Random Thoughts
1. The following email was sent to me so I figured I'd give people something to chew on.
“Quick story you guys might enjoy. Went to a party at Laurens on Saturday night. About 20 people. Half of us went to some random bar, the other half went to this upscale place called Marquee (Dave digital would definitely know this place). Anyways, these 2 pretty girls who were visiting Lauren from Texas went to Marquee, I didn't of course opting for the hole in the wall with $3 beers. So yesterday morning, Lauren calls me and says "Do you know some guy named Matt Line Hart?" I laugh and say yeah and don't bother to correct her. she says, well he was at Marquee last night, and hit on one of the girls from Texas all night, danced with her, and then was so drunk he groped her....she turned around and slapped him, and left. I said yea yea, I doubt it even though it kinda made sense that he would be in an upscale club getting trashed after losing the heisman. I told her I’d believe the story when I saw pictures. wellll, here they are.”
I have to comment quickly on this Matt Leinart scandal that has picked up steam last week. The more I think about this story the more I’m calling bullshit and here is why. First all, the chick in the photo isn’t “smoking” hot by any definition. I find it hard to believe that Matt Leinart would spend all night following this girl around the bar. Second, I don’t believe that she didn’t know who he was. You don’t go to a post Heisman Trophy party and then claim not to know who Matt Leinart is. Third, I find it weird that the chick in the story is supposedly from Texas. It’s just too convenient with USC playing Texas for the National Championship. Finally, and maybe most importantly chicks don’t slap Heisman Trophy winners in the face. It just doesn’t happen. They take their pants off for them and they take them off quickly. My guess is that this entire story is made up by some Longhorn fan who wanted to spread a rumor and the thing spread like wildfire. This is just one man’s opinion.
2. Dude, what is the deal with John Bastow? This is the guy who has those Fitness Made Simple videos. He is the freakiest looking motherfucker I’ve ever seen in my life. Are people really buying his fitness videos? They must be right? How else can he continue to have so many commercials on TV at all times?
3. File this next random thought in the how to tell if you’re a loser category-- If you purchased the “Star Kick” which is a one man foosball machine for the bargain basement price of $27,000.
4. The only people who are going to fully appreciate this next random thought are the people who watched the Women’s Soccer Special on HBO. When the Patriots beat the Colts in Indy I want the entire team to do the Norwegian Train across the field. The Norwegian Train was performed by the Norwegian National team after they beat the United States and it is the most obnoxious post game celebration I’ve ever seen in my life. Essentially it’s like the locomotion only on your hands and knees. I think I may break out the Norwegian Train at trivia this week.
5. Nomar signed with the Dodgers instead of the Yankees. Now I can breathe again.
6. The quote of the week comes from our buddy Alex Rodriguez.
"After thoughtful deliberations with my family, I am announcing my decision to withdraw from the World Baseball Classic," A-Rod told The Post from Miami. "When faced with the decision to choose between my country, the United States of America, and my Dominican heritage, I decided I will not dishonor either."
Has there ever been a bigger drama queen in the history of sports than Arod? He is so freaking egotistical that he honestly thinks the entire planet revolves around him. What he doesn’t seem to realize is that the only people who care about him are the people who hate him. Despite the fact Afraud was born in the United States, grew up in the Unite States, lives in the U.S and works in the U.S, I’d rather he play for the Dominican because he is a disgrace to this country.
7. I’m always taking shots at all the fools who disrespect the Patriots every year. And in my mind these “analysts” not only deserve to be fired but they should be executed. I’m talking about the Ron Jaworskis, Tom Jackson’s, Terry Brashaw's, Ron Borges’s, Kevin Mannix’s and Dan Marino's of the world just to name a few. These are the guys who have been consistently wrong over the past four years about virtually everything regarding the Dynasty. How they still have a job is beyond me. There is no other type of job in the world where somebody can be wrong for four straight years and not get fired. But the point of this random thought isn’t to beat a dead horse complaining about all these morons. Nope, I’d rather give a tip of the cap to the few guys who have proven to know what their talking about over the past few seasons. I’d like to thank Boomer Eisason and Peter King for their excellent coverage of the NFL. I’m sure there are more than just these two guys in the media who understand football, but it certainly doesn’t seem that way most of the time.
8. As everybody knows by now the Colts got their asses handed to them by the Chargers two weeks ago. My question is what is up with the 72 Dolphins? I can’t think of any other record in sports where the record holder causes such a stink like the Dolphins do. Frankly, I think it’s obnoxious. We get it. You guys went undefeated back when black and white televisions were in vogue. But that doesn’t mean you have to do interviews and have parties every single time the last undefeated team is beaten. Do you really care that much about this record? Nobody thinks you guys were the best team of all time and let’s not forget that you guys played a 14 game schedule. That sort of makes a huge difference. Don’t get me wrong it’s still a great accomplishment but there are lots of great records out there and we don’t hear all these record holders bragging every time they make it through a season with their record still intact.
