SOX OFFENDERS

Now that the Sox have been in camp for a couple of weeks (even Manny!), ridding their bodies of winter-long indulgences and tanning up for the ’07 campaign, it’s time to take a final pre-season look at the rotation. If we learned one thing in 2006, it’s that you can’t have too much pitching – see the Bronson Arroyo trade – so we enter 2007 with six potential starters. The staff looks strong and healthy, a diverse group of hurlers, and the future certainly looks promising. Come, walk with us, we’ll visit each one…

Curt Schilling: The Ace

For all of the greatness Schill brings to the mound every time he pitches, Red Sox Nations pays a price every day in between and all winter long. If he’s not pulling over drunk drivers on Route 109, he’s thanking the Lord for something or spewing his political views to any media outlet that will listen. Things got a little sticky this off-season when Schill demanded a contract extension for ’08, threatening to go to free agency and play for another team if the deal wasn’t done by spring training. The Sox didn’t blink, and we go into the 2007 season with a Curt Schilling might just have a chip on his shoulder. Do you remember the last time Schilling stepped up to the mound with something to prove? It was back in ’04 as the days were getting shorter, and there was a bloody sock involved. ‘Nuff said?

Personally, I would have had George Bush and his twin daughters deliver the thirteen million to Curt, no questions asked. The Sox didn’t. Following his first start in spring training, Schilling appeared at his press conference with a “38 Studios” t-shirt and cap, and his mouth was in mid-season form with his comments about all things Schilling. On February 5^th, 2007, Schilling had the name of his gaming company legally changed to “38 Studios” from the previous “Green Monster Games” name. Let the speculation begin. 2008 is a long way off, and I’m looking forward to Schill in a Sox uni in 2007. I think he could win 20 this year, be a Cy Young candidate, and make the Sox will wish they had him for a mere 13M in ’08.

Daisuke Matsuzaka: The Hope

Has there ever been more hype around anyone not named Anna Nicole Smith? If this guy doesn’t win 30 games, break the strikeout record, and find a cure for the common cold, a lot of people are going to look at this as a disappointment. From what I’ve seen, the Dice Man can pitch. But he’s not a superhero. Under his Red Sox uniform are the same Scooby Doo boxers you and I wear. No big “S” on his chest, no webs shooting out of his wrists, and he doesn’t get all green and lumpy when he’s pissed. He’s just a guy. A guy who will have to withstand the pressure of his 100-million-dollar deal, of pitching in a foreign land, and being under the RSN microscope every minute of every day. And I think he’s the type of guy that can do all of that. I’m looking for 16 wins, a sub-four ERA, and a lot of entertainment out of this man.    

Josh Beckett: The Comeback

Last year at this time, all I wanted to talk about was Josh Beckett. "This is the motherfuckin' guy," I'd tell anyone who would listen, as I tugged on the lapels of my Josh Beckett designer sportscoat and leafed through my dogeared copy of The Portable Josh Beckett. "He'll have a no-hitter by June, a 15-0 record at the break, and if the Yankees start any shit, I can totally see him wedgie-ing Sal Fasano back to the Stone Age."

Then the smoke cleared. And the dude had a 16-11 record and a penchant for giving up a home run to what seemed like every player whose last name contained a vowel. And when the Sox rewarded him with an extended contract and fat bags of cash hand-delivered by the Olsen Twins and free trips to the moon via John Henry's teleporter (oh, as if he doesn't have one), he became a much easier target for our collective angst and dismay as the 2006 season slipped through our fingers. And let's just say that wacky facial hair of his -- a faux rock star chin patch in a world of "real man beards" like those sported by Mike Lowell -- wasn't helping his cause, either.

But if there's one guy who seems poised for a big year -- and I mean a big, "who the hell is this guy and what have those scientists who work the lab buried 500 miles under Fenway been injecting him with?" kind of year -- it's Beckett. With the spotlight on Matsuzaka and Schilling and one year of the AL under his belt, I'm betting the guy will not only regain his form, but dig deeper to prove that Theo wasn't on peyote when he gambled away a good chunk of our future to land him.

If nothing else, it's important to remember that this is a guy who's nailed Leeann Tweeden. That commands respect.

Jon Papelbon: Pitcher Reinvented

Last year, this kid came out of nowhere and kicked more ass than Chuck Norris. And he did it with such fist-pumping, if-I-don’t get-you-out-I-might-just-kill-you intensity that the Nation fell in love with him. Guys dig the 35 saves, 75 K’s in 68 innings and an ERA smaller than Jacques Chirac’s dick. Chick’s dig the 6-foot, 4-inch frame, baby-faced…ah…face, and I don’t know what else, I’m not a chick. Anyway, now we all get our Papel-fill every 5 days like clockwork.

Papelbon will make the transition from super-closer to hopefully-just-as-super starter. No doubt he’s got the berries for it, just hope he’s got the pitch selection, stamina and control to back it up. The front office thinks he’s got what it takes. OK, they also thought John Halama could help the team. What I mean is; Red and Denton think he’s got what it takes. Look for 17 wins, 79 fist pumps and 4 or 5 mound charges by pissed-off strikeout victims.

Tim Wakefield: ‘Da Man

Wake is the guy, that’s all you need to know. Need a starter? Call Wake. Need a closer? Call Wake. Need middle relief, a ride to the airport, a kidney? Wake’s your guy. The man brings it every day. Granted, sometimes “it” is 5 runs in 4 innings when the old knuckler isn’t knuckling, but “it” could also be 8 shut-out innings just when the bullpen is depleted, and a lot of silly swings from the opposition.

In addition to his tireless on-field performance, Wake is also the guy you want representing your club off the field. He’s a staple at the Jimmy Fund visiting the kids. But what separates him from the players you see on the news occasionally is that he does it for the kids, not the cameras. Giving him the lifetime contract was genius. He’s a guy you want around. I’ve got him penciled in for 15 wins.

Jon Lester: The Inspiration

Unless he really takes spring training by the balls and swings it around over his head a few times, Lester might end up as the sixth starter. That translates to spot starts, long relief or even Pawtucket. Lester showed real promise and poise last season. Then the unthinkable: diagnosed with anaplastic large cell lymphoma. A very treatable form of cancer, but cancer just the same.

Red Sox Nation showed tremendous support and even the media seemed to respect his situation. Reports were optimistic all winter and he was finally declared “cancer-free” in December. He said all along he’d be ready for spring training, and true to his word, he is there. Wherever he ends up this year, in whatever role, Lester will be considered a success.  

Find more of Red & Denton’s uninformed commentary at www.survivinggrady.com.