Random Thoughts

1. The Globe recently asked five of their sportswriters whether the Super 8 Hockey Tournament should be discontinued with the state hockey tournament being divided into separate public school and parochial school tourneys. Obviously, everyone moaned about CM’s dominance and how it’s unfair that public schools have to compete against a school which can essentially recruit hockey players from all over. I see the argument about the disadvantage for the public schools but what about the other parochial schools? BC High is a massive high school with big money donors and a long tradition of athletic excellence and every year they’re cannon fodder for CM. The Prep, AC, Austin Prep, MC, the list goes on and on. If the other parochial schools can’t compete with CM, what makes public schools any different? The fact is that CM is heads-and-shoulders above everyone else. Public high schools should stop bitching about CM and start concentrating on keeping their local talent at home and the parochial schools should stop pissing and moaning and start out-recruiting the Knights. It’s that simple.

2. Sticking with hockey, here is another MIAA hockey random thought for all you puck heads out there. Last week at the St. John’s Prep game, a student threw a fish on the ice during a stoppage in play. They eventually figured out which kid did it, escorted him from the stands, and promptly handcuffed him until his father arrived to take him home. Is it just me or is handcuffing the kid a little extreme? He threw a fish on the ice at a hockey game. I mean, come on now. That's not exactly grand larceny. The way we’re going in this country pretty soon Canada is not only going to be able to beat us in baseball but they’re going to be able to invade us because all our kids are going to be trained to be wusses.

3. The good news is that if Canada attacks us then we can just attack the UK. And it sounds like I may be able to do it by myself. Just look at what a principle did at this school in the UK:
SKYNEWS - Snowball throwing at a school in Devon has been banned - unless the thrower has his target's permission. Head Andrew Lovett has told pupils they must get "prior consent" from the person they are lobbing the snowball at. Otherwise, he says it will be regarded as bullying.

4. Have people noticed those little blue evacuation signs that are hanging throughout the streets of Boston? Are these for a potential terrorist attack or something? I hope this isn’t Menino’s elaborate emergency plan. There is no doubt in my mind that if you follow these signs for an hour straight you’ll just end up stuck in traffic in China Town. There is a small part of me that wants an emergency to occur just to see what happens as people follow these little blue signs that are randomly planted throughout the city and all point to nowhere in particular.

5. When I’m on my paper route I come up with all sorts of really obscure random thoughts. And this time it was no different. I think all Doctors who have “MD” on their license plates should get punched in the face. What’s the point of this besides bragging? In fact, the more I think about it the more I’m becoming convinced that there has to be some reason I don’t know about. Maybe if there is a major car accident in front of them while they're driving they can get everybody to relax by pointing to their license plate and explaining that they are a doctor.

6. Willie McGinest got released by the Pats last week and subsequently signed with the Browns. In my opinion Willie McGinest is one of the most underrated players of his generation and a certain Hall of Famer. He is also one of my favorite players. But having said that, you just have to respect Belichick’s decision. Everything Belichick does makes sense and has a reason behind it and that reason is winning. As a side note I can understand why reporters hate covering the Pats. They are just so boring. All they do is win and the fans trust everything they do. It’s not the type of team that sells papers like the Red Sox.

7. The Gateway Grizzlies, a minor league baseball team whose slogan is “making summer memories” has teamed up with Krispy Kreme donuts to serve the following dish at baseball games: “A thick and juicy burger topped with sharp cheddar cheese and two slices of bacon. The burger is then placed in between each side of a Krispy Kreme Original Glazed doughnut.” Hmm, what type of Summer Memories are we talking about? This is the grossest thing I’ve ever heard of in my life. Anybody who would order this deserves to be forced to take a dump in a port-o-potty.

8. Have people heard about the tennis dad who doped the opponents of his tennis-playing children 27 times in tournaments from 2000 to 2003? He used Temesta, an anxiety drug which can cause drowsiness. His actions lead to the death of one of the victims and he was jailed yesterday for eight years. Eight years? That’s all you get for killing kids these days? That ain’t that bad. And what was this guy’s grand plan? To just keep drugging people until his kid won Wimbledon?

9. Inside Track – “Keira Knightly was flummoxed when her svelte figure and glam Vera Wang gown didn’t get noticed by notorious womanizer Jack Nicholson at the Oscars the other night when she sat next to him. “Everyone’s been asking if Jack made a pass at me. He didn’t at all and now I’m getting a bit paranoid. Why didn’t he make a pass at me?”
Ah, but Keira don’t you get it? This is exactly what Nicholson wanted. He didn’t say anything to get you wondering why he didn’t say anything. It’s a brilliant move by the wily veteran. Now the next you see him you’re going to go out of your way to make sure he notices you and before you know it you’ll be in bed with him and you won’t even know what happened.

