Random Thoughts
1. SHREWSBURY, Mass. -- A former school bus driver who ordered a fourth-grader off his bus nearly two miles from home as punishment for changing seats without permission is facing more trouble. Shrewsbury police on Monday filed a reckless child endangerment complaint against 65-year-old Donald Davison Jr. of Grafton. A hearing is scheduled for Dec. 3 to determine if there is probable cause for a charge to be filed. Davison was fired after the Nov. 5 incident. Nine-year-old Cyrena Madbury started walking home before another parent picked her up and drove her the rest of the way.
Wow Shrewsbury is on fire today! This is the 2nd story to make the big board in 24 hours. Congrats! Anyway this is bus driver persecution at its finest. Listen everybody knows the only way for a bus driver to earn respect is to take it. So if some puke little girl changes seats without permission you need to lay the law down on her ass and show everybody that you play hardball. Because if you don’t those kids will walk all over you. It’s your bus, your rules. No mercy! And if “the man” doesn’t like it then maybe he should come down from his ivory tower and drive the bus himself. Not to mention the fact that since when does making a chick walk two miles qualify as reckless endangerment? That’s exercise and teaching somebody a life lesson all wrapped into one in my book. Free Donald Davidson! Free Donald Davidson! Free Donald Davidson!
2. LOWELL -- Members of the Lynnfield High School cheerleading team had to ride home with their parents from a competition at Lowell High School on Sunday after their 56-year-old bus driver was charged with accosting girls from the Leominster team. Police said William Diamond, 56, of Danvers, will be summonsed to Lowell District Court to face charges that he offered teenage Leominster cheerleaders $40 to lift their shirts. Diamond got a summons instead of being arrested, but the Lynnfield team members he drove to the competition still went home with their parents instead of the bus, police said.
Poor Billy Diamond got screwed on like 13 different levels here. First of all since when is it illegal to offer chicks money in exchange for showing their tits? I mean it’s not like he fondled them or forced them to do anything against their will. He made an offer and they refused. It’s called free trade. But more importantly what did this have to do with the Lynnfield cheerleaders? Obviously the reason he propositioned the Leominster team was because he didn’t want to mix business with pleasure. That’s called being a professional in my book. And this is how those bitches from Lynnfield repay him? By refusing to get on the bus ride home and making it seem like he's some sort of sexual deviant? For shame.
3. OTTAWA (Reuters) - Obese people have the right to two seats for the price of one on flights within Canada, the Supreme Court of Canada ruled on Thursday. The high court declined to hear an appeal by Canadian airlines of a decision by the Canadian Transportation Agency that people who are "functionally disabled by obesity" deserve to have two seats for one fare. The airlines had lost an appeal at the Federal Court of Appeal in May and had sought to launch a fresh appeal at the Supreme Court. The court's decision not to hear a new appeal means the one-person-one-fare policy stands.
See Canada, this is why nobody respects you around North America, not even Mexico. You want to give fat people 2 seats for the price of one, fine. But do they get 2 meals? Do they get to watch 2 movies? How many overhead bins do they get to stuff all of their fat luggage in? In other words, where do you draw the line? People have a hard time understanding this concept, but it’s okay to tell someone “no, you can’t have this.” They might be pissed temporarily, but they’ll find a way to get by. Or they kill themselves. In America, it’s always been one person, one seat. Except in the Boston City Council where it’s one person, one seat, one bribe, 6-9 months in the slammer.
