Sox Offenders

 At any given time in Boston, the opinions on Manny Ramirez can vary from Mickey Rooney-like affection to sheer hatred. Oddly, these opinions are seldom impacted by his so-called “Manny Moments” or by any of his homerun heroics. You love him or you hate him. After a relatively quiet first couple of months this season, Manny has grabbed the spotlight by the balls. With the Red Sox pondering his 2009 twenty-million-dollar option, is many “negotiating” his way to free agency? Who knows what lurks in the dark corners of that man’s mind. But let’s take a look at what we know, on the field and off.

The Good (stats): Manny has been the best right-handed hitter in the game, even before coming to Boston and being paired with David Ortiz. Manny hitting around .320 with 40+ homeruns and 125+ RBI is as sure as the sun rising in the morning and Paris Hilton making a new sex tape. Then 2007 rolled around, and Manny became human, hitting just 20 homeruns and 88 RBI. The Kryptonite wore off in October and Manny dominated the postseason with four homeruns and 16 RBI in 46 at-bats. This year, he’s somewhere in between. He’s on pace to hit around 35 homeruns and knock in well over a hundred runs, but it’s been a quiet, kind of streaky season. And the number of strikeouts is particularly alarming. He’s getting it done, just not as dramatically or consistently as we would like.

The Bad (antics): Manny being Manny. The goofball, fun-loving, Manny that captured the hearts of Boston. He sneaks off into the scoreboard, high-fives a fan in the middle of turning a double-play, and yucks it up in the dugout or with the fans in left field. He’s just an overgrown kid playing a kid’s game, what could be wrong with that? Well…going ass-over-tea-kettle and turning an out into a triple, then laughing about it could be considered wrong. Or standing at home plate with a bat on his shoulder watching three meatballs sail by for a game-ending strikeout might also meet a few definitions of wrong. The base running blunders, the lack of hustle, well, you know the story. Until this year, it’s been a matter of taking the good with the bad. Putting up with the hot chick’s irritating voice not because she can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch, but because she ENJOYS doing it.

The Ugly (Angry Manny): 2008 brought out a new face of Manny, one that hasn’t endeared itself to many folks. The angry, violent dude. I’m pretty sure bitch-slapping a teammate in the dugout is a no-no, but that’s what we were all treated to earlier this season. There have probably been a lot of Red Sox players who have had to resist the urge to smack Youkilis, if for no other reason than that horrifying clump of facial hair he sports on his freakishly large chin. But according to rumor, that wasn’t it, but just exactly what it was we’ll probably never know. But it was wrong. Cleverly, Manny was able to divert attention away from the Youk situation by knocking the 64-year-old traveling secretary to the ground after he wasn’t able to get 16 last-minute tickets for a sold-out road game. Now, I don’t consider myself a Manny-apologist, but I think this may have been slightly exaggerated. Nevertheless, the media threw it out there and it stuck. Finally, Manny unleashed a verbal assault on Red Sox ownership, mandating that they don’t tell him one thing then go behind his back and do something else. Huh? Manny has never been in a contract situation with this ownership before, so nobody really knows what he’s talking about here, probably not even Manny knows.

The Choices: Not a lot of wiggle room here, it really comes down to pick up the option, or let him walk. A trade is pretty much out of the question since Manny is a ten-five guy. Letting him walk opens a nightmarish set of possibilities, most notably facing Manny in pinstripes for the next few years. Not to mention having to replace his production and protect Ortiz in the batting order. Keeping him costs you twenty million dollars and probably stresses a few years off your life, but will likely get you 35 homeruns and 120 RBI. Despite the Manny-hating that’s going on, I can’t picture a scenario where many walks.

Of course, tomorrow may bring a clubhouse video of many giving Johnny Pesky a wedgie and hanging him from Youk’s locker. That’s the beauty of Manny, you just never know. If he does it after hitting a three-run homer, will anybody really care?

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