Random Thoughts
1. NEW HAVEN, Conn. (AP) ― Contraband candy has led to big trouble for an eighth-grade honors student. Michael Sheridan was stripped of his title as class vice president, barred from attending an honors student dinner and suspended for a day after buying a bag of Skittles from a classmate. The New Haven school system banned candy sales in 2003 as part of a district-wide school wellness policy, said school spokeswoman Catherine Sullivan-DeCarlo. Michael's suspension has been reduced from three days to one, but he has not been reinstated as class vice president. He said he didn't realize his candy purchase was against the rules, but he did notice that the student selling the Skittles on Feb. 26 was being secretive. An administrator busted Michael with the candy in his pocket. His mother says the student who sold him the Skittles out of a lunch box was also suspended.
Ok we can all agree that this rule sucks right? If a kid wants to eat skittles, hey it’s his teeth. But having said that I still hate this little punk. He can cut the shit with the whole he didn’t realize that buying skittles was against the rules excuse. Yeah and I didn’t realize selling white cards in middle school was illegal either. Honestly why don’t you just be a man about it and admit you got busted instead of being a little pussy coward. Or at least say you were protesting the rule and standing up for student rights across the Merrit Parkway. Instead he put his tail between his legs and tried to blame everybody else. What kind of VP is that? The only person I respect in this story is the kid who is running the underground skittle operation out of his locker. At least he has some balls. When it’s all said and done he’ll either be a hell of a buisnesman or a great drug dealer and the VP is just going to be a spineless fuck.
2. NEW YORK (CNN) -- Airborne - the herbal supplement company that once claimed to help fight off colds - will pay $23.3 million to settle a class-action lawsuit brought against the company for false advertising, according to one of the groups that joined the suit.The Center for Science in the Public Interest, a non-profit advocacy group, said the company will refund money to consumers who bought Airborne's product. It will pay for advertisements in major publications instructing consumers on how to get their money refunded. "There's no credible evidence that what's in Airborne can prevent colds or protect you from a germy environment," said CSPI Senior nutritionist David Schardt. "Airborne is basically on overpriced, run-of-the-mill vitamin pill that's been cleverly, but deceptively, marketed."
I feel like such a sucker. Honestly how could I think an elementary school teacher could invent the cure for the common cold? I mean what did I think this lady was Superwoman or something? Like a god damn fool I’ve been taking this shit for the past two years and it hasn’t done a god damn thing. I’ve taken daytime Airborne, night time airborne, airplane airborne, trivia airborne etc. I think in my prime I was taking like 23 Airborne’s a day. And I still got sick all the time. But everybody from my mom to the first lady was force feeding these things down my throat. So like an idiot I kept buying them and eating them like tic tacs. Now I can’t afford to move out of my girlfriends Mom’s house. It’s bullshit. Oh well looks like I’m going back to Coldies. Nobody can tell me those things don’t work.
3. BPD.com - Last night around 8:30pm, officers from District 4 (South End) were on “walk and talk” assignment in the area of 1900 Washington Street. While engaged in initiating conversations with area residents, officers observed a woman walk to the front of 1900 Washington Street, pull her pants down to her knees and start urinating on the sidewalk in plain view of the officers and the passing public. Officers approached the suspect and identified their office and instructed the suspect that she should look for a bathroom. The suspect then turned around and faced officers and screamed loudly, “ I will (expletive) piss and (expletive) where I (expletive) want, what are you going to do about it?!”The suspect, Michelle Carter, 27, of Roxburywas then placed under arrest and charged with Open and Gross.
Open and gross indeed. Now the cops know what it's like to deal with a drunk Jerry Thornton. Anyway this is one of those random thoughts where there really isn’t too much I can add to it. This bitch wants to fucking piss and shit where she wants to piss and shit and there isn’t a god damn thing anybody can do about it.
