Random Thoughts
Boston.com – The two men accused of plunging metropolitan Boston into a panic with illuminated advertisements for a cartoon pleaded not guilty today in a courtroom packed with supporters and a crush of reporters. The two men smiled broadly throughout much of the brief proceeding as Assistant Attorney General John Grossman described the battery-powered characters as "bomb-like devices." The men, Peter Berdovsky, 27, and Sean Stevens, 28, face charges of placing a hoax device in a way that causes panic and disorderly conduct.
Is the City of Boston really prosecuting the two dudes who put up all those Lite Brights last week? Am I crazy or is this nuts? Nobody really thinks these guys were trying to throw Boston into a state of chaos yesterday do they? Granted in light of 9/11, it was a stupid thing to do, but you can’t hang somebody for being an idiot can you? I keep hearing everybody say that we need to make an example out of these guys. My question is make an example to who? Potential hippies who are planning a guerrilla marketing attack for Spongebob Squarepants? Yes, I understand that the City of Boston wasted thousands of dollars yesterday stopping this Aqua Teen threat, but where is the logic in wasting even more money on a useless lawsuit? Menino needs every penny he has to stop the bigger threat in the city which is obviously too many news racks in Downtown Crossing.
2. UsWeekly is reporting that Lindsay Lohan sentBrody Jennerseveral text messages from rehab saying all she wanted was “McDonald’s & Sex.”
It’s very rare that El Presidente is at a loss for words, but I am on this one. I mean there is nothing that I can say that would make this funnier than it already is. It’s like a great painting or something. It’s just perfect by itself so you just need to leave it alone.
As a side note, Brody Jenner is banging everybody huh? He tore through MTV by f-cking Kristin from Laguna Beach and LC from the Hills. He has also banged Nicole Ritchie for whatever that’s worth and now has Lohan begging for Micky D’s and some loving. Apparently none of these chicks watched Princes of Malibu which was the worst reality TV show of all time.
3. Some of my buddies think that I’m sort of like a poor man’s Larry David. I’m not sure if that is meant to be a compliment or not, but I don’t think it is. I’ve never really gotten the analogy, but I must admit that I had a big time LD moment yesterday. I had a meeting in the afternoon with a bar trying to get them to advertise. When the meeting was about to begin I realized that I couldn’t find my pen. Now keep in mind that I know I brought one. In fact I had it just a couple minutes before the guy I was meeting with sat down at the table. But once the meeting started it was nowhere to be found. So after looking for it for a couple minutes I just forgot about it and started talking about how great the Stool is and how everybody else sucks. Well as I was doing my sales pitch I couldn’t help but notice that the owner of the bar had the same exact pen that I brought in his hand. I tried my best ignore it for a second but finally I just stopped talking and asked him if he was using my pen. I think the exchange went something like this;
El Pres: - Do you have my pen? (me pointing at it)
Bar Guy – No, this is mine.
El Pres – That’s weird because that’s the same exact pen I brought and now I can’t find it.
Bar Guy – Do you need me to get you a pen?
El Pres – No, I’m alright, I just thought that looked like my pen.
Bar Guy – Nope. It’s my pen.
El Pres – Okay, I’m not accusing you of stealing my pen or anything I just thought it had to be my pen and maybe you took it by accident.
Bar Guy – Nope.
El Pres – If you say so…
Needless to say the rest of the meeting was a little bit awkward and I’m not crossing my fingers that I close this deal.
4. Foxnews.com - Sienna Miller and Hayden Christensen are said to be convincing in their "Factory Girl" love scenes. The reason? The sex is for real, a source told the New York Daily News.
"It's not simulated," the insider said. "They're really doing it"
At the movie's premiere on Monday, director George Hickenlooper told the News: "Sienna and Hayden grew close during the filming. It was an emotional experience for all of us."
As for whether the sex was for real, he said:
"I can't comment. You'll have to ask Sienna about it."
Whoa, I like that kind of party! Count me in to watch Factory Girl or at least rent it. What kind of slut bangs her costar right in front of everybody else during the middle of a scene? This is like some sort of super galactic slut level that I didn’t even know existed.
By the way, what is the director George Hickenlooper talking about? “It was an emotional experience for all of us?” I don’t even know what that means? Does that mean he jacked off or something when they were fucking in front of him? Not sure how that is emotional, but who cares.
5. I know I’m probably the only person on earth who still watches the Celtics, but who died and made Donnie Marshall king? Who does he think he is? Did I blink and somehow miss his hall of fame career? I mean if you listen to him talk about himself I think he thinks he is Bill Russell or something. Dude, you didn’t start one game in your NBA career and you were a poor man’s Jake Voskul at UConn. So skip all the flashbacks about your playing days because you were a joke and just stick to announcing the game.
