Random Thoughts
1. After watching 1 million straight hours of college hoops I was left with one question that I couldn't answer. Why are college basketball cheerleaders so ugly? Is it because colleges can't select their squad based on looks alone or they'd get sued? It was shocking to me that without fail every group of cheerleaders were made up of borderline ugly girls. Have we forgotten what cheerleaders are supposed to look like? I certainly hope athletic talent hasn't infiltrated the selection process because it would be a sad day if it did.
2. Has everybody seen this new Burger King commercial which features Darius Rucker from Hootie and the Blowfish dressed up as cowboy and singing some stupid Burger King song? When did Hootie and the Blowfish become a joke? I knew they were struggling but this was tough to watch. I used to like these guys and have respect for them. I'm not sure it can ever be the same now.
3. I can't believe we didn't receive any emails about the fact that Larry David is on the Amazing Race. Of course I'm talking about that old guy that looks exactly like him. Besides the token old people who I always root for, I'm pulling for Boston Rob and Amber. How can you not root for a local guy who wears a red sox hat everywhere and has a deep Boston accent? I could care less that he already won a million dollars on Survivor. And I love the fact that all the other competitors hate him too. There is nothing better then rooting for the bad guy. The only thing better than watching Boston Rob win another million would be watching the old guy fall down again.
4. If anybody is in the mood for some soft core porn just tune into Tilt on Thursday. What gives with the XXX nature of this show? There is no reason for it either. It's almost like they just want to see how far they can push it before there is backlash. The show could have the same exact plot lines without throwing in the fake blow jobs every two seconds. It's amazing. And ESPN had the balls to complain when Randy Moss faked mooning Lambeau Field.
5. Joe Andruzzi signed with the Cleveland Browns last week. It seems like I'm saying the same thing every day, but it hurts to see another Patriot fixture leave New England. As this mass exodus continues I can't help but think of the email we got yesterday which asked whether all these moves are the beginning of the end for the Pats dynasty. And after thinking about it again I must reiterate that I actually think it is quite the opposite. The Patriots are doing what many dynasties have failed to do in the past. And that is to continue to get better. The reason so many dynasties die after 3 or 4 years is because they refuse to make changes since they are loyal to the guys who have helped lead to the success. The result is they get old real fast. The Patriots are not making this mistake. They are continuing to make sure they have the best possible team on the field and as a fan that's all we can ask for.
6. Katie Holmes and Chris Klein have called off their engagement, Us Weekly reports. Well you know what this means don't you? The First Lady needs to keep a very close eye on El Presidente because there is no bigger fan of Katie Holmes than me. If she's not the ultimate take-home-to-mom girl, I don't know who is. I'm very excited to hear she is back on the market. And since we run in the same circles I'm sure I'll bump into her soon.
7. Sticking with celebrity breakups, Actress Denise Richards has filed for divorce from her actor- husband Charlie Sheen, citing irreconcilable differences, according to court papers filed Wednesday. Richards, 34, is six months pregnant with the couple's second child. They also have a daughter, Sam, who will be a year old next week. Let me take a guess at what the irreconcilable differences are? Hmm, Sheen bangs everything that moves? Could that be it? What do people think of Denise Richards? I've never been a huge fan. There is something about her that gives me the willies.
8. America's Top Model, Survivor and The Amazing Race all started new seasons recently. Listen, I love reality TV as much as the next guy but can't they let us breathe for a second? Doesn't it seem like these shows never end? And speaking of America's Top Model, who is picking these girls? There was a girl from Terre Haute, Indiana who was ugly enough to be Larry Bird's cousin. Meanwhile, I can't remember the last time a new Curb Your Enthusiasm or Ali G was on. HBO has one of the greatest scams going of all time. They pull these awesome shows out of their ass which makes you sign up for the channel, but 99% of the time there is absolutely nothing on. It is the worst premium movie channel out there. You know it's bad when you're excited that Win a Date with Tad Hamilton is premiering.
9. Now time for some official Stool business. Here are the things we are focusing on at this point and time. First, we need more people to sign up random thoughts now that I forked out the 30 bucks a month so I can send the thing out. So don't be afraid to tell everybody you know about it or even to sign people up without their knowledge. Second, we still need more sign ups for the March Madness Party on March 18. The more the merrier. There will be free food, tons of Stoolies and degenerate gamblers everywhere.
10. I’d be remiss not to mention the 83 hour season finale of the Bachelorette which ended with the miserable Jen Scheff picking nobody. What a complete waste of time. I actually felt bad for the First Lady who spent her entire day watching the finale which we DVR'd. Listen Jen, not only aren't you pretty, but your time in the sun is over. I knew you were a fraud the second I laid eyes on you and nothing you have done has changed my opinion. Pick a freaking winner would you?
11. I've always held Halle Berry in high regard, physically speaking of course. However, I've always suspected her as being half crazy. When Barstool Sports produced its top 10 chicks you'd like to bang vs. take home to mom list Berry was on the bang list. But I may have to revise my thinking. Halle Berry was awarded the Razzie award for worst actress of the year for her performance in Catwoman. Much to my surprise she actually showed up to receive the award in person and made light of the situation giving the same speech she gave after winning the Oscar for Monster's Ball. Having a sense of humor gets you tons of Tommy Points in my book. It's refreshing to see an actor not take themselves so seriously especially after watching the Oscars.
