Random Thoughts
1. Boston.com - Bridget Moynahan, who recently ended a three-year relationship with Tom Brady, is pregnant and says the New England Patriots quarterback is the father. The New York Post, which first reported the pregnancy this morning, quoted Moynahan's publicist as saying that the 36-year-old actress is more than three months pregnant and feeling "healthy and excited." The publicist, Christina Padadopoulos, later told US Weekly magazine: "(Moynahan's) former boyfriend Tom Brady is the father. Privacy and consideration is appreciated at this time. No further comments will be made."
Wow! That’s all I can say! Wow! Bridget Moynahan is prego with Brady’s child? Are you kidding me? Do you think she’s faking it to get Brady back? I mean it was well documented that Moynahan was devastated when Brady broke up with her and who wouldn’t be? Maybe this is her revenge? After all, you’d have to admit that the timing of this announcement is just a little bit curious. I mean Brady and his new sex toy Gisele have been all over the tabloids lately. Maybe it was just too much for Moynahan to handle so she concocted this scheme? Man, that’s devious! But I wouldn’t put anything past anybody. I can’t imagine what I’d do if Brady dumped me. And what if it turns out that Moynahan is really pregnant with Brady’s child? It will be real interesting to see how he handles this. Or maybe this is part of Bill Belichick’s master plan? He wants Brady to go impregnate as many beautiful women as possible in hopes of creating a genetic super freak to take over for Tom when he retires. Like I said, I wouldn’t put anything past anybody at this point.
2. If it wasn’t already official, it is now. Hollywood is COMPLETELY out of material. What else could explain this nonsense..... a movie about Milli Vanilli. First of all, hasn’t everyone already seen the VH1: Behind the Music about the spandex-wearing German lip-syncing 80’s pop sensations? Of course we have. So this film is completely unnecessary. But whatever, it’s in the makings now and there’s nothing America can do to stop it. The only question is who’s going to play the critical roles of Milli and Vanilli. For Vanilli, I’d go with either Mario Van Peebles (obviously) or the guy who hosts ESPN’s Winter X-Games coverage. For Milli, I’d say, well, whoever doesn’t get the part of Vanilli.
3. NYPOST.com – GISELE Bundchen, who's datingTom Brady,was spotted taking an "S Factor" pole-dancing class on West 23rd Street.
Hey Peyton, congrats on finally winning the superbowl. You finally got the last laugh on Tom Brady. Oh, wait a minute; Tom Brady is fucking Gisele. And he’s forcing Gisele to take stripper pole classes so she can perform private shows for him on a nightly basis. Yeah, you win all right. As a side note, I can’t believe I didn’t get the First Lady an “S Factor” gift certificate for Valentines Day. How stupid can you be?
4. This question is long overdue and I’m sure will be an ongoing debate for years to come on the Boston Sports scene. Which of the NESN Sportsdesk chicks would you rather nail? The veteran Hazel Mae or the new comer Kathryn Tappen? This is like a heavyweight title fight if you ask me. You have the upstart rookie with all the potential in the world going against the wily veteran who has already been there and done that. Man this is a tough call. In fact, I think it’s so close that my answer could change depending on the weather or what each chick was wearing on that particular day. Now keep in mind we’re just talking about who you’d rather bang as opposed to who you’d have a long term relationship with. Having said that I’d think I go with Hazel Mae. Everything about Hazel just oozes sex. I mean if you told me she was the star of a porno I wouldn’t even blink. I just don’t think chicks like Hazel Mae come around too often and you can’t pass up the chance to see what all the “hype” is about. I’m 100% convinced that Hazel Mae would be a hall of fame hook up. As far as Kathryn Tappen goes there are just too many unanswered questions right now. I mean I really don’t even know the first thing about her. Sure she’s hot but it takes more than hotness to make it in this town. While Tappen could turn out to be every bit as dominant as Hazel, I’m not going to trade a certified superstar who is in their prime for somebody with loads of potential. I just feel like Hazel is money in the bank and the right decision considering what point each of these ladies are in their career.
5. Bostonherald.com - Telegenic Hub news anchor and reporter Bianca de la Garza finds herself in the latest issue of Hustler Magazine. But before all you male admirers rush out to grab a copy of the sleazy skin mag, know this: she’s fully clothed. De la Garza is the magazine’s April pick for their regular “news babes” section. Sandwiched between a “porn from the past” and Hustler party pics, de la Garza stares out from the “Bits & Pieces” section on page 17
I’ll admit when I first saw this headline I was pretty positive that the “raunchy magazine” in question was us. I couldn’t recall doing anything unusual with Bianca de la Garza, but that doesn't mean anything. After all, Duff Man says a lot of things. Regardless, I’d like to congratulate Bianca on making it to the big time. Clothes or no clothes, making it into Hustler is something to be proud of. And more importantly I just learned an interesting little tidbit about publishing. Apparently it’s legal to publish pictures of people without their consent. Who knew? I feel like this opens up an entirely new world to us at the Stool.
