Random Thoughts

1. Things have been interesting here at the Stool since we unveiled the John Dennis Voicemail to Ryen Russillo. (If you haven’t heard this thing yet it’s on the front page of our website and you’re doing yourself a disservice if you don’t listen to it. Essentially in a nutshell it is 3 minutes of John Dennis threatening to kick Ryen Russillo’s balls through his head and rip his ears off and shove them down his ass for hitting on his daughter. Since we broke this story we’ve been called Smut Peddlers and Mudslingers along with a few other choice words. Although keep in mind that the guy who called us these things was some no name who also writes for the Boston Sports Review so take it for what it is worth.

Another outcome of us breaking the John Dennis voicemail is that 1510 the Zone pulled the plug on the Barstool Sports Radio Hour, which had to be the best 60 minutes of radio on the dial. Our termination resulted when I refused their request to remove the voicemail from our website. I still don’t know what Sporting News policy has to do with Barstool Sports policy. Regardless, this should officially end the rumor that 1510 leaked the audio to us. El Presidente never lies! The good news is that we have gotten a ton of press from this thing. The Inside Track did a full blown story on it and we’ve been mentioned in a billion other places. There is nothing better than being in the middle of a full blown controversy. I feel like I’m in the WWE and that is exactly where the Stool wants to be. So I guess I owe a special thanks to John Dennis for being dumb enough to leave a profanity laced voicemail on an answering machine. Because of him we’re now one step closer to world domination. And for all our radio fans out there, don’t worry it’s only a matter of time until ESPN or WEEI comes a knocking.

2. The landlords of an Orlando entertainment complex are suing two restauranteurs for refusing to move into a renovated building because they claim it is haunted. This seems like a crazy story, right? Clearly it’s just a way for the restauranteurs to get out of the lease. But as I continued reading this story something changed my opinion drastically. Let’s see if you guys can pick it up.

ORLANDO, Fla. --The landlords of an Orlando entertainment complex are suing two restaurateurs for refusing to move into a renovating building because they claim it is haunted. Subcontractors who worked there and other people have reported seeing ghosts or other apparitions, said Lynn Franklin, attorney for the restaurant owners. "It's very serious," Franklin said Thursday. "A lot of people are corroborating having seen incidents in this location." The $2.6 million lawsuit filed last month by the owners of the Church Street Station entertainment complex says an offer to hold an exorcism was refused. "I asked them if these were good ghosts or bad ghosts, and if they were good ghosts why it was a problem," said David Simmons, an attorney representing the building's owners, who include boy band promoter Lou Pearlman. Simmons is also a member of the state House.

Okay, here is what changed my mind. Anytime boy band promoter Lou Pearlman is involved nothing surprises me. If you tell me a building he owns has ghosts, I’ll believe it. If you told me he was a ghost, I’d believe it.

3. A man whose prized University of Notre Dame season football tickets failed to arrive found out from police where they ended up - at the delivery man's house. Apparently this criminal mastermind did drop the tickets off to the front porch but then had his girlfriend go back and steal them later. This maneuver ended up backfiring when the delivery guy and his girlfriend got in a fight and the girlfriend went running to the police. The authorities recaptured the tickets, valued at $10,000, and delivered them to the rightful owner. I have a bunch of questions here. What was the point of involving his girlfriend in this scheme? And more importantly ND season tickets are valued at $10,000 bucks? Geez, Charlie Weiss really does have the Irish fans drinking the kool aid over there. That’s quite a hefty sum for a team that has sucked for the past decade.

4. Did everybody see Ted Johnson’s dad’s letter to the editor in the Sunday Boston Globe two weeks ago? It was awesome. Basically he talked about how much Ted Johnson grew to love New England and how lucky the entire family feels that he got to play for the Patriots. His dad also took time to thank Teddy for all the enjoyment that he gave him not only as a player but as a man. He reminisced about the Superbowl in Houston and how all the Pat’s fans flew down to his hometown and made the family restaurant Patriot headquarters. It was great stuff to read. After reading the letter it’s obvious why Ted Johnson was such a great player and person. The Johnson family clearly gets it. I hear lots of people say that fans are bitter nowadays. This may be true, but it’s only because the Ted Johnson’s of the world seem to be few and far between.

