Random Thoughts
1. I was wondering how much longer we’d have to wait for a good old fashioned University of Miami scandal to surface. Luckily the wait is over thanks to a 2-year-old profanity-laced rap recording that appeared on the Web last Tuesday. The song (which is approximately 9 minutes long) references multiple acts of group sex, derogatory terms for women and minorities and dozens of curse words. The song, which includes voices of several football players, is performed by a group called the 7th Floor Crew. The name reportedly comes from the seventh floor of the Mahoney Residential College, which houses mostly football players.
This story reminds me of the scene from Rounders when the Judge tells Damon’s character that he can’t run from who he is. Basically he needs to come to grips with the fact that God made him a gambler and he should embrace it. The same goes with the “U”. They can try and act like they’ve cleaned up their act but deep down they will always be the out of control football program that is on the verge of multiple major NCAA violations. And frankly that’s how I like it. I feel like all is right in the world when the Hurricanes are borderline out of control. As a side note it’s a lock that my fantasy football team next year will be called the 7th Floor Crew.
2. A self-described minister was convicted last Monday of trying to blackmail New York Yankees slugger Gary Sheffield and his wife DeLeon Richards-Sheffield for $20,000 by claiming he had a video showing her having sex with R&B singer R. Kelly. Derrick Mosley claims the only thing he wanted was atonement from DeLeon Richards Sheffield, and "there was never a threat to expose the tapes." In fact Mosley actually offered to be the Sheffield’s personal “paid spiritual consultant”
This random thought stands by itself. A self described minister? What is that? Is that like how Ted Dibiase was the self proclaimed Million Dollar Champion? Also, I love this guy’s negotiating tactics. If you can’t get the lump sum of 20 large then shift gears and go for the spiritual consulting gig. Brilliant.
3. This next random thought is so strange I almost think it’s fake. It is basically a letter from a faculty member who attended the Florida vs. Vanderbilt game at the Swamp and was not pleased about the crowd noise. Maybe this is the guy who Jay Cutler’s dad was picking a fight with in the stands? Regardless, the letter appeared in the Gainesville Sun. I’m just having a hard time believing that this thing is real. After all, who calls the Swamp “Florida Field”?
I'm on the UF faculty and at one time played football for a small college in the Midwest. While I seldom go to events at Florida Field, I did attend the Vanderbilt game. The game was good, but the experience was rotten. Every single time the Vanderbilt offense approached the line of scrimmage during the game, Gator fans were yelling and screaming their seemingly vacant heads off. And this excessive, unsportsmanlike behavior was encouraged by a message on the scoreboard calling for a "Gator Growl." There are only small grains of wisdom in most popular truisms like "Waterloo was won on the playing fields at Eton." Yet, as a Vietnam era veteran I'm left to wonder if there might be some truth in the notion that the current American idiocy in Iraq was/is being lost on the playing fields at Florida/Yale?
Ary J. Lamme III, Gainesville
4. I love the Josh Beckett trade. I don’t know who officially gets credited with making this deal in the Sox front office, but this is a brilliant move. This trade instantly makes the Red Sox the favorites to win the World Series next year. Josh Beckett is a legitimate stud who has already proven that he can single-handedly win a world series by himself. If I had a wish list of guys that I’d start a team with he’d probably be in my top 3. Studs like Josh Beckett don’t grow on trees. He’ll be a dominant force for many years to come.
5. Another outcome of the Beckett deal is that it should put to rest all this nonsense that the Sox front office would fall apart with Theo’s departure. For me, Theo leaving was never about whether the Red Sox would survive without him. Instead, the whole fiasco just forced me to ask myself yet again whether I could root for a team that is owned and run by men of questionable moral integrity. Because make no mistake about it, Larry Lucchino has always been heavily involved in the baseball operations and this deal proves it. Anybody who really thinks Jed Hoyer or Craig Shipley was the lead on this deal is on crack. Lucchino should just come out of the closet and name himself the GM because deep down in places he doesn’t talk about at parties that’s what he wants. But for some reason he won’t come out and say it.
