Random Thoughts
1. Bostonherald.com - Shortly after the Yankees’ new Boss, Hank Steinbrenner, complained about “what a bunch of (expletive)” Red Sox [ team stats] Nation is, Red Sox principal owner John Henry has responded. Sensing jealousy, Henry is killing Steinbrenner with kindness. He’s adopting him as one of his own - an offer Steinbrenner has already rejected” I’m a big Hank fan,” wrote Henry in an e-mail to the Herald. “Just to ensure he knows how cool Red Sox Nation is, (Saturday) we officially inducted him as a member of Red Sox Nation and we are sending him his membership card giving him access to an array of options including our newsletter, bumper stickers, pins, Green Monster seats and a hat personally autographed by David Ortiz [ stats].” When told about the offer, Steinbrenner said no thanks. “I am not joining Red Sox Nation, honorary or not,” Steinbrenner told the New York Post yesterday at Yankees headquarters at Legends Field. “I’ll respond to that later. Trust me, I am not joining Red Sox Nation.”
Can’t you just picture John Henry and Tom Werner sprinting into Theo’s office right after they sent this package to Hank Steinbrenner giggling like little school girls about what they did. And Theo probably had to fake laugh like he thought this was the funniest thing he’d ever heard. I mean did John Henry really think this was funny? Well newsflash John. It’s not funny and neither are you. So do me a favor and stick to being creepy and chasing chicks half your age. This way nobody gets hurt.
2. HAVERSTRAW, N.Y. - A man fighting with his girlfriend clung to a car roof and punched her through the window as she drove more than a mile on a busy road, hitting several other cars, police said. Both were hurt in the brawl Saturday and were arrested, police Sgt. Manfredo Figueroa said. The man, William Kremer, apparently jumped onto the car and held on as girlfriend Stacey Sperrazza wove along Route 202 with the car's air bag inflated, police said. She eventually stopped the car and hit him with it, police said. Sperrazza, 37, of Stony Point, was arrested on a felony charge of reckless endangerment. Kremer, 42, of Haverstraw, was arrested on a misdemeanor assault charge.
Both the girlfriend and boyfriend were arrested? This time we both lose Johnny. In any event this has to be the last couple in America that you want to fuck with right? I mean who jumps on the roof of a moving car? You have to be some type of sicko to pull a stunt like that. But the girlfriend didn’t even blink. She just started smashing her car into other vehicles trying to get the guy off the roof and then when she finally succeeded, she promptly ran him over. That’s some cold hearted shit right there. I mean they wouldn’t even do a scene like this in the movies because it wouldn’t be believable.
3. The Daily Mail: - When Alison Garcia, 16, announced that she was leaving home to be with her 36-year-old lover, her parents could have been forgiven for hitting the roof. Instead, Sheila and Paul Garcia did something most other parents would find unthinkable. Last month, they invited divorced double-glazing fitter and father-of-one Craig Wright into their home, where he now shares a bedroom with their daughter. "She's always been a headstrong girl, and the more I say 'no', the more she'll say 'yes'...I hate the thought of her sleeping with any man, because I think she is too young to understand the implications of a sexual relationship. But I know she is 16 and I can't stop her. If I don't take the softer approach I fear she will take off with Craig and cut ties with us. If I forbid it or attempt to ban her from seeing him, I risk losing my precious child." Alison claims to be "very mature for my age" - something she says her lover told her not long after they met last October.
In my never-ending quest to be a better parent, I'm taking the following lessons from the Garcia's example:
- Stay out of your slutty 16 year old daughter's major life decisions.
- You are powerless. Accept it.
- Don't say "no" to any request, no matter how ridiculous because it might make her move out of the house, and you can't have that.
- Don't worry about opening your house up to a guy who seduced your daughter four months ago. What's the worst that could happen?
- If you look like Peter Boyle in "Young Frankenstein," you can always score with chubby British girls with spineless, acquiescent parents.