5. Richard Hatch, who won $1 million on the first season of the reality show "Survivor," was indicted Thursday for failing to pay taxes on his winnings. The new indictment charges Hatch with 10 counts including tax evasion, filing a false tax return, wire fraud, bank fraud and mail fraud. According to the indictment, his 2000 and 2001 tax returns omitted his income from the reality show, $327,000 he was paid to co-host a radio show and $28,000 in rent on a property he owns in Newport. Hatch, 44, also was accused of misusing $36,500 from a nonprofit camp he set up, Horizon Bound. If found guilty on all charges, he could face up to 75 years in prison and millions of dollars in fines. This just confirms Richard Hatch’s rightful place in the reality TV bad guy hall of fame. Here are my top 5 reality TV villains and their most notorious achievements;

#1 Puck – Will be forever remembered for tormenting a dying Pedro throughout his real world career.

#2 Richard Hatch - Made lying, double crossing and scheming an art form. Also, bonus points for being a real life criminal per the above story.

#3 Johnny Fairplay - Lied about the death of his grandmother to gather sympathy from other Survivor contestants.

#4 Boston Rob – During the Amazing Race he failed to stop and check on the safety of fellow contestants who flipped their car over in the dessert and seemed to be crippled.

#5 Omarosa - The only villain who is universally hated by everybody.

6. Former Jet star Joe Klecko killed a homeless man last week as his SUV struck the guy as he was pushing a shopping cart on the Major Deegan Expressway police said. Klecko, the only player ever voted to the Pro Bowl three times at different positions, couldn't see the victim until it was too late because a car in front of him was in the way. The more shocking part of this story is the photo that accompanied the article which showed Joe Klecko wearing his own #73 New York Jets jersey. Who does that? Some may argue that’s a bigger crime than running a person over because at least that was by accident.

7. According to Playboy. Both Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are the object of female college students' sexual fantasies! 54 percent of college gals would cheat on their boyfriend with Pitt and 57 percent would cheat with Jolie! Let me repeat! 57 percent of chicks would cheat on their boyfriends with Angelina Jolie! I’ve got to get into the Superfan Mods this Saturday. I can’t say I’m totally shocked about this poll. The First Lady would definitely cheat on me with Brook Burke if the opportunity presented itself. She drools at the TV every time we watch Rock Star INXS. And I don’t think I’d have a problem with it. I am on the record as saying I have no problem with my girlfriend cheating on me with a hot FEMALE celebrity.

8. Ohio State tight end Ryan Hamby has received a couple of hate letters since dropping a sure touchdown pass during the Buckeyes' loss to Texas two weeks ago. A touchdown would have given Ohio State a 10-point lead in the third quarter. The Buckeyes ended up settling for a field goal and eventually lost 25-22 to Texas. A senior from Cincinnati, Hamby said he had a sleepless night after dropping the pass. "I just came open and, I don't know, it all happened so fast," he said. "I knew I caught the ball and it got knocked out of my hands. I was kind of laying there thinking, 'Man, I wish that didn't happen.' But it's part of life and you've got to deal with it." Several of Hamby's teammates supported him Tuesday; "It kind of makes me upset that people would do that to him," linebacker Anthony Schlegel said. "I don't see them out there."

Well I’ve got news for you Schlegel, I didn’t see you dropping a dime on the game like I did so I’d stay out of it. I have no problem with sending a guy death threats who drops a wide open touchdown that costs me money. Although I will admit that I had the same exact reaction that Ryan Hamby had when he dropped the ball. I said to myself “gee, I wish that didn’t happen.” So in that regard I can sympathize with him.

9. Well Heidi Klum officially gave birth to Seal’s baby. I know I’ve already discussed this topic at length but it never ceases to amaze me every time I read something about it. I just don’t get why Heidi Klum is involved with Seal. I guess it will continue to be one of the world’s great mysteries. But I can guarantee that this couple will break up in a few years. Mark it down, one day Heidi will wake up and think to herself, “my god he’s deformed.”

