Random Thoughts
1. I want to start random thoughts by letting everybody know that in our continuing quest for world domination Barstool Sports has started to add web only daily content to our website. So if you like reading the Stool, check us out online at www.barstoolsports.com. And if you don’t like reading the Stool, we’d still appreciate you clicking on our website multiple times during the day. That is all.
2. Keira Knightley was recently quoted as saying "I'd love to have tits but I don’t- I have pecs." Let me say this on the subject- Keira Knightley is freakin' gorgeous and she doesn't need tits. In fact, the expression “tits on a bull” may actually be taken from the olde English saying "tits on a Knightley." The photo of Knightley on the red carpet with her ridiculous abs is one of my all-time favorites and if Barstool was still illegally posting pictures of celebrities on our cover, I can guarantee you that that pic would have graced our fair publication. Oh, check that. It made it in this week.
3. Only one week left in the college hoops season and the NCAA tournament is becoming much clearer. My preseason Final Four picks were UConn, Duke, Louisville and Michigan State. Obviously, my Louisville pick sucks but I feel good about my other three choices. I also tabbed Arizona as the most overrated team and Kansas as the most underrated so I'm looking pretty good there too. But the question around Boston is what to think of BC? Are they a legit Top 10 team (because they could be ranked in the Top 10 heading into the ACC Championship)? My feeling hasn't changed since Day 1 of this season- BC is a good team, a solid 15-30 squad that can give any team in college hoops a scare. But the Eagles just don't look to be a team that can win four games in March and make the Final Four. If I were a Superfan, I would be hoping for the Sweet Sixteen and dreaming of a regional final. Beyond that, you're just kidding yourself.
4. And if you want to see BC get tested in the first round by North Central Chattanooga A & M come to Barstool Sports 2nd Annual March Madness Party at the Place on March 16th at noon and watch all the first day's action. It's a Thursday so you have to skip work or school but you know that you're going to be staring at ESPN.com's scoreboard all afternoon anyways, so you might as well sack up and hit the party. There's a free buffet of all the essentials and plenty of TV's to keep track of all your wagers.
5. Sticking with the March Madness for a minute, if you’re going to bet on the tournament please do so through our two online gambling sponsors. Both are legit and pay on time and all that great stuff. They are also huge supporters of the Stool and we want to keep them happy. So if you’re a friend of the Stool, please check out both these companies and pick the one you like the most. It is vipsports.com/barstool and thegreek.com. When you sign up with The Greek use the code “Bar” so they know that we sent you. And always remember that just checking out our advertisers websites let’s them know we are working for them.
6. I couldn't be happier for the bunch of people who won the Powerball jackpot last week. I can't think of a worse job than working in a meat processing plant and I love cold cuts. My guess is that a 5- minute tour of a meat processing plant instantly turns you into a PETA radical. But I love the fact that the lottery was actually won by the people who really need it. I can't begrudge these slaughter house employees their payday- they definitely earned it. They ended up with about $15 million each. It sounds like a lot but my guess is that these guys will each blow through $10 million by early next week. You can't go from working in a meat processing plant to having $15 million and not make some financial mistakes- it's impossible. It's like being someone who never learned to walk and then entering the 100- meter dash at the Summer Olympics and winning in world record time.
7. Anybody see Coral from MTV host “The Casting Couch” which was a preview show for the new real world? What the f-ck? She looked like an alien with huge boobs or something.
8. Well Bode Miller finished the Olympics in true Bode Miller fashion and that is getting disqualified for strattling a gate 15 seconds into his Slalom win. And thankfully this brings to an end one of the biggest disgraces in the history of this country. I honestly wouldn’t mind if the State Department deported this guy to some 3rd world country or something. He is just such a freaking disgrace. And while we’re at it we should deport all the people who created the Joinbode.com advertising campaign for Nike which is still running everywhere. At some point don’t you have to pull those web ads and commercials? I mean the whole ad campaign is already a bust. Why embarrass yourself by still running all these spots? Nike should change it to Bodesucks.com. At least that would salvage some self respect for the company. And the thing that makes it so much worse is that Bode Miller himself doesn’t seem to care that he is such a fraud. He should donate all his sponsorship money to a charity. In my mind, the fact that Bode Miller accepted all these endorsement deals and can’t even finish a race makes him just a common criminal and he deserves to be thrown in jail. It’s like he ran a scam on the country.