- When your daughter is in the midst of permanently screwing up her life, you can't sit on the sidelines; you should give her all the help she needs then go to the papers so the whole world knows and she can become the most famous underage hosebag this side of Jamie Lynn Spears.
- "You're very mature for your age": The verbal date rape drug.
These are lessons I won't forget, especially the stuff about going along with whatever your kids want. Now if you'll excuse me I'm off to hand my 12 year old the keys to my car so he can go buy himself an AK-47, the contents of the WalMart candy aisle, and the "Saw Trilogy" boxed set.
Entertainmentwise: When interviewed recently, [Kate Beckinsale] couldn’t stop talking about her vagina!Speaking to Allure magazine, the Underworld actress reveals: “I've only ever had about three boyfriends. Only a handful of people have seen into the Pharaoh's Tomb!" Kate sinks to lower depths when asked about her best feature. She gushes: “My best feature is unfortunately a private matter, although I'm told it is spectacular. But you can't really walk it down the red carpet. What can I say?" After a giggling fit, Kate then enlighten the interviewer, by silently mouthing the magical words: “Mytwat.”
I'm trying to stop writing about Beckinsale, honestly I am. I don't want to be repetitive here, nor do I want to get the authorities involved in what is becoming a dangerous obsession with me. But how can you ignore her when she keeps bringing the heat on an almost daily basis? I've seen every other part of her, and the notion that her va-jay-jay is better than the rest of her gives me the vapors. I'm glad I didn't hear her talk dirty about her girl parts in that accent. I'm not sure my heart would take it. And for the record, unlike some guys, yes I do believe it's possible to have a really good looking one. I have no doubt Kate's boyfriends are right on the money.
4. BRAINTREE, Mass. -- A pizza deliveryman lead police to an underage drinking party last Saturday night. Police said the teens ordered a pizza and two bags of chips. "They took the food and slammed the door," said Robert Sullivan, the pizza deliveryman. "So I knocked again, rang the doorbell and no one answered the door again." Then Sullivan flagged down a local police officer driving by. Upon arrival on Plain Street in Braintree, police found several teenagers at an unsupervised party drinking alcohol. The host's parents were out of town. The group of partygoers included Braintree High School athletes. "As a result of these kids not paying a $10 bill, 39 individuals are being summoned into court to face minor in possession of alcohol charges," said Chief Paul Frazier of the Braintree Police Dept. Braintree High School officials said there is a zero tolerance policy at their school and the students will be disciplined.
Typical South Shore scumbags. You wouldn’t see this shit on the North Shore I’ll tell you that much. Yeah you may get stabbed late night at the Porthole, but people pay their pizza bill. Honestly what the hell were these idiots thinking? Never mind drawing attention to the fact that you’re underage and drinking, but who the fuck orders a pizza and doesn’t pay for it? That’s like the lowest from of scumbag there is. I mean how do you not empathize with the Pizza man? He’s just driving around in a beat up car trying to scratch out a living. You think he wants to be delivering pie for a career? The last thing he needs is some teenage punks stealing his pizza and slamming the door in his face. He probably gets docked a week’s pay for that if he returns back to the office empty handed. Bottom-line is that hassling the delivery man is just a total asshole move. I hope these douche bags get incarcerated.
PS – For some reason the Papa Gino’s in South Weymouth has a bunch of old bags as their delivery boys. I almost don’t even want to order it anymore because I don’t have the heart to face them when they show up. I mean they seem like they are happy people, but how can you be happy when you’re 60 and a pizza delivery man? I end up tipping their asses like triple so they can retire and because I feel guilty. The whole thing ends up costing me more than it would to go to the Capital Grille but at least I can sleep at night.
5. NJ.com - The Red Sox open this season against the Oakland A's in Japan. Appearing on Boston radio station WEEI last Friday, Epstein said, "Kevin Brown and Mike Mussina spent the whole time bitching about it ... and by the time the Yankees team got back from the trip they were all using it as a crutch." Told of the comments, Mussina said sarcastically, "Yeah, we used it as an excuse for winning the division."