10. David Ortiz did it yet again. What else can you say about this guy? Just when you think he can’t do it again, he does it again. And kudos to Larry Luchinno. It appears as though the “Best Clutch Hitter of all time” plaque has really propelled him into a whole new stratosphere. Okay, in light of how tremendous David Ortiz has been here comes the million dollar question. Is he the MVP? As much as I love the guy I don’t think I would vote for him if I had a vote. I don’t consider myself old fashioned, but I do think that defense is a major part of baseball. And as much as I hate ARod most people agree that he’s the best 3rd baseman in baseball. While I think Ortiz has had a better offensive season than Arod, I just can’t overlook the fact that Arod is also a gold glove 3rd baseman. Trust me, nobody hates Arod more than me, but I’m just trying to be honest.

11. Am I the only one that feels like I’m in a parallel universe when I watch Laguna Beach? How is Jessica being made into the bad girl by Alex? Alex flat out stole Jason from her (not that it was hard to do) but the point remains. Now Alex acts like Jessica is out of her mind for even talking to Jason. She’s lucky that they don’t screw right in her bedroom. And why would Jason ever trade Jessica for Alex in the first place? The only thing that restored some sense of normalcy is when I heard that Laguna Beach High got skunked in baseball 8- 0. At least we know some of it is real.

12. Anybody who knows me knows that my one glaring weakness as a human being is that I have a weak immune system. It’s like Sampson with his hair; if I don’t get enough sleep it’s a Jimmy Johnson guarantee that I’ll get the plague. Therefore I’m a sucker for all the newest inventions that help prevent the common cold. I was popping Coldies before the FDA even approved it. My latest thing is Airborne. I’m not sure you can get addicted to these things, but I think I am. And I have no clue whether it works, but I keep taking them anyway. I just try to ignore the fact that some teacher invented it as opposed to a real scientist. But the bottom line is that I feel like Airborne has successfully fought off two colds in the past month. Does anybody else take this sh-t? I’m curious whether I’m the only one hooked on it.

13. We couldn’t let random thoughts go by without mentioning a threatening voicemail could we? But we’re not talking about the John Dennis to Ryen Russillo one. Nope, St. Louis Rams executive Samir Suleiman is being “severely reprimanded” for leaving a threatening phone message on the voice mail of Post- Dispatch columnist Bernie Miklasz. In an Aug. 28 column in the Post-Dispatch, Miklasz wrote that Rams executives owed the head coach - no matter who he was - their support instead of back-stabbing him. Apparently in response to that column, Suleiman left a message on Miklasz's voice mail stating, in part, "tell your source that I'm not a back-stabber, I'm a (expletive) throat slasher, and he'll know the difference before it's all said and done." The Rams issued a press release that said "It's shocking that he would leave a message like that,"It's the type of behavior that we don't condone on any level. He will be reprimanded, and it will be handled internally." Poor Samir Suleiman. If he only worked at WEEI he would get promoted instead of punished for this type of voicemail.

14. How did an idiot like Jason Sehorn bag Angie Harmon? Sehorn said the following on ESPN radio last week;

“(Brady's) not Peyton Manning. I'm taking Peyton any day over him,'' said Sehorn. “I'm even taking Marc Bulger over him. “

Sehorn should not only be fired from whatever it is that he does for making these types of statements but he should be executed. I’m not kidding. Anybody this dumb should be publicly stoned. They are a danger to society and we need to eliminate them.

15. Traditionally when it comes to fantasy football I’ve always been an organization that believes you win with RB’s. Therefore, on draft day I usually draft about 9 RB’s before selecting a QB. But the last few years this strategy has hurt me as I was continually losing games because I was outplayed so dramatically at the QB position. So this year I went against everything that I believe in and drafted Peyton Manning with the #4 pick in the draft just to be safe. I figured at least I wouldn’t have to worry about losing games because of my QB. So I’m sure you can understand my frustration that Peyton Manning has been outplayed already twice on this young season. Yesterday, my back up Quarterback was Joey Harrington. He threw 5 interceptions and the Lions lost 38-6. He also doubled how many fantasy Peyton Manning scored for me! What the f- ck? This is unacceptable. I am tempted to fly down to Indianapolis and have a face to face with Peyton Manning. I honestly think that Manning should send everybody who drafted him in the first round a check for league fees to make up his performance. Having said all that, it’s my fault for drafting a certified coward.

