Random Thoughts

1. Congratulations to the Superfans who scored an impressive opening game victory against BYU. I’ll admit I didn’t watch the whole thing because I couldn’t take listening to the announcers for four hours straight. Regardless, the real importance of this victory is that it now sets up the Superfans to be undefeated when they welcome the Seminoles to The Heights in two weeks. A game which I think they could very easily win and will get the stereotypical bandwagon BC alumni to take notice of them. Let’s just hope by that the time that September 17th rolls around BC has replaced all of their cheerleaders with not ugly chicks. Hopefully this isn’t too much to ask.

2. Are the Irish back? I certainly hope so. I hate Notre Dame, but I’m also one of those guys that firmly believes College Football is always more interesting when ND is in the mix. I prefer to watch ND lose big games in November rather than meaningless games in September. But before the Irish fans start eyeing the BCS, let me say that I don’t think Saturday’s victory proved anything. Pittsburgh is going to suck this year. The bottom-line is that anytime Charlie Weiss goes head to head with Dave Wanndestedt, a woodshed beating is bound to happen. It wouldn’t matter whether it was the 85 Bears vs. Brockton High School if it was Wanndestedt vs. Weiss. You just can’t overcome the coaching differential. So while ND should be encouraged by their opening night victory they still will need to do quite a bit more to prove to me that they are back.

3. So let me get this straight. Only 2 of 12 “experts” on ESPN.com picked the Patriots to win the Superbowl. That means 10 people picked somebody else. And surprise, surprise for the 9th straight year the trendy pick was the Indianapolis Colts. Apparently the majority of idiots who cover football for ESPN subscribe to the Ron Borges theory of journalism which states that you should always make the same stupid pick over and over regardless of the fact that it blows up in your face every year. I’ve given up asking when will these people learn because it’s clear that they never will. The only thing that amazes me is that they still have a job. If anybody else was as wrong as these guys are on a consistent basis they’d be fired.

4. TOM SIZEMORE has a sex tape and apparently he’s sold the Internet rights to it to XPays, the same company that put Paris Hilton online. I wonder how much Xpays paid for this thing? Anything over 3 cents and XPays got taken for a ride. Who wants to watch a Tom Sizemore porno? Is there a famous chick in it? I must be missing something right?

5. I’m assuming everybody has heard about the Florida Marlins batboy who got suspended for six games for accepting a dare to drink a gallon of milk in less than an hour without throwing up. The Miami Herald says Dodgers pitcher Brad Penny (who was traded by the Marlins to L.A. last season) offered the unidentified boy $500 last Sunday if he could accomplish the task. Penny reportedly said that the batboy drank the gallon of milk in the allotted time, but was not able to keep it down. First of all, this is the dumbest suspension I’ve ever heard in my life. As Brad Penny stated, it does seem sort of ridiculous to get 10 games for steroids and 6 games for chugging Milk. I mean, it’s bad enough that this poor kid had a reversal of fortune, but then to suspend him just seems barbaric. And why are the Marlins keeping his name private? Does Congress want to interview him or something? More importantly I never knew that drinking a gallon of milk was such a difficult task. I think I could do it. But I also thought I could eat 10 saltines in a minute and couldn’t come close. My question is has anybody ever successfully accomplished this milk task before?

6. Lance Armstrong was back in the news last week. Some wacky tabloid Newspaper in France called L'Equipe is claiming that they have evidence that Lance Armstrong failed a drug test dating back to the 1999 Tour De France Race. 1999! Now keep in mind they don’t have the real blood samples, but they have the back up blood samples, whatever that means. Listen, I’m not the biggest Lance Armstrong fan of all time. And if this drug test was conducted in Nebraska, I’d be the first one to say that Lance is guilty. But it’s clear that the French just don’t like Armstrong because he’s an American. And this I’m not cool with. The French just need to shut up and deal with the fact that a middle of the road American athlete came in to their country and kicked the sh-t out of them on their turf and in their sport. That’s it. End of story. A word to the wise for the French is don’t start getting fans like me to get behind Lance because then all hell is going to break loose. If the French keep running their mouth off I think we should invade them. It’ll only take a day and hopefully it will teach them a lesson. It’s not as easy to talk junk when you’re getting your ass invaded.

