Random Thoughts

1. ESPN.com introduced a new writer last week. As far as I can tell he is Stuart Scott with a pen. This, my friends, is not good news. The guy's name is Scoop Jackson. This is how he introduced himself:
"Well, first off - I is not that important. I am just a writer from Slam, XXL, NBA and Nike who found his way into ESPN's backdoor. Lucked up. Spit a few verbs, convinced 'em that Stephen A. wasn't the only one. So instead of wasting space on Page 2 ducking my own sic, I figured if I told you some of the things I believe in, that would give you a better idea of what I intend to flip once a week for the Worldwide Leader. Because it ain't where you at; it's where you coming from that matters. Right?"
Huh? I only understood about 3 words of that. Scoop then went on to give one million one-liners that were filled with cliché after cliché. I'm not saying that Barstool Sports has the best writers in the world, but I wouldn't have given this guy a job if he paid me. I'm serious. What is going on at ESPN?
2. Ruben Studdard is suing his godfather and former business manager for allegedly mishandling $246,000 of his hard-earned “American Idol'' income, E! reports. “Studdard is accusing longtime family friend Ronald Edwards of wrongly withdrawing $90,000 from his bank account in a series of unauthorized checks, dating from July 2003 until February 2004. Edwards' attorney, Glennon Threatt, claims Edwards had agreed to rep his godson before he won the smash Fox reality show and was granted power of attorney over his checking account at that time.”
Ah, the old power of attorney trick rears its ugly head again. I feel no sympathy for Ruben here. It sucks that his "longtime family friend" took advantage of him but didn't we all learn our lesson from Rocky V? You just can't give somebody Power of Attorney over your finances.
3. I haven't watched one second of the new Dream Job on ESPN, but I can't believe these former NBA guys need a job so badly that they are willing to let themselves be degraded on national television by Kit from Road Rules. If I were a former NBA player and Kit was criticizing me I'd blow my stack and definitely bring up the fact she is a Road Rules star and nothing more.

4. I'm trying my best to ignore the Michael Jackson trial that is going on. I just get freaked out whenever I look at the King of Pop so I figured I should just tune the whole thing out. But I couldn't stay away last week when I heard that he arrived an hour late for court and showed up in his pajamas. And we're not talking about one of his weird suit/costumes that he wears either. He literally showed up in pajamas. What the hell? I honestly don't know what is worse; would you rather be on time to court, but in pajamas or late but in a suit? There is no good answer for this.

5. Heidi Klum is pregnant with Seal's baby. Talk about a roll of the dice on what this kid ends up looking like. On one end of the spectrum you have the perfect genes of Heidi Klum and on the other end of the spectrum we have the deformed genes of a hideous Seal. I wonder what the DNA God was thinking when he saw this mismatch. (Sometimes after I write something I can't even tell whether it makes sense. Where is Scoop Jackson when you need him?)

6. Did everybody hear the news? The Big Dig is a joke. The independent engineering specialist who led an investigation into leaks at the $14.6 billion Big Dig project says he can no longer vouch for the safety of its tunnels. Why would that be important? "I am now unable to express an opinion as to the safety of the I-93 portion of the Central Artery," Jack K. Lemley wrote in the March 9 letter to the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority, a copy of which was obtained by The Boston Globe. Oh thank god the only section he is worried about is the 1-93 section of the Central Artery. So my question is who is responsible for the mess and how is it possible? How can something that is taking 1 million years and a trillion dollars to complete be just a total disaster?

7. Boston Rob is revolutionizing the Amazing Race with his underhanded tactics. If Boston Rob somehow wins this thing he officially becomes the greatest reality TV character in the history of mankind. I feel like we are privileged just to be watching him right now. It's not often you get to see an artist in their prime. But I feel like watching Boston Rob operate is like watching Larry Bird in the 80's or Pedro when he first came to the Red Sox. It's just magic. You can even tell that the host of the Amazing Race is amazed at what he is witnessing. It is just one brilliant move after another.

8. I did not bring my A game to the tournament this year. I've been wrong on virtually everything I've predicted. I said LSU would go to the Final Four and they lost by 40 in the first round. I said Arizona was vulnerable and they've dominated the first two rounds. I said Alabama would never lose their opener and they basically got blown out from the opening tip. UConn was my National Champion and they got embarrassed by NC State. No matter what I've said it's been wrong. It has just been a very ugly tournament. Now that's not to say that I don't still have one bullet left in my gun. The Washington Huskies are rolling along like a freight train right now and have a realistic shot of winning this tournament. Having a couple hundred bucks on a 50-1 shot would cure lots of what ails me right now. And there is a lot that ails me.