10. Actor Dennis Quaid told Best Life Magazine that he battled “manorexia” in the mid 1990’s. To be honest I didn’t even know this existed? Is this the first confirmed case of a guy getting anorexia? I always thought it was better to be fat as a guy than real skinny. I’m not sure if I’m supposed to have sympathy for Quaid or not, but I don’t. Manorexia seems like a joke to me. I’m sure I’m offending a ton of people, but I’ve just never heard of a man being anorexic before. Tell me you have a drinking problem, drug problem or gambling problem and I’ll break out the violin. But Manorexia? Come on!

11. Edgerrin James signed with the Arizona Cardinals. May he rest in peace.

12. John Chaney retired last week. And for people like me who need to constantly come up with things to write about on a daily basis this is bad news. John Chaney was a walking time bomb. I’ll never forget watching him storm into John Calipari’s post game press conference while screaming "I WILL KILL YOU!!" until he was finally restrained by some people in the room. I’d pay 100 bucks to watch that fight unfold on pay per view. I looked all over for the video of that episode but couldn’t find it. The best part is watching John Calipari act like somebody was holding him back when in reality he wanted no part of Chaney. And can you blame him? Rule #1 in fighting is don’t get into fights with crazy people.

13. This next random thought is of a celebration that went bad. According to the Evening Star, “Richard Parker had just been picked to play for a local snooker team when he decided to take off his clothes and walk through a hotel bar with a pool- table ball wedged between his buttocks. It was behavior which didn't find favor with a judge, who sent him to jail for 28 days.” Clare Forsdike, prosecuting, said: “This case is one of the most revolting I've ever read about. He goes to the pub and drinks 16 pints of lager and some vodka and when he is extremely drunk he drops his pants and trousers and urinates in the pocket of a pool table. He then gets a ball, hovers over it while his bottom half was naked and maneuvered onto the ball so it disappeared into his buttocks. Then he walked to the bar and dropped it into a drip tray.” Okay the next logical question is how much would it take for you to pull this stunt at the Beantown Pub? I think we’re looking at a 20 grand asking price. The weird thing is that I don’t feel like it is that easy to wedge a pool ball in your ass. I wonder how long he had to hover over the ball before it disappeared into his buttocks?

14. In response to that Southern Illinois Cheerleader who fell on her head the other day The American Association of Cheerleading Coaches and Administrators has banned tall pyramids and some other forms of cheerleader tossing without mats. If you ask me this is bullsh-t. Haven’t these people ever watched True Life “I’m a cheerleader”? These chicks consider themselves athletes. Isn’t risk part of the deal in competitive sports? That’s like telling a figure skater that she can’t jump too high because it’s dangerous. It’s ridiculous. As long as cheerleading competitions are going to be televised on ESPN then you can’t restrict the maneuvers. Girls are always fighting for equal rights and title 9 and stuff like this so they should fight like hell against getting treated like babies because one chick fell on her head.

15. Dante Culpeppper was traded to the Dolphins for a 2nd round pick. A 2nd round pick! My how the mighty have fallen. People were talking about this guy as the league MVP two years ago. It’s crazy what one bad year and a boat cruise will do for your image. Is the reason he was traded because of his injury? It has to be right? It just seems crazy that all the Vikings could get for Culpepper was a 2nd round pick. Having said that, pardon me if I’m not shaking in my boots. Doesn’t Culpepper seem like the type of QB that Belichick eats for breakfast? I’m predicting at least 4 interceptions the first time these teams play. I just don’t think Dante Culpepper is capable of playing 4 quarters without making crippling mistakes. As a side note the Saints are dreaming if they think Drew Brees is the answer for them. Brees was surrounded with a ton of talent in San Diego. As much as I hate Aaron Brooks and trust me I hate him like poison, this won’t be that big of an upgrade for the Aint’s.

16. It’s time for me to get back on my American Idol soapbox. For the life of me I can’t understand why people don’t vote for the worst person as opposed to the best person. It just makes no sense. It would eliminate all the voting controversies. Whoever gets the most last place votes would get the boot. It’s that simple. The way it’s set up right now is supremely flawed. The worst performers always get first place votes because they benefit from the sympathy factor after Simon rips them to shreds. The people who end up getting kicked off are the people who weren’t the best but weren’t the worst either because nobody is voting for them. You’re almost better off being horrible than average. Just look at how long Master P survived in Dancing With The Stars.

17. Congratulations to the Superfans. Yup, the BC Eagles escaped their first round game with Pacific and then manhandled the Montana Grizzlies to advance into the Sweet 16. Raise your hand if you thought BC was dead in the water against Pacific. El Presidente’s hand is in the air. I’m not going to say they were lucky to win that game because they flat out made huge shots down the stretch. But they were certainly lucky to cover the +8 spread. Anybody who bet on BC and takes credit for that win is a coward. Anyway, now that BC escaped that potential first round disaster they legitimately have a chance to go all the way. Personally, I think they’ll get bounced by Villanova in the next round, but they can certainly play with anybody in the country. The most interesting part of BC advancing to the Sweet 16 will be listening to the local media talk college hoops. These next few days promise to be the worst days in history of sports talk radio and those are some strong words. I always love listening to Dale Arnold and the Big O act like they’ve watched more than 2 minutes of college hoops in the past decade. It should be fun.

