Random Thoughts
1. Boston.com - More than five years have passed since the required time for feeding thousands of parking meters east of Massachusetts Avenue was extended from 6 to 8 p.m., matching the schedule for meters in the Back Bay business district and the downtown financial district. Now, City Councilor Sal LaMattina wants to add another six hours, meaning that meters would have to be fed all the way to 2 a.m., adding about $2 million to the estimated $10 million of revenue generated annually by the city's nearly 6,300 meters.. And though it would be an added burden on customers of late-night eateries and clubs, one local business group thinks it could help customers by freeing up parking spaces at night.
Honestly this is the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard in my life. Actually check that. This is the 2nd dumbest idea. The first one was when the same Sal LaMattina tried to ban ice cream trucks from playing the ice cream truck jingle because it woke him up from a nap one time. But this is a close second. Basically what this guy is saying is that everybody who drives into the city needs to park in a garage now. In other words let’s punish all the people who go out at night and are already spending a shitload of money to support the bars, clubs and restaurants in Boston. Let’s make it so expensive and such a pain in the ass for people to drive into Boston that everybody just stays home and the entire city fucking dies. I mean between the cost of gas and parking, people will have to save up like their going on vacation just to spend one night in the city. Because make no mistake about it. There is no way you can go out and feed a meter until 2am. Sal LaMattina must own a couple garages or valet services in Boston or something. How else could anybody be this stupid? Yeah let’s raise a couple million in parking tickets by costing the service industry quadruple that in lost revenue. Genius. Dude stick with trying to ban ice cream truck music. That's clearly more your speed.
2. JUNE 17--As she was attempting to put on a Victoria's Secret thong, a Los Angeles woman claims that a decorative metallic piece flew off the garment and struck her in the eye, causing injuries and a new product liability lawsuit against the underwear giant. Macrida Patterson, 52, alleges that she was hurt last May by a defective " low-rise v-string" from the Victoria's Secret "Sexy Little Thing" line, according to a lawsuit filed last week in Los Angeles Superior Court.
Well as much as I hate corporate America, this lady has no case. Why? Because Pete Manzo clearly stated back in October of 2005 that 49 years old is the maximum age for a chick to still be wearing a thong. After that it’s granny panties or you’re basically begging for an eye injury. Here is the excerpt from his original How Old is Too Old article in case you forgot:
Wearing a thong - Maximum age: 49. I don’t care who you are or what kind of shape you’re in, once you hit 49, ladies, the party’s over. Cry, cry as you may. I know it’s tough. But I’m pretty sure Sisqo didn’t have his Grandma in mind when he invented the thong back in ’99. The point is not whether you’d physically look good wearing one. That’s irrelevant. There just comes a time psychologically where you have to look in the mirror, saggy breasts and all, and say to yourself, “I can’t wear these anymore.” Then dramatically hang up your thongs….forever.
3. Roger Clemens has to pay those mounting legal bills somehow. The former Yankee ace, now awaiting word from Congress on his steroid scandal, has sold his Bentley to "Rock of Love" star Bret Michaels. "Bret is a big fan of Roger's and the car is fabulous," said an insider. "Clemens is apparently selling his lavish goods to pay his legal fees." Michaels was overheard gushing about his new ride Friday at the House of Blues inAtlantic City. Clemens' agent did not return calls.
Well just when you thought Roger Clemens couldn’t get any shadier and Bret Michaels couldn’t get any stupider, now we have this -- Clemens sells his used car to Bret Michaels. I mean you can’t make this shit up. It’s gotta be 1-9 odds that Clemens’ Bentley has at least 50 things wrong with it: transmission’s shot, horn doesn’t work, no brakes; you know Michaels is going to be cruising down the highway in this lemon with like 10 chicks and all of a sudden in the middle of his 14th “Every Rose Has It’s Thorn” a cappella rendition, the thing is gonna crap out like the Lakers. “Freaking Clemens…”
I’d just love to be a fly on the wall when Michaels confronts Clemens about it afterwards and Clemens blames his wife.
