Random Thoughts
1. ESPN.com - Maddux is a master of strategically timed nose picking, sidling up to an unsuspecting rookie in the shower and urinating on the kid's leg, and inventing just the right nickname for a teammate with big ears, a prominent schnozz or some other pronounced physical qualities.
So Greg Maddux pisses on people in the shower? Umm, that’s pretty freaking gross. What do you do if you’re a rookie and you notice that Maddux is pissing all over you? Do just kind of laugh and be like “Good one Greg” Or do you just pretend you don’t notice? I mean the odds are that whoever Maddux pisses on can probably beat the shit out of him, but it’s generally considered bad form for a rookie to pummel a future Hall of Famer. Regardless, I think you need to punch him in the face at the very least. I mean I have no problem with people pulling pranks on me, but I draw the line at getting defecated on. You can only push me so far.
2. What’s up with all the crying going on in America Idol? And I’m not talking about the people who get the boot. I have no problem with them bawling their face off. I’m talking about the other contestants. First of all this is a competition. You should be happy whenever somebody gets voted off as long as it’s not you. I’d be doing little pump fists and in your face gestures all night long when somebody gets kicked off. And the thing that makes all this crying even more ridiculous is that these people have only known each other for like 10 minutes. I mean Sundance Head looked like somebody just killed his wife or something. If anything people should have a hard time containing their joy whenever Seacrest tells somebody that they are eliminated. It’s like Willie Mays Hayes needing to go outside the locker room to celebrate the fact he didn’t get cut. That’s how everybody should feel.
3. Okay here is my take on the 2nd Annual Cover Model of the Year Party that we held last week at Mansion. First of all I want to thank everybody who waited in line. There is no doubt that waiting in line sucks. And sure we’ve had a few emails calling us assholes and shit like that because for some reason some people think we purposelessly created the line. Take for example this email that was addressed to Chisholm and not me by the way;
Chisholm,
I'm extremely disappointed in the callous and unprofessional manner we were all made to wait outside Mansion last night.
Instead of the friend I originally specified, I had talked my girlfriend into going instead. We were both looking forward to having a great time.
Instead, we both froze our asses off for a fucking hour in that alley leading to the door.
We ended up walking away at 8:45, 45 minutes after we were supposed to be in there drinking and having a good time. We ended up spending our money at another establishment down the street.
Did you all think that was cool making everyone wait? There were a couple of assholes taking pictures of all of us. No one was smiling.
Take my name off your mailing list. I won't be attending any more of your little parties and will take my business to more professional venues where they don't make you wait out in the fucking cold.
Gary Atamian
Like I said, waiting in line sucks. But I’m not sure why people would think we were doing this on purpose. It was pure chaos inside Mansion from 7:30 till 8:25 trying to get the place ready. It wasn’t like we were sitting inside laughing at all the people waiting outside. Just ask Uncle Buck as I was ordering him to move ladders all over the place like he was my slave or something. And just as an FYI the people waiting outside included The First Lady and my mother. And yes when my mom finally got inside I got a stern talking to that I had better let everybody inside immediately or there would be hell to pay. But the bottom-line is that we don’t control the door. The bouncers have to check ID’s. When tons of people show up, which is great, you get a huge line. It’s like trying to get into Michigan for a football game. It’s nearly impossible. Now having said all that I’m not going to say I was mad about the line. A line is a great thing. It means you have a hot party. But I’m just making it clear we weren’t intentionally keeping people outside to try and look cool. Anybody who was there knows we had a huge turnout and we’re extremely thankful for that and that’s why there was a huge line
Anyway, I can’t stress enough how much we appreciate everybody coming out to the party. It’s huge for us in terms of generating a buzz and getting more advertising and eventually making the Stool a legitimate business where guys like Chisholm, UB, Manzo and Thornton can actually get paid for working their asses off. So thank you to everybody who showed up.
Anyway onward and upward. It's now time for the most hard core Stoolie party that we have and that is of course our 4th Annual March Madness Party. Is it 3rd or 4th annual? I think it's the 4th. Regardless, we don't have to worry about girls for this one because this is all about watching college hoops, getting shitfaced, gambling and watching more college hoops. I'm not lying when I say it's my favorite day and event of the year. It starts at noon on Friday, March 16th at the Place.