Man, Theo is getting real comfortable huh? He wins a couple championships and suddenly he is openly bashing the Yankees and calling Mike Mussina a bad apple. Personally I love it! The Yankees are like our little bitch now. Hey Mike if you don’t like being called a bad apple how about doing something about it? Maybe win a big game for once? Or try staying in the starting rotation for an entire season. Or how about winning a championship? Maybe that will get Theo to bite his tongue. But until then just shut up and take your medicine like a man because we own your ass.
As a side note if the Sox win the World Series this year are we officially a dynasty? I think we are right? I mean 3 championships in 5 years as good as it gets in today’s modern day game. Even Yankee fans will have to tip their hat to us and call us their master. After all we’ll probably never see a run like this for the rest of this century.
6. This random thought has nothing to do with anything, but I feel like I need to get something off my chest. Am I crazy or is the Puffy shirt making a comeback? I swear I’ve noticed 3 chicks wearing a puffy shirt within the last week and I’ve seen it in the window of a couple boutiques in Boston. What gives? Am I the only one that has noticed this new trend? I thought maybe I was losing my mind but then I had a meeting with an ad agency yesterday and one of the chicks in the meeting was wearing a puffy shirt. What the fuck? I couldn’t even concentrate because I was mentally preparing my blog the entire meeting. I probably lost the deal but whatever. Obviously these chicks have never seen Seinfeld right? I mean it’s bad enough to wear an ugly shirt, never mind one that is famous for being ugly. It’ almost as bad as a grown man like me starting to wear Quicksilver sweatshirts when the average age of their customers is 14 years old. But that’s a different story for a different day.
7. ALTAMONTE SPRINGS, Fla. --A woman lied to police that she was carjacked Tuesday so she wouldn't get in trouble with her father for missing curfew. The 27-year-old Brandy Hicks claimed she was attacked on State Road 434 in Altamonte Springs early Tuesday morning and then woke up later in some nearby woods. Officers, even her father, who's an Orange County sheriff's deputy, rushed to the scene near 434 to find out what happened. Hicks told investigators she left her job as a stripper at Dancers Royale in Orlando and had dropped off a friend when a man approached her car at an intersection and hit her over the head. Hicks said she woke up six hours later in the woods. But police found her blue Chevy only a few blocks away and that's when officers said her story started to unravel. Investigators said Hicks made up the story because she lives with her parents and feared they'd kick her out for getting drunk and staying out all night.
I think you've really got to admire the job that Brandy's parents are doing. It can't be easy to raise a daughter in an increasingly wicked world. There's so many evil influences pulling at girls these days, and it's reassuring to know that, in one family at least, personal responsibility still means something. While they might not always like it, kids, even 27 year olds, need structure. I don't have daughters, but if I did, I like to think I'd follow Dept. Hicks' example. "Young lady, as long as you live under my roof, you'll have to live by my rules. And that means a curfew. What time do you stop showing your cooch down at Dancer's Royale? 2 AM? Fine. Then we expect you to leave right after your last lap dance and be in this house by no later than 2:30. Are we clear? OK. I love you too, Honey Bunny." It's heartwarming, really.
8. Boston.com - Patriots running back Kevin Faulk has been charged with marijuana possession after he was found with four hand-rolled cigars filled with the illegal substance while attending a concert in his home state of Louisiana, Capt. John Babin of the Lafayette (La.) Metro Narcotics Task Force said today. Faulk, who has played nine seasons in the NFL, all with the Patriots, was issued a citation after he was found with marijuana while attending a Lil' Wayne rap concert last Friday night at the Cajundome in Lafayette. According to Babin, Faulk was with friends and on his way to a suite at the Cajundome when he was searched in the administration office of the building by an in uniform, off-duty Lafayette Parish Sheriff's deputy who was providing security for the event.
How is this even a news story? Give me a fucking break. I mean what do you expect to happen at a Lil Wayne concert at the Cajundome? I’m almost disappointed that Faulk only had 4 blunts on him when he was busted. Seems like this should be a 7 blunt affair minimum. Bottom-line is that what happens at the Cajundome stays at the Cajundome.