9. Overall, I think this is by far the strongest American Idol field of all time. But there are clearly 6 people who are better than everybody else and will battle it out for the title. Here are the contenders; Taylor Hix, Mandisa, Parris Bennett, Katharine McPhee, Ace, and Chris Daughtry. Ayla Brown and Kelly Picker are two bubble teams who are on the outside looking in. And if Elliot Yamon wasn’t so damn ugly he’d have to be considered a threat, but he is the ugliest dude I’ve ever seen in my life. The two biggest surprises for me after the first show were Chris Daughtry and Parris Bennett. Both of them would have huge up arrows if this was Becketts. I just had no idea how good Daughtry’s voice is. He is running away with the competition. He is flat out a million times better than everybody else. Randy had the perfect analogy when he said Chris could be in the studio with Audioslave or Incubus. He really could. The only thing that can stop Chris Daughtry from winning is if the 11 year old girl vote swings the ballet. But he has to be considered the favorite right now. He is on a different level from everybody else. Taylor Hix may be able to catch him with his unique performance style, but nobody can sing with Daughtry.
10. The front page of the Boston Herald last week had a big story about how Boston hookers are using Craigslist to advertise their “services” and find new clients.
According, to the story “A two-week Herald investigation of free “erotic services” ads on the craigslist.org Web site uncovered prostitutes shacked up in hotels, operating from Spartan apartments rented by pimps or willing to meet for “car dates” in parking lots. Fees ranged from $50 to $250 Eight women advertising sex on craigslist in the past two weeks were contacted by the Herald by phone or e-mail. Meetings were arranged in 15 to 30 minutes. Three women used Hub hotels and one sought to park at the South Bay Plaza lot. They seemed to have varying levels of experience in the sex trade. When told upon meeting that the caller was a reporter, all but one of the women refused to be interviewed".
To be honest I’m not sure what the purpose of this article is. The Boston Phoenix and Weekly Dig pride themselves on finding ways for hookers to advertise their services. I don’t see the Herald doing a sting operation on them. And it’s not like these ladies of the night are trying to fool anybody. “Erotic Services” is a pretty straight forward way of saying sex. If the Herald really wanted to write an interesting article they should have ranked how the hookers looked when they showed up for the meetings. This is information everybody could use. By the way the Dig and the Phoenix have me convinced that prostitution is legal in MA. How else could they advertise it so freely?
11. Jayson Stark had a headline article on ESPN.com last week about the Red Sox Spring Training Camp. It started like this.
“Miles away from the spring headquarters of Red Sox Nation, the former King of the Idiots was conducting his 73rd interview of the day on Sunday when his cell phone began to shake. Beeeeeep. "Look at this," said Johnny Damon, breaking into a long, how-perfect-is-this kind of laugh. "It's Kevin Millar." Well, it was a text message from Millar, anyway. And, according to Damon, here's the best translation of that message we can pass along: "There's nothing quite like our clubhouse in Boston."
This pissed me off. If I’ve said it once I’ve said it a million times. I don’t care that Johnny Damon left the Red Sox. And I’m psyched that Kevin Millar is finally gone. But what I can’t stand is both of these guys still talking about Boston. I feel like Kevin Williams. “He's the New York Yankee’s problem right now. ... He better stay out of our business.” “He better stay out of Red Sox business.” Don’t reminisce about the good old days because I don’t want to hear it. If you want to talk about Boston you should have stayed here. You chose to leave and you lost the right to talk about the team and the city. And Kevin Millar you just suck.
12. The big news coming out of the NFL Draft is that Vince Young is stupid. And not just any kind of stupid, we’re talking Forrest Gump stupid. Young supposedly scored a 6 on the Wonderlic test which by all accounts means a rock is smarter than Vince. So the next question becomes would you draft this ignoramus? Frankly, I think the Wonderlic test is over rated. There have been stupid athletes from the beginning of time. I bet if I went down the list of current NFL QB’s, I’d qualify half of them as dummies. Brett Favre never struck me as the brightest bulb in the bunch and he seemed to do okay. Furthermore, I’ve never been a believer that book smarts equates to athletic smarts. How is it possible that a rock head like Young can dominate all the way through college, but suddenly can’t succeed in the pros? Do book smarts equate with knowing how to manage a game, when to throw a ball out of bounds or how to look for your 3rd read? I don’t think so. I don’t think Vince Young will be a great pro but it has nothing to do with what is between his ears.