4. Kansas.com - 35-year-old woman who apparently spent two years in her boyfriend's bathroom in Ness City had become stuck to the toilet seat, authorities said Wednesday. "She was not glued. She was not tied. She was just physically stuck by her body. It is hard to imagine. ... I still have a hard time imagining it myself," Ness County Sheriff Bryan Whipple said in a telephone interview, adding that it appeared her body fat had grown attached to the seat. Authorities planned to present their report to the county attorney later Wednesday to see if any charges should be filed against her 36-year-old boyfriend, Whipple said. The boyfriend called police on Feb. 27 to report that "there was something wrong with his girlfriend," Whipple said, adding he never explained why it took him two years to call. He said the boyfriend had brought the woman food and water during the two years and told investigators he asked her daily to come out of the bathroom. "And her reply would be, 'Maybe tomorrow,'" Whipple said. "According to him, she did not want to leave the bathroom." The house had another bathroom he could use. Police found the clothed woman sitting on the toilet, her sweat pants down to her mid-thigh as if she was using the toilet. Her legs looked like they had atrophied, he said. "She was sitting on the toilet and was somewhat disoriented," Whipple said. "She said that she didn't need any help, that she was OK and did not want to leave." "We pried the toilet seat off with a prybar and the seat went with her to the hospital," Whipple said. "The hospital removed it."
I pray to god the First Lady reads this blog. Because let me just say this loud and clear. If my girlfriend ever thinks she’s going to sit on the can for 2 years straight and I’m just going to bring her food and water like her little bitch and not break up with her, she’s fucking crazy. I can put up with it for maybe 2 months, but anything beyond that is just asking too much. I won’t do it! I can’t do it! I don’t care whose house we live in and all that shit. Taking a 2 year dump is unacceptable. Not everybody is as forgiving as this guy in the story.
5. Arelia Margarita Taveras, former NJ lawyer, is suing the Atlantic City casinos for $20 million, claiming the casinos failed to notice her gambling addiction. The former lawyer has filed a $20 million racketeering lawsuit in federal court against six Atlantic City casinos and one in Las Vegas, claiming they had a duty to notice her compulsive gambling problem and cut her off. "They knew I was going for days without eating or sleeping. I would pass out at the tables. They had a duty of care to me. Nobody in their right mind would gamble for four or five straight days without sleeping."
If you caught this story over the weekend, you've no doubt heard Arelia Margarita being raked over the coals over this lawsuit. She's under attack from every columnist and talk radio boob in the world who are claiming she's just scamming the casinos for something that's entirely her fault. But I'm on her side in this. Mostly because I've never been a big fan of the whole "personal responsibility" thing. In Arelia Margarita Taveras' America, no one loses, there are only winners. Call me an idealist, but I think that's a good thing. If she wins this suit, I'll never have to control my impulses again. I'll never have to be accountable for my actions again. I can drink JD like a marathoner guzzling water and sue the bar to get my money back. I can use my kids college fund to make it rain at the Foxy Lady and expect the strippers to return the cash, times 20. Make YouPorn pay me back for lost wages and productivity. And who's harmed by that? No one that's who. Plus if bookies have to reimburse their clients maybe El Pres can afford to actually start paying me?
6. MIDDLEBOROUGH - It's official. Town Hall is haunted. That's the conclusion of a pair of spirit seekers who came last week to investigate ghostly happenings in the sprawling complex erected in 1873. Last night, they presented audio and photographic evidence, including a chilling recording of what they said was a voice crying for help. Town board members joked about the findings, but no independent authorities were present to verify the discovery. Before they played a recording to a small, hushed crowd, Ed Beaulieu and Len Anderson of the Paranormal Institute of New England, explained that they had shouted, "Do you want us to leave?" as they scoured Middleborough Town Hall in the search for otherworldly activity. Then, they played an audio clip. On it, a guttural man's voice could be heard pleading in a 1.1-second digital recording, "Help me." An independent tape taken at the same time by Paul Lazarovich, a Middleborough resident and radio commentator on WVBF's "Cranberry Country Journal" on Saturday mornings who had accompanied the sleuths that night, was also played. "Help," a voice could be heard saying. Selectmen took the news well, thanked the men for their work, and even gave them a round of applause before they granted permission to come back and to explore further.
What do you mean Selectmen took the news well? What are they stupid? Dude, your shit is haunted! What don’t you get about that? This is no laughing matter. Talk about a total lack of respect for the ghosts and these ghost hunters. They record a guy screaming for help and it is verified by the Cranberry Country Journal (experts in the paranormal from what I hear) and the selectman start laughing and clapping? It’s almost like they wanted the Townhall to be haunted. What a total slap in the face to the ghost. Now it has no choice but to kill somebody. Book it. Somebody is going to die soon at the Middleborough Town Hall. At least that's how I'd handle the situation if I was an insulted ghost.
