Random Thoughts
1. boston.com - "Middle of the game you've got the fashion police. This is incredible." -- Terry Francona, on being called out of the dugout Wednesday so an MLB security official could make sure he was wearing his uniform top under his usual Boston pullover jacket. MLB Vice President Bob Watson said "I'm not talking about that, and I'm disappointed that they talked about it. And there will be something said about that," "That's in house."
What’s all this about? If I was Francona I’d be bullshit too. First of all why the fuck does MLB care what he is wearing underneath his Red Sox jacket? Obviously nobody can see what he’s wearing or else they wouldn’t have to check it in the first place. It makes no sense. If you can’t see it why does it matter? It’s like Tito is getting penalized in the event that someone with X-ray vision comes to the game and can see through his jacket. And let’s assume that somebody does have X-Ray vision, I still don’t know how this can warrant interrupting a manager in the middle of the game? Only MLB would pull a stunt like this. They turn a blind eye to steroids for 10 years, but they got the Gestapo running around on stealth missions trying to figure out what kind of underwear managers are wearing. And Bob Watson has the balls to complain when Tito says he’s pissed about it. MLB is like a bizarro KGB or something where the only thing that matters is things that don’t matter.
2. Espn.com - "That's absolutely ridiculous," Yankees manager Joe Torre said about Joba Chamberlain’s ejection. "Unfortunately, in a lot of situations, the umpires do not apply common sense. And I've seen it too many times. And something has to change. Either they have to school them or do something that certainly gives them a feel for the game better than they showed today."
Joba Chamberlain and Joe Torre can cut the freaking shit. Listen, if you want to be Mr. Tough Guy and throw at Youkilis’s head at least be man enough to stand by it. I HATE when guys throw at people and then blab on and on about how it was accident and how they have so much respect for the opponent. That’s a fucking coward move. Either be a man and stand by your actions or don’t do it in the first place. Or at least say no comment when reporters ask about it. But this Joe Torre “whoa is me” routine is disgusting. Torre is one of the biggest frauds not only in sports but in life. All he does is try to act like his shit doesn’t stink, but he’s the type of guy would give you marital advice while he’s fucking your wife on the side. He’s an absolute scam artist. I hope nobody is buying his latest load of crap. He clearly ordered the hit on Youkilis. Anybody who honestly thinks that those two pitches just slipped should be locked in an insane asylum and they should throw away the key. It’s not even a debate. A Major League pitcher doesn’t throw two fastballs over somebody’s head by accident. End of story. It just doesn’t happen. I hope Beckett throws a fastball in Jeter’s teeth next time they play and then points at Torre in the dugout. That would be poetic justice.
3. DAR ES SALAAM (AFP) - A traditional medicine man in Tanzania drowned after jumping in a river and promising to resurface three days later with revelations from ancestral spirits, police said Tuesday. "His decomposing body was fished out several metres downstream."
I hope freaking David Blaine reads this story. This is the way that magic tricks are supposed to work. You either deliver on your promise or you die. There is no in-between. I’m sick of all these candy ass magicians talking all this junk and then when they fail just acting like it’s no big deal. If you fail I want your decomposing body fished out of a river three days later. End of story. This medicine man has more respect from me in death than Blaine will ever have in his sorry ass life.
4. (AP)ABBOTSFORD, Wis. - Two men, driving the same pickup truck, have been cited for driving drunk in central Wisconsin. Police stopped their truck in Abbotsford, Wis. recently and found 43-year-old Harvey Miller was steering the truck. Miller has no legs. Officers say 55-year-old Edwin Marzinske was operating the gas pedals and brake. The police report says Miller admitted he was too drunk to drive, but argued he wasn't actually operating the truck because he couldn't push the gas pedal. Officers disagreed and cited him for drunken driving, third offense. Marzinske was cited for his second drunken driving offense.
Man what a duo this team is. This has to be some sort of world record right? I’ve never heard of two guys getting busted for a DUI for driving the same car at the same time. That’s quite a feat. I love LT Dan’s argument about how his driving doesn’t really count as driving because he wasn’t pushing the pedals. That’s some priceless shit right there. Now I don’t want to be a wet blanket and ruin a great story, but I need to ask why the guy with no legs was involved at all? It’s my experience that driving tends to be a one man job. No need to bring in a drunk legless man in to work the wheel, but hey whatever floats your boat.
