big of a deal? What did we see? We saw two players get into a scuffle over a hard foul, a few people wrestling and then a sucker punch by Anthony. Was it an average night in the NBA? Not by any means, but it certainly wasn’t even an iota close to what happened in Detroit a few years back or what happened on the football field in Miami earlier this season where players were using their helmets as clubs like they were extras in Braveheart.
This was the NBA equivalent of your standard issue mound-charging in baseball or an escalated hockey fight where all ten guys on the ice are paired off (those are always fun). Players get heated in competition and tempers flare up.
Let’s save the 45 point headline font for when Artest goes bananas again.
Media Rant of the Week – The Brawl Part 2
Whether this NBA brawl was a sign of our crumbling NBA society or merely something that has been going on in every sport for years is up for debate. One thing we can all agree on is that televising conference calls from the offices of David Stern is completely useless, boring, and unnecessary.
ESPN News was all over Stern’s call Monday afternoon, playing up its significance to the point that it was simulcast on ESPN. The address revealed few things other than awkward pauses, awkward moments of silence, and Stern’s receptionist yelling at some woman, “Maam, are you sure you have the microphone turned on?”
It was the equivalent of listening to a radio call-in show in which every caller had the volume of their radio turned up full blast and kept asking if they were “on”. If nothing else, it proved the “importance” of the 24 hour Sports Network.
At least viewers got to see a still picture of David Stern in high definition for 15 straight minutes. My he’s aged a lot the past 3 years.
Absolute Bolton
The date was Saturday December 16th. The location was Bridgeport, CT. Thousands upon thousands of sports fans packed the Arena at Harbor Yard for a great spectacle – the perfect end of the year tribute to what has been a glorious year in sports. A tribute filled with some of the finest, most agile athletes the world has to offer - where swizzles, camels and axels attain all the reverence they deserve.
And there was Dan Hicks, the respected and talented NBC Sports announcer, a man who has called every PGA US Open on NBC this decade. When the Olympics, AFL and PGA come calling, Hicks is the go to guy. So it was only fitting that at a grandiose event involving Brian Boitano, Shizuka Arakawa and 8 of the best figure skaters the world has to offer, Dan Hicks would be narrating the story.
There was only one thing that could make the afternoon a complete success: entertainment provided by guest performers Wynona Judd and Nicolette Sheridan. They along with the ensemble of international skaters put on a show fit for a King. And that’s why on this day, the world paid tribute to Michael Bolton.
That’s right; Bolton. Absolute Bolton.
It was the Michael Bolton Tribute on Ice. Clearly, anyone who says NBC Sports is a joke, even with the NFL on Sunday nights, is lying to themselves. If anyone deserves a tribute, it’s the premier skulleted adult contemporary singer of the 90’s.
Boltonbaby -- Absolute Bolton.
Stool Samples is written by Josh Bacott and Pat Imig. They swear this stuff is real. Email them @ info@joesportsfan.com