4. NOVEMBER 20--Meet Brandon Raz. The Wyoming municipal employee pleaded not guilty today to charges that he twice ejaculated in the water bottle of a female co-worker. Raz, 38, was charged this month with misdemeanor battery, stalking, and attempted battery counts after investigators matched his DNA with semen samples taken from the victim's water bottle. According to a Jackson Police Department affidavit, a copy of which you'll find here, the woman told cops that her "personal water bottle" was first befouled in mid-September. After drinking from the bottle, which had been on her desk, "the water smelled and tasted as if it had been contaminated by seminal fluid." But the woman did not contact police until October 6, when she again believed that her water had been contaminated. On that morning, she "began to take a drink" and "smelled the contents and discovered once again that it smelled of what she believed to be semen." After preliminary tests matched Raz's DNA with samples taken from the woman's water bottle, he admitted to a detective that he masturbated and ejaculated "into the water bottle belonging to Jane Doe on two occasions"
First of all, Jane Doe (if that's your real name), you can get down off your high horse right now. Don't be acting offended all of a sudden that Brandon was rubbing one out in your water bottle. The time to do that was mid-September, the first time you smelled boy butter in your water. You should've spoken up then. The first time you found Raz' spooge in your Poland Springs then shrugged it off and went back to work like it was nothing, what was Raz supposed to think? He had to assume you were OK with it so he did what any normal person would do: kept on whipping up batches and dropping them in there. I mean, by that point it became what the lawyers would call "accepted practice" by any reasonable standard. You know what I think? I think you had it in for Raz from the beginning, and putting up with his spunk in your water bottle was just a ploy to get him to keep doing it so you could nail him. That's the kind of thing chicks named Jane Doe have been pulling on guys forever.
5. MSNBC - Batman has battled quite a few foes over the years, including The Joker, The Riddler, Two Face and The Penguin. But now, the Caped Crusader could have a new enemy, the city of Batman. The mayor of the real city of Batman — an oil-producing city in southeast Turkey — is reportedly suing “Dark Knight” director Christopher Nolan and Warner Bros., seeking royalties from this summer’s box-office blockbuster, according to Variety. In his lawsuit, Huseyin Kalkan, the pro-Kurdish Democratic Society Party mayor of Batman, is accusing Nolan and the studio of using the city’s name without permission. “There is only one Batman in the world,” Kalkan said. “The American producers used the name of our city without informing us.” Among the charges are a claim that the use of the Batman name is to blame for several unsolved murders and a high female suicide rate, based on the psychological impact that the film’s success has had on the city’s inhabitants, Variety reported.
See this is the problem with having democracy in 3rd world countries. They don’t even know how it works. Everybody knows that you can’t sue across countries like this. Seriously wake up dude. Listen it would be one thing if the city of Batman was located in Nebraska or if Warner Brothers was located in Istanbul, but that’s obviously not the case. So even if chicks in the city of Batman are killing themselves because they can’t handle the movie’s box office success (which is probably true) Mr. Huseyin Kalkan is still shit out of luck.
6. BLOOMFIELD, Ind.—Three male and three female inmates at a southern Indiana jail face charges that they devised a way to sneak between cell blocks to help pass their time behind bars by having sex. The inmates figured out how to remove metal ceiling panels in the Greene County Jail and used the passageway more than a dozen times in September and October, according to court documents. The men -- ages 44, 38 and 17 -- and the women -- ages 27, 26 and 21 -- crawled through the ceiling after midnight, having sexual encounters and drinking homemade alcohol that was found hidden in the male cell block, a police affidavit said. One male inmate who was not charged said the female inmates would "hang-out, play cards or have sex with some of the male inmates" in their cell block, the affidavit said. The inmates were able to find a security camera "blind spot" where they could remove ceiling tiles and create a passage between the cell blocks, Sheriff Terry Pierce said Tuesday.
Well eat your heart out, Andy Dufrane. Now this is what I'm talking about. This story is inspiring on a number of levels. One, it shows that crime actually does pay. Two, it creates a new theory I call “Jail Theory” which states no matter how ugly a guy is, a girl will still bang them but only if they’re in jail together. That's powerful shit right there. And most importantly number 3, “nature finds a way”. This sheriff is an idiot if he thinks “increased security measures” will prevent this kind of thing from happening again in the future. It won’t. As long as men and women are in close proximity to each other, even in jail, they'll find a way to bang. It's beautiful, really. Anyway if you're looking for this year's inspirational story of the holiday season - look no further than the Greene County Jail.
