Random Thoughts
1. The University of Oklahoma baseball coach Larry Cochell resigned Sunday, two days after reports surfaced of alleged racial remarks he made during two off-camera interviews to ESPN. Cochell was speaking with play-by-play announcer Gary Thorne when he called Dunigan (an African American) over to praise him for staying in school. When the freshman returned to the field, Cochell told Thorne, "There's no n----- in him." The network informed the school that Cochell used similar language in an interview with ESPN analyst Kyle Peterson.
What? Are you serious? This is like the King Kong of racially insensitive statements. I am always amazed by stories like this. How stupid do you have to be to use the N word on two different occasions when speaking to guys from ESPN? It's one thing to think these thoughts, but you are arguably the dumbest person in America when you actually verbalize them to the media. We're talking about a whole new level of stupid. You just have to be totally clueless to make statements like this and think nobody is going to notice or care.
2. Texas Lawmakers are debating a bill which would outlaw cheerleaders throughout the state from performing sexually suggestive moves. What is this world coming to? My only guess on why anybody would ever propose such a stupid law is because these same lawmakers want to be on the committee that reviews tapes of what is considered sexually suggestive. No word yet on how this would affect the most famous cheerleaders on the planet, the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders. As a side note, I still don't understand why more girls don't wear that costume for Halloween. It's a no-brainer.
3. Matt Clement has been pitching great so far this season. I know I'm not the first guy to say this about Clement and I won't be the last, but what is up with that Goatee? That is the ugliest looking thing I've ever seen in my life. I feel like puking every time I see it. You know that everybody must tell Clement to shave it. Is he married? Do you think the goatee is a deal breaker for chicks even though he is a ball player? I bet even Bronson Arroyo's Northeastern Hoes wouldn't be caught dead around that thing.
4. Giacamo shocked the world in the Kentucky Derby and I'm ashamed of myself. Yes, I had Giacamo in all my exotics. Yes, he was the only long shot that I thought had a chance. And I'll admit it wasn't because I did a great job handicapping the race. All I knew was that he was grey (which I love), and had the same name as my favorite restaurant in the world. What more did I need though? Every sign in the world was telling me to bet on Giacamo to win, but what did I do? I put him in exactas with Afleet Alex, Bandini and Bellamy Road. (Bandini still hasn't finished) Naturally I didn't have him just to win. I can't breathe. This will go down as one of the greatest missed opportunities of my life and I have nobody to blame but myself. The lesson learned here is that whenever there is a grey horse that has the same name as my favorite restaurant bet the house on him.
5. Has everybody heard about the hottest new trading card in circulation? Apparently Topps released a one-of-a-kind card featuring Pope John Paul II complete with his autograph earlier this year. Right now the card is for sale on Ebay with an asking price of roughly 9 grand. I was thinking of getting in the mix by offering 32 Gregg Jeffries rookie cards and 7 Ricky Jordan rookie cards for the Pope straight up.
6. Five Connecticut football players were charged in a case in which the window of a vehicle was shot out by a pellet gun as two cars passed in a parking lot. The players were suspended from the team Monday, coach Randy Edsall said. The driver's side window was knocked out of a car driven by a 55- year-old Willimantic woman. The suspects fled in a sport utility vehicle and were located a few minutes later, police said. The woman, whose name was not released, was treated at a hospital for minor injuries, police added.
I've read this story five times and still don't understand what the UConn football players were trying to accomplish. It had to just be a random shooting right? I mean how can they have a grudge with a 55 year old lady? And what's up with their escape route? They were caught within a few minutes of committing the crime! These guys must have been real brain surgeons. I guess that's what people do in Storrs for entertainment once the basketball season ends.
7. Lebron James has fired his agent Aaron Goodwin. The same Aaron Goodwin who negotiated about $135 million in endorsement deals for the 20-year-old superstar in the past two years. The same Aaron Goodwin who got LeBron a $90 million landmark deal from Nike -- the richest initial shoe contract offered to an athlete. The same Aaron Goodwin who also helped James secure multimillion deals with Upper Deck, Coca-Cola, Bubbalicous and Juice Batteries. So who did LeBron replace Goodwin with? The Four Horseman of course. This would consist of four of his high school buddies who now roll in his posse. Hmm, I guess a gazillion dollars isn't enough to keep both Aaron Goodwin and The Four Horseman happily employed.