As a side note, I think Hustler should have contacted Hazel Mae first. Something tells me she’ll show her goodies for the right price.
6. Boston.com - The driver of a Fung Wah bus that crashed yesterday near the Allston-Brighton tolls on the Massachusetts Turnpike was cited by State Police for speeding, negligent operation, maintaining false driving records, and an equipment violation related to the bus's brakes, adding another black spot to the discount carrier's safety record. The bus, which slammed into a guardrail in slushy conditions around 11:15 a.m., had to be towed from the scene. In September 2006, a Fung Wah coach rolled over while rounding an Interstate 290 ramp in Auburn , slightly injuring 34 passengers headed to Boston. State Police attributed the accident to excessive speed. As a result of that crash , Fung Wah was fined $31,100 for violating federal safety regulations. The Federal Motor Carriers Safety Administration said Fung Wah improperly hired drivers who couldn't speak English and who regularly exceeded speed limits.
You got to love the Fung Wah. They smash into a guardrail and don’t even miss a beat. They just load everybody onto a new Fung Wah and keep on rolling. Frankly I think the Federal Motor Carriers Safety Administration needs to get off the Fung Wah’s back. Everybody knows what the deal is with the Fung Wah when you sign up. If you’re looking for a nice safe ride to NYC, then hop on the Acela. If you’re looking for a little excitement and to save a few bucks then step right up to the Fung Wah. I mean it’s just a given with the Fung Wah that you’re going to get drivers who have been driving for 83 straight hours, don’t speak a lick of English and don’t believe in the speed limit. Not to mention the fact the brakes on the bus are probably are a little bit faulty as well. But like I said that’s all part of the mystique of the Fung Wah and it’s also why it costs a tootsie roll for a ticket. I mean what would life be like if you were driving on the MA Pike and didn’t see the Fung Wah bus go zipping past you while you’re doing 80 mph’s?
7. I've got to say I'm a little disappointed in the choice of Beyonce as the new SI swimsuit cover model. She's good, no doubt. But she's one of those people who's capable of being both very good and overrated at the same time. Like the hot female celebrity version of Shawne Merriman. Sure, I'd take her on my club, but she's not nearly as good as they make her out to be. I mean, just last week Askmen.com picked her as their No. 1 hottest celebrity. Top 20? For sure. Top 10? A matter of opinion. No 1? Not a chance. Not that it matters I guess. You're kind of aging yourself to admit you remember when the SI swimsuit issue was a big deal. Back when it was the premier source of great photography of the world's best looking women. Now it's just another institution that's been steamrolled first by the Maxims, the internet, and sites like ours.
(A thought within a thought: A while ago I heard Craig Mustard say that when he was a kid, the SI "Sportsman of the Year" was the issue he most looked forward to. There is no limit to that man's douchebaggery.)
8. I thought that "working" for Boston's preeminent free biweekly newspaper meant something. But I guess things are a little different on the other side of the Charles because the Harvard News Office just denied my request for a press credential to cover/ogle/kidnap Scarlett Johansson at the 2007 Hasty Pudding Woman of the Year events. Damn you, Crimson bastards. I understand that sometimes Barstool Sports isn't taken seriously and that I'm unlikely to be questioning Tony Snow anytime soon. But I can't think of one news organization in this city more qualified to cover a Scarlett Johansson event. I can say with absolute certainty that no media outlet in New England has devoted as much newsprint/interweb print to Scarlett Johansson as we have. Scarlett Johansson is our bread and butter; she's why we get up in the morning, go to our real jobs and get paid by someone else to do Google searches for every possible combination of Scarlett, Johansson, boobs, big boobs, bikini, big big boobs, half naked, fully naked, wet t-shirt, nun's outfit, see through. Is Soledad O'Brien really going to ask Scarlett who she would rather hook up with- Jessica Biel, Jessica Alba or me? I think not. Does Scarlett really want to listen to Gideon Yago drone on about tsunamis and scruff maintenance? I think not. And if Maria Menounos is allowed to go and she's from Fulton Heights in Medford and Harvard is so big on diversity then shouldn't they allow some journalists from other parts of Medford to stare at Scarlett Johansson? Like me. I was born to interview Scarlett Johansson. Just look at how ready I was to do this gig. I already had thought of a few questions;
"Just hypothetically, let's say that I had a van outside and in a funny, ha-ha, 'this should be a movie script' type of way, I kidnapped you and had you transported to a secret underground lair where we lived as husband and wife, would you be cool with that?"