7. Bostonherald.com - Officials say jailed slamball player Ivan Latimore swiped and stuffed down his pants the Sony Cyber-shot camera and memory card that allegedly contained sex videos and images of him and Channel 7 sports reporter Julie Donaldson from the courtroom during his battery case. “At some point during the proceedings, the defendant secreted the camera in his pants,” said Jake Wark, spokesman for the Suffolk District Attorney’s Office. “The camera was later recovered from his person during a search at the Barnstable House of Correction.” The camera is back at the court clerk’s office and Latimore could get more time behind bars for the alleged brazen theft. “It was a sleazy move, entirely in character,” Wark said.A source said Latimore had the camera “squirreled away in his underwear” when he arrived at the Barnstable jail and it was discovered during a “pat search.”
Listen this Slamballer is obviously an asshole. Anybody who beats a women deserves to get raped in prison. But I ain’t mad at him for trying to save his sex tape with Julie Donaldson. Listen some things are worth fighting/dying for and this is one of them. I mean if I was lucky enough to have footage of me banging Julie Donaldson or really any hot chick for that matter I would do whatever it takes to save it. If that means hiding it in my underwear than so be it. I mean what’s the worst thing that can happen? A couple extra years in prison? That’s a small price to pay to hold onto something as valuable as this. Bottomline is that there is no greater regret in life than breaking up with a hot chick and not having a sex tape to cherish the memory.
In any event, the fact that this guy got caught is a bad break for everybody. Because I'm pretty sure if he made it through security it probably would have been on youporn 10 minutes ago. This time we both lose Johnny.
8. DAVIS (CBS13) ― Police say a man posed as a self-defense instructor to scare hundreds of college students into buying his products. Hundreds of sorority members at UC Davis showed up to a self-defense seminar by a man calling himself David Portnoy, who some attendees are now calling a con artist. "He said he was a third degree black belt, he didn't really have that appearance," said Julie Quintanilla. "He was really overweight." Students became even more suspicious after his hands-on demonstration. He grabbed a girl from behind, said sorority member Megan Mills, and locked his arms around her upper body. To counter the hold, "he taught to pinch the groin," Megan said, which brought the volunteer's hand back to his own groin. "He claims to be this great guy who wants to make a difference in women's lives," Megan said, "but it's fraud."
David Portnoy? Hey, that's my name! Now before people get all worked up about this story and start calling me a scumbag, I’d like to clear some shit up. Yes, I have claimed to be a 3rd degree black belt to impress chicks before. And yes some people have said I’m “really overweight” lately. And yes I’m looking for ways to supplement my income and selling pepper spray seems as good a way as any. But I’ve never tricked a chick into grabbing my cock before. I just ask girls how badly they want to be in my magazine and then I drop my pants. From there I leave it up to them whether they want to touch my junk or not. There is nothing tricky about it. So I resent this fake David Portnoy dragging my name through the mud. I mean I’ve spent the last four years fighting for women’s rights and building goodwill in the feminist community and now just like that I’m back at square one. Thanks David Portnoy. Thanks a lot.
9. Seattle Times - A Mason County man who lost his penis and a testicle after he contracted a flesh-eating bacteria while in prison has won a $300,000 settlement from the state Department of Corrections. Charlie Manning, 61, said Monday that he agreed to the settlement with the Department of Corrections (DOC) last month because he wanted the ordeal to be over. After paying his bills and attorney's fees, Manning said, he will be left with about $115,000 and plans to hunker down in his Lake Cushman motor home and live out the rest of his life. "It's been a nightmare," Manning said. "I figured I should settle for what I could get because I just want it behind me." "It's unreal. It's like something from Mars," said Manning, who expects to receive payment from the settlement this week. "I wish it would have never happened to me."