7. Sticking with Lance Armstrong for a minute did anybody see that Armstrong went on a bike ride with President Bush the other day? The thing that caught me by surprise is that Armstrong was dressed like he was still in the mountain section of the Tour De France. The only reason I could think of as to why Lance was dressed like that was because George W. was the best competition he’s faced all year.

8. “In a bid to restrain some of Red Sox Nation's more unruly fans, the Sox have begun a policy of effectively barring the display of blunt T- shirts inside Fenway. Sox officials are strongly urging fans who show up with “Yankees Suck” shirts to turn them inside out. While declining to call it an outright ban, team communications Chief Charles Steinberg claimed there have been no incidents where fans refused the team's request.” Listen, I’m not a “Yankees Suck” guy but this is outrageous. And I’m having a hard time believing that the people who wear these “Yankees Suck” shirts are happily turning them inside out when the pimple faced Ambassadors of Fenway Park ask them to comply. Regardless, this is the type of crap that really makes me wonder what the world is coming to. What’s next, we won’t be allowed to boo other teams. I feel like I’m back in High School.

9. Victoria Gotti got caught lying about the fact that she had Breast Cancer in an attempt to promote the upcoming season of Growing Up Gotti. And to be honest I’m not sure I blame her because I didn’t even know that Growing Up Gotti was still on television. And if I don’t know a reality TV show is still on the air then you have problems. Therefore, desperate times call for desperate measures. The big question to ponder is whether this is the worst lie in the history of reality TV? The other strong contender is obviously Johnny Fairplay saying his grandmother died on Survivor. Personally I think claiming to have breast cancer may be worse. Gotti seemed like she was planning on building the entire show around her fake struggles.

10. Bob Huggins got fired as the head basketball coach of Cincinnati last week. I think we can all agree that Bob Huggins is a total scumbag. Whenever I bet on the Bearcats I take a cold shower after the game. But despite the fact that Huggins is a greasy used car salesman, this may be the dumbest decision any college makes all year. Cincinnati is going to fade into oblivion without Huggins at the helm. Who the hell wants to go the University of Cincinnati? The only thing that the Bearcats had going for it was that Huggins recruited thugs that could ball. Now they have nothing and it couldn’t have happened at a worse time as the Bearcats prepare for life in the Big East. The strange thing about this firing is that it’s not like Cincinnati has this great reputation to uphold either. Who are they trying to fool? The school sucks but at least they always had Bob Huggins and Gino Guiduli. Now they got nothing. I bet their chicks are ugly too.

11. Speaking of ugly chicks, Top Gun was on last night. What do people think about Kelly McGillis? She is average looking at best right? How did she score the role of Charlie? She may be the most over rated leading lady in the history of movies. As a side note, the quote that everybody should be using in their fantasy draft this year is “the plaque for the alternates is down in the ladies room” – Iceman.

12. A Savannah man was arrested after he told a 13- year-old girl to hand a note to a bank teller threatening a holdup, police said. Michael Lyons, 45, told police that he and a group of girls celebrating his daughter's birthday were trying to play a practical joke. The note said "Give me all of your money, this is a stick up," according to a police report. While Lyons was getting money out of an ATM on Friday, the girl went into the bank and handed the note to a teller. The teller sounded the bank's alarm and police and FBI surrounded the building searching for suspected burglars. Hmm, this guy is either the dumbest or the smartest human being on earth. I’m not convinced that he wasn’t really trying to rob the bank. After all what kind of nut bag plays a practical joke like that? Nobody in their right mind can believe that giving a fake hold up note to a bank teller is going to be taken lightly. My guess is that Michael Lyons figured it couldn’t hurt to roll the dice. If his plan worked he’d make some fast cash. If it didn’t work he could just say it was a practical joke and get a slap on the wrist. It’s like when you are placing a bet and you purposefully mumble so you can dispute it if you lose.

