Sox Offenders
Three Things To Worry About
This might strike a few people strange, making a list of concerns for a team in first place. Kind of like making a list of girls on Baywatch you wouldn’t screw. But trust me when I tell you things aren’t as first-place-like as you think they are. Take a look at the list, you’ll see what I mean…
David Ortiz: This one is obvious but needs to be mentioned. Again. I’m the eternal optimist when it comes to Big Papi. He’ll snap out of it, maybe his wrist is “clicking” again, too much fluoride in the water, low cycle in his biorhythm. I’m a frigging Ortiz excuse machine. When he hit his first homerun, I called my peeps and started the “Return of the Papi” parade arrangements. I was sure he’d rip 14 or 15 more over the weekend. But no, he’s a limpdick 1-for-16 since, and even I am thinking bad thoughts.
Shortstop: Jed Lowrie, Nick Green, Julio Lugo: spin the wheel and see who we get. As long as we don’t get Lugo, I’m good. Lugo was a mistake. He caught Theo’s eye, Theo wined and dined him until he finally got him into bed…and every day since has been the worst morning after ever. Lugo has all the range a cement-shoed zombie, holds onto the ball like it’s a greased pig, can’t turn a double play, and is the killer of rallies in the tradition of Tony Pena and Jason Varitek.
Closing the Door: This was brewing long before Paps gave up the nut-twisting, game-blowing homer on Saturday night. Paps just hasn’t been Paps all season. It starts with the walks. Papelbon has never walked more than 17 batters: he’s already issued free passes to 11 batters this season. He’s never given up more than five long-balls: this year he’s hung a couple of sliders that ended up out of the park.
Your closer, your shortstop and your DH are all looking shaky. Are you worried? Papelbon has given up more homers than Papi has hit. Lugo looks like a junior high school kid trying to solve the mystery of the bra hook for the first time whenever he tries to turn a double play. Ortiz might as well be swinging a rubber hose at the plate instead of a bat. First place is first place, but my eyes tell me we aren’t there to stay.
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