4. Boston.com - Gloucester school officials have discovered at least part of the reason that their high school pregnancy rate has more than quadrupled over the past year, according to a Time magazine story that hits newsstands today. "Nearly half the expecting students, none older than 16, confessed to making a pact to get pregnant and raise their babies together," the magazine's story said, after reporters talked with Joseph Sullivan, Gloucester High School principal. Seventeen girls at the 1,200-student Gloucester High have gotten pregnant over the school year, more than four times the average number. Then the story got worse. "We found out one of the fathers is a 24-year-old homeless guy," the principal says, shaking his head. But many told the Globe last month that the most alarming facts were that a significant portion of the expecting girls were 16 and younger and that some seemed to be intentional.
Wait a minute. Time Magazine did a story on Gloucester? Fucking A right! Congratulations Fisherman! I’m one of those guys that believe there is no such thing as bad press. Let me put it this way. Would we be talking about Gloucester today if it weren’t for this Prego pact? Of course not! Sometimes you got to get a little bit nasty to get the headlines. And hey I ain’t mad at these chicks either. Listen, I’d love to raise my kids with my buddies. But the thing they missed is that they could still wait a couple years before getting prego and still raise their kids together. Also clearly these chicks could give a shit less who the dad is. They are looking for dick wherever they can find it. Hey homeless guy, how's your sperm? Chicks must be getting plowed from the opening school bell through the final whistle right?
5. ROME (Reuters) - An Italian man was arrested on suspicion of kidnapping his ex-girlfriend from a pub, taking her home and forcing her to iron his clothes and wash the dishes, police said Monday. The 43-year-old man dragged the woman out of a pub in the port city of Genoa, shoved her into a car and took her to his home where he made her iron and wash dishes after threatening her, they said. The man, who was apparently furious at his ex-girlfriend for leaving him, was arrested on charges of kidnapping, police said.
Ok here is my first question. Would this be legal if the chick was still this guy’s girlfriend? Yes right? I’m under the impression that if I don’t have clean underwear or if my shirt needs to be ironed or if the dish’s aren’t done I’m allowed to drag the First Lady by the hair from wherever she and force her to do her chores. At least that’s my interpretation of the Man vs. Woman rulebook. But it’s gets a little cloudy when it’s an ex girlfriend. I think in that case you can try to intimate, blackmail or talk your ex into doing it, but I don’t think you can physically force her to do it. But I don’t deny that it’s a grey area in the rulebook and definitely up to interpretation.
6. I’m sure most people have heard Sean Grande’s call of the last couple seconds of the Celtics game by now. If you haven’t, it’s hilarious. Clearly Grande spent the entire playoffs and maybe his entire life working on the perfect script to end the season with. He was throwing out all sorts of big words like monarchy and odyssey. His timing was impeccable. His delivery was on point. He must have practiced this thing at least 1,000 times in front of the mirror. And then just about half way through it, Cedric Maxwell screams “I GOT THE BALL!” as apparently the game ball ended up in his lap. And poof just like that he totally stole the spotlight from Grande and upstaged him in the moment that he had been waiting his entire life for. My only question is on a scale of 1-10 how much do you think Sean Grande wanted to kill Max after he ruined his speech?
7. Sen. Arlen Specter, R-Pa., who threatened a congressional inquiry into the way the National Football League handled its "Spygate" investigation of the New England Patriots' videotaping practices, said he will not seek hearings on the matter,the Philadelphia Daily News reported.
Specter, the ranking Republican on the Senate Judiciary Committee, has been critical of NFL commissioner Roger Goodell's investigation of the Patriots' taping of opposing team coaches' signals -- a practice violating NFL rules. But he told the newspaper's editorial board on Monday that "I've gone as far as I can" with his office's investigation of the matter. Specter said he didn't seek a hearing on Spygate before the judiciary committee because the committee already has "too much to do," the Daily News reported.
On behalf of Patriots fans in particular, football fans in general, and the taxpayers of America, I think it's only right that we thank Sen. Specter for his tireless and relentless pursuit of truth and justice in this whole matter. I know it must be a crushing blow to him to have to curtail his investigation. But even a dedicated public servant like the good senator from PA can only do so much. But still, his efforts are appreciated by a grateful nation. And I say that with all the sincerity he's shown through this long national nightmare.