So let me get this straight. This guy lost his dick and 1 ball and he netted $115 grand for his troubles? Hmm, I think it’s time to hire a new lawyer. Because I’m pretty sure balls go for at least 500K each on the black market and dicks go for a cool million. This guy got totally screwed. Regardless I do believe him when he says he wishes this never happened to him. Because believe it or not according to a recent Time Magazine survey, 97% of guys prefer not to lose all their junk to flesh eating bacteria in prison nowadays. Crazy right?
10. ATTLEBORO, Mass.—A 74-year-old blind woman was shocked when her daughter found a letter from the city saying a lien would be placed on her home unless she paid an overdue water bill. The amount? 1 cent. Eileen Wilbur told The Sun Chronicle of Attleboro the letter sent her blood pressure soaring, and pointed out that stamps cost 42 cents. City Collector Debora Marcoccio said the letter was among 2,000 sent out. A computer automatically prints letters for accounts with an overdue balance, and they are not reviewed by staff before being mailed, she said. The charge was from the previous fiscal year, which ran from July 2007 to July 2008. Wilbur's daughter, Rose Brederson, who discovered the bill in her mother's mail, called the situation "ridiculous." But she said her mother, who has lived in the home since 1959, would likely end up paying the penny.
You bet your ass she’s going to pay the penny! I don’t get it – if the bill comes to $40.59, you don’t pay $40.58. You pay $40.59. I mean never in my life have I paid 1 cent less than the amount of the bill. It’s either the total amount or nothing at all - that’s just how I was raised. I mean think about what would happen if everyone tried to pull this kind of stunt that the old, unfortunately blind bag is trying to pull here? The entire country would go bankrupt. “50 Cent” would be known as “49 Cent”. In other words it would be complete chaos. Hey, you gotta respect the woman for trying to cheat the system. But sorry Grandma. It’s time to fork up the cash.
11. DANBURY, Conn. (AP) - Danbury police say a dispute over a karaoke song triggered a brawl at a city restaurant that ended with the arrests of three men. Police say they were called to Terra Brasilis Restaurant at about 1:30 a.m. Saturday. They say 31-year-old Jefferson Gomez got angry after he thought the karaoke disc jockey skipped the song he wanted to sing. Officers say bouncers threw Gomez out of the restaurant, but his friend, 25-year-old Marcos DaSilva of Danbury, smashed a beer bottle over the DJ's head. Bouncers then threw DaSilva out, but police say the fighting continued outside. Police say they arrested Gomez after a car chase. He's charged with reckless driving, breach of peace and other crimes. He posted his $10,000 bail.DaSilva and another friend of Gomez, Jose Burges, were also arrested.
See now this is what being a good wingman is all about. Your buddy gets skipped in line for Karaoke; you can do one of two things. You can sit there like a little pussy or you can smash a beer bottle over the DJ’s head. Sometimes actions speak louder than words and this is one of those times. And frankly the DJ has nobody to blame but himself. I mean once that switch has been flipped and you think you’re up next, the DJ can’t expect to pull the plug without people getting hurt. It’s like when Lincoln Hawk turns his hat around in Over the Top. There is just too much testosterone flowing at that point to keep it bottled up for long.
12. MONROE, Wash. -- Two children and their mother lived for about two months with the decaying body of a 90-year-old Monroe, Wash. woman on the toilet of their Wisconsin home's only bathroom, on the advice of a religious "superior" who claimed the corpse would come back to life, authorities said. Tammy Lewis, and self-described "bishop" Alan Bushey remained in custody on felony counts of being a party to causing mental harm to a child. Lewis told the deputy that Middlesworth had died about two months earlier, but that God told her Middlesworth would come to life if she prayed hard enough.
Can I ask an obvious question here? If Mrs. Middlesworth’s dead corpse was sitting on the only toilet in the house for the past 2 months where was the rest of the family going to the bathroom? Actually never mind, because I don’t think I really want to know the answer to that anyway. More importantly let this story be a lesson to all the kids out there. You never take advice from a “self described bishop” because that’s how you end up with a dead lady hogging the shitter for 2 months.
