Random Thoughts
1. We try very hard to never venture into politics here at Barstool but I have to ask a serious question of President Bush: Do you hate me? Here in Boston, we’ve been flooded for a week straight. It's rainy and cold. No one wants to be outside. All I wanted to do this past Monday was sit on my couch, eat some food and watch TV. The season finale of Prison Break is tonight. The season finale of Grey's Anatomy is on. The Sox may actually play a game for the first time in about a month. And there's always 24. So why does President Bush need to schedule an address to the nation for this evening at 8 PM? Come on, George, give me a break. I had hours of wonderful couch time scheduled. I was actively debating whether I wanted pizza, Chinese food or a medley of popcorn, Tostitos, brownies and freeze pops for dinner. It was just going to be me and my dog, sprawled on the couch, watching Jack Bauer kill someone. Why can't presidential addresses be on a special presidential TV channel? There are TV channels for every lunatic sport, wacko hobby and crappy movie- why doesn't Bush get his on TV channel? Then, anyone who wanted to hear him talk shop could tune in and the rest of us could watch our favorite shows. The only way this presidential address won't ruin my night is if it's actually just part of the 24 storyline and Bush is introduced as a new character.
2. Last Sunday was Black Sunday in my book. I am so disappointed that Aras won Survivor. He may be the most annoying guy ever in the history of the show. I get the willies every time he speaks. The guy thinks he is a 24-year old philosopher. All his little one liners drive me nuts. Did he really say he became more human after he tripped on the rocks and cut his thumb? Shane is right; he’s nothing but a broke dude living with daddy. (At least he was until Sunday) It still irks me that he thinks he held his own vs. Terry. Dude, Terry beat you 5 out of 6 times and bitch slapped you in the one reward challenge that you won. That’s not holding your own. Aras is just lucky that the last challenge was a joke. Since when don’t they do stamina drills as the last thing? That balancing act garbage obviously favored a woman and was totally unfair. Terry is a man. He can’t float on a lily pad. Let me ask you this? Do you think if Terry fell down on rocks (which he wouldn’t) that he’d stagger around like he just got shot 19 times? That was one of the greatest drama queen performances I’ve ever seen. I freaking hate Aras. Nobody deserves a million dollars less than him. I hope his dad's teepee gets blown away or something.
3. Scoop Jackson, ESPN.com columnist and Stuart Scott's spoken word poetry mentor, has an interesting article in the newest issue of ESPN The Magazine about the most credible athletes. He writes:
Understand, cred is not to be confused with clutch, not to be mistaken for rings and things, not to be defined by the love one gets in the streets or on Madison Avenue. It's not just about backing up your words or meaning everything you say...
Scoop list some of the ingredients that go into the elusive "cred." Winning. Confidence. Character. Talent. Execution. Dependability. Respect, given and received. Charisma. Appeal. Individuality. Work Ethic. Trust. And after taking a poll among athletes from MLB, NBA, NFL, NHL, PGA and NASCAR, he unveils the athletes with the most cred.
Among all athletes, Tiger Woods is first, Tom Brady second, Tim Duncan third and then Albert Pujols and Steve Yzerman. Brady is the only Boston-based athlete to make any list, topping the football poll with 53.3% of the vote, once again beating out Peyton Manning. But what if a poll was taken among Boston fans- who would they rank as the local athletes with the most cred? Here's one fan's rankings:
- Tom Brady
- Tedy Bruschi
- Jason Varitek
- Tim Wakefield
- Richard Seymour
- David Ortiz
- Troy Brown
- Paul Pierce
- Curt Schilling
- Brian Leetch
4. Well this has got to scare the e-crap out of everyone here at The Stool.
Last week the NBA fined Mavs' owner Mark Cuban $200,000 - half of which was punishment for coming onto the court, the other half - for his recent "blog" entry entitled "How to improve NBA Playoff Officiating" which I pasted.... right here!
"(The NBA) doesn't view the playoffs as a place where the very best of the best of officials go to work," he wrote. "It views the playoffs as part of a reward system for officials. ... In fact, if the info I have is correct, there are officials who haven't even been promoted to full-time crew chief who get playoff assignments. How crazy is that?"