5. News.com.au - New Zealand-born Taukiri Christopher Keen, 20, pleaded guilty in Queensland Supreme Court today to the attempted murder of James Gilders at the Old Boggo Road jail in Brisbane in October 2005. He was sentenced to nine years in jail. The court was told Keen and Mr Gilders had been friends for more than two years when the friendship soured after Keen suspected Mr Gilders of sleeping with his girlfriend. Prosecutor Michael Lehane told the court the pair went to the abandoned prison for a visit and jumped over the walls to get in. As Mr Gilders bent down, Keen stabbed him in the neck, knocked him to the ground, dropped a large rock on his head twice and stabbed him again. When he had finished, Keen asked Mr Gilders if he was dead yet, to which Mr Gilders responded: "Not even close, brother". He got to his feet and the pair shook hands before Keen left the badly injured Mr Gilders to make his own way out of the old prison. Mr Gilders called an ambulance and was to hospital where he was treated for a broken jaw and stab wounds to his neck, including one which came close to his jugular vein. He did not make a complaint and the incident did not come to police attention until Keen confessed while police where interviewing him about other incidents in January 2006.
Well if this story doesn’t explain Man Law than nothing does. Clearly the guy who got stabbed and had the rock dropped on his head was sleeping with the other dude’s girlfriend. Because that’s the only way to justify trying to kill somebody as well as explaining the fact after these two dudes were able to shake hands and walk away after it was over. This is just the way it works. If you bang somebody’s significant other and get busted, then that automatically gives them the right to try and murder you. But only once. If they fail then everybody just needs to let bygones be bygones. This story should be included in Health Textbooks across the globe.
6. Boston.com --New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady's newborn son is a JET. A publicist for actress Bridget Moynahan on Tuesday announced the name of the son -- John Edward Thomas Moynahan
With the first pick in the 2006 Fantasy Football Draft, El Presidente selects Jet Brady of the Brady Family. How serious am I about this? I drafted the kid in last years draft even though Bridget wasn’t even pregnant yet. Don’t worry I play in a keepers league. I’m always like 9 steps ahead of everybody else. Seriously though there is no way that Jet isn’t going to be the first 3 sport pro athlete in the history of the world. He may even be the first 4 sport athlete if we can ship him off to Russia to train in one of those sports academies. Either that or the Todd Marinovich camp. Regardless it’s impossible to fail with a name like Jet Brady. And yeah I know his real name is Jet Moynahan, but we all know Bridget is a non factor in this whole thing so we can we drop the Moynahan part already? I mean she already had her moment in the sun. She needs to stop being so selfish and holding this kid back if he’s going to reach his full potential.
7. 
9news.com - DENVER – Police say the man found injured on I-25 Friday night apparently leapt from a moving vehicle to avoid a verbal argument with his significant other. Denver Police say the car was being driven by either the man's wife or girlfriend. They say the woman refused to stop or pull over during the argument, so the man jumped out of the moving car. Authorities say the man suffered non-life-threatening road rash.
This guy definitely belongs in the "I don’t fuck around" hall of fame. I mean jumping out of a moving car because your bitch won’t shut up? That’s pretty freaking hard core. I guess the lesson here is that men should always drive. This way if you get so pissed at your girlfriend that you feel the need to jump you can just pull over and get out or push your girlfriend out of the passenger side door. Either way nobody gets road rash which is obviously the distant cousin of rug burn.
8. Boston.com SALEM, Mass. --Two witches have been accused of tossing a raccoon head and entrails on the doorsteps of two businesses as part of what a witness called an internal Wiccan community feud. Sharon Graham, 46, a self proclaimed high priestess of Salem witches, and Frederick Purtz, 22, pleaded not guilty at their arraignment Wednesday in Salem District Court on charges of malicious destruction of property. A witness told police Graham hoped to frame a local Wiccan who had fired the woman from his psychic telephone business last spring. Watson also said Graham had a disagreement with the owners of the businesses over proposed regulations that would limit the number of psychics who come to the city during the Halloween season.