6. According to a recent study, “New Englanders ranked at the bottom in an annual index of charitable giving while upper-income Mainers stood out as paragons of generosity.” Can El Presidente take a shot why this is the case? Could it be because it takes billions of dollars to live in Boston and there are tons of things to do while it takes 10 cents to live in Maine and there is nothing to do? I mean what does a wealthy Mainiac do with their money besides burn it to stay warm in the winter?
7. A misprint may end up costing an Illinois casino millions of dollars. Harrah's Joliet Casino said there was a mistake in about 11,000 coupons mailed to customers last week. Instead of being worth $15 or $20 apiece, each had a face value of $525 in cash. The company blames the error on a third-party vendor. Dozens of gamblers crowded Harrah's customer service desk on Friday, and got angry when the casino refused to redeem the coupons. Customers were encouraged to trade the coupons for reward points. Some did, but others decided to keep their slips of paper. The Illinois Gaming Board ruled that Harrah's must honor the coupons. All told, the company could be liable for as much as $5.8 million.
Imagine if this happened at Foxwoods or Mohegan Sun? There would be so many Chain Smoking Asians crammed into the place that people may actually suffocate from smoke inhalation. P.S. – For the PC police out there who think this is a racist statement, it’s a proven fact that Chain Smoking Asian dudes have a monopoly on casino coupons.
8. VISALIA, Calif. A former high school teacher convicted of having sex with three male students will spend a year in county jail after a judge suspended her prison sentence. Twenty-six-year-old Elizabeth Stow pleaded no contest in June to 12 felony counts, including sexual intercourse with a minor and oral copulation. She was a first-year English teacher at Tulare Western High School.
Correct me if I’m wrong here but isn’t this the first high school sex story we’ve heard about where the teacher had sex with multiple students? And talk about wasting no time huh? She didn’t even finish her first year as a teacher and she already had sex with three dudes? If I were her I would have pleaded ignorance. After all her actions make it seem like she thought this was a normal thing that all first year teachers do.
9. The following story is from Channel 5 News in Chicago. “During the Katrina crisis, with New Orleans under water and residents fleeing across the nation, two men showed up on the University of Tennessee campus in Knoxville with student identification from Tulane in New Orleans. The Lambda Chi Alpha fraternity opened its doors and its heart. However, they were far from fraternity brothers. Zacharie Arabie, 22, and Steven Ridge, 31, were two enterprising inmates at a Louisiana prison who had escaped using a Popsicle stick to pick a cell-door lock. They wound up in Knoxville, attending fraternity parties, and even dating co-eds. The duo had been serving time for forgery and armed robbery. Outside the prison walls, police say the men resumed their old habits. Ridge was arrested after allegedly trying to pass forged $10 bills at a local gas station. Arabie was picked up outside the college library.
As I was reading this story I kept waiting for it to say that Sinbad was somehow involved. Doesn’t this sound like a Sinbad type of movie? As a side note, I’m sure they’re not the only ones using the old “Displaced Katrina Victims” to pick up chicks. Do people think this lie breaks the code of lying etiquette?
10. Bucharest - A Romanian mayor has asked his personal assistant to follow him around with a fire extinguisher after irate locals threatened to set him on fire. Adrian Solomon, the mayor of Barlad in eastern Romania, received the threats after he turned down a plan for cheap housing. Mayor Solomon said: "We can't provide enough low cost housing to meet demand, and some people have sent death threats to turn me into a human torch because they did not get a cheap flat. I have now ordered my assistant to follow me with a fire extinguisher all the time, and I have a photographer with me to take pictures for the police in case I get attacked." - Ananova.com
I’d say that whenever an elected official is forced to have members of his administration follow him with a fire extinguisher in fear of disgruntled residents setting him on fire it’s a safe to say that his re- election is in serious jeopardy.
11. College basketball is under way. And I don’t care how good Gonzaga’s Adam “Stillwater” Morrison is I refuse to take him seriously until he shaves that mustache. That is the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. He must have lost a bet right? It makes Matt Clement’s goatee look stylish.