PS – What’s up with the off duty cop in uniform just helping out? This guy must have a big social life.
9. DES MOINES, Iowa — A judge has denied an Iowa man's claim that he shouldn't have been fired for repeatedly requesting help to procure a prostitute. Neil Jorgensen, 62, of Kalona, worked at Riverside Casino and Golf Resort in Riverside and was given a gift certificate and free night's stay at the casino hotel to mark a year's employment. After eating and drinking at a casino restaurant, he returned to his hotel room about midnight and later called hotel managers about hiring a prostitute. When managers refused to help him, he made a call to the adjacent resort and made the same request. "The advertisement is that it's just like Las Vegas, so I thought I was in Las Vegas," Jorgensen testified at a hearing regarding his request for unemployment benefits. Hotel workers were sent to Jorgensen's room to ask him to stop demanding prostitutes. When they arrived at his room, Jorgensen answered the door in the nude, human resources director Tim Donovan said. Jorgensen was fired the next day. At the hearing, Jorgensen said his actions didn't hurt the casino, and he said he'd received strong performance reviews. He also blamed the restaurant for serving him too much alcohol. "I was absolutely plowed," he said.
I’ve been doing Barstool a long time and this is without a shadow of a doubt the most outrageous story in the history of the Stool. I haven’t been this upset about something since I saw The Hurricane. I mean if anybody should get fired here it’s the Riverside Casino ad agency for false advertising Listen don’t say you’re just like Las Vegas if you’re going to arrest a dude for soliciting a prostitute. Because trust me when I say that’s nothing like Las Vegas. In fact it sounds closer to Lincoln Park if you ask me. I mean any gambling establishment can have a couple black jack tables and slot machines. But it’s the sluts that separate the men from the boys.
10. In the four years of doing Barstool Sports I feel like I’ve pretty much seen it all in terms of getting threatened by different people. . I’ve been sued by an angry mom from South Boston because her kid was in the background of a photo. I had the Bentley Women’s Tennis coach threaten legal action if I didn’t remove pictures of one of his players immediately. I’ve been contacted by the mother of a bunch of Cheerleaders from Texas when I commented on a story I saw on Fox News. Basically you name it and I’ve been threatened with it. But today we hit a new milestone. We were all set to do a photo shoot this Wednesday with a former Smokeshow of the Day. That was until I received this facebook message yesterday;
Smokeshow - I wanted to ask you- I talked to my parents last night and they are concerned that if I do this it is going to be a bad idea when I'm trying to find a job this semester. Have you ever had any problems like this? I really want to do it, though.
So I gave her a call to see what she was thinking. Now keep in mind I could honestly care less whether this girl does the photo shoot. Don’t get me wrong I think she’s super hot and would make a great cover, but we have a million girls who want to do it. The last thing I want to do is pressure a girl into doing something she’s not comfortable with when there a ton of girls who are dying to do it. But like I said this girl seemed really cool and really psyched about it. Long story short she basically says her dad is nervous and she just got off the phone with him and she wants me to call him to reassure him that Barstool Sports is legit and isn’t some fly by night operation blah, blah, blah. So because I like this girl and she really wants to do the photo shoot I agree to give her dad a call. Big Mistake! Because it was arguably the most disrespectful 2 minute phone call I’ve ever had in my life. Here is my best memory of how it went down. But to be honest it happened so fast it was kind of a blur.
El Pres – Hi this is Dave Portnoy. I run Barstool Sports and your daughter asked that I give you a call to get you more comfortable with Barstool and tell you more about us and answer any questions you may have because she wants to do a photo shoot with us.
Smokeshow Dad – My daughter will do this shoot over my dead body. There is nothing to talk about. I’m already talking to lawyers about how to sue you to get the other pictures you posted of her removed.
El Pres – huh?
Smokeshow Dad - We’re figuring out how to bring legal action against you as we speak.