9. It's time to close the book on the Superfans. I knew they were in major trouble after watching Wisconsin-Milwaukee hand the groceries to Alabama. It was fairly obvious that this team could play. Therefore, I don't think it's fair to say that BC choked because they played a team that would probably beat them 50% of the time. Regardless, this season has to go down as a major disappointment for the Superfans. They ended the season dropping 5 out of their last 10 games. They lost in the first round of the Big East Tournament and failed to make the Sweet 16. Meanwhile, West Virginia and Villanova are still dancing. In the end it was a typical season from a Tier II basketball program. I'm sure the hockey emails will be coming soon though.

10. It seems like I was promoting the March Madness Party forever so it's hard to believe that I already have another party to talk about. I really don't want to push my luck either because I'm still on a natural high from the success of the first event. But I guess I'm going to have to figure out whether that was a fluke and, more importantly, how often we can motivate Stoolie Nation to attend such gatherings. Anyway, the Stool is hosting a Red Sox opening night party on April 3rd at the Overdraught in Cambridge. Once again, we'd love as many people to attend as humanly possible. We will be giving away Red Sox tickets and other prizes during the course of the night. I may even hire some Barstool Sports girls to attend, but no promises on that yet. The reason we picked the Overdraught is because the owner of the bar is a very cool guy. He's been a big supporter of us from the beginning so I thought it would be cool to do it there. Hopefully it works. Let me know if you have any questions about it.

11. Back to the tournament. Where did Mike Gansey of West Virginia come from? I'd never heard of the guy until the Big East Tournament, but the Celts should trade up and draft this guy #1. He is just unstoppable. The guy makes every big shot no matter the level of difficulty. Doubles, Triples, whatever he wants to hit, he hits. How can a guy who came from nowhere be this good?

12. Raise your hand if you have watched a little of MTV Spring Break. Despite the fact I feel guilty watching it, I still like to check it out from time to time. Although, I am having a hard time dealing with the "Fantasy" segment of the show, hosted by Nick Cannon. Essentially two people compete in a stupid game with the winner getting the option to live out a fantasy or win a prize. For example somebody could either take 1,000 bucks cash or star in a remake of Van Halen's "Hot For Teacher." The crowd always pressures the dudes to do the fantasy and that's what happens 99% of the time. El Presidente is begging these fools to take the prize. There is no bigger letdown in the world than the fantasy part of this show. It lasts 5 seconds and is a complete waste of time. I'm guessing that this random thought only makes sense to the people who have watched MTV Spring Break.

13. With the NCAA tournament dominating the news it's easy to overlook the Celtics and the fact that they are a legitimate title contender. I know people are reluctant to say that, but it's true. The proof is in the pudding. I know it's early but I'm starting to dream about a clean sweep of the major sports. Imagine consecutive titles in baseball, football and basketball. If that happens, everybody should walk to the Zakim Bridge and jump together because it will never get better than this in Boston. Big kudos to Danny Ainge. It seems he did have a plan after all.

Reader Email

Email #1

In response to the Random Thoughts about "Mike Tranghese couldn't be happier for the way BC finished it's Big East seasons by losing to the Cuse in football and finishing 4-4 in hoops". This statement is laughable. Do you really think Tranghese wanted BC to share the Football AND basketball titles on their way out? The basketball team has made Tranghese look like a fool all season. Maybe they didn't go to the BCS and won't go to the Final 4, but they are hardly stumbling out on their way to the ACC. I wouldn't consider a 24-4 (13-3) season a failure (unless they lose to Penn). The Big East is going to fall apart in 3 years when the football/non- football schools separate. Then what is Fat Mikey Tranghese going to do?

Matt

Hmm, I defended Defillipo and his decision to leave the Big East yesterday. Unfortunately I don't think he had a choice because of the fact that Miami and VTech were leaving, which will cripple the Big East in football. However, if BC loses in the first or 2nd round of the tournament nobody will care where they play next year in either sport. They will be a non factor. Nobody will remember that they won the Big East regular season title. If BC doesn't make the Sweet 16 they will be remembered as the 6th best team in the conference when all is said and done. UConn, Syracuse, Pitt, Villanova and West Virginia will be ahead of them. As far as Tranghese, I will say this about him. Before I started Barstool Sports I wrote him a letter about job opportunities with the Big East. He wrote me back and offered to meet with me to try and help out. I thought this was a very classy move. (Especially when you contrast that with Bill Simmons who wouldn't return my phone calls or respond via email.) So I'm a Tranghese guy and I firmly believe he was screwed over by the ACC and Miami. BC is just a useless pawn in the big game.