4. LAHORE , Pakistan (AP) -- An annual kite festival in eastern Pakistan has left at least eleven people dead.Officials say two died after their throats were cut by metal kite strings. Kite flyers often use string made of wire or coated with ground glass to try to cut the strings of rivals or damage other kites. The festival is also often marked with celebratory gunshots fired into the air. Five people died after being hit by stray bullets. Two people were electrocuted when they tried to untangle kites from overhead power cables. Two others fell from roofs. One was a boy chasing a stray kite. Another was a woman trying to stop her son from going after a kite.Police arrested more than 700 people during this year's festival for using sharpened kite strings or firing guns. Officials say they also seized more than 280 illegally held weapons.
Ok, I feel like I have a pretty good fake story radar and this story screams fake to me. I mean its one thing for 11 people to die in a soccer riot or kite riot, but I refuse to believe that 11 people could die the way this story claims they died. I mean have you ever heard of anybody getting their throat slashed from an errant kite? Also what gives with the celebratory gunshots? That doesn’t sound like much of a celebration to me. What kind of tradition is it to shoot guns into the air and then people die? Wouldn’t this hurt attendance? And what about the two people who got electrocuted? We all know they don’t have power lines in Pakistan. I don’t know. I don’t trust this story as far as I can bowl it.
5. Boston.com - A bloody feud in Boston College's Vanderslice Hall that left one student hospitalized and another free on bail began with accusations that one of the women had sabotaged her dormitory mate's laundry with bleach, court papers say. “It had been something that escalated for the past two weeks," said 19-year-old Theresa Hamilton, who lives down the hall. "The two girls had been fighting for a while, and on Friday night, at about 10-ish, things seemed to erupt." After Mirambeaux-Saker accused Jones of intentionally bleaching her laundry eight days before, the two students, who lived across the hall from each other, traded threats. Mirambeaux-Saker, from Roxbury, ratcheted up the tension last Friday by ripping the name tags off Jones's dorm room door, court papers say. After noticing her door tag missing, Jones confronted Mirambeaux-Saker last Friday night in the first floor hallway of Vanderslice Hall, which houses 423 sophomores and juniors. Mirambeaux-Saker then grabbed Jones by the collar of her sweatshirt and verbally threatened her before Jones choked and punched Mirambeaux-Saker, records say. While fleeing to another dormitory, Mirambeaux-Saker left a large amount of blood around the floor and walls of Vanderslice, court papers say. Police found her bleeding on the floor of a Boston College bathroom with two incisions on the right side of her chest.
At least somebody is putting up a fight at BC because god knows the Superfans transition defense isn’t. But in all seriousness it doesn’t totally surprise me that this fight started over a laundry dispute. I know that when I was in college nothing pissed me off more than when somebody would take my laundry out of the machine and just pile it up on the counter or something. Listen, I can understand if I leave it in there for an extra hour or something, but you got these maniacs who take your shit out the second your cycle ends if you’re not in the room. And I got better things to do than baby-sit my laundry all day. I hate that shit. I could definitely understand wanting to stab somebody who messed with my laundry. And then if that same person went and erased my white board on my dorm door, well than all bets are freaking off
6. In case you missed it Dwayne Wade dislocated his shoulder during a game last week against the Rockets. He was in so much pain that he actually started crying on the sidelines and needed to be taken off the court in a wheel chair. Keep in mind it was a dislocated shoulder and his legs were fine. This kind of reminds me of an old war story from my high school baseball days. I think it was the first game of the season against St. John’s Prep (6-0 by the way in 3 years vs. them) Anyway it was like -2 degrees out and some kid hit a smash line drive one hopper off our 3rd baseman’s face. It hit him square in the nose and broke it and blood went gushing everywhere. He started to bend down to get on one knee and before he even touched the grass our coach screamed at him “Hey Haggerty, the ball didn’t hit you in the legs did it!” Now keep in mind this is high school baseball we’re talking about not the NBA. So here is my question. Is Dwayne Wade a pussy for getting carted off in a wheel chair for a dislocated shoulder?
I’m going to have to say no and here is why. I too have been carried into an ambulance for a dislocated shoulder. I’m not proud of this fact, but it’s the truth. I dislocated my shoulder playing pop Warner football when I was like 10 years old. It just got worse and worse as I got older. Finally one day in high school I sneezed as I was getting dressed and boom the thing popped out and I couldn’t get it back in. Usually I could do the Mel Gibson Lethal Weapon thing, but not this time. Anyway the pain was so intense I thought I was going to pass out. Next thing you knew I was getting carried out of the house and taken to the hospital. So I’m going to give Wade the pass here, but only because I kind of feel for him.