8. I must admit I'm somewhat disappointed in the finish of the Amazing Race. First of all I think the fix was in. I just don't understand why Uchenna and Joyce were allowed on the first flight to Miami. I honestly think the Amazing Race pulled some strings to let them on the plane and keep the race close. There is simply no other explanation. I thought it was an FAA rule that once the doors are shut nobody else can get on the plane. I swear the fix was in. I like Joyce and Uchenna, but they had no business winning and really didn't deserve it. I think the Amazing Race needs to get rid of the rule where teams who come in last don't always get eliminated. It's a stupid rule. If you come in last you should be out, end of story. And I don't like when they let all the teams catch up after a complete day of racing. It's one thing to start each leg of the journey by bunching the teams together, but it's not right to allow teams to catch up who have sucked all day. Again, I like Joyce and Uchenna, but Rob and Amber were robbed. As a side note, I'm surprised the military guy didn't tell his girlfriend that if somebody tells him to go left when they mean right in combat, somebody dies.
9. The NCAA handed out revised academic ratings yesterday. Locally, BU and the University of Connecticut men's basketball teams got passing scores on academic standards, but the Boston College men's golf team fell below the cutoff mark. Oh, those sneaky Superfans. Clearly anticipating major problems in football next year BC tried to load up on golf. The thinking has to be if the Superfans can't beat you on the gridiron they'll take you out on the links. What kind of message is this for our youth?
10. Maxim came out with its annual 100 Hottest Celebrities list. Eva Longoria from Desperate Housewives rose from 91st last year to 1st in this year's list. El Presidente is not buying the hype. I'm not even sure Longoria is #1 on her own show. Don't get me wrong, she is a very attractive woman, but she shouldn't even be sniffing the Top 10. Here are 10 chicks off the top of my head who beat her easy; Kristin Kreux, Salma Hayek, Tyra Banks, Kate Bosworth, Tiffany Amber Thieson, Jessica Simpson, Jessica Biel, Anna Kournikova, Jessica Alba, Angelina Jolie etc, etc.
11. All the rage over the past few weeks has been the whizzinator. For those people living in a closet, Viking Running Back Ontario Smith was busted at the airport carrying several vials of dried urine and a device called "The Original Whizzinator," which includes a fake penis, bladder and athletic supporter. As far as I can tell, the Whizzinator allows a guy to strap a fake penis on top of his junk and pee out somebody else's urine to beat a drug test. No dispute that this is gross, but I ain't mad at Ontario Smith. Listen, everybody cheats in every sport. I want the teams I root for to win so I want my guys to cheat and not get caught. If that means strapping on the Whizzinator, then you've got to do what you've got to do. If I find out five years later that guys on my team cheated, the league can take down the championship banner and take back the rings. But they can't take away the moment and that's all that counts.
12. I'm not a big Star Wars guy. I was too busy playing sports and stuff growing up to get caught up in all that hype, but you've got no soul if you're not interested in this next one. The bottom line is that Darth Vader is an American Icon and I can't wait to finally get to see Darth Vader become Darth Vader. I won't be the first guy in line for this movie, but you better believe I'll watch it. The anticipation of Darth Vader bursting onto the scene was the only reason I rented the first two prequels to begin with.
13. Two records fell this past weekend at the Byron Nelson Championship. Tiger Woods missed his first cut in 7 years and a record 142 tournaments. Tiger also broke the record for the most times using the complete phrase “golf tournament” in one interview. The always blah Tiger explained missing the cut by saying something to the effect of: “The goal of every golf tournament is to win the golf tournament and to win the golf tournament you need to play four rounds of the golf tournament and I didn’t play the four rounds of the golf tournament because I missed the cut of the golf tournament and it’s disappointing anytime you don’t win a golf tournament because that’s the goal of the golf tournament to win the golf tournament.”
14. In terms of dumb arguments Harold Reynolds took the cake this past Sunday on Baseball Tonight. In honor of Manny’s 400th HR he and John Kruk were debating whether Manny will get into the Hall of Fame. Reynolds said Manny will make it into the Hall but shouldn’t because he isn’t a great all-around player. John Kruk then asked Reynolds why he fought for Harold Baines to get in the Hall. Reynolds argued that since Baines was a DH it was a different situation. Because this makes no sense on so many levels it’s hard to believe Harold Reynolds actually said it, but he did. And yes, Manny deserves to be in the Hall of Fame no questions asked.