7. March 11, 2008 -- TAMPA - The New York Yankees
gave new meaning to the term "Billy Ball" last night - and you can be sure Billy Martin is turning over in his grave. The Yankees announced they have signed Billy Crystal. He's going to work out with the team Wednesday and play in Thursday's game against the Pirates. Derek Jeter said he is happy to have Crystal as a teammate. "Good for him, he's really excited, and he's really nervous," Jeter said last night
Ha! Ha! Oh there is a God! This by far trumps anything that the Red Sox have done in terms of stupidity. I’m begging and I mean begging for John Henry not to think this is a good idea and try to one up the Yankees by signing Ben Affleck and Matt Damon to a contract. Think that’s crazy talk? I’d bet my life that John Henry and Tom Werner are already discussing this issue as we speak. Hell, they’ll probably try and convince Theo to let them suit up for a regular season game just to leave no doubt. Anyway, the best case scenario for this Billy Crystal thing is that he gets hurt in this game. Nothing too bad. Just like a broken leg or something.
8. Boston.com - Greyhound to start offering its low-cost BoltBus service on runs between Boston and New York City starting next month, a spokesman said today. In Boston BoltBus will run to South Station, said Greyhound spokesman Dustin Clark, like regular Greyhound buses and competing lower-cost services such as Fung Wah Bus Transportation Inc. Exact schedules and ticket costs between Boston and New York are still being worked out, Clark said, but prices will start at $1. Aimed at students, commuters and travelers seeking express service between the large cities, BoltBus coaches will have extra legroom by having 51 seats per vehicle, Clark said, compared to the industry average of 54 seats, and will have WiFi access and bathrooms.
First of all I don’t trust anything that costs 1 dollar. I’d be much more willing to ride the BoltBus if it cost 5 bucks as opposed to 1. But that’s neither here nor there. The real question with the BoltBus is whether it will be faster than or at least as fast as the Fung Wah? Because the FungWah has already proven time and time again that it willing to crash in order to set new land speed records. And as a passenger that’s really all you can ask for in a low budget high risk shuttle bus. So who cares about extra legroom, WiFi and bathrooms if the Fung Wah smokes it? As a great surfer once said you need to take big risks to get big rewards. The same holds true for the BoltBus.
9. IPSWICH, Mass. -- A driving instructor accused of being drunk while teaching a lesson in Ipswich pleaded not guilty on Thursday. Essex District Attorney's Office said Daniel Winsky, 52, of Salem, was under the influence of liquor while teaching two students to drive on Dec. 26, 2007. A portable Breathalyzer test administered after the car was stopped by police showed Winsky had a blood-alcohol level of .223, nearly three times the Massachusetts legal limit of .08, police said. But those results are not admissible in court. Since police did not arrest Winsky immediately, they did not offer him a formal Breathalyzer test at the station. Police stopped the vehicle on High Street after a clerk at Cumberland Farms and a customer called them saying the man smelled of alcohol. The clerk's sister was killed by a drunken driver in 2003; and the customer's fiancee was killed by a drunken driver, according to police reports. Students in the car said Winsky didn't appear to be intoxicated, but was sipping a bottle of cough medicine, court documents said.
Talk about shit luck. Guy goes into Cumberland Farms to get hepped up on some cough medicine only to run into a clerk whose sister was killed by a drunk driver and a customer whose fiancee was killed by a drunk driver. This guy never stood a chance. If he so much as stuttered at the register they probably would have called the cops on him. Personally I don’t see what the big deal is. I mean it wasn’t like he was driving the car. That’s what the kids are there for. I think I speak for all of us when I say if I was a drivers Ed teacher I’d be throwing the Robitussin down like it was going out of style.
10. ORLANDO, Fla. -- PGA Tour player Tripp Isenhour was charged with killing a hawk on purpose with a golf shot because it was making noise as he videotaped a TV show. Isenhour was with a film crew for "Shoot Like A Pro" on Dec. 12 at the Grand Cypress Golf course. The 39-year-old player, whose real name is John Henry Isenhour III, was charged Wednesday with cruelty to animals and killing a migratory bird. The charges carry a maximum penalty of 14 months in jail and $1,500 in fines. Isenhour apologized in a statement and said he was only trying to scare the hawk away. According to court documents, Isenhour got upset when a red-shouldered hawk began making noise, forcing another take. He began hitting balls at the bird, then 300 yards away, but gave up. Isenhour started again when the hawk moved within about 75 yards, Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission officer Brian Baine indicated in a report. Isenhour allegedly said "I'll get him now," and aimed for the hawk. "About the sixth ball came very near the bird's head, and [Isenhour] was very excited that it was so close," Baine wrote. A few shots later, witnesses said he hit the hawk. The bird, protected as a migratory species, fell to the ground bleeding from both nostrils. Isenhour said his family has adopted three cats from a local shelter. "I am an animal lover," he said. "We ask that everyone accept my sincerest apology, and please be respectful of my family's privacy."
