Random Thoughts
1. Okay, I’ll admit that I haven’t really paid too much attention to Real World the last couple seasons. They were just way too boring. My guess is that I wasn’t the only one who started to ignore the show and that the ratings have gone way down the past few years. Luckily it appears that the executives at MTV have gotten the message. How else can you explain the premiere of Real World Denver? This show has all the makings of giving Real World Las Vegas a run for its money in terms of sex and violence. Hmm, let’s see if I can recap the first episode. First we had the obligatory lesbian make out scene in the hot tub. Then we had one guy (Alex) hookup with a roommate (Colie) and sleep with her on the first night. No confirmation on sex although she did talk about his ding dong the next day. Then the following night we had the same dude (Alex) ditch the chick he hooked up with the previous night (Colie), who was waiting for him in bed, and hook up with another roommate (Jennifer) who is a former Raider cheerleader. This was approximately 10 minutes after the Raider Cheerleader declared that she was best friends with Colie who was literally waiting in bed for Alex to join her. (Are you following this?) Anyway we do have confirmation of sex between Alex and the Raider Cheerleader because she dropped this line on us in the confessional “We just started hooking up a little bit and I realized, oh my god I’m having sex” I wouldn’t expect anything less from a Raiderette, which according to Jennifer is “the most prestigious cheerleading group in the NFL” Personally, I think the Cowboy Cheerleaders would have something to say about that, but that’s a different story for a different day. Anyway, if you’re keeping score at home we had one guy sleep with two different roommates on Day 1 and Day 2 of the show. And in other house news we have a gay guy who is openly hated by his roommate for being gay. Same old, same old with that one.
2. Everybody knows that I love the Pats. I basically pick them to win every game every year and am stunned when they lose. But despite yesterday’s victory I’m worried about this year’s team. Now I know a win is a win is a win in the NFL. And I know that the Bears were 9-1 coming into yesterday’s game. But I almost feel worse about our chances after the victory than I did before it. I‘m just starting to think that we’re not going to be able to shake the turnover bug in time for the playoffs. 5 Turnovers is flat out ridiculous. And usually I’m of the philosophy that turnovers are kind of fluke-ish and you can’t depend on them either way. But I’m not sure I really believe that anymore. Ever since the Denver playoff game last year the Patriots have shown the propensity to turn the ball over quite a bit on offense. It is the exact opposite of what they did during their 3 Super Bowl years. You simply can’t consistently turn the ball over and expect to win. And I don’t think once the playoffs start you can suddenly stop committing turnovers like turning off a faucet. It seems like every time the Pats play a big game nowadays you can count on two or three major turnovers. It just can’t happen. And I’m not sure what the answer is either. I mean how much can you really work on ball control? Should Belichick make everybody carry a ball with them everywhere they go like Darnell Jefferson in The Program? I just don’t have the answer. All I know is that the offense, defense and special teams are all good enough to win the Super Bowl, but we’ve got to put an end to this turnover thing before it is too late.
3. Washington Post - David Blainewas put into a spinning gyroscope today in Times Square in NYC. They will shackle his arms and hands in on Thursday and then he will have until Friday to make his escape. If he makes it then 100 needy children will get a $500 spree from Target. The gyroscope will spin David around 24-hours a day.
“This is more difficult than anything I’ve ever done,” Blaine said before he was loaded into the gyroscope, which was then hoisted 40 feet into the air. I’ve not tested it much. I will be learning how to do this as I’m doing it.”
Man, David Blaine has some brass balls huh? Is this gyroscope thing more difficult than his little “Drowned Alive” stunt? Because I certainly didn’t forget that debacle. He tried to hold his breath for like 10 minutes or something and needed people to jump into the snow globe and save his sorry ass after like 2 minutes. Once you fail as a magician, that’s it. It’s time to wrap it up move on. Nobody wants to see him get out of a spinning gyroscope or whatever the hell it is. In my book he should be dead to begin with. I think it’s bullshit that people were allowed to help him in the Drowned Alive special. You either escape or you die. It’s that simple. You can't just move on to another stunt after you got your ass kicked by the last one.
4. CNNSI.com - SAN MATEO, Calif. (AP) -- San Francisco 49ers wide receiver Antonio Bryant was arrested on reckless and drunken driving charges after his Lamborghini was seen speeding faster than 100 mph on a freeway, police said Tuesday.