13. In honor of New Hampshire day last week at Fenway, Bode Miller threw out the first pitch before the Red Sox vs. Tigers game. Is it my imagination or is there a different nobody throwing out the first pitch every night at Fenway? When did this stupid tradition start? I remember when the mere presence of a ceremonial first pitch meant it was a special game. Now not only do they do it before every game, but you’re eligible as long as you have a pulse. I have nothing against Bode Miller and I’m sure he’s a good skier and does a great job as Director of Bretton Woods, but it’s kind of a joke that he’s never even been to Fenway Park before yesterday. Pretty soon some of the city’s better known homeless people will be taking the hill.

14. Rap mogul Suge Knight got a cap busted in his ass at a MTV Video Music Awards party hosted by Kanye West. The police have no leads yet because none of the witnesses are willing to talk. And why should they talk? According to rapper David Banner this shooting wasn’t that big of a deal and nobody should worry about it. "I don't think that what happened was any different than at any other event where you have a lot of people," the rapper said. Hmm, and I thought people getting shot up at parties was a big deal. Crazy me. Regardless, I’ve always been a firm believer that if you’re going to shoot Suge Knight you better kill his ass because you don’t want to deal with the revenge side of things.

15. Mark Bellhorn meet Allen Embree. Yes, the Yankees continue to sign Red Sox castaways. At what point does it get embarrassing for them to keep doing this? It kind of makes the Yanks look pathetic that they keep scrambling for our scraps. Regardless, you’ve got to love Mark Bellhorn’s quote regarding the potential of signing with the Yankees; "The Yankees seemed interested," Bellhorn told MLB.com. This is vintage Mark Bellhorn. He doesn’t want to let his emotions get the best of him and give away too much information.

16. Dude, the heat needs to layoff Art Garfunkel. The poor guy was busted for the 2nd time in two years for unlawful possession of marijuana. Garfunkel, 63, half of the legendary '60s duo Simon and Garfunkel, was pulled over on Sunday by a New York state trooper near Woodstock after running a stop sign. The trooper's report of the incident said a strong marijuana odor was coming from the car and a marijuana cigarette was found in the ashtray. Can’t the police just let a man live? Obviously Art Garfunkel smokes weed. The guy was a 60’s rocker and still lives in Woodstock. I think there should be a rule that if you’re a legitimate hippy rocker you can smoke dope whenever and wherever you want. How come Snoop Dog doesn’t get in trouble but Art Garfunkel does? Enough already.

17. I ordered Chinese food last night and get this; the delivery guy was an Americano. Imagine the balls on this guy. I almost didn’t want to eat it after he gave it to me. What kind of Chinese Place has an American delivery man? This is misrepresentation to the fullest. I want my Chinese Delivery guy to speak no English and ride a bike to my house.

18. The tough guy of the day award goes to this 12 year old kid in California who awoke to find 4-foot python snake clinging to his right arm on Monday morning. He flailed his arm, flinging the snake to the carpet. "I didn't cry, and then I walked to my parents' room," Michael said Tuesday, still displaying bite marks on the side of his right hand. He suffered only a minor injury. The snake is not venomous. The family just recently moved into the northwest Fresno home and doesn't own a snake. “We have no idea where it came from," said Michael's mother, Christina Esqueda. To quote Teddy Serandis, Wow! If I woke up to a python wrapped around my right arm I’m pretty sure I’d just give up on life. And I am definitely sure I’d be crying. I freaking hate snakes. I may skip all my meetings tomorrow just if I have a dream about snakes.

19. As far as strange injuries go, Vijay Singh missing the Deutche Bank Championship last week because of back spasms caused by playing ping pong is right up there with the best of them. As a side note you just know it wasn’t a friendly game of Ping Pong either. I get the feeling that Vijay would beam his mother if she was crowding the plate.