Email #2

Yo El,

From one gambling mush pie to another, get back on your horse soldier! Jesus man, I've never seen you so down. Just reach into your bill drawer and fill out one of those emergency cash advance checks your credit card sends you with the 87% interest rate that you've been saving for an emergency(Am I the only one who pays my bookie with these?), and continue the long march on to the land of victory. I am going to share something with you that will make your financial future as bright as my milky white ass cheeks. The only way to win money on the tourney (and football as well) is to bet the money lines. It was a conversation I had in Vegas with a professional sports gambler last football season that cured me of the most common ailment of 90% of all degenerates. That is point spread analysis syndrome. This guy came in with the notion that if you only bet the money lines all season, then you can't lose. The only problem with this theory is that you must have a sizable cash reservoir just in case the favorite doesn't come in. For example he told me that he bet the Patriots, Colts, and Eagles every week, all year last year, and he continued to do it this year (he wasn't lying, he showed me the tickets). The rub is that you are guaranteed to lose here and there, and when you lose, you go down big, but the upside is that week after week, you will consistently win money betting on large favorites that very rarely lose. Also his theory suggested not to blindly just bet these teams, but to be smart about it and only bet them at home, or when they are flat out playing a terrible squad. Think about it. What if you bet Illinois to win every game this year? I'm sure that you would have had to lay 3 or 5 to 1 sometimes, but that is just an invisible number, because they are going to win, it's almost a guarantee. Same with the Pats, Eagles and Colts. That's why, in the playoffs, I was the only one making money out of all my boys even though I was continuously spouting my mouth about this method. And in the superbowl, while everybody else thought I'd completely lost it when I layed 1200 to win 300 on the pats, they weren't saying that after Philly backdoored them and I was quietly celebrating the success of my new strategy. This was truly a life changing event for me. Thank god for that guy in the MGM. So my advice is lay the 1200 to win 100 on the Tar heels, Duke, Illinois, and Washington in the first round. It sounds ludicrous, but you will be 400 dollars richer on Saturday morning, and won't that make your porcelain prayer time so much more enjoyable! By the way, your advice on Washington before the season was truly appreciated. That's why I while away my afternoons on this site. Because I like talking sports with somebody that actually offers some knowledgeable incite, and offers an angle that can't be heard in other circles (EEI, ESPN, etc.). These other outlets are all full of self promoting blather that treats game/team analysis like a popularity contest. I don't want ass kissing, loudmouth gossip columnists masquerading as sports reporters telling me Illinois is the best team after they are already 30-1, I want somebody telling me Washington is one of the best teams in the country in October, and then actually see it come to fruition. My final 4 shakes down as Illinois (never underestimate the "dead guy provides inspiration" theory, it always works. Even though this is a dead lady.), Louisville (under the radar all year, and Pitino is still the cream of the crop in college), Syracuse (too much Warrick/McNamara), and North Cakalaka.

ED FROM EASTON

No you are not the only one who pays your bookie with cash advance checks or as I like to call them "magic checks". However, through past use of these "magic checks" for both gambling and Barstool purposes I'm maxed out. The beauty of starting your own business is that your credit goes into the dumper. And when I say I got wiped out, trust me when I say I got wiped out. We're not talking no Bill Simmons losing 300 dollars on a trip to Vegas and crying about it. Dime player coming through. As a side note, let me know what bookie in the sky is offering 12-1 odds on the #1 seeds in the first round of the NCAA tournament and I'll bet my life and the First Lady's life and the tooth fairy's life on every game. Literally.

Email #3

I find myself watching a terrible show called the Gastineau Girls and I can't stop. Those women are absolutely smoking'. Please tell me I am not the only dude flipping the channels and leaving it on E.

Yeah, we talked about that show in an earlier edition of random thoughts. I'm not sure what to think about it. I keep waiting for Mark Gastineau to show up out of the blue doing sack dances. The younger girl is hot, but the show itself is miserable. There is no point and I hate the doorman.