Luckily I’ve never been arrested for a DUI. But I know some people who have and I’ve driven back to Abington after having a few pops at a Barstool Sports Sanctioned event. Anyway in all my years of living (29) and hearing stories about DUI cases, I’ve never heard of somebody going 100mph’s when they go busted. Instead I feel like most of the time somebody gets pulled over in a DUI case it’s because they didn’t stop at a stop sign or forgot to turn their lights on or they were going 50 in a 30 or something like that. Basically just a little something that tips the cops off that something may not be right. But that wasn’t the case with Antonio Bryant. Oh no, Antonio left no doubt. Let me ask you this; how can you be going 100mph’s in a cherry red Lamborghini (guessing on the color) blaring "Smack That" (guessing on the song) when you’ve been drinking beforehand? There is NO excuse for that. I don’t care how drunk you are, you need to at least try to drive carefully right? I mean I can accept swerving and erratic driving, but going 100mph? That’s just nuts!
5. Bryan James Hathaway, 20, of Superior faces a misdemeanor charge of sexual gratification with an animal. He is accused of having sex with a dead deer he saw beside Stinson Avenue on Oct. 11.A motion filed last week by his attorney, public defender Fredric Anderson, argued that because the deer was dead, it was not considered an animal and the charge should be dismissed.
“The statute does not prohibit one from having sex with a carcass,” Anderson wrote.
What the f-ck? Aren't we just arguing semantics here? I mean if you're raping a dead deer then you should automatically be killed right? I mean this is an absolute no brainer in my mind. I actually don't know how our forefather's didn't put that clause in the Constitution.
"Raping dead deer will result in automatic death"
It should be in there. I'm not even joking. This guy has to be killed before it's too late. I can picture him getting in trouble with the law a few years down the road and the police looking at his record to see if there was anything that should have tipped them off. "Well he did rape that dead deer on the side of the road back in 2006." I mean c'mon. Anybody this crazy needs to be put down.
6. MSNBC - - A cell phone captured video of a 23-year-old student being administered multiple Taser shocks by UCLA police on Tuesday. The UCLA student was hit with the Taser shocks multiple times while he was in the Powell Library Computer Lab. According to the paper, Tabatabainejad did not show ID to community service officers who were conducting a random check. UCLA police said Tabatabainejad was released by police after he was cited for obstruction/delay of a peace officer in the performance of duty. Police said they thought Tabatabainejad was not harmed in the incident: "If he was able to walk out of here, I think he was OK," the sergeant said.
Well I guess the moral of the story here is that you need to bring your student ID to the UCLA Library to get in. And the 2nd lesson is that when you get tasered by community service officers (do they get paid?) and they tell you to stand up, you should try and get up so you don't get tasered again. Although I am a bit confused how the kid was supposed to get up when he kept getting tasered? Doesn't tasering knock you down? It seems counterproductive to taser somebody while you're yelling at them to stand up. But like the Police Sergeant said, "if he was able to walk out of here, he was ok"
Hey, wait a minute, he didn't walk out of the library at all. He got dragged out and was tasered throughout the process.
As a side note, I wish I could taser our writers when they didn't blog enough for my liking. "Write a blog Manzo or I'll taser you"
7. NY Post - November 16, 2006 --DEREK Jeterhas a new babe. The Yankee shortstop went out in L.A. Tuesday night with his new squeeze, Jessica Biel. According to our spy, the couple was huddled in a corner of hot club Hyde, "laughing and giggling together." At one point, Jessica, voted Esquire's "sexiest woman alive" in 2005, went to the restroom and three girls quickly scurried over to chat with Jeter. But as soon as Biel returned, he put all his attention on her. The two left together. A Biel rep didn't return calls.
Newman!
Honestly, kill me now. Of all the women in all the world, Jeter had to pick Jessica Biel. That sucks. She’s my girl. Everybody knows this. Ever since our eyes locked for 3 seconds a couple years ago at Joshua Tree in Somerville she’s been an El Presidente favorite. I still maintain that she is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen live. Therefore, it cuts me deep to hear that she may be dating Derek Jeter. I need Tom Brady to step in and put an end to this pronto. Jeter’s not even that good looking. What’s he got that I don’t? Listen Jeter, do me a favor and win a world championship this century before you start dating the likes of Jessica Biel. You’re way out of your league buddy. Stick to Mariah Carey.