18. Sticking with college hoops if I were Clark Kellogg, I’d quit the CBS studio show. Either that or I’d assassinate Seth Davis. I have no idea where Seth Davis came from but this guy is as good as it gets for studio hosts. And he is flat out dominating a helpless Clark Kellogg. I feel like after every edition of Buzzer Beaters Special K gets carried to the locker room in stretcher. Seth Davis could tell me that Northeastern was going to win the tournament and I’d believe him.

19. Did people watch any of the tournament games on their computer? In case you didn’t know, CBS.Sportsline had all the tournament games available online. I tried it but the problem is that the games on CBS.Sportsline were approximately 30 seconds to a minute behind television. So you could see the scores changing on TV before the action happened on the court. I even tried to cover the score boxes in the top right by putting a paper towel over it but this still didn’t work because eventually CBS would cut to the game I was watching on the computer and would ruin everything. I guess the moral of this story is that the only way this could work is if you weren’t watching TV at the same time.

20. I feel like this weekend I officially became an honorary citizen of the Town of Abington. Some people will remember me writing a random thought a couple months ago about the Division III Superbowl which Abington won on an unbelievable goal line stand. Basically the other team had the ball first and goal at the six inch yard line with under a minute to go in the game and all their time outs trailing by 1. Somehow Abington stopped Arch Bishop Williams on 3 straight plays and then blocked a field goal. No word yet on whether the Arch Bishop coach got fired for not running 4 straight QB sneaks. Anyway, as I was sitting in my apartment watching college hoops on Saturday a guy showed up at my door in an Abington Letterman jacket (no joke). It turns out he is a closet Stoolie. He was also part of the announcing crew for Abington High School football; a crew which may go down as the greatest announcing crew in the history of local cable television. Anyway, he presented me with the official Abington High School Superbowl DVD and the official Superbowl program. I actually spent a couple hours trying to splice the DVD so I could show everybody a clip of this announcing crew in action, but I couldn’t figure out how to do it. The bottom-line is that El Presidente now officially has GWP (Green Wave Pride).

21. Jen Schefft continues to build on her legacy as El Presidente’s most despised reality TV character of all time. She has just released a new book called you’re “Better Single Than Sorry.” I hate Jen Schefft. She has some balls writing a relationship book preaching that it’s okay to be single. Who goes on the Bachelor twice and then says it’s okay to be single? Isn’t the whole freaking point of the show that it’s not okay to be single? Everything about this chick is fake.

22. Terrell Owens signed with the Dallas Cowboys this weekend. As T.O puts it he is now “a star among stars." How clever! Here is the million dollar question for people: Are you happy if you’re Drew Bledsoe? I feel like Drew is the type of guy who likes to take things slow. He’s got slow feet. He talks slow. He lives his life slow. Now he has an absolute psycho breathing down his neck. But if he is any type of competitor he has to be ecstatic. I think this acquisition makes the Cowboys the favorite in the NFC. There isn’t a doubt in my mind that T.O. will be a model citizen this year and will be virtually unstoppable. All the pieces are now in place for Drew Bledsoe to get back to the Super bowl. He has a good running game. He has a very good tight end and he now has the best receiver in football. I’ve always said if you surround Bledsoe with pro bowlers at every position he can be effective and that appears to be the case here. Look for the Cowboys to lose to the Pats in the Super bowl where everybody knows Belichick owns him.

Reader Email

Email #1

Hey El Pres:

I've gotta say I'm LOVIN what’s going on with the website, the brackets, and the paper in general - if the Stool was a stock I'd slap a 'strong buy' on it. Regarding the bracket I wanted to share some reactions:
Bridget Moynahan - has now coined the term "a # 13 seed" with my crew. It’s for a girl whose legit good looking but there's just something about her that makes her a little hotter, and you can't put your finger on it!

I'm a little disappointed in Stoolie nation voting for the FSU chick over Alessandra Ambrosia! Yeah the whole college football fan and sluty dressing is a plus, but over VS model COME ON?!?!

I think Vanessa Marcil was robbed, Zack Morris must have had something to do w/ the 7 vote lost dealt to my championship game loser - I think my bracket is officially done now.

Last thing, I drive down 18 south like 3/4 nights a week late. Do you think it’s ever possible for the Weymouth / Abington cops ever pull someone w/ less than 2 cop cars ?! I mean them freakin love that shit!

EB Chris

Ha, it’s true about the Weymouth cops. They bring the house when they pull you over. It’s like the whole freaking department shows up and as rule everybody needs to be holding at least 7 flashlights and putting them all in your eyes.

Email #2

Is Kelly the Ball girl this year's Cincinnati Bearcats in the Barstool Chick March Madness pool? Where's Nantz and Packer when you need em,?

- Lil Jon Maldives

Oh, man I totally forgot about Kelly Barons. I think I mentally blocked her out of my mind after NESN refused my request for an interview with her. Literally.