"This is a two part question. On a serious note, you've been very involved in several charities including the RED campaign and World AIDS Day and seem committed to helping eradicate that terrible disease, the first part of my question is can I touch your boobs? And following up, how fast are your security guards?"
Harvard, you've made a powerful enemy. And just to show you how serious I am- don't expect my brother to send in his regular $50 donation this year. Good luck paying the electric bill.
9. Apparently Carmen Electra has developed some sort of rule for signing autographs. Basically she will sign any picture of herself as long as she isn’t nude in it. Hmm, am I the only one that finds this a bit hypocritical? I hate to break it to you Carmen, but you wouldn’t even exist if it weren’t for the fact you made a career out of posing nude. So do me a favor and drop the moral routine when signing autographs. Just be thankful that people even know who you are and want your autograph in the first place. Talk about biting the hand that feeds you.
10. So I just came back from getting my daily coffee (Great One) from Dunkin Donuts. But it wasn’t easy. I actually had to go to a back up Dunkin Donuts location to seal the deal. Everything was going real smooth at the first location until I noticed that the employee who was getting my coffee was sneezing and coughing all over the place. Now anybody who knows me knows that I am a hypochondriac to begin with. Getting sick is my Achilles heel. It’s like Sampson with his hair. If I just look at somebody who is sick, I generally become sick instantly. My immune system is a total joke. So here I am sitting in Dunkin Donuts watching the lady who is pouring my coffee cough her lung into it as she was pouring. So I did the only thing I thought I could do. I just left the coffee on the counter and walked away. When she yelled that I forgot it, I just told her she could throw it out. Hopefully, I made my point. I mean is there any other way to handle this situation? I wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction of giving me the flu so I could feel her pain. Sure, I got screwed out of $2.25, but sometimes you need to make a stand in life and today I feel like I did that. As a side note, there is nothing that pisses me off more than when sick people come into work. I mean have a little freaking compassion for your fellow human beings would you?
11. The Dartmouth - Dartmouth Community Director Kristin Deal has banned water pong in residence halls, arguing that the beer-pong substitute violates Office of Residential Life policies and poses a health danger. In an e-mail sent to residents, Deal, the community director for the Choates and North Hall, cited three residential policies that water pong violates, including a policy prohibiting endangering behavior. In the same e-mail, Deal also included a link to a CNN article titled, "Women drinks so much water she dies," which reported on a California women who died after participating in the "Hold Your Wee for a Wii" radio contest. "My job is to look out for the health and safety of the residents," she said. "Whether students are drinking the water or not, it is a possible liability if someone was to become intoxicated in water."
Oh, those crazy Ivy Leaguers. Who says that Dartmouth students don’t know how to party? Nothing screams animal house like a spirited game of water pong. Thank god the Dartmouth Community Director put a stop to this madness before it was too late! I mean beer pong is one thing, but water pong? That’s taking an innocent game and going overboard with it, don’t you think? And the thing that really alarms me about water pong is the fact that the students apparently don’t notice what the water is doing to their system. Huh, who would have thought that? I mean that’s some dangerous shit we’re talking about. My only recommendation to the Dartmouth administration would be to go one step further with this crusade against water pong. They need to find out what kind of rebel/dork actually plays this game in the first place? They’ve got to be some sort of psycho or something. I’m not saying we should throw these people in jail or kill them, but I’m not saying we shouldn’t either. I mean it starts with water pong and then the next thing you know you’re playing with Sprite or something. It’s a slippery slope.
12. SYDNEY, Australia - Russell Crowe says his rugby league club’s cheerleading squad is being cut because skimpily clad cheerleaders detract from the game and make spectators uncomfortable. A team of percussionists will replace the cheerleaders, the club announced this week. The club’s Web site invited drummers to audition.
Percussionists? Is this a joke article? Did I just get punked? Listen, I’ve always known that Russell Crowe was a little crazy. I mean you got to be a little bit off to throw a telephone at a hotel employee because you don’t like the way your pillow is fluffed. But that was child’s play compared to this. I honestly had no idea just how insane he is. Who replaces Cheerleaders with percussionists? Only a mad man could hatch a scheme like this. And what is he talking about with cheerleaders being distracting? Of course they’re distracting! That’s the whole freaking point. And yes they do make some fans uncomfortable, but it’s uncomfortable in a good way. Like in a ‘I want to stalk her’ kind of way.