You got to kind of admire witches. They don’t fuck around. Granted a raccoon head on a doorstep isn’t the same as horse’s head in bed, but I still think it gets the job done. More importantly what’s up with Salem trying to limit the number of psychics who can come to town during Halloween? This is still America right? You don’t see the NFL limiting how many strippers can come to town during the Superbowl do you? At the very least I think witch psychics should be afforded the same rights as strippers. It only seems fair.
9. Newsok.com - An Oklahoma City man has been charged with aggravated assault and battery, accused of causing extensive damage to another man's scrotum just because he wore a University of Texas shirt into a local bar. Brian Thomas said Allen Beckett, whom he had never met, called him "everything under the sun” for wearing a Longhorns T-shirt into the bar. Thomas said he decided he'd had enough after about 20 minutes of Beckett's abuse so he went to the bar to pay his tab. When he turned around, he said Beckett grabbed his crotch and refused to let go. Thomas hit the other man several times before several bar patrons intervened, but Thomas said Beckett didn't let go until Thomas heard his scrotum tear and blood ran down his leg. Two months later, he said he still is a lot of pain. The injury also caused Thomas to fall behind on his child support payments because he couldn't work.
This is rivalry 101 right here boys and girls. When confronted with an opposing fan, first heckle the shit out of them and then rip their balls off. They don’t teach this shit at Superfan U, I’ll tell you that much. This is what separates an average rivalry from a bitter rivalry. It’s all fun and games until somebody grabs hold of your balls and won’t let go. Let’s just hope for the sake of all that is holy that the victim isn’t exaggerating this story just to help with his child support payments. Because as cynical as it may sound, I feel like anytime somebody mentions child support in the same discussion as the Red River Rivalry, there is more to it than meets the eye.
10. Foxnews.com - A judge recently ordered Denver Broncos running back Travis Henry to pay a $3,000-a-month child support payment on top of orders to provide child support to several children he fathered in other states, according to a report.Henry, 28, has fathered nine children by nine women in at least four Southern states and has been ordered by various judges to provide child support for seven of them, according to court records. Shiel Edlin, Henry's lawyer said Henry wants to be a good parent. "I know these are a lot of kids, and there might be some questions about it," he said, "but he's a really committed father."
You know I want to believe that Travis Henry is a committed father. I really do. But there are a couple troubling facts in my mind. Let’s start with the fact that he has 9 kids by 9 different mothers. And those are only the documented ones! In my mind that means he must at least have another 14 undocumented kids running around somewhere. So according to my math he has 23 kids by 23 different mothers. I just don’t know how he would find the time to be a committed father to all 23 of his children. Maybe if there were only like 5 different mothers than he could pull it off, but with his travel schedule and all it’s too big of a balancing act. Another slightly troubling fact is that out of his 9 documented children the mother has had to sue him for child support 7 of the 9 times. Once again this doesn’t exactly scream father of the year to me. Regardless this story is a ringing endorsement for the power and joy of unprotected sex. I mean you know that somewhere along the line somebody has mentioned to Travis that it may make sense to mix in a rubber every now and again. But Henry has made the decision that he would rather pay 30,000 a month in child support than sacrifice the pleasure of unprotected sex. You kind of got to respect him for that.
11. "Whitefish Review": - “The best day of my year was always the day after the season when we landed in Whitefish and I could feel myself exhale. Like the pressure was lifted off my shoulders - a physical feeling when we would get into Whitefish. I always looked forward to that day every year and it never let me down. The worst day of my year was always that last day of my summer. I would sit on the dock at my house on Whitefish Lake with my legs dangling in the water before I would fly back on the plane to training camp.”
-Drew Bledsoe
So while Patriots fans were pouring their hearts and souls into rooting for the club, battling through "War of the Worlds"-like traffic jams, digging through snow drifts to get to their seats, and freezing their asses off because they longed to be part of something special, the QB was wishing he was sittin' on the dock of the bay, watching the tide roll away and dangling his tootsies in the water.
Meanwhile the kid from Michigan was at the stadium before the groundskeepers, huddled in the film room or sweating blood in the weight room and turning out the lights on his way out. Now Tom Brady's fondling supermodels with his multiple-ringed hand, and Drew has his whole life to be glad he doesn't have a football team to lead. Good riddance.