7. Bostonherald.com - Anight of post-game partying turned ugly for Boston Celtics[ team stats] point guard Delonte West when his live-in girlfriend allegedly choked and bit him and tried to slash her own wrists with shards of glass because he dumped her.
“Taylor told police she wasn’t trying to kill herself but was cutting herself to show West she wasn’t “(expletive) around” about their relationship.”
I may not be Dr. Phil, but something tells me that fake committing suicide isn’t the best way to prove that you’re not “fucking around about your relationship.” I mean there are plenty of ways to prove you’re serious without gashing your wrists. How about bringing a sign to Celtics games that reads “Delonte has herpes” and painting a red blotch on your face? Or how about fucking Brian Scalabrine? I mean if banging Brian Scalabrine doesn’t prove you mean business than I don’t know what does. I’ve just got to believe there has to be a million better ways to prove you’re serious about a relationship rather than trying to kill yourself.
8. LV Review Journal - Las Vegas police believe an associate of NFL player Adam "Pacman" Jones might have been the person who shot three people early Monday morning outside a strip club, a Metropolitan Police Department source said.
Jones had tossed hundreds of $1 bills on the stripper stage, an action known in street slang as "making it rain." When one of the strippers started grabbing the money without Jones' permission, he got angry, grabbed her hair and slammed her head against the stage, Susnar said.
A melee ensued as Cudworth scuffled with Jones and members of his entourage, Susnar said.
Order was eventually restored, and everyone was moved outside. That's when the gunman opened fire toward the front door of the club, hitting Cudworth, security guard Tom Urbanski and a female customer.
Susnar and Minxx co-owner Dwight Chornomud said they had hoped to attract celebrities and a hip-hop crowd to their club during NBA All-Star Week by bringing in the Harlem Knights strip club production from Houston.
Ok, here is a question for people to ponder. Who is to blame here? Is it PacMan Jones, the stripper, the club owners or the bouncer? Let’s look at each individually. I’ll start with the bouncer. I think he is free and clear from any wrongdoing. It is his job as the bouncer to break up a fight that involves a customer slamming a strippers head against the stage. It’s the first thing they teach you at bouncer stripper school.
Okay, now let’s move onto the club owners. I think you got to give them 9% of the blame. I mean when you bring in the Harlem Knights from Houston you can’t expect the tea and crumpets crowd. As far as the stripper goes, I’m undecided on this one. Isn’t it well known within the stripper industry that when a customer “makes it rain” it’s poor form to instantly collect the money? You need to give the rainmaker a nice long dance and some crazy funk before you pick up the cash and move on. I mean if every stripper just scooped up the money instantly and moved on nobody would ever “make it rain” anymore and what fun would that be? Therefore, I’ve got to give the stripper 21% of the blame.
That means the remaining 70% belongs to PacMan Jones. It’s just not acceptable behavior to grab a stripper and slam her head against the stage. I know, I know, he was pissed that she didn’t appreciate his “make it rain” gesture, but that still doesn’t give him an excuse to get violent. If he just asked her nicely to suck his dick or something like that this whole sordid incident probably wouldn’t have even happened. Regardless, I definitely have a team name for trivia tonight. “Make It Rain.”
9. If you're in Oconomowoc, Wisconsin, and you're watching porn, do yourself a favor and turn down the volume or else James Van Iveren is going to attack you with a cavalry sword. Van Iveren was in his apartment- which he, of course, shares with his mother- when he heard faint screams. He turned down the music he was grooving to and listened intently and clearly heard a female voice calling out for help. Van Iveren thought about calling the police. Except he doesn't have a phone because who the hell needs a phone nowadays what with all the Interwebs and Ebay's floating around. So Van Iveren decided that it was up to him to save the damsel in distress. So he grabbed his calvary sword- obviously- and bolted up the stairs towards the apartment he suspected the screams were originating from. James Van Iveren is a man of action, goddammit, so he didn't knock on the door or ring the bell and wait to get an answer. Hell no. That's not how James Van Iveren rolls. He kicked that motherf-cking door down and charged in, looking to slice someone up. Inside he found a man, a very shocked, probably semi-erect man, and began pointing his sword- Van Iveren, not the other guy- and demanding to know where the woman was. One small problem though- there was no woman. The neighbor was just watching porn with the volume turned way up. As is his First Amendment right. I'm pretty sure. Well, now Van Iveren is being charged with criminal trespass while using a dangerous weapon, criminal damage to property while using a dangerous weapon and disorderly conduct while using a dangerous weapon, all criminal misdemeanors that carry a maximum total penalty of 33 months in jail. All because some dude had to watch his BSDM porn with the volume blaring. Thank God no one had any cavalry swords in my college dorm. Because, ummm, my friends would have been in big trouble. Bunch of perverted friends of mine, always watching porn. Not me. Habitat for Humanity and volunteering for PETA took up most of my free time.
