Sox Offenders

Spring training is over for the second time, and we’re getting ready to re-enter the 2008 regular season. While I put as much stock in spring training stats as I do in Red’s promise to return my Dwight Evans bobble head that he borrowed in 1986, there have been some alarming trends this particular spring. I submit to you five players who may hold the fate of the team in their performances.

Clay Buchholz

Things we know about Clay: he dominated in AA, pitched a no-hitter last season, and is rumored to be hitting Penthouse Playmate of the Year Erica Ellyson. And perhaps that last tidbit is having more of an impact on Clay than his previous baseball experience. In his quest to grab the 5^th spot in the rotation, Clay hasn’t made much of a case for himself.

In his 11.2 innings of work this spring, he’s allowed 16 hits – three of them home runs - and walked five. His ERA is over 10 and batters are hitting a lofty .308 against him. On the plus side, Clay has 12 K’s in his 11+ innings, and did we mention he may be tapping Erica Ellyson?

Sure, maybe Clay is working on new pitches and shaking off the winter rust. Or maybe he had a trapeze installed in his bedroom and spends every waking moment reading up on new ways to please Erica? Whatever the case, he better get his on-field shit together. Otherwise, assuming he can stay out of Taco Bell, we may be seeing Bartolo Colon sooner than we want.

J.D. Drew

Drew had an abysmal 2007 season which featured exactly one highlight: an ALCS grand slam. Early this spring, Drew looked like the man Theo expected to see when he shelled out 70 million for him. Drew was hitting .321 with a home run before he “tweaked” his back running sprints. He hasn’t been seen since.

What is it about Red Sox right fielders that prevent them from doing normal, everyday tasks without getting hurt? Trot Nixon broke his ass driving a car and was never the same. Now Drew hurts his back – not a hammy for knee or ankle, his back – running sprints? Anybody in the majors would give their left nut to hit fifth behind Papi and Manny, and this guy seems content to sit on the bench and wait for a paycheck. An open door for Brandon Moss perhaps?

Jason Varitek

I will preface my comments with the obligatory props for Tek’s ability to prepare for games and handle pitchers. It’s his ability to handle the lumber that is of grave concern. He looks like he’s swinging at butterflies. Six K’s in eight at-bats. That puts him on pace for 300+ strike outs in 2008. Of course, we don’t think he’ll continue to be this bad, but his better days at the dish seem to be behind him. The down-and-away breaking stuff is as much a mystery to him as the high heat – he can’t lay off either.

Backing up Tek is Kevin “Doug who?” Cash. I’m guessing Cash will be catching more than just Wakefield games if Tek can’t keep his average over the Mendoza Line. Jason is in the final year of his 4-year, $40 million contract, but that probably isn’t a factor like it is to some guys. Tek is a pro, a team player, he plays for the integrity of the game and to help his team. We’re talking about a guy that sat out in his driveway last Halloween and signed autographs for all of the neighborhood kids. Think A-Rod’s ever done that? I’m rooting for the Captain. 

Manny Ramirez

Imagine how many players would want Manny’s stats from last year? .296 average, 20 homers and 88 RBI. For Manny, it was the worst season in his career. He did have four home runs and 16 RBI in 14 post-season games.

By all reports, Manny worked his ass off during the winter in Arizona to get ready for his ’08 campaign. Combine that with the fact that it’s a contract year (sort of) and this could be a triple crown MVP-type season. He started the season hot in Japan with a long home run and 5 RBI. Other than the ever-present risk that Manny will show up in left field pantsless, or just simply decide he’s done with baseball and spend his days braiding hair on the beach somewhere, this should be a season to remember.

Jacoby Ellsbury

Ellsbury won the hearts of Red Sox Nation in his 33 games last season by hitting .353 with three home runs, 18 RBI, nine steals and some decidedly bad-ass defense in center field. It was enough for the fans to call for the immediate dismissal and/or dismemberment of one Coco Crisp.

The same Coco Crisp who in his final 29 games of the 2005 season – the year before he came to Boston – hit .331 with six home runs, 16 RBI and a couple of steals. And that’s how fast things can change. Ellsbury has all the signs of being the next Fred Lynn, but there’s always the possibility that he’ll be the next Bob Zupcic. My money’s on him for 2008 Rookie of the Year.

Of course, any number of guys could step up and be this year’s Beckett or Papelbon. By the same token, Becks or Pap could shit the sheets and ruin our summer. But I’m watching these five guys. Very closely.

Got your Sox Addict shirt yet? Get it at www.survivinggrady.com.