12. STOCKHOLM, Sweden (AP) — Bill Murray could face a drunken driving charge after cruising through downtown Stockholm in a golf cart and refusing to take a breath test, citing U.S. law. Police officers spotted the "Caddyshack" star early Monday in the slow-moving vehicle and noticed he smelled of alcohol when they pulled him over, said Detective-Inspector Christer Holmlund of the Stockholm police. "He refused to blow in the (breath test) instrument, citing American legislation," Holmlund told The Associated Press on Wednesday. " Murray, who had been at a golf tournament in Sweden, signed a document admitting that he was driving under the influence, and agreed to let a police officer plead guilty for him if the case goes to court, Holmlund said. "Then he was let go. My guess is he went back to America," Holmlund said.
Murray got out of the breath test by citing American legislation? I didn’t know you could do that. Live and learn. I may try and take this a step further and start citing whatever city, state or country legislation comes in handy next time I get in trouble. Get busted banging a prostitute? Cite Las Vegas legislation. Get busted for gambling? Cite Las Vegas legislation. Hmm, I guess Las Vegas legislation is pretty much all I’ll need moving forward. Still good to know.
13. Breitbart.com - A Japanese game maker said Wednesday it would withdraw arm-wrestling machines from arcades after three players -- two of them foreigners -- broke their arms. Players would choose a strength level from 10 characters, ranging from a maid to a professional wrestler, and face off with an artificial arm on the other side of the table. A 25-year-old South Korean man broke his right arm while playing the game in Osaka, while a 19-year-old Frenchman and 24-year-old Japanese man also suffered arm fractures, the company said. "We had done careful simulations on the possibility of injuries before putting it on sale, but unexpected accidents can happen with game machines when people are too excited or fail to follow instructions," a company spokeswoman said. "But I'm afraid some foreign nationals couldn't understand the instructions well as it was written only in Japanese," she said.
When in doubt blame it on the foreigners. That’s what I always say. Although I’m not sure that all foreigners automatically qualify as foreign nationals, but I could be wrong about that. Regardless I wonder if the game makers checked what level the people were playing when they got injured? I mean if you’re a wimpy little Frenchman and you try to step into the ring vs. Lincoln Hawk or Bull Hurley obviously you’re going to get your arm broken so in that regard the game would be totally realistic. And you’re not going to catch me complaining about video games that are too realistic. In fact my #1 complaint with video games is that they’re not realistic enough. To that end I wrote a 2 page letter to EA sports when I was in college complaining that I should never be able to take North Texas and go into Lincoln Nebraska and win in college football. I don’t care whether you’re the best video game player in the world that just shouldn’t happen. So pardon me if I don’t shed a tear because some Frenchman learned the hard way what life is like in the world of professional arm wrestling.
14. ELIZABETH, Ind. - A Kentucky man who was playing slot machines at the Caesars Indiana casino claims he sat in a chair soaked with urine left by a gambler who had just exited the seat.Floyd Kibiloski, 60, of Fern Creek, Ky., filed a complaint with the Indiana Gaming Commission, saying a woman who had been playing the slot machine moments earlier had urinated in the chair at the southern Indiana casino. Kibiloski said that after his pants got soaked by the chair July 21 he was given no help in finding a place to clean up and had to walk to his car to change into an old pair of sweat pants. Gamblers who become addicted can enter a trancelike state where even basic hygiene habits are ignored, said Carol O'Hare, executive director of the Nevada Council on Problem Gambling. Their reasoning is so impaired by the addiction that they may go for hours and days without eating or showering...
Well I can certainly speak to that last sentence, but I must say - I've been to casinos everywhere from the Bahamas, to Las Vegas, to a riverboat in Burlington, Iowa, and never have I had the misfortune of sitting in a puddle of an old lady's urine. I mean there has to be rules in society and this is one of them. You can't piss at the slot machines. The only exception I would make if you knew the machine was about to pay off. Some people know this. My buddy's uncle used to fall asleep at the machines out in Vegas muttering to himself, "It's gonna hit... it's gonna hit..." before dozing off on the console. Granted he never hit, but in that case, open up the flood gates. We'll worry about the grounds crew rolling out the tarp in the morning.