6. Last week was the premiere of Two A Days on MTV. And last night’s episode proved once and for all the power of TV. Just one year after Hoover High School made their MTV debut, the cheerleading squad has undergone a complete transformation. Loyal Stoolies will remember that one of my big complaints from last year was that the cheerleaders were disgusting looking. Well apparently this year all the hot chicks at Hoover High got the memo that they needed to get their asses on the cheerleading team if they wanted to be on MTV. And they are led by their captain Britney who is appropriately nicknamed “Freaky Hot.” (I made that nickname up). I’m not sure how old high school seniors are nowadays so I’m not going to spend too much time gushing about her, but she is so pretty that she almost looks like a freak or that she’s had work done or something. I think she just zoomed past Adriana from the Hills as the hottest chick on MTV. Regardless it seems kind of silly that some big dufus defensive lineman is banging her instead of Ross the star QB, but whatever. My advice to Mark, the big dufus defensive lineman who somehow snagged Britney, would be to cherish his senior year in High School because once they go to college she is going to be long gone and he’ll never get another piece of ass like her the rest of his life. This is assuming he doesn’t play D1 football. Unfortunately I couldn't find a picture of Britney online so if anybody has better luck than me please send it to me.
Anyway, in other Two A Days news, the cheerleading coach who supposedly used to play football until he got hurt and decided the best way to support the team was to become a cheerleader can cut the shit. Listen dude, everybody knows you didn’t play football. You’re a gay male cheerleading coach, not that there is anything wrong with that. You just don’t have to make up stories about being an ex jock.
7. Last week we set the record for the most emails we’ve ever received regarding one story. What caused all this commotion you ask? Well it is none other than a story that appeared on Boston.com about a little coffee shop located in the Pacific Northwest called Cow Girl Expresso. But this is no ordinary coffee shop. Oh no, instead of being served your cup o Joe by your typical 3rd World Dunkin Donuts employee, they have girls dressed like sluts slinging their coffee. And in stealing a page from The Place they actually have a different theme every day ranging from "Bikini Wednesdays” to “School Girl Thursdays”. No word yet on whether The Place is suing for copyright infringement. Regardless, I’m appalled by this company. How dare they exploit pretty girls by dressing them up in bikinis and other revealing outfits for financial gain? This is sexual exploitation if I’ve ever seen it! And frankly I won’t stand for it. Thank god Barstool Sports will never stoop to this level. Some people will do anything to make a buck. As a side note, I feel like Mary Lou’s has been all over this idea for years here on the South Shore. But they just don’t have the balls to take it to the next level. I feel like if you let El Presidente work his magic with Mary Lou’s I could have Dunkin Donuts begging for mercy by Christmas.
8. NYPOST January 30, 2007 -- MISS USATara Conneris out of rehab, but Donald Trumpand the Miss Universe Organization are keeping a tight leash on her. Friends say the beauty queen has moved from her Trump Tower pad to a bigger apartment farther uptown, which she now shares with a chaperone. "She is not allowed to go to clubs anymore," dished the spy, "and she has a lot of new rules for going out." A spokesperson for Miss USA said, "Plans to move to a bigger apartment with a chaperone have been in the works for months, and Tara is free to go wherever she wants."
The saga of Miss USA, Tara Conner is fascinating to me. And while I’ve only seen a few parts of the movie Sliver, this kind of reminds me of it. I have no clue whether that makes any sense or not. But I can just picture Donald Trump sitting in a plush purple chair, petting a cat (sort of like the bad guy in Inspector Gadget) constantly watching Tara Conner in her huge, but virtually unfurnished apartment. And eventually the Donald is going to wear her ass down until she finally sleeps with him. At least that’s how I picture this whole thing turning out. I mean she’s already basically a slave to the Trump organization.
9. What's the rule of thumb for playing your video game season while a little tipsy? Can you not save and just play the same matchup or campaign the next day when you're sober? Or are you obligated by some sort of unspecified man law to let the drunken results stand? I feel like you have to save the game and live with whatever happened. It's like when you're hammered and you hook-up with a hunchback. You can say that you only hooked up with Quasimodoette because you were hammered but you can't pretend that you were so drunk that you don't remember. That's just a chicken shit move. No guy in history was so drunk that he couldn't remember hooking up with a chick, no matter how traffic-haltingly grotesque she was. The same borderline genius thinking applies to drunken video game playing. You can blame your terrible results on your inebriation. But you knew what you were doing when you picked up that controller and plopped down on the couch after seven hours of drinking. Be a man and take responsibility for your drunken gaming results.
And ladies, sorry, but I'm already taken.
10. TMZ.com - Brady did the walk of shame out of Gisele's West Village apartment around Noon yesterday. The three-time Super Bowl champ tried to cover his face with a hooded sweatshirt when a photographer told him, "You're a lucky man." But Brady wasn't having any of it. "Come on brother, you're making me angry," he growled before slinking into a cab. Brady angry!! Grrrr!!!
That's still more than the paps were able to get from Gisele. She emerged two hours later to take her three dogs for a walk, covering her face and completely ignoring photogs.