Dispensing now with the sarcasm, has Specter no shame? To steal a phrase, at long last, have you no sense of decency, sir? If there's a limit to how much BS this pompous, lying gasbag expects us to swallow, we haven't yet reached it. Here we are with the Patriots fully exonerated, weeks after Specter found himself the last person in the country to think the Patriots had done anything more than they admitted to... and paid dearly for... and he still refuses to admit he was wrong. When he thought there was something to this story, no microphone or camera in the country was safe. Specter appeared everywhere from CSPAN to ESPN to your nephew's webcam demanding everyone pay attention to him. But now that the Patriots, the NFL and even Matt Walsh de-pants him and left his shriveled, flaccid junk exposed to the world, he runs and hides with some preposterous press release about being "too busy" to deal with trivialities like this. To call it an insult to our intelligence would be... an insult to our intelligence. But knowing what we know about Specter, I'm not surprised in the least. What would've been surprising is if he'd said "Look, I was wrong here, and I'm sorry. I deliberately wasted your time and money. I got caught up in the moment because not only am I an Eagles fan, I'm also a grandstanding attention whore. I had no business throwing false allegations at the Patriots just to win votes among PA football fans. I promise you I'll stop this utter nonsense and get to work keeping soldiers safe and bringing down gas prices. Sorry again for being such douche about all this." But I guess that would be too much to ask. I mean, John Tomase never apologized, why should some filthy politician?
8. ABC.com - In a remote village in the Bihar region of northeast India, in October 2005, a woman named Poonam Tatma gave birth to an extraordinary child -- a girl with four arms and four legs who was destined to become famous worldwide.
Fucking India. What the hell do they think they're doing over there? Listen it's one thing to have a couple freakshows. But every two seconds it's something new. This has to be a vast government conspiracy right? But why? The only thing I can think of is that it's to boost tourism. They're hoping that instead of people going to the Topsfield Fair to see the world's fattest man they'll flock to India to see Tree Man, Boy with Two Heads and The Girl with 8 limbs all at once. It's kind of brilliant when you think of it.
9.NEW YORK (AP) -- A college student who branded a date's body with a scalding piece of metal as payback for never calling her after they had sex was sentenced to five years in prison Friday. Kristina Caban, 23, had no comment as state Supreme Court Justice Michael Obus sentenced her for what he called a crime that was "not remotely justifiable." Assistant District Attorney Nicole Blumberg told Obus that Caban was the "mastermind behind the plan" to sear the torso of Samir "Sammy" Sara, then 23, for having sex with her once in 2004 and never calling her again.Caban enlisted new boyfriend Robert Testagrossa to help brand a four-inch-high "R" on Samir's abdomen in October 2006, the prosecutor said. She said Caban lured the former lover to a hotel room, where Testagrossa and another man grabbed him. Blumberg said the men used a Taser to immobilize Sara in a room at the Chelsea Inn while Caban laughed at his distress and kicked him while he was down.The branding "iron" was actually a length of metal wire fashioned into a "R" -- heated, and applied to Samir's torso, said Tracy Golden of the Manhattan district attorney's office. She said prosecutors did not know what the "R" stood for.
Ah, it’s a story as old as time itself. Boy meets girl. Boy fucks girl and doesn’t call her afterwards. Girl lures boy to hotel room with the promise of more sex only to tase him and brand a giant “R” on his ass. My only question is who is more nuts here? The chick or the new boyfriend? I mean if this girl is willing to brand a dude she had a one night stand with imagine what she’ll do to you if you fuck her over in a long term relationship. You’re basically begging to have a bag of red ants dropped on your balls.
10. Dailymail.com - She has a slim, toned figure that most women would die for. But Kate Beckinsale has demanded a body double for her latest film – because she "loathes" her bottom. Producers have had to hire a £1,000-a-day nude stand-in after Kate, 34, refused to bare her derriere in a shower scene. A source on her new film Whiteout said: "Kate has a terrible self-image. She thinks she is fat and she is always complaining how certain outfits make her bottom look big.
