SOX OFFENDERS
The Best of the Worst
The 2006 season wasn't the worst Red Sox season ever, but for a nation of fans who'd grown accustomed to our 110 million dollar team making the playoffs each October, it was a major fucking downer. But any year that gives us pitchers named Johnson and Hansack can't be a total wash. And, truth be told, there were actually some parts of the 2006 season that we can reflect on with some sense of happiness. Or at least not needing to feel like closing the car door on our jimmies. In no particular order, these good things included:
April 5th at Texas: It was only game 3 in a very long season, but it was the way things were supposed to be. It was the Josh Beckett that Red Sox fans wanted. All pumping fists and fast balls and game faces. It was 7 innings of one-run baseball. When the eighth inning rolled around, enter Mike Timlin. The cagey veteran and bow hunter. He was a little shaky but he got the job done. And in the ninth, Jon Papelbon. Two K’s and a lot of promise in preserving the 2-1 win. This was the winning formula. Or so it seemed.
Mark Loretta's Patriot's Day Walk-Off: The Marathon Day Sox game is a cool tradition; hey, we get to start drinking beer at 11:00am! And when we win like we won this past Marathon Day, it's even better. When all hope seemed lost against the Mariners, and with Everyday Eddie Guardado on the hill, Loretta connected for a two-out, two-run walk off, filling our heads with visions of 2004 and immediately establishing himself as a potential heir to the Mark Bellhorn Cult Hero crown. That hangover we all felt the next morning? It was worth every fucking minute.
May 9th at New York: Another early-season glimmer of brilliance. Again, Josh Beckett was at the helm. After giving up a monster-shot to Giambi (he of the artificially manufactured muscles), Beckett stepped up when he could have melted down. He ended up going 7 strong, giving up 3 runs and walking none. On the other side, the Big Unit got knocked around, exiting in the fourth after giving up 7 runs. To make it better, only two of them were earned thanks to three errors, two by the lip-glossed, post-season choker himself. It became a 14-3 laugher. Yes, things were going just fine in May.
Rise of the Papel-Bot: No one came into 2006 expecting Jon Papelbon to become the monster that he was. But he did. And suddenly we were the guys with the closer who was nails. The guy who was lights out every time he stepped on the mound. It was something like how Yankees fans must have felt when Mariano Rivera was in his prime. And they wanna make him a starter next year? Dudes, when you find someone who has mastered the thankless, exasperating art of closing ballgames, you keep him where he is. Jeebus!
The Big D: Growing up in Boston, you kinda have no choice in how you like your baseball. Hits, homeruns, and a few more hits. This season, we got a taste of how things are done in other towns: with defense. Alex Gonzalez (please, for the love of baseball, re-sign him) was absolutely mesmerizing to watch at shortstop. One minute a ball would be destined for left center, the next second it was in A-Gon’s glove, and in a flash it was on its way to first for an out. The guy is magic. Let’s talk Coco. He made what I would rate the third best catch in all of baseball this year. One and two were Aaron Rowand making a great catch just before ripping his face off on an outfield fence and Gary Matthews scaling the wall to catch a ball that was three feet over it. Coco’s fully-extended, gravity-defying grab of a ball that was already by him rates a close third. The supporting characters of Mark Loretta, Mike Lowell and Kevin Youkilis rounded out the record-breaking defense.
That Twelve-Game Win Streak: Alright, so it was against the National League. But the teams we steamrolled during that monumental late June swing were hardly the Pittsburgh Pirates. Those games against the Braves, Nationals, Phillies and Mets not only bolstered our lead in the AL East, but also gave us every reason to believe a Schilling-Beckett-Snyder combo could work for us in a five-game playoff series. Once we got back to the playing the American League, the streak ended abruptly. And we all felt a sharp pain in our nuts. Or maybe that was just me.
David Ortiz: Do I really even need to talk about this? Anyone who isn’t deaf, dumb or stupid knows – David Ortiz is the American League MVP. He won’t get the votes to win the actual award because he doesn’t play the field and the Red Sox didn’t make the playoffs, but he is the people’s MVP and the face of all that is good in the game of baseball. There isn’t enough space in this paper to describe all he’s done, but watching him is a highlight. Whether he’s mashing a ball deep into the summer night, or goofing around with a teammate in the dugout, the guy is “it.” He plays the game hard, plays to win, does whatever the team needs (including laying down a bunt), always comes through in the clutch, and plays with a smile. Basically, he is the opposite of A-Rod and we love him for it.
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