El Pres – You mean for the smokeshow photos?
Smokeshow Dad – Yes.
El Pres- I think it would be pretty hard since your daughter gave us permission right?
Smokeshow Dad – She was under the influence when she said yes.
El Pres – Huh?
Smokeshow Dad – This conversation is over and if you ever talk to my daughter ever again you’ll be hearing from my attorney. CLICK
After he hung up on me I called the girl back who was waiting to hear how it went. I told her that besides her dad threatening to sue me, forbidding me to ever talk to her again and hanging up on me it went pretty well. Needless to say the dad and the daughter were on slightly different pages. Bottom-line is I was set up like a Motherfucker. Now there is a part of me that doesn’t totally want to bash the dad here. After all, one day maybe I’ll be a dad and will freak out in a similar situation. But at the same time if this guy was going to come at me like that he should probably have spent 10 minutes doing some research on Barstool Sports. Because he would have found out real quickly that one of my absolute pet peeves is people threatening to sue me when I’m 100% in the right. And in this case I’m 9,0000% in his right. His daughter knew exactly what she was getting herself into and wanted to do it and still wants to do it. Plus, she is 21 years old! I think she can make decisions for herself. Not to mention the fact that she wants to get a job in sales/finance in Boston. Do you think being on the Cover of Barstool would help or hurt this girl get a job? Cmon! But that's really neither here nor there. Bottom-line is that this dad should be thanking his lucky starts that I like his daughter and don’t want to embarrass her because I could make this into a fucking horror story for him. Again I can understand a dad wanting to protect his daughter. But at some point you just got to let your kids go. You can’t run her life at 21. If she wants to try modeling than that’s up to her. But whatever you do don’t threaten a smut publisher because you can’t control your daughter. Because that’s how you turn a non issue into a major clusterfuck.
PS - I totally deserve a big slice of blame pie for this incident as well. I mean what the fuck am I doing calling girls dads? That’s not in my job description. I’m so fucking stupid. From now on Rule #1 at the Stool is no calling Daddy. You’d think after four years I’d know better.
Double PS - How awesome would it be if the chick still does the cover? I hope she does.
11. BEVERLY, Mass. -- A local man is accused of allegedly threatening to kill people at the Registry of Motor Vehicles. Gary Woodbury, 52, allegedly told the employees at the RMV in Beverly that he would shoot them after he was denied a state issued ID Wednesday. Woodbury says that he never threatened to shoot them and that this all a big misunderstanding. Woodbury also says that he does not own a gun nor has he ever applied for one. "I told them their employer should line them all up and teach them how to do their job instead of shooting people out the door," Woodbury said. Woodbury was arrested and is facing two counts of threatening to commit murder
Does it really matter what Woodbury said? If people got arrested every time they threatened to kill an RMV employee the entire state of MA would be in jail. I mean I’d say I make death threats at least 40% of the time I go in there. In fact I thought it was just understood that RMV employees don’t even start listening to you until you threaten to mutilate them. That’s the only way to get their attention. Saying I’m going to shoot you is the equivalent of saying “hello my name is Dave” to people who work at the Registry. I thought everybody knew this.
12. Bostonherald.com - Big on-air shakeups are under way at two Boston TV stations - moves that have brought mixed emotions. WCVB-TV (Ch. 5) has switched up the anchor desk - morning through night. Former WFXT-TV (Ch. 25) weekend anchor and reporter Bianca de la Garza is Channel 5’s new early morning co-anchor. She’ll go up against her husband, David Wade, who delivers the morning news at WBZ. But a little competition is nothing new for this couple. The pair met while working as reporters for competing TV stations in Albany, N.Y. “We’ve done that before. He’s a big boy,” said de la Garza, who has been freelancing for Channel 5 since July. “For the first time in 10 years of us being together, we’ll have time off together with our daughter.”