Listen I don't give 2 craps about the NBA or its refs. I didn't even read the blog. I'm just worried about The Stool being the next victim of this electronic witch hunt.
We've got enough things to worry about over here. I just want to be able to blog without worrying about the consequences that go along with writing something completely slanderous and non-factual. It seems un-American, frankly, or at the very least, anti-Cuban.
5. Let me say this loud and clear, I’m sick and tired of hearing about Roger Clemens and I hope like hell he doesn’t come here. I would MUCH rather Roger Clemens sign with the Yankees than the Red Sox. If that makes me a lunatic than so be it. I think it makes me a man who likes man size challenges. I despise Roger Clemens. He is nothing but a mercenary. He doesn’t care about Boston. He doesn’t care about New York. He doesn’t care about Houston. All he cares about is his own fat ass. I hate the way he is holding all of baseball hostage. I still hate him for the fact he quit on Boston in his last 3 years here. I still hate him for the fact he said he wants to go into the Hall of Fame as a Yankee. I hate everything he stands for. And I’ll be damned if I’m going to kiss his ass and make little video tapes so he’ll grace us with his presence for 2 months. Give me a freaking break. The last thing I want is see Roger Clemens in a Duck Boat. I may puke just thinking about it.
6. So this is how the bad gets bad and stays bad. Charley Casserly, the GM of the Houston Texans resigned today. Yes, this is the idiot who was responsible for passing on Reggie Bush in the 06 NFL Draft.
Casserly said that the reason for his resignation was that he had “an interest in doing other things right now," He was also quick to defend his #1 pick, promising the Texans would quickly improve.
"Our record is what our record is," Casserly said. "But I think this ballclub will make a dramatic jump this year in caliber of play. Eventually, the wins will come. With the offseason we had, I feel really good about it."
So let me get this straight. Casserly thinks the Texans are going to have a great year and that’s why he feels like it is a great time to jump ship and pursue other things? Wow, what a wonderful world he must live in. He’s acting as though he has nothing left to prove. I’m not sure who looks worse here, the owner of the Texans or Charley Casserly? As the President of an international publishing empire I know I wouldn’t want the most important decision of the year being made by a guy who was going to quit two days later. This sort of reminds me of how the Bruins traded Joe Thornton and then fired the guy who made the trade after he did it. It just makes no sense. Why would you let a guy who is about to leave the company shape the future of the company?
7. I know that Barstool Sports isn’t exactly an NBA house. We go months without writing about the league. But that doesn’t mean I don’t watch NBA basketball because I do. Therefore, I feel qualified to say that Steve Nash winning his second straight NBA MVP award is a joke. How is this possible? There is nobody on God’s Green Earth who can convince me that he is the best player in the NBA. In fact if you started the NBA from scratch I’m not even sure he’d be a lottery pick. So this gets into the argument of what it means to be the MVP. Is it the best player in the league or the most valuable to his team? Either way I think Nash loses. The Suns actually have a very good back up point guard in Leonardo Barbosa. I watched a bunch of Suns games this year and they don’t skip a beat when Nash is on the bench. Don’t get me wrong Nash is a great player. And the Suns are a fun team to watch. But they play a weird style of basketball all season long that makes Nash seem better than he really is. There is no way he is a better player or more important to his team than Kobe Bryant, Dwayne Wade, Dirk Nowitziki, Tim Duncan, Paul Pierce, LeBron James, Chauncey Billups, Jermaine O’Neil, Elton Brand, Carmello Anthony, Michael Redd etc. I just have a hard time understanding how Nash won the MVP two times in a row. Maybe once I can understand, but not twice. It puts him in a stratosphere where he doesn’t belong. Here is the list of multiple time NBA MVP award winners. You tell me whether Steve Nash belongs in the same breath with these guys. Not to mention he joins Magic Johnson as the only point guard to win this award twice. Hmm, Magic or Steve Nash?
Multiple Winners
6 - Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
5 - Michael Jordan
5 - Bill Russell
4 - Wilt Chamberlain
3 - Larry Bird
3 - Magic Johnson
3 - Moses Malone
2 - Tim Duncan
2 - Karl Malone
2 - Bob Pettit
8. From Boston.com- a 20-year-old was found by a Wal-Mart employee in the bathroom Sunday night after he sat down and was glued to the toilet seat. The man, whose name was not released by police, was taken to the hospital late Sunday night, said Lt. Cheryl Rantz of the Salisbury Police Department. "The man had gone into the bathroom and sat down," she said. "He was banging on the wall when the employee came in." Rantz said the man was treated and released.