13. Bostonherald.com - A Boston cemetery worker who was supposed to prevent co-workers from stealing gas from a city pump brazenly kept his own Dodge van running for months on taxpayer-funded fuel before he got caught red-handed, the Herald has learned. As many drivers struggled with $4 a gallon gas, Paul J. Hamm helped himself once a week at a Mount Hope Cemetery pump reserved for city vehicles, according to the Boston Finance Commission, the city watchdog that allegedly caught him. Hamm, who was assigned in April to keep his co-workers honest, resigned from his $57,000-a-year job Oct. 28 after being confronted with evidence of his alleged misdeeds. Hamm could not be reached for comment. Hamm, a 22-year city employee who made nearly $80,000 last year with overtime, was able to allegedly siphon off fuel meant for cemetery equipment and vehicles because the city’s oversight was insufficient, Conley said. Hamm’s log ultimately was used to show he’d been ripping off Boston for months, Conley said. The stolen gas was charged to a diesel truck and the cemetery pump only dispenses regular gasoline. “He outfoxed himself in that regard,” Conley said.
Is this Paul Hamm the gymnast? It must be right? How else can you explain somebody making 80 fucking grand for guarding a gas pump at a cemetery unless it’s the former Olympic Gold medalist in the all around? And even then it still makes no sense. Listen, it would be one thing if Hamm actually worked in the cemetery. I did that back in college and the pressure of getting everything ready for Memorial Day was almost too much to handle. It got so intense I needed to fake like my weed wacker was malfunctioning just so I could collect my thoughts. But this guy was just guarding gas. No way he deserves 80 grand for that. So maybe instead of worrying about punishing this guy we should be wondering how the fuck this job paid so much in the first place. If only Menino wasn’t so busy worrying about newsrack legislation maybe we could get to the bottom of this.
14. MARSHALL, N.C. | A 64-year-old woman has been paid $275,000 by the town to never set foot in its community center again, after she gyrated and "simulated sex acts" there in a revealing skirt (with, apparently, her undies exposed) eight years ago. The woman, Rebecca Willis, sued after town officials banned her from the community center. The town basically paid her to go away. From the St. Petersburg Times: "(Town officials) said they'd burn the place down before they let her come back," said Willis' attorney, Jon Sasser. "So we decided to see if they'd put a monetary price on the right." So this week, for $275,000, Willis has agreed to accept the ban.
Altogether now: Nobody puts Rebecca in a corner! This is brilliant. Really, Rebecca is onto something here. In tough economic times, you turn to the most recession-proof business of all. The extortion racket. "Say, this is a really nice community center you have here. It would be a shame if some old bitty would ruin it by flashing her cooch to everybody..." It's the perfect scheme. If anything, Atty. Sasser might be the worst lawyer in Tar Heel country if all he could get was a measley $275,000. I'd think any municipality would pay ten times that if it meant its citizenry would never be exposed to Rebecca's holiest of holies again.
15. SALT LAKE CITY -- Georgia, Handsome Dan, Curly and other pit bulls rescued from Michael Vick's dogfighting operation are getting a shot at fame as stars of a line of boutique red wines. The Vicktory Dogs Wine Collection features colourful portraits of 22 dogs confiscated from Vick's Bad Newz Kennels that now live at Best Friends Animal Sanctuary in southern Utah. "As a signature collection, it's through the roof," said Matt Hahn, co-owner of Carivintas Winery, a Southern California company that combines wine selling and philanthropy. Each bottle includes a portrait of one of the dogs on the label. On the back, instead of a description of the wine, there's a brief story about each four-legged friend... Ten per cent of each sale goes to Best Friends. The money will be used to oppose dog fighting around the country and to fight laws that target specific dog breeds.