13. Salt Lake Tribune - : Candace Workman, a sophomore at Uintah High School in Vernal, Utah, will compete in the state wrestling tournament, a first for a girl grappler, according to the SALT LAKE TRIBUNE. The 103-pounder has a 35-6 record this year. This year, six boys - all from out-of-state schools - chose to forfeit instead of wrestle her, she said. Some said they did not want to lose to a girl, but most declined for religious reasons. "I hate that," she said. "There were two brothers from Wyoming that said it was against their morals and their religion. That made me upset. They are (Latter-day Saints) and so am I. It's not anything sexual out there, trust me."
Wait a minute. She is 35-6 and only has six wins by way of forfeit? Now I’m no mathematician, but by my count that means she beat 29 dudes! Oh man that’s embarrassing. What kind of wuss do you have to be to lose to a chick in wrestling? I have more respect for the guys who forfeited and said they didn’t want to lose to a girl. I mean if you have any doubt in your mind that you can't handle the girl then you need to forfeit. It’s the only way to get out of there with any shred of dignity. I mean my buddy McShay who now works for Scouts Inc and can be seen regularly on ESPN whiffed three times vs. a chick in the Regionals of Senior Little League, but we were only 13 years old at the time. And baseball isn’t wrestling. I’m pretty sure McShay could have beat her up if he had to, although he clearly couldn’t catch up to her fast ball. Regardless, how do you face the coach after letting a girl beat you? I think you just need to quit wrestling and take up knitting or something if that happens. And how do you wrestle a girl in the first place? Is it just a given that you can grab boobs and she can grab junk? It must be right?
14. Bostonherald.com - A New York State senator wants to ban the walking classes from using their MP3 players, cell phones, Blackberrys and any other distracting electronic devices while crossing the street. The pol, Carl Kruger of Brooklyn, says he’s heard too many tales of strollers winding up struck by moving vehicles, but Bostonians said yesterday they think his idea sounds off key.
I like this idea. And maybe while we’re at it we can ban chewing gum and crossing the street at the same time. Or how about we ban crossing the street altogether. You just are stuck on whatever side of the road you are walking on for eternity. This way nobody will get hurt. The only bad thing is what will A-Rod do to generate good publicity if he can't push people into oncoming traffic and then pull them onto the sidewalk right before they get hit?
Honestly, sometimes politicians just shock me with their stupidity. There have to be better things to spend your time on than worrying about how people cross the street. Listen if somebody is dumb enough not to pay attention when they are crossing the street then they deserve to get hit. That’s the way life works. It’s that simple.
15. Abington just became a much hotter place to live. Due to what I can only attribute to an act of God, a new roast beef shop, Papa Giorgio’s Pizzeria & Roast Beef, has just opened like two seconds from where I live. I’ve been waiting for this day since the second I moved here, but I thought I’d die before it became a reality. I saw the sign for this place like 3 weeks ago and was waiting patiently for it to open. Well sort of patiently. I actually tried 3 times to stop by and eat there before it was even open. But today I’m proud to announce that I finally was able to buy a roast beef sandwich for lunch on the South Shore. Now truth be told I was very worried that this place would be a huge letdown. I just figured they wouldn’t really know what a good roast beef sandwich was all about and it would be like Boar Head cold cuts or something. But the second I walked into Papa Giorgio’s I knew they meant business. First of all they offered a King Beef sandwich with the option of a regular roll or onion roll. This is freaking huge! I don’t even know many places on the North Shore that offer the regular roll on the King Beef. Also, when the guy asked me what I wanted on my Beef and I just said “sauce” he didn’t look at me like I had 9 heads. This put me at ease right away. And then the coup de grace was that after I ordered my fries he gave me the red plastic bottle of ketchup to take with me to my table. This is another staple of a real roast beef shop. And just when I thought this lunch couldn’t get any better, I found out that they serve the same pizza as Zack’s in Randolph which is just about the only pizza place I like on the South Shore. Are you freaking kidding me? I almost asked the guy to pinch me because I thought I was dreaming.
So if any Stoolies live on the South Shore I highly recommend frequenting this place. Because if they go out of business I may be forced to kill myself. As a side note, there is a place two doors down from Papa Giorgio’s called Minos. I think it is a laundry mat or something, but if that isn’t a sign from god than I don’t know what else is.
Here is the exact address.
Papa Giorgio’s
1600 Main Street (RT 18)
781.331.7001