9. Did people hear that somebody paid $16,000 in an auction on Ebay to have lunch with Theo Epstein? What kind of rich loser would do this? I don’t care if you have more money than god, why would you spend that much cash to eat lunch with Theo? I realize that all the money goes to charity but I still feel like it’s degrading and embarrassing to pay that much money to eat lunch with another man. What does that say about you? I mean how can your wife or girlfriend look at you with a straight face when you worship another man like that. And I’m not buying the argument that you’ll get inside secrets abut the Red Sox because you know that Theo isn’t going to say anything different than what he said to the media.
10. As everybody knows by now El Presidente lives in Abington, MA, home of The Abington Ale House which is the most overrated restaurant in America and the Abington Green Wave, Division III Superbowl Champions this year. Despite the fact I hate dealing with 93 South and hate living on the South Shore, I’m beginning to think that maybe it was a blessing that I was forced to move to Abington. The reason is because if I didn’t live here I surely would have never watched the Abington Super Bowl on local cable and thusly would not have seen the greatest goal line stand in the history of football. Abington was winning 21-20 with less than one minute left in the game and the opponent had the ball first and goal from inside the one yard line with all of their timeouts. This is when the Green Wave rose up and somehow stuffed the other team 3 straight times and then blocked a field goal on 4th down. Who attempts field goals in MA high school football- I don’t know. Regardless, this goal line stand was so remarkable that I watched this game last night knowing that Abington won and still thinking that Archbishop Williams would score. It simply doesn’t get better than that with the state championship on the line. And in some small way I feel like I played a role.
11. I’m telling you right now that following Nick Lachey’s career or lack thereof over the next few years is going to be one of the most entertaining stories of the next decade. I’m betting my money that this guy is going to sink to unbelievable lows to keep his name in the spotlight. The New York Post reports that the singer could be trying to sell his side of the breakup story to Simpson’s former friends at OK! magazine for a whopping $300,000 and that is just the tip of the iceberg. Nothing would surprise me moving forward. Sex tapes, books about Joe Simpson, a reality show featuring Leinart and Lachey. Lachey is desperate and I can’t wait to see what happens next.
12. I gave Peter King some props for being one of the few NFL analysts who seems to realize just how great Tom Brady and the Dynasty are. Now I need to tell him to stick to writing about what happens in-between the lines. In a recent Monday Morning QB article on cnnsi.com Peter King made fun of Joe Montana for his role in that Fed Ex commercial. This is what he said; “Hope you got a lot of money for that in-uniform FedEx commercial, Joe Montana, because you look absurd.” I couldn’t disagree more with this. I think the commercial is hilarious and just confirms that King doesn’t have a sense of humor.
13. The Kansas City Star - Washington state prison inmate John Robert Demos, who is serving a life sentence at the Washington State Penitentiary in Walla Walla, filed a federal lawsuit in Kansas City against Hallmark alleging that he had purchased an “unsafe, unusable and unpredictable” greeting card at the inmate store in August. He contended that the envelope would not seal, both the envelope and card were torn, and the card contained ink marks. As a result, Demos alleged, he suffered “mental, physical and psychological suffering and hardship,” “loss of sleep” and “stress and worry.” He is seeking $12,000 in damages.
Despite the fact that Demos is serving a life sentence I’m going to have to side with him on this one. I too have encountered some of these “unpredictable” greeting cards this year which may explain why many of the Stool’s clients and employees didn’t receive anything in the mail for the Holidays.
14. For the first time in 25 years, New York's transit workers went on strike, shutting down the nation's largest public transportation system days ahead of Christmas. The strike brought to a grinding halt Metropolitan Transit Authority buses and subways throughout all five boroughs. Let me just say this; if the MBTA workers ever want to go on strike here and want public support they better stop yelling at people on the subway. There is nothing that gets me more infuriated than when I’m riding the T and getting lectured to by the driver who’s not really driving to move to the middle of the car. Listen, I’m not a kid at Space Mountain in Disney World. I’m trying to get to work before passing out on the Green Line. I don’t need to be yelled at by the conductor.
15. Tom Brady is finally having his name mentioned in MVP discussions. I’m sure everybody knows where I stand on this issue. To me it is a no brainer that Tom Brady should win the MVP. He should have won it last year and the year before too. He is flat out the best and most important player in the league. I’ll try to put this as simply as I can. Tom Brady can and would put up the same numbers as Peyton Manning if he played in Indy’s system and Indy would have won the Super Bowl already, but Peyton Manning would not have won anything if he was the QB of the Pats. Anybody who thinks otherwise is dreaming. My favorite Tom Brady quote of the day comes from Bucs defensive coordinator Marty Kiffin.
“The guy is just too good. It’s no secret. He’s fantastic. You watch the tapes. Tape after tape after tape. It’s just Brady. He has a nice supporting cast, but it’s him.” Or if you prefer how about Ronde Barber’s quote about Brady after last week’s game "What we saw today was a living legend.'' Amen.