15. I’ve been saying the same thing every week for the past two months, but the Contender is the best show on television and last night proved it yet again. If you haven’t been watching this show you should be ashamed of yourself. The last fight was just an absolute battle between Peter Manfredo Jr. and Alphonzo Gomez. I think it was a great decision to move the fights to 7 rounds from here on out. It makes a huge difference. Alphonzo would have won on Sunday if it were still a five round fight. Regardless, watching what these guys went through really makes you appreciate how tough it is to fight 10, 12 and 15 round bouts. Alphonzo’s face looked like he got hit in the head with a hammer 100 times in a row when it was over. Just a savage beating. As far as comedic value goes, the best part of last night’s episode was when Peter Manfredo’s dad asked Sly if he was going to make Rocky VI. Sly made a joke about there being nobody left to fight except Arthritis and blew it off, but just today in the Herald there was an article that he wants to do another Rocky. You just know that deep down he was thinking it was a great idea. As a side note I’m in the market to buy one of those 1974 Zaire sweaters that the bald trainer wears in honor of the Rumble in the Jungle. Just a great piece of clothing.
Reader Email
Email #1
El Prez, As a proud citizen in the Mill City, I'd like to go on record as stating that the "Real World Lowell" would be the greatest reality TV show of all time. The world at-large got a small taste of 2002's "All American City" in the early 90's HBO Documentary "High on Crack Street: Lost Lives in Lowell." If you can get your hands on a copy, I suggest a screening for all members of stoolie nation.
Ryan Mexico
I don't have much to say on this email except that it made me laugh.
Email #2
1) What makes you think it's journalistically interesting to read about an unfunny fictitious interview with a former Red Sox player? To me it says "we're not good enough to get a real interview with Nomar, so here's a fake one." Then you have the balls to put "Nomar Speaks! Barstool Interview With Nomar Garciaparra" on the front of your paper just so people will pick it up. Yeah, that seems ethical. 2) How did you get anywhere in journalism without any apparent knowledge of spelling or grammar? It's Ricky Jordan, not Ricky Jordon. It's Gregg Jefferies, not Greg Jeffries. It's Dan Shaughnessy, not Dan Shaugnessy. It's A-Rod, not Arod. This tells me that anyone with enough capital can start their own unasked-for sports magazine and deliver it to the public. 3) Maybe Bill Simmons didn't want to grant you an interview because he doesn't like your magazine and he was just trying to be nice by saying he didn't want any more publicity. Maybe you should have caught onto that when he didn't return the 20th of your 100 calls to him. 4) Why do you feel it's interesting to read about your personal hatred for a competing publication? Have you ever read anything like that in a respectible magazine? Sorry to sound so uppity in this e-mail, but it really bugs me to see a magazine with such potential sink to such depths. I'm sure you work very hard, but as an occasional (lately, rare) reader, I only consider Barstool Sports to be amateurish at best. Take this advice for whatever it's worth.
Peace, Bill
HA! HA! HA! Bill, your advice is worth nothing. But the email is priceless. I actually really enjoy getting stuff like this. It's not that Bill is necessarily wrong about his opinions, but he's demented if he thinks I'm going to care. You can't win with an email like this. He should be ashamed of himself for pouring his little heart out and wasting his own time and energy on an email that is clearly going to be made fun of. And apparently I tricked him into picking up the paper with the Nomar interview too. Viva El Presidente!!!!
Email #3
El Pres, What are your thoughts on Boston.com's sports blogger Eric Wilbur? I think the guy's a joke who doesn't have a funny bone in his entire body. Wilbur came on the scene following Bill Simmons' promotion to ESPN, essentially trying to stake his claim as the Boston area funny sports commentary guy...except he's devastatingly unfunny. Why oh why is Boston.com still paying this clown?! From the file of "It's never too early to talk about College Football," how 'bout our Wolverines this season? We've got a young stud QB in Chad Henne, a absolute dynamo in Mike Hart, and the most exciting player in college football in Steve Breaston. Now if we can just get Lloyd Carr to start coaching to win instead of coaching not to lose... Keep up the good work Pres, you're doing a 100x better job than Eric Wilbur...even though 100 x 0 = 0.
Matt E.
I'd rather somebody say that I'm a horrible human being than call me "devastatingly unfunny." I love that phrase though. I'm going to start using that as my own. To be honest, I don't read Wilbur so I can't trash him yet. But it's good to know we're funnier than him.