Breaking News: Supposedly Vince Young has taken the Wonderlic test again and got a 16 which now vaults him ahead of the chicken on the intelligence scale.
13. Olympian Shaun "Flying Tomato" White told CNBC on potential endorsements:
"I think we got approached by a tomato company, but I’m not too interested in that stuff. I’m not a big fan of the nickname."
Dude, talk about getting greedy. This guy should be thanking his lucky starts he’s not getting beaten up on a daily basis and getting shoved in lockers. He has some balls to complain about the fact he has a nickname.
14. There was an article in the Boston Herald and a story on PTI about how Theo Epstein supposedly agreed to go to a High School Prom with two chicks from Cape Elizabeth, Maine who showed up to spring training with a huge sign that said “Theo, will you go to the Prom with me?” Apparently Theo walked over to them and started chit chatting and before you know it, he accepted the girl’s invitation. If this story is a joke I’m confused on why it was on PTI. If it isn’t a joke then Theo is clearly looking to get laid. Nobody goes to a prom with a Maine chick and doesn’t end up having sex. That’s all people do in Maine: play pool and have sex.
15. Since I consider myself a reality TV expert, I’d be remiss not to mention the finals of Dancing with the Stars from last Monday Night. Drew Lachey won the competition which I have no problem with. I’m confident enough in my manhood to know a good dude dancer when I see one and he was pretty good. The problem was with the fact that Jerry Rice somehow finished ahead of Stacey Keibler for 2nd place which is flat out impossible. It ruined the whole show. Lachey’s victory will be stained forever just like when Russia beat the United States in hoops.
16. A prank nearly proved fatal when a boy threw a cobra at a seven-year-old who had arrived for a relative’s funeral at Kampung Batu Menunggul, Pendang, last Friday. The snake landed on Muhamad Danial Ahmad Shukri and sank its fangs into his left knee. It just goes to show that you don’t throw Cobra’s at people. I’ve been saying it for years.
17. There was an article in the Boston Herald yesterday with Tyler from the New Real World who went to Tufts and lives in Somerville. Here is an excerpt from the article
“The 23-year-old grew up watching the MTV reality show but was so busy with school, he missed the most recent seasons. Then he began watching the debauchery, drinking and hooking up that was ‘‘Real World: Austin.” ‘‘I was like, ‘Whoa, the show has changed so much.’ And I actually became very, very nervous because I do take myself very seriously and I do have a lot of career goals,” he said during a recent telephone interview. ‘‘I honestly was expecting this trailer-park train wreck. But once I got there and met my castmates, I thought, ‘This isn’t Austin.’. . . We had a lot of politically charged discussions. We’re a very intelligent group. It’s not just boozing and sex this season.”
Do you think Tyler got a knock on his door from an MTV executive after this interview? I didn't even watch it because of this. No offense dude, but I got better things to do than listen to you talk politics. I want hot girls who are having lots of sex and the guys getting in fights. And I want it now. As a side note, Tyler must have been out of the loop for more than one season if he thought Real World Austin had an excess amount of drinking and sex. That was child’s play compared to past seasons. To quote Homer Simpson, “you don’t make friends with salad, you don’t make friends with salad”
18. A quick comment on the finale of the Bachelor which aired last Monday Night. In case you missed the world’s most boring Bachelor, Travis, gave the chick he picked at the end an engagement ring on a necklace. Why stop there is what I want to know? Why not just go the whole ten yards and give her a clatter ring? I mean what kind of stunt is it to give a grown woman a necklace with a ring on it? I don’t even think High School girls accept that type of sh-t anymore. Regardless the bachelor finale was still good as always because it never gets old watching the 2nd place chick get her heart stomped on. I especially liked Travis’s unique touch of smiling and telling her how special she was right up until the point he ripped her heart out of her chest.