12. I firmly believe that this random thought is going to answer a question that lots of people in the Allston/Brighton area have asked themselves at one point or another. And that question is "what gives with the Super 88?" For those of you in the dark, the Super 88 is an Asian supermarket right at the corner of Commonwealth and Brighton Ave. It is located basically where the B line curves into Brighton Center. I, like many other people, have always passed it and wondered what it is like. Well, today my friends I answered the question. It's basically like a big food court of all Asian/Thai/Chinese food places and it is pretty freaking good. I wouldn't really qualify it as fast food either because you need to wait 10-15 minutes for them to cook your order. The only heads up I'd give about the Super 88 is that it's tough to hear when they call out your order. It sounds something like this "shashee" So just pay attention so you don't miss your order.
13. Million Dollar Baby won the Oscar for best picture, best director, best female actress, and best male supporting actor. May I remind you that the Improper Bostonian gave it one star.
14. I had a meeting at a bar the other day and Bull Riding was on ESPN in the background. I'm not going to pretend to be a huge bull riding fan, but did you know that lots of the cowboys wear helmets now? And we're not just talking shells like they wear in the NHL before they went on strike. We're talking about full blown masks here. I realize that Bull Riding is a dangerous sport, but isn't the tough guy image the most important part of this thing? A cowboy just can't look cool or tough with a helmet on. I think a cowboy has to make a decision when they get into bull riding. Either they are going to do it full steam ahead and without a helmet or they’re not going to do it at all.
15. I admit it; I'm a sucker for American Idol. I've watched every season and have loved every second of it. Therefore, I think I'm sort of an expert when it comes to understanding what the contestants need to do to be successful. My first piece of advice would be to fire whoever is doing song selection for them. Why is everybody infatuated with slow boring ballads? Fast songs are what put asses in the seats. Also, there are two very hot chicks in this year's contest. Why aren't they slutting it up and prancing all over the place half naked? I mean do they want to win or what?
16. In case you didn't notice, El Presidente has scored a major victory over technology on all fronts. I'd put Thursday, February 24th 2005 right up there with VJ Day in terms of importance to this Nation. Not only have I mastered the art of sending out a mass random thoughts email to Stoolies everywhere, but the Barstool Sports website has also undergone major improvement. Basically a transplanted Stoolie had gotten fed up with trying to read Barstool Sports via the website because of all the PDF hassles. He took it upon himself to create a program that allows us to use links like every other website in the country. It is truly a great day in the history of Barstool Sports. Now all I need is for people to get all their friends, enemies and anybody else they may know to sign up for the daily random thoughts blast. El Presidente is one step closer to world domination, or at least paying the cable bill.
17. I was telling somebody today how I feel intense pressure whenever I meet a Stoolie in person. It's kind of like when Seinfeld goes to visit the sick guy in the hospital and needs to make him laugh. I feel like I need to be at the top of my game at all times. I just don't want people treating me like Rocky treated Clubber Lang in Rocky IV. "Hey El Presidente, you ain't so bad. You ain't so bad." I may bring cue cards to the March Madness party at The Place so I can have tons of jokes readily available.
18. So Randy Moss got traded to the Raiders. I've got to admit that I kind of like Al Davis. Yeah, the Pats are the best team in the NFL and they run the best operation in sports, but there is something unique and fun about being the bad guy. In this day and age of the PR police, you've got to love the fact that there is a rebel like Al Davis still in the NFL. He is the Razor Ramon of football.
19. The Tuna has predictably gone out and signed Drew Bledsoe to the Dallas Cowboys. I have three questions. How many games until Bledsoe is benched? Is Bledsoe an upgrade over Testaverde or is he in fact the same exact person? And how many more seasons will the Tuna coach after this experiment fails miserably?
Reader Email
Email #1
El Presidente, ESPN radio was interviewing Mort and asking him "what kind of message" the release of Troy Brown was sending to the Patriots players with Brown being the unselfish hero last year. Many pundits think that players (free agents) and current Patriots players will start to leave NE because of how management treated Law, Milloy and Brown. I think the Patriots will definitely look a lot different next year with no Brown, Law, Phifer, and most likely Bruschi. Also the whole offense line is not signed (Gorin I think may have just signed) and Givens is going to test the free agency market. My take is that player movement is a necessary evil in today's salary cap/free agency NFL. Although, a Cowboys fan told me this is how it all starts when you win three SBs in a short period of time. Your coaching staff starts departing, players have rings and they start looking for the bigger contracts. Do you think Patriots management is sending a bad message or is this just shrewd business technique? Is the Pats run starting to come to an end? It's hard to be dominate for an extended period of time in the NFL nowadays.
Andrew J. Bergeron
The great thing about the "NFL Pundits" is that virtually all of them have been dead wrong in everything they've ever said about the Patriots. I value what the First Lady thinks about the Pats more than the NFL Pundits. I wonder what the NFL Pundits will think the message to the rest of the NFL is when Tom Brady signs for less than his market value, which by all accounts is what he is going to do? The Pats will be very different next year. But guess what? They were very different this year from their previous Super Bowl year which was vastly different from the first one. The two most important cogs will still be in place and that is the QB and the Coach. And our defensive line is young and scary. The Pat's aren't going anywhere no matter what the Pundits say.