Sox Offenders

One look at the AL East standings tells you it’s been anything but a normal April. For the Red Sox, it’s been a bizarro kind of month. Big Papi in a slump, J. D. Drew hitting the cover off the ball, Coco batting .300 and Manny stealing a base. It’s a wacky game. The only constant in the way the Red Sox opened the 2008 campaign has been their inconsistency. The Japan trip all but forgotten, it’s been the super flu ripping through the Red Sox clubhouse like Paris Hilton through a frat house, leaving the Sox weak-kneed and unable to take the field. Oddly, the flu hit right after the Sox visited Yankee Stadium. The Oliver Stone in me thinks Hank and company might have a team of scientists that came up with the so-called “flu” and pumped it into the visitor’s locker room. But that’s a story for another day. To the grades…

The Starting Five

Overall, a pretty mediocre April for the starters. A combined 10-6 record with an ERA hovering around 4.7. Not exactly where we’d like them, but not so bad. The problem has been the base-on-balls: 70 free passes in 146 innings. Like my little league coach used to say: throw it over the white thing! The biggest letdown has been Jon Lester. Other than a gem against Oakland, he’s been pretty shaky. Throw in Justin Masterson’s brilliant debut and we’re gonna give the starters a B. 

The Bats

The team is hitting .288, but watching the games, you wouldn’t think so. Maybe ‘cause we’re so used to seeing the magic of Papi, treating pitchers like a rented Chevy, that with him batting under .200 it just throws the team off their axis? He’s still producing runs – four homers and 20 RBI – but the hits just aren’t coming. Same for Mike Lowell, batting .200 and out of the lineup for the past couple weeks, it just leaves a hole in the order that the likes of Lugo and Coco’s .300 can’t fill. I guess we’ll give them a B-plus, powered by Manny’s MVP quest, but I feel like we’re being generous.

The Gloves

The Sox have been flashing more leather than a crowded bar in P-Town. The Coco-Jacoby platoon is a human highlight reel, Youk hasn’t made an error at first base since the Reagan administration, and the rest of the fielders have been taking care of business. Except Julio Lugo. Seven errors already and the chants of “Edgar’s Better” should be starting any day. Even with the hole at short, they’re a B+ defense.

The ‘Pen

Every team has a weak link, and so far, it’s been the bullpen. Shaky at best, it’s been an adventure for everyone but Paps and Oki. Manny Delcarmen has been very hittable – often out of the park, Mike Timlin should probably retire - soon, and Aardsma and Tavarez have combined for 18 walks in 23 innings. The lowlight was Lopez and Delcarmen teaming up to spoil a spectacular debut by Justin Masterson. The starters have been beat up with the flu and the pen has been overworked, but they are a C at best.

The hometown team is 15-12 but currently riding a five-game losing streak, including a sweep at the hands of the Rays. The boys seem to be recovering from what ails them, the weather is warming up, and I’m calling for a very merry month of May. Mikey Doubles will be back in the five-hole and all will be right in the Nation. As always, Remy and D.O. get an A+, only because there isn’t a higher grade.

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