I absolutely refuse to believe that there isn’t going to be some serious hate fucking going on at Wade/de la Garza household. I mean Bianca already basically pissed in her husband’s eyeball with that “He’s a big boy” line. That’s obviously code for I’m going to kick his ass all over the place and there ain’t a god damn thing he can do about it. And you know what? She’s right. How the hell can David Wade compete with a smokeshow like Bianca de la Garza? I give it two years before David Wade throws in the towel on this relationship. There is just no way a man can be a man when his wife is dominating him in the workforce like this. I mean if the First Lady was the Editor of Hustler or something I wouldn’t even be able to show my face in public. Or Spare Change for that matter.
13. HAMILTON - A Hamilton man's 19th drunken driving conviction earned him eight years in prison and a lecture about his 30-year record, which ranks him among Ohio's six worst drunken drivers. He's among four Ohio drivers with 19 drunken-driving convictions; two others are tied for the state record of 20 convictions. Powers also imposed a lifetime driving suspension. But Wolf has disregarded suspensions since at least 1984. Butler County Prosecutor Robin Piper said Wolf's eight-year prison term is proof: "This guy is the example that shows everyone that drinking too much and getting in a car can land you in prison for eight years. That ought to be long enough to sober you up." Piper said he understands alcoholism is a disease. But, he said: "No disease makes you get in a car and drive. If you want to get plastered, stay home and get plastered on the front porch instead of climbing into a car and risking the lives of innocent people. Stay at home with your 12-pack."
I’m pretty sure a guy with 19 DUI’s doesn’t get drunk off a 12 pack, but that’s neither here nor there. The real question is what is this guy going to do when he gets out of jail in 8 years. Does he go for the record? You have to right? I mean it’s not everyday you get that close to a State title. Poor guy is only one DUI away. It would be like Cal Ripken getting hurt in the game before he broke the consecutive game streak. Just a total waste to get this close and not break the record. People don’t remember the 2nd place DUI guy. This is why you lift all them weights.
PS – I’m not sure how this proves you can’t drink and drive without consequences in Ohio. They guy was driving without a license since 1984 and still managed to rack up 19 DUI’s. Impressive to say the least. Way to send a message to the kids!
14.NORTH HUNTINGDON, Pa. - A former homecoming queen is facing a slew of charges Thursday, accused of attacking her sister with a prosthetic leg and then threatening to burn down a neighbor's home. Not long after graduating from Norwin High School, drama began for Donna Sturkie-Anthony. The ex-homecoming queen had two DUI convictions in Allegheny County in 1991. One was in Rankin, where police said she was so drunk she smeared her feces in the back of a police car. Anthony married and moved away in the late 1990s. But when she returned, she was arrested another half dozen times by North Huntingdon police, most recently last month. Police said Anthony's sister came to visit her at her Route 30 trailer, and the two started arguing about her alcohol abuse. Then, police said Anthony pulled off her sister's prosthetic leg and beat her with it. A month later, police said, Anthony stole her neighbor's telephone and then threatened to burn down their trailer if they testified against her. In another incident, police said Anthony threw ground meat at her neighbor before she threatened to kick his pregnant daughter in the stomach.
Ah the old homecoming queen gone bad story. It’s a tale as old as time itself. One second you’re on top of the world dating the QB of the football team and the next second you’re living in a trailer park home, beating your sister with her prosthetic leg, smearing shit in the back of police care and throwing ground meat at your neighbors. It’s a downfall that is as predictable as the changing of the seasons. But no matter how many times I hear it, it still brings a tear to my eye. Nothing hurts me more than seeing yet another homecoming queen falter under the pressure of trying to live up to that title as an adult.
PS – Memo to self. Don’t fuck with this chick. Because only the baddest of the bad beat somebody with prosthetic limbs, never mind their own sister. Honestly is their anything more degrading than having somebody beat you with your own prosthetic leg? How can it possibly get any worse than that? Do me a favor and just punch me in the face or kick me in the balls. But whatever you do don’t beat me with my own appendage.
15. February 19th -- The board of New York City's Off- Track Betting Corp., the first legal off-site pari-mutuel wagering operation in the U.S., voted today to shut down the business at the urging of Mayor Michael Bloomberg.