16. I know why the Pat’s lost to Carolina. We had a photo shoot for Barstool Sports and I was stuck in a salon during the first half. Imagine that: El Presidente sitting in a salon on Newbury Street during a Patriots game. It was honestly one of the lowest moments of my life. The two girls we were shooting were arguably the two hottest chicks in America and I’m not sure I said two words to them. I just sat there sulking in the corner like I was being punished even though I was the one that set it up. (And before you ask it had to be done yesterday or else it would have never been done.) By the way, you’re not going to catch me saying the Pats should have challenged anything that they didn’t challenge. I’m sure Borges will have a field day with it, but not me. In fact, I’m in the school of thought that believes the Pats lost this game on purpose just like they did to Pittsburgh last year so they can humiliate them when it counts in January. Everything Belichick does is on purpose.

17. I’m sure many people are expecting me to rip the Superfans apart after they lost to FSU, but I’m not going to do that. I actually thought BC played a decent football game. They showed some courage battling back to take the lead after falling behind 14 nothing. But once Porter got hurt BC had no chance to win the game. In reality they probably had no chance even if he stayed healthy. The difference between tier 1 teams like FSU and tier 2 teams like BC is that FSU has depth and BC doesn’t. As much as BC dominated the first half, FSU was equally dominant in the 2nd half. It was fairly obvious that BC got tired late in the 3rd quarter and the Noles could do whatever they wanted whenever they wanted. The most shocking thing to me was still that this was basically a pick em game. What was the bookmaker thinking? This was a turf game for Florida State. There was no way that FSU was going to travel to the Heights and not take part of Alumni field back on the plane with them. It’s like a bully picking on a normal dude. The normal guy will fight back and hold his own for awhile but eventually the Bully is still going to get his lunch money.

18 Sticking with BC, the tailgating situation at The Heights is a joke. This is probably the most glaring example as to why BC will always be a tier 2 football program. They are way too stuffy and conservative to have big time college football. I know what you’re thinking; how does tailgating relate to on-field performance? Well if you’re only going to allow tailgaters to start 2 hours before kickoff what does that say about academic requirements? And what was up with the Superfan cops coming around before the game started telling people to wrap up the festivities? I’m a grown man and I decide when I’ve had enough. If I want to miss the game and tailgate that’s my freaking business.

Reader Email

Email #1

Your John Dennis voicemail is, clearly the best link of the day ever. As much as I hated John Dennis before, I hate him more now. What a pathetic loser. I bet his daughter is as loose as a Vegas Ho. More importantly you think the Stool could coordinate the death match between Ryen and JD? As bad-ass as JD thinks he is (ie "ripping off Ryen's ears and shoving them up his ass.") I'm taking Russillo all the way. What does that fight go off at you think? I betting Dennis is a little crabby that his market share continues to evaporate with the introduction of real sports radio shows on the AM commute such as ESPN radio and the 1510 "Opposites" show in the morning. He and Callahan are the two most annoying radio personalities on air.

Ando

Hmm, I’d have to listen to the Russillo press conference before I could make odds on that fight. I think the early line would have to have Russillo as a 4-1 favorite. I feel like John Dennis is way past his prime like Mike Tyson. He talks a big game and then goes and gets his ass whopped.

Email #2

To whom this may concern, I've been a HUGE Barstool Sports fan since Day One of your paper. And being a Barstool Sports fan pretty much equals being a Red Sox/Patriots fanatic which of course I am. Over the course of the last 3 seasons of baseball, I've become a David Ortiz groupie if you will. My girlfriend gets instantly disgusted with me every time Big Papi steps to the plate and delivers another game winning hit only to be followed by me stating "I would f-ck David Ortiz". She usually counters with "I hate when you say that!" or "that's sick!” Now, I remember reading a season ago in one of your issues of one of your writers stating the same thing about Papi. So I'm writing this to speak for all men that think the same as me every time Papi goes yard and to tell all of you women out there that we aren't kidding, we would f- ck David Ortiz, so get over it, get used to it and respect it. I'm hoping you print my letter, because I know I speak for majority of Boston Red Sox fans. David Ortiz for MVP!!!

-MarcAnthony39

I’d f-ck Nomar no questions asked.