For the record let me just say that I am an animal lover wack job. I’d totally join Greenpeace for animals if there was such a thing in Abington. Therefore, it shouldn’t be surprising that I think Tripp should be executed. And not only for killing the bird either. What kind of douchbag changes their name from John to Tripp? You have to be a jerk of epic proportion to make that switch. Maybe I can understand changing your name to Max Power, but Trip Isenhour III? That name has asshole written all over it. Figures this guy has cats too. That’s like the only animal I don’t like. So spare me the song and dance about being sorry and respecting your family’s privacy. Don’t go murdering Red Shouldered Hawks and we won’t go searching for pictures of your daughter on the Internet.
11. Did people see Carly Smithson’s mom last week on American Idol? Total bombshell! What the hell happened to Carly? Her mom must have gotten knocked up by some ugly dude when she was drunk or something. I was going to post a picture of her but the first lady fucking deleted American Idol from our DVR without my permission. Now some other blog will get credit for my witty observation. That’s why chicks shouldn’t be allowed to touch the clicker. Anyway, I digress. Carly’s mom got me thinking about MILF’s in general and something that has been on my mind for months. Is Whole Foods the MILF capital of the world or is it just the one in Hingham? Because I’ve never seen anything like it. I mean it doesn’t matter when you go in there, you’re bound to find MILF’s in their late 20’s early 30’s with rings the size of mountains running around in their little milf pants. Every single one of them looks like they just came from the gym. And they probably did too because that’s part of the contract when they agree to marry their rich husbands. Just go food shopping and stay hot. I’m telling you it’s literally a MILF paradise. I’m wondering whether this is just Whole Foods in Hingham or does this phenomenon happen at every Whole Foods?
12. NY Post March 5, 2008 -- PHILIPPE on East 60th Street has allegedly videotaped celebrity customers as they frolicked in what they thought was a private room. The restaurant's private wine cellar is outfitted with hidden security cameras. And employees at the Chinese eatery have screened the videos after the stars leave, says an insider. "They've watched tape ofDiddyand Sienna Miller hanging out and Tom Brady and Gisele [Bundchen]hooking up. Bundchen's rep had no comment and Brady's rep did not return an e-mail.
I wish I didn’t read this story. As much as I’d love to see a Gisele sex tape it’s not worth having to watch a Tom Brady sex tape to get it. I need separation of Church and State. I just can’t risk having the mental image of a naked Tom Brady floating around in my head when I’m trying to watch football. It’s like Homer Simpson picturing Flanders ass. Once you get it in your head, it's hard to get rid of it.
PS – Secret cameras to video tape hot chicks is a great idea. I wish I thought of that. (Wink, wink)
13. Extra Bases: Jesse Levis, a former big-league catcher who last year completed his first season as a pro scout for the Red Sox, faces two felony counts of lewd and lascivious behavior on persons under 16 after an incident Monday in a Port St. Lucie, Fla., hotel. ..According to the police report, Levis, who turns 40 on April 14, was arrested after the night manager of a Port St. Lucie hotel reported that a guest filed a complaint. Police interviewed two female guests, both under the age of 16, who said they saw Levis standing naked at the window of his hotel room, which overlooked the pool, allegedly commiting the lewd and lascivious act. Two other female guests, both adults, told police they also witnessed Levis. According to Vega, the state's attorney plans to file two additional counts of lewd and lascivious behavior, both misdemeanors, because they involved persons over the age of 16. A Red Sox official said the club was gathering information and would have no comment.
What is the world coming to when a guy can't crank one out in the privacy of right in front of the window overlooking the pool in his hotel. If 16 year old girls don't want to see guys fisting off some knuckle children in semi public, no one is making them look. They're free to turn their heads or avoid hotels or stay out of Florida for that matter. Because this is eerily reminiscent of the arrest of Dick Williams, who was also arrested for Incedent Exposure in Florida. In his case for walking around outside the hotel while rubbing one out. And the lesson to be learned from that incident is Williams was elected to the Hall of Fame last year. So I'm expecting big things ahead in the career of one Jesse Levis.