At what point do you stop going to Walmart? People will remember the story we ran a few weeks ago about the Walmart employee who was caught masturbating to a little girl in the store and now we get this. As a side note, is there a worse toilet seat in America to be glued to than a Walmart toilet seat? It almost serves the guy right for not creating a fortress around the seat with toilet paper before sitting down. How do you just plop down bare ass on a Walmart toilet seat? That’s gross. Use some freaking discretion. I’d almost rather sh-t myself.
9. Listen, I don’t pretend to do everything by the book here at Barstool Sports. I’ve definitely broken a few copyright laws in my time. Something tells me that the time we put a picture of Lindsay Lohan on the cover of our newspaper wasn’t 100% legal. But I can say that we’ve never done anything as brazen as what the Town Tavern in Pittsburgh did to us. This is a bar that apparently greatly underestimated the global reach of the Stool. I was tipped off on Friday by a loyal Stoolie in Pittsburgh who sent me the following email.
Hi El Presidente,
I always wanted to write. I'm a Pittsburgh gal and love reading the Stool. It's one of the few sites I can still stand to visit daily. Your random thoughts are great and the articles make me laugh. I've never been to Boston and I'm definitely not a common man, but I dig it.
The reason for the email - a new bar opened in Pittsburgh and I noticed they are using a former Barstool cover girl in all their ads. Yeah, she is all over everything they have and I recognized the pic immediately. Just curious if you knew about this? Are they paying you royalties??? If not they should be. :)
Katie
Well after receiving this email I checked out the Town Tavern’s website and let me just say that you didn’t have to look long to find our girl. Is this crazy or what? You can’t make your logo one of our cover girls!!! And the weird thing is that it appears they have plenty of pretty girls working there that they could have used instead of stealing ours. Anway, El Presidente sent an email to the Town Tavern asking for them to call me so “we could rectify this unfortunate situation.” What do people think I should say? Should I ask for money? How much? I’m not used to this type of situation. I think this is the first time since I started Barstool that I’ve been on the right side of the law.
10. Bill Gates, the world's richest man, doesn't want the title anymore. Appearing on talk show host/ Donald Trump prop Danny Deutsch's show, Gates said that being the world's richest man isn't as much fun as it looks.
"I wish I wasn't. There is nothing good that comes out of that," said Gates, whose personal fortune sank by billions since last week when the software giant disappointed investors by saying new investments would crimp earnings.
Bill, you can't be worth $50 billion and then drop lines like "there is nothing good that comes out of that." Saying that nothing good comes out of being the world's richest man really annoys me, the 410,984,689 richest man in the world. I've never been to any of your homes but I'm guessing that $50 billion buys a little more square footage than I have in my one bedroom condo. And though my 1999 Grand Cherokee does the job (even has a 10-disc changer, so pimp!), I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that you have a better way of getting from point A to point B. But if you're really tired of being the world's richest man, drop me a line at chisholm@barstoolsports.com and I'll take a few billion off your hands.
11. Beaver CountyTimes - With a wife and two small children at home, David Brickner said he knows he probably should not have embarked on an affair with one of his softball players, a 17-year-old Eastvale girl. "Morally, it's extremely questionable," Brickner said Tuesday. "Some people will say it was wrong because I was her softball coach, and they're right. I should have stepped back and thought about it. In hindsight, I should have said, 'I'm your coach. This can't happen,' " Brickner said. The affair was revealed in mid-April, after the girl's mother found out about it, Brickner said, and went to Big Beaver Falls Area School District officials. Brickner said that as he and his wife, Jonalyn, also a Beaver Falls softball coach, headed to a meeting with school officials on April 18, he told her what was going on. He was removed from the program, and school officials also asked Jonalyn for her resignation. The story with Brickner and the girl didn't end that day, however. On Thursday, Beaver Falls police said the girl let Brickner into her house around 3 a.m., and Brickner said the two talked but did not have sex. Brickner said the girl's parents never told him that he wasn't allowed to be at their home. As for the relationship between him and his wife, with whom he has two sons, ages 3 and 8 months, Brickner said, "She wasn't happy.
