Sox Offenders

The Boston Red Sox are the 2007 World Series Champion! Let the celebration begin across Red Sox Nation! Spouses, your wired-on-too-much-caffeine-and-not-enough-sleep loved ones are back. Kids, mommy will start cooking dinner and doing laundry and daddy will be happy to go out back and have a catch. Bosses, those problem employees will be on-time, awake for meetings, working full days and not burning up the Internet bandwidth. At least until April, when we light this candle all over again.

Sunday night’s sweep of the hapless Rockies capped a 2007 season that was almost too easy. Looking back, it seems anytime a team got close, the Sox stomped on the accelerator and left them sucking dust and wondering what happened. The Yankees late run at the division now looks like the Sox playing cat-and-mouse, letting them get close enough to smell first place, then pulling it away. Even when the Tribe went up three games to one in the ALCS, with Beckett going in game five and then the next two at Fenway, it never really seemed in doubt. Finally, when the Rockies cut the game-three deficit to one run at 6-5, the very next inning the Sox said a collective “fuck this” and poured on a few insurance runs.

Now the city of Boston can bask in the glory of another championship. The pre-game rituals, the power-drinking, and the all-red-meat-and-tortilla-chips diets can be safely tucked away until next year, right next to the foam finger and the disturbing the peace citations from the last Yankee series. For now, let’s enjoy. Here are a few observations we made, granted in a haze of drunkenness and sleep-deprivation, during the World Series:

Terry Francona is the best manager in the game - Sure, I’ve trashed the guy plenty of times over the past four seasons. But that’s why he’s making millions, sporting World Series rings and staring at Hazel and Tina’s racks every night while I’m in my basement blogging. Every move the guy made worked. Seriously, he pinch-hit Bobby Kielty who hits what turns out to be the game-winning home-run in the World Series. Can you say “sold your soul to the Devil?”

Sox Fans Rule - Whoever constructed the near-life-size, fully pose-able Papelbon marionette should get free season tickets for life. That thing should be in Cooperstown. It was the greatest game prop since those guys stole Ted Williams’ frozen head and mounted it on the Green Monster during a Devil Rays game.

Rockies Fans…not so much - Is it just me, or did it look like they bussed in most of those fans from Alabama trailer parks? “Come on honey, grab a t-shirt out of the dirty laundry pile, brush your tooth and let’s roll, we’re goin’ to a ballgame!” And what’s with the new fad of waving hankies around? I was happy to see Colorado adopted it, ‘cause, you know, it worked so well for the Indians.

Tim McCarver, still an idiot - Did this guy really play baseball? He was wrong about virtually every “analysis” he made. If he said it was time to bunt, they would swing away. If he said it was time to go to the bullpen, the starter would go three more innings. It was to the point Joe Buck was just talking over him because he was going on such nonsensical tangents. No surprise he’s not managing a team somewhere.

We like free stuff - Aside from any side wagers that may or may not have been made on the Sox, fans will be treated to some perks. First, anyone who bought furniture at Jordan’s before the season now gets it for free. In my case, the coffee table is pretty scratched up and the couch cushions are soiled with what might be salsa but is probably blood. Oh, and a note to Barry and Elliott, I wasn’t really going to pay for it anyway! Throw in the free taco that Jacoby scored for us, and it’s a pretty good season.

All that being said, things aren’t really going to slow down that much. We’ve got A-Rod to deal with (please, do NOT sign him), Mike Lowell and Curt Schilling have no contracts, and the Eck’s finely coiffed hair is good for a winter’s worth of entertainment. If Dustin Pedroia gets screwed out of the Rookie of the Year Award, Ellsbury is eligible next year. And if Josh Beckett gets screwed out of the Cy Young, they’ll be finding voters’ bodies in shallow graves until spring training. Baseball never really ends.

Tune in next time for some memorable moments from the 2007 season. For a daily dose of Red and Denton, check your daily police logs or www.survivinggrady.com