14. Metrowestdailynews.com - Two Boston-area moms are being summoned to court after police say they got into a fistfight at Chuck E. Cheese Saturday when one woman's son "hogged" an arcade game from the other's 9-year-old birthday boy. "Unfortunately, a birthday night out turned into a birthday melee," police Sgt. Paul Thompson said. "I don't even know if they finished their pizza." Aliaga took offense to Williams' 13-year-old son using a basketball game machine for a long time, the sergeant said. Aliaga told her son to be patient while the other boy had his turn with the game. At one point, Williams' son apparently pushed the boy, who accused him of "hogging" the game. Aliaga said the other boy was done shooting hoops, and Williams replied, "No, he's not," Thompson said. "Next thing you know, words were exchanged," and things got physical between the moms with shouts, shoves and pushes, the sergeant said."Williams lunged at Aliaga, grabbed her and began to hit her," punching her on the side of her face, Thompson said. Williams told Aliaga, "the fight was not over and it would continue outside in the parking lot," Thompson said.
For some reason I would have bet my ass that the game that caused the fight was that game where the things pop up and you need to smash them with the hammer. (What the hell is the name of that game?) I don’t know why, but when I think of Chuck E. Cheese that’s what I think of. That and jumping into a pile of balls. Anyway, I digress. You know who is really to blame here don’t you? Chuck E. Cheese. How do you only have one Pop A Shot game in the entire building? Obviously tempers are going to flair. Having said that everybody knows the rules of Pop A Shot. You get to play one round and then if there is somebody in line they get to go next. Nobody should ever be allowed to hog a pop a shot machine. It’s unethical. It’s un-American. It’s unconscionable. Obviously a fight is going to break out when the rules of Pop A Shot are broken. Although it does suprise me that the woman involved was from Dorchester. Just don't expect that type of behavior out of Dorchester women.
PS – I love the cop’s line about the kids didn’t even get to finish the pizza. You know somebody did a “Badda Bing” after he said that. Clearly he was playing to the cameras.
15. HOBOKEN, N.J. (CBS) ― The racy photos of cops cavorting with Hooters waitresses rocked the Hoboken Police Department. Now, officers face disciplinary charges after a scathing report on their conduct was released. The photos embarrassed and brought unwanted attention to the Hoboken police. Officers of the disbanded SWAT team and their chief are seen in the photos having a ball during Mardi Gras, and with Hooters waitresses during the Hurricane Katrina relief effort. "All are being held to account for their actions," Hoboken Mayor David Roberts said. That could be bad news for five officers who are suing the department and SWAT leader, Lt. Angelo Andriani. The officers claim Andriani intimidated them into attending the outings documented in the photos. Andriani firmly denies the allegations.
You know I was on the SWAT team’s side before I read this story. I thought at most they should get a little slap on the wrist and that’s it. I mean the whole point of going to Hooters (except in Boston where the chicks are gross) is to flirt with the waitresses. It’s actually an insult if you don’t at least grope them and fondle their tits a little bit. So in my book the cops were just doing their job. But the second you say your boss “forced” you to go to Hooters is the second I lose all respect for you. Tell me you don't like my firm, tell me you don't like my idea, tell me you don't like my fuckin neck tie, but don’t tell me that you were forced to go to Hooters. Bottom line is that if “bosses” can suddenly be held accountable for their employees acting like jackasses around scantily clad chicks then I better find myself a good lawyer.
16. Has anybody seen this new show on HBO called In Treatment? It is on every weekday at 9:30pm. Essentially it follows a therapist’s treatment for the same four patients Monday through Thursday culminating with the therapist going to his own therapist at the end of week. Then it starts all over again with the same patients coming back for their weekly sessions. So basically the viewer gets to watch everybody's progress. Anyway The First Lady loves it. And I have seen some critics give it great reviews. Personally I think it is by far the worst show in the history of television. It is so boring and painful to watch that it literally made me nauseous the other day. It is beyond me how anybody could think this is entertaining? Listen I don’t need cars crashing into each other and chicks dyking in the street for me to like a show, but In Treatment is like watching paint dry. Am I crazy or does everybody feel this way. Nobody likes this show right? Hopefully whoever green lighted this at HBO has already been assassinated.