Am I the only one who feels bad for David Brickner? I mean he makes some compelling arguments here. The girl’s parents never told him he couldn’t come over and f-ck their daughter. By their silence, they might as well been asking him to do it. And what about Brickner’s wife not being happy? Who does she think she is? Brickner already admitted that his behavior was extremely questionable and he probably shouldn’t have had an affair with the girl. I mean cut him a freaking break already.
12. I grew up in Swampscott, AKA baseball capital of Massachusetts. I don’t care where you’re from, the odds are that you could pick any year and we probably had a better Little League Team, Senior Little League Team, High School team, Legion team and North Shore League team than your town did. (NSBL is for Ron Burgandy) It’s just the way it is. And our baseball dominance all started with Little League where Swampscott made the UCLA Dynasty look like child’s play. We were like the Soviets in hockey at the height of their dominance only the pressure was slightly more intense in Swampscott. Therefore, it’s with a heavy heart that I’m here to report that Swampscott Little League has officially gone to the birds. Apparently this year Swampscott LL features an 8-team league including two Nahant teams and all 8 teams make the playoffs. This is the worst news I’ve heard all year. First of all anybody who is familiar with Nahant knows that they haven’t produced a good athlete or a contributing member to society in the history of the town. Mixing them into Swampscott Little League will poison the whole system. Second, how do all 8 teams make the playoffs? The thing I loved about Swampscott LL was that it was one of the last places that only cared about winning and not how little uncoordinated Johnny felt about riding the pine. Apparently the PTA finally got their way with this everybody makes the playoffs atmosphere. An all inclusive playoff system is a joke and sets a horrible example for life. Not everybody can grow up to be a winner. The world needs ditch diggers too. I’m so sick of this everybody needs to feel good revolution. And if it can get to Swampscott Little League, god knows what’s next?
13. From dlisted.com....
Rolling Stones' guitar player Keith Richards (corpse shown left) is having his SKULL DRILLED after he suffered a bad brain hemorrhage when he fell out of a palm tree in Fiji. According to the article Richards was climbing the palm tree -- get this, to get coconuts. ??? Everybody knows from cartoons you don't need to climb the tree! You just have to wait a few seconds for them to fall naturally on your head. Even Richards should know that. Dead and all.
Also, no word on whether The Stones have contacted ex-Redsox and now current NL Cy Young favorite Bronson Arroyo to replace Richards in the band...
14. NEW YORK (AP) -- John Daly says he has lost between $50 million and $60 million during 12 years of heavy gambling, and that it has become a problem that could "flat-out ruin me" if he doesn't bring it under control.
Daly discussed his addiction to gambling in the final chapter of his autobiography, John Daly: My Life In and Out of the Rough, to be released next Monday.
He told one story of earning $750,000 when he lost in a playoff to Tiger Woods last fall in San Francisco at a World Golf Championship. Instead of going home, he drove to Las Vegas and says he lost $1.65 million in five hours playing mostly $5,000 slot machines.
Are you kidding me? I’ve never heard of such a thing! And I’m not talking about the fact he lost 50-60 million in 12 years of gambling because if I made as much money as Daly did I’m sure I would have dropped that much too. But at least I would have lost it to a bookie. Or at the very least I would have lost it playing cards. How do you lose 50 million playing slots? That’s like saying you bought 50 million one dollar scratch tickets in my mind. I’ve never heard of slot machines being the game of choice for hard core gamblers. Daly has to step up to craps or something. There is way more dignity in getting crushed in dice than at slot machines.
15. Am I dreaming or did I see that NESN is bringing back the Boston vs. New York poker challenge? You’ve got to be kidding me. How the hell did this get picked up for season II? I’m glad Vegas didn’t offer a line on this one because I would have bet my life that this show was dead and buried. Did anybody watch this thing last year? It was arguably the worst program on television and I like poker. Everybody associated with it deserved to be fired. If NESN is this desperate for programming I’d be happy to discuss a Barstool Sports Power Hour with them. I guarantee we’d be pull better ratings than the Boston vs. New York Poker Challenge not like that is saying much.