16. Did anybody watch Deal or No Deal yesterday on NBC? I’ve never seen anything like it. Oh wait a minute, yes I have. I forgot for a minute that these shows were on 24/7 like 4 years ago. I had to keep checking what channel I was on to make sure I wasn’t watching VH1 2002 Year in Review. I mean talk about being a day late and a dollar short. I wonder if the brain trust at NBC realizes that this trend already came and went in the United States? And what hole did they dig Howie Mandell out of?
17. What was up with Bronson Arroyo’s comments regarding the Johnny Damon situation? “He feels like the friggin wheels are coming off?” Who gets quoted by the Herald using the word friggin? And since when is Bronson Arroyo allowed to speak on team issues? I’m not saying that I disagree with him but he should worry about himself because I feel like the friggin wheels have been coming off his pitching career ever since he became the next American Idol.
18.. This week’s sign that the apocalypse is upon us (yes I know I steal this from SI) is that Variety is reporting that RYAN SEACREST is finalizing a seven- figure deal to become the lead anchor of E! News as well as a developing a new series for the cable network. How the hell is this possible? Seacrest is 5 foot nothin', a hundred and nothin', and hasn't got a speck of athletic ability in him. How does he finagle a 7 figure contract? Life ain’t fair. I can’t get my key to work in my Astrovan without it snapping in half and Seacrest is making bank and probably banging a ton of chicks. Life sucks.
19. Speaking of banging chicks, I think I have my most convincing reason ever to go to Montreal. Long time Stoolies know that every summer I start pushing trips to Montreal down people’s faces. Casino Montreal is one of the Stool’s most beloved clients. In fact, I’m heading North to meet with them in a few days which should be some serious fun in the sun. Anyway, in case you didn’t hear orgies are officially legal in Canada. Yup, group sex between consenting adults is neither prostitution nor a threat to society, the Supreme Court of Canada ruled on Wednesday, dismissing arguments that the sometimes raucous activities of so-called "swingers" clubs were dangerous. I’m guessing this will make Casino Montreal a much easier sell this year. Thank you Canada.
20. I don’t hold a grudge against Johnny Damon for going to the Yankees. The reason I don’t hold a grudge is because I never expected more out of him. I never for a second thought he cared about Boston, the fans or the Red Sox. Johnny Damon is just like 99% of all professional athletes in that all he cares about is himself, his stripper wife, his girlfriends and how much he is getting paid. But I will admit that Damon is starting to piss me off that he won’t admit that money is the reason he went to New York. I hate when athletes refuse to admit the truth. It’s so freaking insulting. Listen, Johnny, spare me the “mystery team” story. There is no way that I’m buying you turned down a better offer than what you took from the Yankees. Who offered you more than $52 million for 4 years? And if they weren’t capable of winning does this mean they were a small market team like the Brewers? It just doesn’t add up. Listen, I’ve come to accept the fact that most pro athletes are greedy self absorbed hypocrites and I’ve learned to live with it. But when you start insulting my intelligence by openly lying to me and making up stories to defend yourself it makes me want to hate you. Just admit that you’re all about the money and we can each go our own way.
Reader Email
Email #1
Yo El, Wow. It is an honor to speak with royalty. With that photo spread in the inside track you have now entered hallowed ground on which only the likes of Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, and the late JFK Jr. have resided. What did you do, stop over at Victoria Secret and by Gayle Fee a lacy bra? Did you give Laura Raposa a rim job? Whatever the case may be, serious dap must be given. I remember where you were 2 years ago. This is like the Celtics of 1978 pre- Bird morphing into the 81 version who stomped the Rockets. You are only beginning to realize your greatness. In other news, what a surprise! Everyone is blowing the world champs again. It is absolutely unfathomable to me that it takes a late season national T.V. domination for these no-nothings to finally recognize the truth. Wake up morons, we are still the champs. When we go into Indy and kill those paper champs
ED FROM EASTON (now living in Stoughton)
Thank you. Thank you. I’ve got to be honest that I got a solid laugh when I saw that picture. I’m going to tell you a secret though. I didn’t pay for the girls to be there. The Place was kind enough to create the stockings for the cover girls. I think our writers can confirm that I’m not throwing around the Cristal like Jay-Z quite yet.
Email #2
El Prez
The Monday night countdown crew is a laughing stock. Tom Brady referred to some of the guys that do the "shows during the week" on ESPN as "loud- mouths" yesterday on the Big Show. I think that solidifies that they are a joke. I think Fred Smerlas should get some recognition as the most loyal man to the Pats in the history of the Dynasty. He's had them ranked no lower than #3 in the league all year long and continually says the Colts stink. All In all though, you already said it best, Peyton cried himself to sleep Saturday night when he finally realized the Champs were back.
D from Canton
Smerlas and Pete Sheppard have been the two biggest Patriot supporters in this town for the past four years. And the thing about it is that everybody makes fun of them for it and calls them homers. But the bottom line is that they’ve been right and everybody else has been wrong. I’ve always maintained that Pete Sheppard is the most knowledgeable personality on WEEI and I stand by that.