The Roadhouse Red Sox: Revisited
You know, a lot of sports writers will print their season previews and by the end of the season pretend that their predictions never happened. Oh, the Orioles would be the shocking AL East winner, or the Yankoffs would take the division by May 30th? Well screw you. I'm one guy that is willing to look at his predictions and stand by his word (Yet, you must bear in mind that it is September 17th and when this thing goes off the news rack all Hell could have broken lose and we could be out of the Wild Card race. Just a little legal notice from our lawyer...)
Anyway here is how the season was called, to the classic film Roadhouse, and here is how the chips fell...
Dalton : I want you to be nice until it's time to not be nice...AC: Ah, Big Papi David Ortiz. Enough with the arguing about every strike call. These umps have short memories and they'd just as soon throw you out for arguing as look at you.
AC NOW: Lets face it, the shit didn't stop. Every time Papi had a chance to bitch about a call he did, but this season he may have had a point. Ortiz had no protection around him. Manny simply didn't show up and JD Drew was about as effective as Drew Bledsoe during the 2001 regular season. So Papi's numbers were down...He still did two "This is SportsCenter" commercials and finally turned it on in the last few months.
Morgan: What am I supposed to do?Dalton : There's always barber college.AC: Dalton 's answer after firing Morgan might just be the same response you hear Sox management give 2 nd baseman Dustin Pedroia if he falls flat in his first shot at the big leagues.
AC Now: Obviously no barber college for Dustin after what has been an AL Rookie of the Year season. The Kid not only produced defensively, but he rebounded from a horrific April to post a plus .300 average and maybe the best "play to save a no-hitter of all time." Kudos, kid you've earned your spot.
Dalton: You are the bouncers I am the cooler, all you have to do is watch my back and each others, take out the trash.AC: Let's face it, Jonathan Papelbon is the only reliable arm in that bullpen.
AC Now: I couldn't have been more wrong. But in the words of Rodney Dangerfield talking to Eddie Murphy after realizing that swears actually worked in his act..."Who knew?" Hideki Okajima turned out to be the reliever of the year, while the rest of the bullpen held strong, to the point where even an ineffective Eric Gagne was not enough to sink the ship.
Wade: I'll get all the sleep I need when I'm dead. AC: Curt Schilling may not get much sleep at all this season. He knows that this will be his last big contract year, so he'll have to prove he can still be the ace of a top level club on the wrong side of 40.
AC Now: Though we have heard little about the Video Game Master Curt Schilling during the season, he really has not done much to force management to offer him some big contract in the off season. With Dice-K, Wakefield, Lester, Buchholz and Beckett rounding out the staff in 2008, can any one see the Sox putting up the dough?
Bouncer:Who is that guy?Cody:Gentlemen, Wade Garrett.Bouncer:Holy shit. Wade:Exactly right. AC: This one goes out to the Rocket, Roger Clemens. If by any miracle he comes back to pitch, and it's for the Red Sox, it would be the perfect comparison to Wade Garrett strolling into the "Double Douche" and saving Dalton from getting his ass kicked out back.
AC Now: So the Rocket went to the Yankoffs...In the end it didn't really matter. He was a number 4-5 starter at best. Nostalgia would have been nice, but can you really tell me the cheers would have been better than the "BOO's" during a return at Fenway? Of course he did produce two good outings during the Sox in September, I guess that's worth something.
Wade: If you wanna bring a man down, always go for the knees. AC: Is it possible that Tek's days are numbered? The Captain is coming off a horrible 2006 where he played only 103 games and his average dropped to .238. Tek has always been a great game caller, but hits into too many double plays and doesn't throw out many runners. At this age great catchers are being asked to move to 1st (Piazza), but that's because their bat is still lively. If Tek's bat fails again this season, the Sox could be in huge trouble.
AC Now: Tek turned it around and had a solid season, much better than '06. He also became one of only a few to have caught 3 no-hitters over his career. It's amazing to think of some of the talent he caught while catching for the Sox who didn't throw a no-no. Pedro and Schilling both came within one out from no-hitters with Tek catching, so you could say he should have five.
Dr. Elizabeth Clay:Do you always carry your medical record around with you? Dalton :Saves time. AC: The arrival of J.D. Drew to replace Trot Nixon and fill in the #5 spot in the order should have been met with a more positive reaction, but the fact that the 31-year-old with a history of injuries was being paid $70-million over 5 years really bothered most Sox fans.
AC Now: So, JD Drew was just what Bob Ryan feared, awful. The guy actually had me longing for Trot Nixon, even though we beat him in the bottom of the 9th twice this season. The last straw came for me when, a couple weeks back, Drew watched 6 pitches go by without taking a swing. He ended up striking out looking...
Dalton: All you have to do is follow three simple rules. One, never underestimate your opponent. Expect the unexpected. Two, take it outside. Never start anything inside the bar unless it's absolutely necessary. And three, be nice. AC: While Manny Ramirez lives by the rules of "Manny being Manny" but it's a fact that in Boston all he really has to do is hit, hit and hit, and of course "be nice" and the fans will forgive any other little foibles.
AC Now: Amazingly we haven't really had to deal with too many of Manny's foibles, tough he's been well off his Hall of Fame pace this season. His lack of production, and recent injuries, has not only hurt the Sox chances to win the AL East and World Series, but he has not given any indication that he will be with the team next season.
Jimmy: Damn, boy. I thought you were good. Dalton :Go f*ck yourself. AC: Josh Beckett's 2006 performance was a major disappointment. His reliance on his fastball to get himself out of EVERY jam was often his undoing and one can only hope he has figured that out and will get back on track.
AC Now: Beckett proved himself in the first half of the season and at one point was the league leader with 16 wins. It would be shocking if he didn't top 20 wins and take home the AL Cy Young.
Dalton : You play pretty good for a blind guy.Cody:And I thought you'd be bigger.AC: Daisuke Matsuzaka, who you may have thought was as big as Godzilla with all the attention he received in the off season, is going to be the most interesting story of 2007.
AC Now: Little did we know that his Japanese counterpart Hideki Okajima would steel the show. Dice K may have given us some good outings, including the first game of this last Yankees series, but people stopped talking about his Gyro Ball in the 3rd start and he better improve big time next season if he wants to be compared to Pedro-San.
Wade: This place has a sign hangin' over the urinal that says, "Don't eat the big white mint".
See you in the Playoffs!