This is why I love Kate Beckinsale. She’s a great role model for all the little girls out there. I mean if Kate Beckinsale isn’t satisfied with her looks than neither should you. Even if you think you have the perfect body you can always get better. Never stop working out and starving yourself because Kate Beckinsale isn’t. Bottom-line is you can always can get hotter. Thank you Kate Beckinsale for putting into words what the Stool has tried to preach for years.
11. Cincinnati.com - A Mason High School basketball coach was charged today in connection with a “beer pong” party at his home in January. Michael J. Crotty – a longtime assistant coach for the boys basketball program at Mason – was charged with “knowingly allowing underage persons to remain at his residence while possessing or consuming alcohol,” according to charges filed this afternoon by Mason Police. The party, which took place in January, included 19-year-olds who had graduated from Mason High School the previous year. Crotty was photographed at the party playing a drinking game called “beer pong” with the teenagers.
Crotty was photographed at the party playing a drinking game called “beer pong”? What’s that? No seriously this guy shouldn’t be arrested he should be commended. We always talk about coaches taking an active role in their student’s lives. Well here is a Beer Pong coach who is taking the time to teach his former players the fundamentals of life and what’s he get for his trouble? He gets arrested. Total bullshit. Maybe if there were more coaches like Mike Crotty the quality of Beirut wouldn’t have deteriorated to the point that I almost can’t recognize the game anymore. Ever think of that?
12. A pair of Pennsylvania women are facing criminal charges after a teenage sleepover in one of their homes turned into a sex party. According to police, Angela Honeycutt, 38, allegedly sexually assaulted two boys in a shower during an April party at a Bucks County home owned by Lynne Long. Investigators allege that Long, 45, condoned Honeycutt's illicit activity at the sleepover and "actually encouraged the boys to listen by a bedroom doorway as the sexual intercourse was taking place"... Long's son hosted the sleepover for several of his male friends. Honeycutt, who has worked as a babysitter for Long's younger children, allegedly stripped, danced suggestively, and had sexually explicit conversations with the boys. The affidavits charge that Honeycutt also had sex in the shower with one 15-year-old partygoer and then had sexual contact with a 14-year-old boy.
You know, throwing a party for a group of 14 and 15 year old boys is not the easiest thing in the world. When kids are real little, you can do the cake and ice cream thing at home, maybe rent a Moonwalk or hire a clown or give pony rides. When they get a little older, maybe 8 or 9, boys need funtivities so you take them to McDonalds Playland. But when they start hitting their teen years and they're too old for Chuck E. Cheese's but too young for keg stands and puking in the ficuses, what do you do to entertain them? Credit Lynne Long for coming up with the perfect solution: Invite your hot 38 year old nanny over to strip for the lads, shower with them, explain to them how to find the G-Spot, give them life lessons like "men have to take control to get what they want" and let them feel her up. But naturally at a party like this the kids are going to go home disappointed if they don't get to bang her too. Nice job by Angela. I'm sure she charged a lot less than it cost me to take my kid paintballing his last birthday, and made Lynne Long's son the most popular kid at Lower Makefield Township High. And that's really what it's all about. Finally, you really have to appreciate Lynne and Angela taking this on themselves. We can't leave this kind of sexual learning entirely in the hands of our nation's teachers.
