Sox Offenders

By Red & Denton

Coke or Pepsi? Ford or Chevy? Ginger or MaryAnn? Questions without answers that will be debated forever. Sometime around July, a new one was added to the list: A-Rod or Papi? Beat writers, columnists, talk show mouths, and fans alike have expressed their opinions ad nauseum. Monday, the 2005 MVP award went to Alex Rodriguez. That won’t end the arguments, I’m afraid. Not by a long shot.

How much does defense count? What about post-season? How is “most valuable” really defined? Are situational stats more meaningful than overall numbers? As a card-carrying, tattooed-with-a-red-B-on-my-shoulder member of Red Sox Nation, I say who gives a fat fuck?

The 252-million-dollar man gets a lovely trophy and another million bucks. Wow. That is roughly equivalent to you or I finding a shiny quarter on the sidewalk. Sure, it’s better than a shoe full of dog shit, but it’s not exactly what gets me out of bed in the morning either. Look no further than Papi’s finger to find the real treasure. Just ask A-Rod: "I would certainly trade his World Series championship for this MVP trophy," Rodriguez said, thinking back to Boston's 2004 title. "That's the only reason I play baseball. It's what I'm consumed to do right now."

Sure, it would have been nice for David Ortiz. Another feather in his badass cap. But is it really a good thing for A-Rod? Wasn’t the largest contract in baseball history enough pressure? Doesn’t the odd coincidence that every team he plays for gets better after he leaves haunt him just a bit? Isn’t playing for one of the most storied franchises with the largest payroll in the game come with some expectations? And now to win an individual award, when the reason he was put in pinstripes was to win a championship, well won’t that just sit pretty with Mr. Steinbrenner and company?

If A-Rod’s teammates aren’t hanging him up by his underwear on his locker come spring training, A-Rod will be giving himself a mental weggie. This has just got to wear on him. The pinstripes will feel like chains as the summer marathon begins anew in 2006. No doubt, Rodriguez will add to his impressive regular season numbers. But as the days grow shorter, the specter of the post-season will loom large. The MVP trophy won’t get him through another October of sub-Mendoza line performances.

So, the MVP winner gets a generous helping of added pressure to perform and win a championship. And what of the second-place finisher? A nice $400,000 bonus and a fire in his ample belly. The numbers do not lie: the big man simply does not feel the pressure. In fact, he thrives on it. Mr. Ortiz will no doubt be the epitome of graciousness regarding the second-place finish. Oddly in today’s world of spoiled athletes, his praise for A-Rod will probably be sincere. His disappointment will be for his fans, not for himself.
As for the voting, who can say what motivates the writers? The guidelines are certainly vague and subject to individual interpretation. Everybody knows Pedro Martinez should have won if not for one writer who believes the award should not go to a pitcher. So maybe one other writer has a thing for blue lipstick? Whatever. Ironically, many people (including myself) don’t believe A-Rod is even the most valuable Yankee. That would be Mr. Sandman, Mariano Rivera. He received no first or second place votes. Enough said.

The full disclosure of the voting can be entertaining. Jason Giambi received one eighth-place and one ninth-place vote. Is there a sports section in Steroids Weekly? Jorge Cantu even received a single tenth-place vote. The best thing about A-Rod winning the award is that it is finally over. Onto the winter meetings and the hot stove. Don't blink; the equipment truck will be heading south before you know it.