19. "That's why he's the best."
Chris Berman on Peyton Manning after he hit a stationary target during the Pro Bowl Skills Competition.
And this my friends is why ESPN is a joke.
20. This Charles Rodgers story comes courtesy of Barstool heart throb Pete Manzo.
"I just got text message from my buddy who's in Miami. Charles Rodgers is making out in the hotel pool right now...he keeps telling people he works for Ford." ...."He showed up with his woman at like 6pm and kept saying 'Damn!! I gotta get me in that pool.' Anyway, he jumped into the pool with his woman and started PDAing for half an hour. Then his woman left and he just floated around the pool for an hour in the dark on a boogie board like he was 8 years old."
I love how Rodgers says he works at Ford! It’s better to say that than the Lions because they are such a disgrace.
21. JESSICA ALBA is this close to suing Playboy for slapping her bikini-clad body on the cover of the March issue and boasting that she’s nude or seminude in the article featuring the 25 sexiest celebs. The legal reps for the “Into the Blue” actress charge that Playboy refused “to take ‘no’ for an answer” after it approached Alba to pose, and then misrepresented themselves to Columbia Pictures in order to procure a still snapshot. Alba’s attorney is demanding that the magazine stop circulation of the issue and offer the actress a “monetary settlement.”
I hate when magazines manipulate chicks to sell papers. Who the f-ck does Playboy think they are?
22. By Phil Miller The Salt Lake Tribune - Andrei Kirilenko has been granted restricted free agency - by his wife. Masha Lopatova, a former Russian pop star who has been married to the Jazz forward for nearly six years, understands the temptation NBA players are faced with as they travel around the country for seven months a year. And she believes that forbidding something only makes it more tempting. That's why, she revealed in a story in the current issue of ESPN The Magazine, she allows Kirilenko an "allowance" of one night per year with another woman. “Of course it was a surprise," Kirilenko said. "I'm not planning to do anything. But she said, 'If you want to do it, you can do it.' "
What has Masha Lopatova been watching Curb Your Enthusiasm or something? Let’s clear up a few things in this story. First of all, don’t insult us Andrei Kirilenko by saying you won’t accept the allowance because we all know you’re cheating on your wife. And I hate to break it to Masha, but letting Kirilenko have one hook up per year isn’t going to rein him in. It’s only going to wet his whistle. The bottom line is all NBA players cheat except Doug Christie. You can try and ignore it or couch it in fancy words, but there is no denying the truth. As a side note, I may propose this “arrangement” with the first lady. After all I did win the bubble hockey tournament last night. That’s kind of like being an NBA player.
23. Texas high school recruit Terrence McCoy -- who's older brother plays at Texas A&M -- explained his decision to join the Aggies in refreshingly candid terms yesterday.
"They take care of you down there," McCoy said. "I know from my brother they keep your pockets full, give you plenty of money, keep feeding you meals. Besides that all the help they give you with football. They keep you on your grades with private tutoring. Just good all-around."
Hmm, this sounds like our new sales guy rationale on why he chose to join the Stool. “They take care of you down there” he said. “Plenty of tits and ass everywhere”
Reader Email
Email #1
A buddy of mine is getting married, so my friends and I were thinking of something to get the poor bastard, when I came up with the idea that we should get him a Dan Marino jersey, even though he has never pulled for the Dolphins or ever mentioned Marino, simply because it seems like he should be a Dan Marino fan. Everyone agreed - even though he never once mentioned Dan Marino - that he just seemed like a Dan Marino fan. So, my question is, what does that say about this guy? What if we'd agreed he needed a John Elway or Randall Cunningham jersey? What player would be the greatest in terms of positive things people would think about you, for people to say you should be a fan of? What would be the worst? The Cracker for Carolina
That’s a hell of a question. Are we talking just football? If it can be any sport the answer is obviously Larry Bird. But if we’re talking just the NFL, I think a Bruschi shirt is as good as it gets right now. The guy is a winner. He’s been a winner his whole life. But he’s always the underdog and he just came back from a stroke. He’s probably the best role model in the NFL. You simply can’t go wrong with a Bruschi shirt.