At first I wasn't sure if I liked the idea of this. You could make a case I suppose that the winery is just exploiting the dogs for profit. And it is sort of piling on Michael Vick who's wallowing in enough misery, though he's not exactly the most sympathetic figure around. And as much as I like dogs, you've to chuckle at how the labels make the dogs look like cuddly little stuffed animals, even though this particular bunch are born, raised and trained killers who leave pieces of guys like me in little brown piles in the backyard. Still, I've warmed up to the idea. It's a nice little reminder that these critters were victims of the worst sort of abuse. And I think this idea could catch on. We could make a wine varietal for everyone who's been wronged in the world of sports. "Kobe Bryant Rape Victim Red." "Marvin Harrison Shooting Victim Merlot." "Duke Lacrosse Team Witchhunt White." You've got to admit, it's a much better idea than that crap they were selling with Manny on the label.
16. DALLAS—The pastor of a mega-church says he will challenge married congregants during his sermon Sunday to have sex for seven straight days -- and he plans to practice what he preaches. "We're going to give it a try," said the Rev. Ed Young, who has four children with his wife of 26 years. Young, 47, said he believes society promotes promiscuity and he wants to reclaim sex for married couples. "God says sex should be between a married man and a woman," Young said. "I think it's one of the greatest things you can do for your kids because so goes the marriage, so goes the family." Young said he will deliver his seven-day sex challenge while sitting on a bed in front of his Dallas-area church campus.
As somebody once said, “Bahahaha!” 7 days in a row for a married couple to have sex? What is this a Mormon Church? If not than this guy is fucking nuts. I mean am I reading this wrong? It says “married couples" right? Come on dude, Jordan's Furniture wouldn't issue a challenge this impossible. Forget 7 days in a row, how about we just start with 7 days in a month. That sounds a little more reasonable.. although it's still probably a stretch especially if the guy is a degenerate and Youporn still works on his laptop.
17. CANBERRA (Reuters) - An Australian holiday resort will hold a month-long, nude "anything goes" party to combat an expected economic downturn, media reports said on Thursday. "Tough economic times call for stiff measures," Tony Fox (above), the owner of the White Cockatoo resort in Mossman, in tropical Queensland state, told the Courier-Mail newspaper. "It will be a hedonism resort, where anything goes for a month. It doesn't take rocket science to work out what it means," Fox said, naming March as the risque party month. Australia's tourism industry is being hit hard by global economic turmoil with official figures showing a 7.6 percent decline in overseas visitors in September.
Hey, I always thought the only way out of a recession was tax cuts for the rich? But Not-so-fast! It seems the Aussie’s approach is simply to bang their way out of a recession. Interesting theory. I mean if I’m reading this right, they’re basically taking Rodney’s advice from the end of Caddyshack (“Hey, everybody, we’re all gonna get laid!”) and applying it to real life. Yes I know it’s “anything goes”, but look at this place (see above). Is that Hedonism or the North End Pool? Nobody's going to sign up for this shit, not even me. The bottom line is sure, all month-long sexual-free-for-alls sound good on paper, but rarely do they play out in reality.
18. MiamiHerald - A Miami-Dade jury has awarded almost $1.2 million to a 21-year-old man hit in the groin by a batting-cage pitch. The jury decided last week that the Sluggers batting cage operation at Tamiami Park in West Miami-Dade negligently failed to properly supervise its employees. Lhyvann Felipe, who was 19 years old at the time, was hit in the groin by a 60 mph pitch, said his attorney, Gabriel M. Sanchez. He was hospitalized several days later. The ball struck him after an employee asked him to go back into the batting cage to help pick up the balls. The machine, which had already completed the cycle and did not have the lights on, spit out the ball, which hit him.
Ordinarily I’d say this is an open and shut case. The light went off and then the kid got smashed in the junk by an errant pitch. Game, set, match. But the thing I’m losing sleep over is why did this kid get back in the cage to help pick up the balls in the first place? This wasn’t a high school practice right? Everybody knows how batting cages work. You put your coin in the machine. Light comes on. You hit. Light goes off. You leave the cage. Once you re-enter the cage to clean up, I’m pretty sure all the aforementioned rules go out the window. So if you get beamed at that point you’re on your own. In fact I’d almost argue that the kid deserved the get his junk demolished for agreeing to help clean up in the first place. What kind of idiot does that? Seriously I should have been a lawyer.