Say it ain't so... say it ain't so. See, when stuff like this happens, nobody thinks of the degenerates who won’t have a place to bet/sleep from 1 – 5:30 everyday. Nobody thinks about the fathers, barely with enough money to put food on the table for their families, losing bet after bet, race after race, 365 days a year. Who cries for them? This is easily their version of the day the music died. However after reading the article something just doesn’t smell right about this whole thing, and I’m not just talking about the bathrooms. OTB’s are a part of New York City just like the Empire State Building and the hookers at Hunt's Point Market. I'm no economist, but it doesn’t make much sense to me shutting down a cash cow like OTB which takes in $1 billion in bets per year. I mean clearly people aren’t winning there (see right) somebody has to be smart enough to figure out a way to keep it in business, right? What's Mitt Romney up to? Anyway, my heart goes out to the NYC degenerates. Maybe the city will be kind of enough to allow gambling at strip clubs, God knows these people need some place to hang out other than their homes.
16. Nudar.com - NUDAR is "radar" for strip clubs and nudity. Our goal is to locate every public place and event where you can find naked hotties across the globe - and we need your help! If you know of a place, person, or event that should be on the NUDAR, let us know at tips@nudar.com
| Add NUDAR to your GPS unit and discover nudity worldwide! |
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Mother fucker. I hate it when people invent ideas that I should have thought of first. Nudar is freaking brilliant. I would have killed for this back when I was an outside salesman. I feel like I wasted half my life searching for the closest titty bar on the Merrit Parkway. Now the only thing left to invent is Golfar. Because if you can find the closest public golf course and the closets titty bar what else is their in life? Mark my words that every salesman in America is going to have nudar on their GPS by the end of the year. It’s an absolute no brainer.
17. Jezebel.com - There's a website that allows you to anonymously send an e-card to the people you've slept with in order to alert them to the fact that you have an STD and that they should probably get tested. InSpot.org, which was created by the San Francisco Internet Sexuality Information Services, hopes to provide an easy and responsible solution for people who need to notify former (current?) partners that they may have been exposed to an STD.
Easy and responsible solution? Okay I can live with the easy part, but how is sending somebody an ecard telling them that you gave them the Hep C responsible? That’s the coward’s way out if you ask me. That’s like dumping somebody via email. At the very least have the guts to sleep with the person again and tell them face to face so they can hate fuck the shit out of you for a couple minutes. I think you owe the victim that much don’t you?
18. Australian News.com - A woman who said she was relentlessly taunted by colleagues because of chronic flatulence has lost her discrimination claim, an employment tribunal confirmed today. The woman, who cannot be named, claimed she was subjected to cruel jibes from staff at Leeds Metropolitan University because she suffered from severe irritable bowel syndrome. The Leeds tribunal heard how one colleague said: "She opens the window because she sits there and stinks the place out - we shouldn't have to put up with it."
She told the hearing colleagues would make sniffing noises and "bowel jokes" when she was in earshot. The woman complained about being harassed but disciplinary proceedings were started against her because of concerns over the quality of her work and increased sickness absences, the tribunal heard.
It's easy to make fun of a nation that has more Lords and Dukes than orthodontists, but sometimes you just have to hand it to the British. What are the odds this woman would've had her case dismissed if she lived in the States? Instead she would've not only gotten her job back... with back pay and damages... her co-workers would've been fired for violating the Americans with Disabilities Act, the other employees would have to go to Fart Sensitivity Training, the company would have to hire a full time Chronic-Flatulence Awareness Co-ordinator, the government would fine them under Affirmative Action for failure to hire enough Gassy-Americans, the ALCU would be suing for infringing her First Amendment right to play the Trouser Trumpet in the workplace, and she'd be at home collecting 100% on her Ass Whistle worker's comp claim.
At least the British judicial system gets something that this woman (and my wife for that matter) just doesn't seem to understand: that farts are never not funny.