12. One last note regarding the Josh Beckett trade. A subtle benefit of this trade is that I don't have to hear all the local idiots on talk radio propose letting all the players go and having Hanley Ramirez play every position and bat 1-9 for the next 10 years, like Bugs Bunny does against the Gashouse Gorilla's. I mean I know the kid is supposed to be a superstar, but I could not stand hearing about it all the time.
13. I like Charlie Weiss. I’m happy for him that he has guided ND to a BCS bowl game. But with new fame comes new responsibility. He has to start cleaning up the snot that drips out of his nose every single game. I can understand if it was a once in a while type situation or if it only happened in bad weather, but it’s every freaking game. It’s disgusting to look at. He should hire a tissue guy just to prowl the sidelines with him and give him a Kleenex anytime he gets snot build up. Or just add “snot cleanup” to the “Get Back” guys’ duties on the sidelines. I think the “Get Back” guy could handle some extra responsibility.
14. Maybe I’m crazy, but I was actually very encouraged with the Patriots’ performance on Sunday. I think we’ve all got to come to grips with the fact that the Pats defense isn’t going to be great the rest of the way. But over the past few weeks they’ve started to get tough in the Red Zone and they’ve started to hit people. Despite all Rich Gannon’s excuses for Brady, yesterday was the first time in recent memory that Brady was the reason we lost. It had nothing to do with the defense. Brady simply had an awful day. With the exception of the last INT all of them were his fault. Brady was missing wide open guys all day long and he never does that. But the bottom-line is that if the defense can continue to improve we’re going to have a real chance to beat some people in the playoffs because you know Brady is going to be there when the chips are on the line. Even the great ones have bad days.
15. Did anybody catch Dick Vermeil’s halftime interview during the Pats game? Armen Keteyian asked Vermeil what he thought about the first half and specifically the fact that the Chiefs had to settle for so many field goals. Vermeil responded by saying that the Chiefs’ headsets malfunctioned during the 2nd trip into the red zone. I’m not sure I’ve ever heard a head coach make such a blatant excuse in my life. Dude, you got stopped like 50 times in the red zone. I don’t think it was because your headset wasn’t working. No word yet on whether Vermeil physically started crying when his headset wouldn’t work.
16. I think I found the new Lacrosse and it’s underwater hockey. I’m sure that pretty soon all the dudes who couldn’t make their prep school Lacrosse team will start flocking to this wacko activity. In the United States, organizers estimate that 48 teams play in 20 states. Teams consist of six players in the pool at one time - three forwards, three defensive backs. There is no goalie to protect the 10-foot-wide goal. A coated lead puck is passed and shot with 12-inch wooden sticks held in gloved hands. Unlike hockey, physical contact is frowned upon. There are two 15-minute halves. Players wear snorkels, fins, diving masks and protective water polo caps. Because all the action is at the bottom of a pool, it's not much of a spectator sport.
I’m telling you that this “sport” has all the makings of a prep school phenomenon. After all, physical contact is frowned upon and it’s not much of a spectator sport. What more could you ask for to keep the good athletes away?
17. One of the top sports stories of the weekend was Fred Funk being “forced” to wear a skirt during the Skins game when Anika Sorrenstam out-drove him on the 3rd hole. If you listened to all the golf commentators’ talk about this event you’d think it was the funniest thing ever to happen in the history of sports and that Fred Funk deserves the “man of the year” award for being such a good sport about this. To be honest, I think the whole thing is a sham. Everybody knew that Anika would eventually out-drive Funk and it was his idea to wear the skirt when she did. It was his joke! You can’t get credit for being a good sport about a joke when the joke was your idea to begin with.
18. Apparently Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt spent their Thanksgiving as relief workers in earthquake-ravaged northern Pakistan. There is no way that this could have been Brad Pitt’s idea right? This raises an interesting question. How many months would you be willing to spend doing chores in depressing 3rd world countries with Angelina Jolie if it meant you got to sleep with her at the end of your time? I think I’d be willing to sacrifice 6 months of my life for this trade.