20. ESPN continues to amaze me with some of their executive decisions. They simply don’t know when to leave a good thing alone. They remind me of the cafeteria food at Michigan. They take a perfectly good pizza which everybody loves and then they put ham, tomatoes, chicken, salsa, refried beans and dirt on it and suddenly this once lovable pizza now sucks. This is what ESPN is doing to College Gameday. As if it wasn’t bad enough adding Rahib Ishmael to the show last year, this season they will feature entertainer Nick Lachey as a regular contributor, including onsite appearances. My only question is why? Who could possibly think this was a good idea? My only thought was that this was a humanitarian gesture since nobody else will hire poor Nick. Either that or somebody at ESPN got lucky with Jessica in exchange for giving her hubby some work.

21. Barstool Sports got a mention in Boston Magazine. Apparently they had an article about Bronson Arroyo and his Northeastern chick. The article mentions how Barstool Sports offered this chick 100 dollars to pose in a bikini on our cover. This is 100% true. But I’d also like to add that this chick said yes to our original offer and then once we blew up the story she tried to hold out for more money. Unfortunately El Presidente doesn’t negotiate with anybody.

Reader Email

Email #1

El Pres – First time long time. Moved from Boston to Santa Monica, CA about 6 mos ago and read Barstool religiously. LA is great but people here, especially the sports fans, are just flat out soft. The good thing about it though is the random celebrity sightings that seem to happen weekly. Unfortunately, most of my sightings have been b-to-c list male celebrities. Why am I telling you this? Well, I recently had a run-in that warrants mentioning. My gym in Santa Monica is sort of high end place. My company pays for it and I live near it so I go when I can. Yesterday, I'm on the treadmill facing the stairs so I can see all the fresh meat when it comes in. I look up and I see Mr. Carl Wethers...That's right Apollo Creed himself! Apollo walks in my direction and takes the empty treadmill next to me. I immediately think of Rocky 3 when, in perhaps the most blatant display of homosexuality in an athletic movie, when Apollo and Rocky are racing each other shirtless on the beach outfitted in their BHS's (ball hugging shorts). Now, I wasn't topless, wearing nut huggers nor was I on the beach but you can bet your ass that I had Apollo's voice going through my head saying "You gotta get back the eye of the tiger, man!!!" as I cranked the treadmill up to its max of 12 mph. There was no way I was going to lose a treadmill race to a "way past his prime" Apollo creed. I'm on my way to go buy some red white and blue trunks in case he's there tonight. Living in America

RMacs

This may be my favorite email of the month. I got my dad a “Master of Disaster” T-shirt for father’s day. Nothing beats Apollo Creed paraphernalia. Hearts on Fire, Strong Desire.

Email #2

What is with all the lacrosse emails lately? Lacrosse fans are like soccer fans who have to try and justify the existence of their sport by constantly shoving it in our face. The bottom line is lacrosse is a sport for rich private school kids from the Mid-Atlantic States. If you're playing Lacrosse in any other part of the country, you're only doing so because you couldn’t make your high school baseball team. I'm sure all the Lacrosse fans aren’t going to appreciate this random thought but at the same time, I'm sick of hearing about this 3rd tier prep school sport. It’s hard to take many of these Lacrosse fans serious, as many of them are the same kids who played soccer growing up because their moms wouldn’t let them play football. Anyways, I have no problem with people watching lacrosse, just don’t try and convince me that I should watch it or attend a game. I didn’t go to prep school, I'm not from Maryland/New Jersey, and I don’t care about this pretty boy sport.

-Legend

Well I can give you a Jimmy Johnson guarantee that the Lacrosse/Lance Armstrong fans are going to come flying out of the woodwork after this email. I can’t speak to what happens in Chevy Chase, Maryland but in the Northeast I agree that Lacrosse is for kids who can’t play the major sports. Now before people start writing emails about how much ability it takes to play Lacrosse I’m not debating the sport itself. I’m just saying that the kids who play it around here aren’t the best athletes. It has nothing to do with the sport itself. Professional Lacrosse is like Arena Football. They are pseudo professional athletes, but it’s still not bad to watch.