13. Boston.com - The two women were alone in a Mission Hill dormitory room that September night.But as Rosanne Strott and Emily Niland lay in bed together, at least two men were videotaping them from a Wentworth Institute of Technology dormitory across the alley. The women learned about the videotape of their intimate encounter seven months later, when a friend told them it had been uploaded on a computer network site for Wentworth students. Before long, the videotape had been seen by many others, including students at other universities. "I never felt so violated without anybody touching me before," said Strott, a 19-year-old sophomore at the Massachusetts College of Art and Design whose dorm room faced the Wentworth building. While Peeping Toms have long been a problem, the case underscores how in the YouTube age, those who scheme to violate others' privacy can do even more harm by using the Internet to broadcast what they capture."We in no way meant to embarrass them," he said. "We didn't understand the severity of the situation when we were taping it." But he said the women should have drawn their shades and turned off their lights. "This all would have never happened if their windows were closed," Siemiesz said.Siemiesz, who lived in a three-bedroom suite with Cunha on Huntington Avenue at the time, said he was sleeping when Cunha yelled at him and his roommate to come into his room. Soon, close to 10 men were gathered in the room, watching. Siemiesz said someone told him to get his video camera. He said that he was apprehensive, but that he wanted to fit in."I don't want to be seen as the loser who doesn't want to have any fun," he said. Siemiesz said he does not know how the tape ended up online.
First things first. Somebody get me this video! I can’t believe I haven’t seen this yet. Second of all the kids who did the taping need to stop being such pussies. They were peer pressured into taping these chicks? Give me a fucking break! I mean do you want to be a great Peeping Tom or not? Listen if there is one thing I’ve learned as the preeminent smut peddler in Boston it’s that bitches that go lesbian with their windows open want the world to see it. Otherwise they’d shut the blinds. It’s not rocket science people. So stop apologizing for giving these chicks what they wanted. It was your duty as an American to tape them.
PS – I love the line about how this chick never felt so violated without anybody touching her before. Good to know it wasn’t as bad as the time her girlfriend shoved the dildo in her ass without her permission. It’s all relative I guess.
14. Politico.com -A new bill sponsored by Rep. Anthony D. Weiner (D-N.Y.)would move foreign fashion models into a less-competitive visa category. The bill’s language requires that the visiting model be “of distinguished merit and ability” and that the event or photo shoot have a “distinguished reputation.” Failing that, a model may be sponsored by “an organization or establishment that has a distinguished reputation for, or a record of, utilizing prominent modeling talent.”
I love how the guy who is sponsoring this bill’s last name is Weiner. God outdid himself with that one. Anyway it’s refreshing to finally see the Government worrying about shit that matters. Hey Arlen Specter are you listening? Enough with steroids and spygate. All that matters is getting hot pussy into the country. As a side note how do you get on the committee that decides whether a model is of distinguished merit and ability? Nothing like having the fate of a hot chick’s visa resting in your hands. I mean if you can’t get your dick sucked in that role than you might as well just call it quits on life. For real.
15. LAKEHURST, N.J. — Police have heard many excuses from suspected drunk drivers over the years.But police say what they heard from a Toms River man is one for the books: He told them he was driving around until he was sober enough to go home, fearing his mother would know he was drunk. But before he could make it home Monday, police say 36-year-old Edward Defreitas crashed into an ambulance, causing it to overturn in the Route 70 circle in Lakehurst.
Let this be a lesson to all the kids out there. This is why you don’t live with your mother when you’re 36 years old. Instead you got to do what I do and that’s live with your girlfriend’s mother. This way you don’t have to pull the old drive around drunk till you’re sober technique. You can just go right home and passout in the driveway because who gives a shit what they think.
16. HARWICH, Mass. -- A 17-year-old student was hit by a car early Friday morning during a water balloon fight, said police. The incident happened around 5:45 a.m. in front of the Harwich High School on Oak Street. Police said senior students had a sleepover under a tent set up for Sunday's graduation when a car full of juniors showed up and started a water balloon fight. One of the drivers tried to leave, but the grass was wet and the car slid, hitting a female senior. She was pushed up onto the car's hood. The unidentified victim was taken to Cape Cod Hospital with non life-threatening injuries to her leg.
Man Harwich knows how to party huh? See this is why I love the Cape. High School is still like Dazed and Confused down there. I mean you got to love a senior sleep over under a tent the night before graduation. It must have been like a huge orgy with chicks getting fucked everywhere. And I ain’t mad at the Juniors for showing up with water balloons either. Just adds to the pageantry of the whole thing. But I just don’t get why they tried to flee. I mean is it really worth doing a water balloon hit and run? I thought the whole point was to get all the girls wet and then start groping them.