19. The big news in the world of entertainment is the official break up of Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson. After months of speculation on their marital status, they have come clean and announced they are breaking up. The couple released a joint statement saying. "This is the mutual decision of two people with an enormous amount of respect and admiration for each other. We hope that you respect our privacy during this difficult time."
First of all this should come as no surprise to anybody. Wherever there is smoke there is fire. I’d be shocked if both of them haven’t slept with other people yet. There were just too many rumors about their demise for it not to be true. I also get a kick out of it when celebrity whores ask the public to respect their privacy. Umm, we didn’t ask you to create a reality show about your lives. Don’t you think it’s kind of unfair to request privacy after you’ve made a career out of being public figures? And why would Nick Lachey want privacy anyway? His only chance to remain somewhat in the spotlight is to create a new reality show in which he tries to bang everything that moves as he struggles to be taken seriously and trashes Jessica left and right. It’s his only chance.
20. It’s a pretty sad state of affairs in the ACC and Big 12 with both conference championship games being absolute jokes. Neither Colorado nor FSU is ranked. I think that conferences have to scrap the division format and just take the two teams with the highest ranking in the BCS. Granted the Big 12 game would still suck but at least the ACC game would be good with VTech vs. Miami. As far as the SEC they are the only conference which is consistently deep enough to always have two great teams playing against each other in the end.
Reader Email
Email 1
Got to disagree with the Soccer is not a sport in Boston comment. As a revolution fan I am aware that the numbers are small on a good day Gillette gets 15,000 and the good days are few most times 9,000 is all you see. There is a reason the Soccer only stadiums are only built for 21-22,000. But it is a valid sport in a league that is growing it is being run fiscally sound and puts out a good product with slightly improved ratings nationally. You don’t have to like soccer but when the local team is in the championship games it is worth at least a mention. Do you see me complain when NASCAR is all over TV and the Radio who listens to cars going round and round? Regards,
Kevin
I hate soccer. Does that count as a mention?
Email #2
Yo El, How the hell does Michael Irvin have a job in broadcasting?! This guy is a total joke. He picks against the pats every week (while usually snickering, laughing, and elbowing his buddy T.J. like you do in junior high behind the teacher's back.), and does it not based on analysis, stats, or matchups, he does it because of jealousy and envy. They are the only team to challenge his precious cowboys for an unprecedented three peat, (I hope Pat Riley isn't reading) and he can't handle it. The only time he actually picked them (against S.D) they got crushed. He also can't speak. He treats the English language like those guys treated Jodie Foster in "The Accused". Lastly, he single handedly ruined the year for the Eagles. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not a big believer in listening to what comes out of athlete's mouths (see Mo Vaughn, Manny Ramirez), just do what you get paid to do on the field, and please don't speak. But he completely baited T.O. into running his mouth, and for that alone, he should not have a job. These "analysts" are supposed to analyze the games, not be the story. And Irvin became the story with his comments because all the other stupid anchors on ESPN ran with his comments and fanned the flames. Of course Owens was gonna comment. He's a megalomaniac. ESPN knows they're the only game in town, and they are increasingly crossing the lines as far as conflict of interests is concerned in the athlete/anchor relationship. If I was Andy Reid and the Eagles, I would never talk to ESPN again and hop into the bunker with Belichick. How many times do you see Hannibal Lector or any of his players talk to Irvin or anybody else on that joke of a panel of NFL Gameday. Never is the answer, and that is the final reason Irvin hates the Pats. They are anti- limelight, and that completely gets under his skin, because when they win, he can't latch on like a mollusk and jump into the camera with Deion Branch and compliment him on his Versace Suit. Remember when Steve Young called Tom Brady the "ultimate playmaker in a dominant dynasty" and then Irvin gave him a steely look and said "I was the only playmaker, and the Dallas Cowboys were the ultimate dynasty".....just despicable. I fucking hate him.
ED FROM EASTON (now living in Stoughton)
One of my pet peeves with ESPN is how they all call each other by their nicknames. The Coach, The Playmaker, Boomer, TJ and on and on and on. It’s the Jim Rome factor at its worst.