10. AP) NORTH LOGAN, Utah A University of Southern California hockey goalie put on a show, but it had nothing to do with stopping shots. Mickey Meyer rode his stick like a horse, dropped his bulky pants, mooned the crowd and slapped his buttocks during a game against Brigham Young University, police said. He was ejected and ticketed for lewdness, a misdemeanor, after an officer who was working security at the rink said he witnessed the scene Saturday.
"This is a small town," North Park police Sgt. John Italasano said. "This was a college team playing and hockey's a wild game. Sometimes things get out of hand."
Meyer's antics occurred while play was stopped and referees were trying to sort out penalties in the third period of a consolation game in the ACHA West Regional tournament at Eccles Ice Center. The junior from Clinton, N.Y., was "riding his hockey stick like a horse and slapping his butt," North Park Officer Mike Stauffer said in a report.
USC volunteer hockey coach Mark Wilbur said the incident highlights the frustration that can come with playing tournament consolation rounds early in the morning after a loss far from home. "All you're doing is asking for seniors to do stupid stuff," he said. Wilbur said he had no specific policy for dealing with publicly bared bottoms. "I sure as hell don't condone it on any level," Wilbur said.
This article is hilarious from beginning to end. It sounds like a scene right out of Slapshot. I love the quote from the Police Sgt.: “Hockey’s a wild game and things sometimes get out of hand.” Ha! I guess that’s true! And the best part is that it was against BYU. I can just picture all the men in the crowd trying the shield the women’s eyes and all the women sneaky getting hot and bothered. As a side note, I can’t believe that the USC coach has no specific policy for dealing with “bared bottoms.” But I guess that’s what happens when you have volunteer coaches.
11. I keep hearing everybody talking about Tom Brady doing the right thing by Bridget Moynahan. And I’m sure he will because he is a stand up guy. But I do have one question. What the hell is the right thing to do in this situation? Does that mean Brady has to dump Gisele and marry Moynahan? Because I’ll be damned if that is the right thing to do. First of all, it’s never right to dump somebody as hot as Gisele. That’s just morally wrong on so many levels and it definitely sends the wrong message to the kids. But more importantly, do you really think that Bridget Moynahan wants to marry Brady anymore? I mean you’ve got to have some serious low self esteem if you get dumped and then force the guy who dumped you to come back with you just because you’re prego. Honestly, who wants to marry somebody when they know that person doesn’t like you anymore? And it’s not like Moynahan would be doing it for the money either because she’s loaded herself. So once again I ask what is the right thing to do? Is it just Brady taking responsibility for the kid and being a good dad? Because that’s kind of a no brainer. He’s not Shawn Kemp. Anything else would just be a scum bag move.
12. Foxnews.com - RICHMOND, Virginia — Police say a man sought revenge against his ex-girlfriend by leaving homemade DVDs of her performing sex acts on car windshields throughout the area. The DVDs include the woman's name, address and phone number. Police said the woman never realized the acts had been recorded and has received several visits and phone calls from strangers seeking sex.David Feltmeyer, 33, is charged with one felony count and one misdemeanor count of using a computer to "carry out the production of obscene exhibition." He also faces two misdemeanor counts of "knowingly producing an obscene exhibition."
"I think he was trying to do her some harm because she is no longer in a relationship with him," said Chesterfield police Capt. Karl Leonard. "The video was made, unbeknownst to her, at least over a year ago."
Misdemeanor? That’s it? That’s all you get for secretly making a sex tape and then putting it on people’s windshields complete with the chick’s phone number? Hmm, that seems pretty lenient right? I thought you could get the death penalty for this type of shit? Regardless, it’s good to know. This story is like a public service announcement for all dudes who get dumped or cheated on. I mean when you evaluate the risk vs. reward in revenge plots this plan seemingly gets you the most bang for your buck. I’m sold.