Let’s clear one thing up. When you walk out of Gisele’s apartment it’s not called the Walk of Shame. That’s reserved for when you walk out of a disgusting chick’s apartment from Revere who you met in Faneuil Hall the night before. This is something totally different. This is a Walk of Fame if you ask me. If I were Tom I would have been strutting around NYC like a peacock. Also, who does this paparazzi guy think he is? Didn’t he hear Brady say that he was making him angry? Nobody makes Tom Brady angry! Nobody!
These pretzels are making me thirsty!
As a side note, if TMZ and other gossip websites are going to start covering Tom Brady 24/7 this may be the death of Barstool Sports. I'm not sure how we'll possibly be able to keep up with it. Thank God we have Uncle Buck to do the night shift.
11. What has happened to the Olsen Twins? Has there ever been a bigger bust in our lifetime? I mean they were “can’t miss kids” from the day they burst onto the scene. But they just haven’t lived up to the hype. Sure the Olsen Twins are gazillionaires, but that doesn’t change the fact that they somehow didn’t turn out hot. I just don’t get where they went wrong? Was it the anorexia? Frankly, I think that’s just an excuse. It’s just so disappointing because it was supposed to be automatic with these two. It kind of reminds me of Freddie Rodriguez. We heard so much about him for so many years that it was just sort of shocking when it didn’t pan out. I guess the moral of this story is that you can’t count your chickens before they hatch.
Can anybody think of any other child/teenage stars that looked like they’d be hot and ended up not being hot when they were older? I can’t think of one.
12. Fox News - Ware Shoals High School cheerleading coach Jill Moore was charged with transfer of alcohol to an underage person and contributing to the delinquency of a minor... The FOX Carolina affiliate reported that sources said Moore was dating a National Guard recruiter and was recruiting cheerleaders to party. In at least one incident, a 16-year-old student had sex and drank alcohol with another National Guardsman...
Ok, so let me get this straight. The cheerleading coach was dating a National Guard Recruiter and was recruiting her cheerleaders to party with the National Guardsman to help her boyfriend recruit more guardsmen? Umm, so what’s the problem? What am I missing here? This is still America right? Was it because the chick that had sex was only 16? How old was the guy? I’m not going to judge anybody in this case before I know all the facts. It just wouldn’t be right of me. More importantly what is the youngest girl that you’d have sex with? I’m 29. I’m thinking 20? But it’s closer to 19 than 21. Am I going to be on Dateline NBC “Online Predators” now for saying that? The thing is that you can’t tell nowadays how old a girl is to begin with. They all kind of look the same to me. But if I was hooking up with a chick and she said she was 18, I think I’d have to shut it down. I think.
13. For the life of me, I can't understand why some male college students volunteer to be practice players for women's college basketball teams. A college student not playing a D1 sport is essentially a "Michael Vick." Shoddy decision-making. Reckless behavior. Avoiding criminal prosecution. Outside of those three things, a college student has little else to concern himself with.
So, why in the name of God, would a guy volunteer to tango with the Kara Wolters of the world for a few hours each afternoon when instead he could be sitting in his dorm room getting drunk and playing Halo? For some free Lady Vols t-shirts. For a chance to meet all those smoking hot D1 female hoops players.
I just don't get this at all. I understand why the women's teams do it. Bringing in stronger, more physical men to compete against the female players makes perfect sense on their end. But what type of man gives up the chance to wreak havoc in college so he can watch three hours of layups each day?
14. BRUSSELS , Belgium (AP) -- Authorities have opened a murder investigation into the death of a skydiver, saying they believe someone tampered with her parachute in an apparent fight over a lover. Els Van Doren, 37, fell 13,000 feet to her death last November after her parachute and emergency chute failed to open.
A fellow female skydiver was detained for questioning last week and is the "prime suspect" in the investigation, prosecutor Michel Zegers said Wednesday. No charges have been filed.Investigators believe Van Doren and the suspect, who belonged to the same parachute club, also dated the same man, a Dutch national identified as "Marcel."
News reports say the suspect killed Van Doren in a jealous rage after learning Van Doren had an affair with her boyfriend.
Vayos Con Dios Brah… Now this is how you kill somebody. Nothing beats tampering with the parachute; I’ve been a huge fan of this since the days of Johnny Utah. It just doesn’t get any more diabolical than that. My only problem is that I think the crazy chick should have killed the guy instead of the chick. Or at the very least she should have killed them both. I’m in the camp that when your boyfriend or girlfriend cheats on you, you can’t really be mad at the person they are hooking up with. It’s not their responsibility to worry about your feelings. It’s the responsibility of the cheater and as such they should be the first one to die if that’s how you choose to handle the situation.
15. I bought a Twinkie yesterday during my paper route. A freaking Twinkie. If I had to guess, I’d say I haven’t eaten a Twinkie in 10-15 years. And to be honest, I’m not sure I’ve even seen anybody eat a Twinkie in that same span. For all I know that thing was sitting on the shelf for the past decade. Who eats Twinkies nowadays? Somebody somewhere has to be eating them or they’d be out of business right? Maybe it’s only little kids? Regardless, in the scheme of deserts rate what you think of Twinkies. And does anybody still eat these things?