Stool Samples

Nothing brings out the stupid more than Major League Baseball MVP time.  Every year, in an attempt to predict and/or justify the selections, media members go above and beyond their standard level of idiocy.  

We saw this last season when ex-ESPN analyst Harold Reynolds attempted to make a legit argument to award the NL MVP to Andruw Jones over Albert Pujols by claiming Jones’ season was better than any by Willie Mays or Mickey Mantle in a rant that became an all time favorite of Stool Samples (for all the wrong reasons). 

This season is no exception.

Albert Pujols was once again in the mix, this time going head to head with Phillies slugger Ryan Howard.  As opposed to last year when Pujols was clearly the best choice, this year there was a legit argument to be made for Howard.  There was no disputing that Howard had a monster year that ultimately won him the award on Monday.  

Unfortunately for readers, people like Stephen A. Smith of the Philadelphia Inquirer were there to screw it up.

In his misguided argument for Howard written last Sunday, Smith demonstrates for all his detailed knowledge of baseball by leaning on this mess of an argument:

“But the reality is the talent that is Pujols, while fairly unique, is a dime a dozen in the laundry list of Latin talent that has invaded baseball. When you think of Pujols, you also think of Manny Ramirez and David "Big Papi" Ortiz or Alex Rodriguez. They play great baseball, but that's it.

In Howard's case, not only has he performed, he's single-handedly transformed the focus of a sport, forcing baseball - and possibly the rest of us - to take a closer look at potential African American prospects perhaps through something more than Reviving Baseball in the Inner City (RBI) programs.”

First off, we’ll ignore that Albert Pujols was named the 2006 Marvin Miller Man of the Year in the MLB in part due to his ongoing contributions to the community and work with children with downs syndrome, directly refuting Smith’s assumption that Latin players like Pujols “play great baseball, but that’s it.”  Smith had established that his argument had no legs when the race of the player was introduced as a criterion.  

It’s okay to say that Ryan Howard should be commended for what he’s done within the black community to put baseball back on the map, just don’t tell us that we should give him the MVP trophy because of it.  He deserves the MVP because he carried his team after it looked like they’d thrown in the towel with the trade of Bobby Abreu, or because he came within a few bombs of becoming the first player to hit 60 in the steroid testing era.  Just don’t tell us that he deserves it because more black people are going to baseball games in Philadelphia because of him.

Even with the criteria for the award as undefined as it is, I’m pretty confident that community involvement/impact isn’t one of them; otherwise Barry Bonds wouldn’t have seven trophies on his mantle.

Keep at it Stephen A.  There’s a legitimate argument to be made in Howard’s favor, you just have to put forth a little effort to craft it. 

Crap that actually came from somebody’s mouth
10/30: “I would take the Colts on a neutral site, but the Bears are the better all around team.” – Sean Salisbury on the best team in football.
 
10/31: ”The best team all around is the Chicago Bears.” – Sean Salisbury
 
10/31: ”On a neutral site, I'd probably take the Patriots and the Colts but the Chicago Bears are the best team in football right now…  I can backtrack because Michael Vick is out there.”

11/19: “I think if you lined everybody up on a neutral site, (San Diego) is the best team in football.”

It must be easy being an NFL analyst for the Worldwide Leader in Sports considering all you have to do is overreact to each week’s game.  Salisbury has perfected that role (in fact, he’s the MVP).
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”To me, that’s the way big receivers catch it best: facing the quarterback.” – Joe Theismann
 
For smaller receivers, Theismann believes it’s best to catch the ball with a helmet on backwards facing the opponent’s sideline.
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“I think he’s the best (quarterback) in the NFC”– Joe Theismann on Tony Romo
 
Romo is playing very well, but to rank him ahead of Donovan McNabb (we know he’s injured), Drew Brees or Marc Bulger might be a bit premature.  That’s par for the course from this breed, however.
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“Any game that Tony Romo's in, Dallas has a chance.” – Peter King

Are we really convinced that Tony Romo is this good?  Perhaps it would be prudent to withhold the exaggeration until he’s played half a season, no?  Or at least look at his schedule, which has included games against the 21st (NYG), 27th (AZ), and 30th (WAS) pass defenses.   
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”That’s not athletic, that’s aff-letic!” – Stuart Scott describing a David Garrard run
 
Good to see Stu isn’t trying to perpetuate racial stereotypes.
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“By no means do I think the BCS is perfect, but to me, there are certain aspects of college football that are far more important than making absolutely, positively sure the two best teams play for the national championship. Preserving the sanctity of the regular season -- in particular rivalry games -- is right at the top of the list.” – Stewart Mandel, SI.com

No matter what argument people come up with against a playoff system in college football, it will sound stupid.  Are we to believe that because the top 8 teams in the country play in a post-season tournament to crown a champion, regular season rivalries like USC-Notre Dame and Ohio State-Michigan will be less exciting? 
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“I think it helped the Chiefs to lose last week – that was a wakeup call for this offense, which is better than it showed.”– Jay Novacek, msnbc.com

Yes, a win surely wouldn’t have had the same effect. 
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“He moves runners over, gets on base, steals and runs the bases as well as anyone, can lay down a sacrifice, hit the other way and, when he puts his mind to it, drive it out of the park.” – Mike Celizic, msnbc.com on Derek Jeter

If Jeter really can hit homeruns just by putting his mind to it, it’s our bet that Yankees fans and management would ask that he put his mind to it more often.
 
Sean Salisbury’s MVP Race
Following Rule 13 from Salisbury’s MVP Pamphlet, Senor Angry showed a new side in his quest to correctly guess the 2006 MVP, by abstaining from announcing a new candidate for the second consecutive week (Rule 13 says there’s a 16 day grace period after declaring one player a “no-brainer”, which means Sean will be in full force next weekend).   
 
“(Ladainian Tomlinson) is the best player.  He may not win the MVP, but he is the best player.” 
 
Sean got pissed off, however, when his colleague Scott Van Pelt responded to that comment with his take on the MVP…
 
”If (Tomlinson) doesn’t win the MVP, something’s wrong.”
 
After the comment, Salisbury stabbed Van Pelt in the eye with his pen while SportsCenter went to an emergency break.  Actually, we made that up.  But admit it, it wouldn’t totally surprise you if it happened?