19. MALDEN, Mass. -- A national magazine recently honored the city of Malden. Business Week magazine named the city of six-miles north of Boston as the best place in the state to raise a family The magazine cites school performance, safety, amenities, and affordability as the criteria used in their selection of the town. Many people across the state, even residents of the city were surprised by the honor, but they could see why the city was recognized. Weymouth and Cambridge were named runners up in the category.
Malden is the best city in the state to raise a family? Since when? I mean we’re talking about Malden MA right? Listen I got nothing against Malden. That’s where my dad grew up and I’m sure it seems like Beverly Hills compared to Roxbury and Lynn, but I’d rather live in Hingham, Westwood, Dorchester, Newton and about a million other towns before the home of the Golden Tornados. I mean even Malden people were like what the fuck? Oh well. It looks like we can throw Business Week into the ever expanding category of publications the Stool has more credibility then.
20. LARGO, Fla.—A Pinellas County detention deputy was suspended for using the sound of his stun gun to try and wake up an inmate. According to an internal affairs report, the deputy thought the crackling sound of his Taser would rouse an inmate on July 27. It did not. The inmate had fallen asleep on the floor of the jail's intake section. The deputy, a three-year veteran, received a 15-day suspension. His punishment also includes a charge of misconduct for falsifying a report.
Again we’ve never claimed to be legal scholars here, but I’m confused. First of all the guy didn’t even wake up. He’s probably still sleeping for all we know. Plus, how is using the sound of a Taser to wake somebody up against the rules? Maybe the prisoner wasn’t a “morning person” so the cop was justified. I mean it’s not like he actually Tased him, which would've been a problem. Whatever the case, there’s plenty of worse ways to get woken up in jail. A nightstick up the ass is not exactly how you want to say "rise and shine".
21. Ok it’s time for somebody to edit our wikipeida page because it is full of misinformation. I don’t fucking live in Abington anymore. That was so last week. Yup, the First Family of Smut has officially moved from my girlfriend’s mom’s house in Abington to the upscale metropolis known as Dorchester. Who says I don’t give the First Lady the finer things in life? And so far I have nothing but rave reviews for this often misunderstood city. Sure I saw a guy with one leg get arrested at Rite Aide for shoplifting and somebody smashed my car window on the first night we were in town, but I just chalked that up to the neighbors trying to make us feel welcome in our new home. Plus who wouldn’t steal my Ipod when given the opportunity. That play list is worth millions in Lionel Ritchie tunes alone. So for all you pussies still living in the burbs and not worrying about getting mugged or robbed that’s cool. But that’s not for me. I like walking to my car wondering whether it will still be there and shit like that. Listen life is too short to play it safe. Bottom line is I’m a Dot Rat guy now and proud of it. So for all you Stoolies who have nothing better than to make fun of me for living in my girlfriend’s mom’s basement looks like it’s time to move onto joke #2.
PS – The Astrovan is strutting around like a peacock ever since we moved. Suddenly it’s the Rolls Royce of our block.
22. Variety - Columbia Pictures is back in the dojo with a new version of the 1984 hit "The Karate Kid," which has been refashioned as a star vehicle for Jaden Smith. The script is being written by Chris Murphy, and the film will shoot next year in Beijing and other cities. While the new film will be set in that exotic locale, it will borrow elements of the original plot, wherein a bullied youth learns to stand up for himself with the help of an eccentric mentor.
This makes no sense to me on any level. Ok, Will Smith’s kid wants to make a karate movie. That’s cool. I have no problem with that. But what the fuck does that have to do with the Karate Kid? I mean Jaden Smith is like 3 years old. How is he going to fight William Zabka who I’m just assuming will reprise his role as Johnny Lawrence and will be like 40 by the time this movie comes out? It’s a total mismatch. Even Hollywood and all their fancy special effects won’t be able to pull this one off. Plus there is no way Johnny Lawrence falls for the crane kick two times in a row.