8. Emmitt Smith won Dancing with the Stars a couple weeks ago beating out Slater from Saved By the Bell. And in case you missed it, after Emmitt danced his final Samba with his partner he gave her a nice slap on the ass as if to say nice job. I searched high and low for this footage, but couldn’t find it anywhere. You’re just going to have to trust me that it happened. Anyway, this begs the question is it okay to slap a chick’s ass in a competitive situation to congratulate her for a job well done? For example, Allana who was featured in our 25 Sexiest Bartender Magazine is on our trivia team at Game On. If she gets an answer correct can we give her a quick slap on the ass to congratulate her? Or when I hire Barstool Girls for various events and they do a good job can I slap them on the ass? What about at our photo shoots? If a girl takes a great picture can I slap her on the ass? What about female sales people? If they close a big deal can the boss give them a slap on the ass? Hmm, lots to think about with this one. Personally I think as long as you give an open handed slap it’s legal. Any grabbing or lingering hand motion would have to be qualified as sexual harassment.
9. Boston.com is reporting that Chinese Internet surfers once again have unfettered access to Wikipedia, the popular free online encyclopedia. The Chinese government has quietly dismantled its digital barriers against the service, according to Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales.
This is huge news at the offices of Barstool Sports right now. We can only assume that if the Chinese can now access Wikipedia, they can also finally access Barstool Sports as well. I’ve been trying to take this company global since day 1 and this should serve as a major breakthrough after some tough early setbacks. First we had that fraud Binlondon on the message board who claimed to be from London when in fact he was from Medford and of course we had the Chinese Government blacklisting us from their citizens. (I’m guessing about that part) Luckily things have changed. Don’t be surprised if we hire somebody just to blog all day long about Yao Ming. I mean let’s not kid ourselves; China is a huge untapped market for hat sales. I may need to change the slogan of Barstool Sports from “By the Common Man For the Common Man to “From Southie to China and Back”
P.S. – Here is our Wikipedia definition;
Barstool Sportsis a free biweekly newspaper in Boston. Launched in August 2003 as a four-page gambling rag, it has grown to be one of the better-known sources of "alternative" sports humor and coverage in the city. It is perhaps best known for its scantily clad cover models, in the style of Maxim (magazine) and similar men's magazines. The writing and style of humor, as the writers themselves admit, is heavily influenced by national sports writer Bill Simmons, and the paper has a love-hate relationship with Simmons himself.
"The Stool" attracted some publicity and controversy in September 2005, when it made public an expletive-filled voicemail from local sports radio personality John Dennis directed towards his competitor Ryen Rusillo. The publication of a glossy "Boston's 25 Sexiest Bartenders and Waitresses" issue in November further increased Barstool's local profile.
10. Things are starting to get real interesting with Britney Spears and KFed. According to US Weekly the always loquacious Kevin Federline posted the following message outside his dressing room the other day.
Today I'm a Free Man. Ladies look out. Fuck a Wife. Give me my Kids Bitch!
And the New York Post reports that "KFed is already struggling to survive, now that Britney has shut down his credit cards and turned off his cell phones. The post says, “Federline is now scrimping where he can. He and his entourage of eight wannabe rappers showed up at downtown burlesque joint Corio for a comped dinner that would have cost him $1,200, a source tells us. An eyewitness at the next table reports, ‘He just kept ordering more and more food and then asked for it to be put in containers so he could take the food out to the clubs with him. Then he started putting napkins in the tops of the tequila and vodka bottles and stuck them under his coat trying to sneak the liquor out with him. It was really unbelievable to watch.’"
I don't know why but I love this story. I wish I had KFed TV right now. It would be like Ed TV except Federline wouldn't know the cameras were watching him at all times. It would serve as a marvelous social experiment on the decline of a man. "Where's Beeks? Where in the hell is Beeks?"
11. Bostonherald.com - FRAMINGHAM - An unhinged Texas Longhorn fan who blames Doug Flutie’s televised analysis for the team’s upset Saturday threatened the former football star and his family in an electronic mail message, police said. The threat, which was not detailed by police, was sent to the Doug Flutie Jr. Foundation for Autism early Sunday, police Lt. Paul Shastany said. “We have intentions of finding this person and speaking to this person,” said Shastany. “As threats go, it’s a pretty serious incident.” Although the exact nature of the threat was not disclosed, the man, who investigators believe lives in California, wrote, “You jinxed the Longhorn faithful and a chance at the national title,” Shastany said.
First of all, if I honestly believed that announcers could jinx teams and affect the outcome of football games I would have murdered Rod Gilmore and Trevor Mattich a long, long time ago. But more importantly what is taking the police so long to capture “this guy” It’s obviously Matthew McConaughey. Even Chief Wiggim could figure that one out.
12. ESPN.com - Six-time All-Star Nomar Garciaparra and the Los Angeles Dodgers agreed Monday to an $18.5 million, two-year contract.
"Nomar played a huge role in the Dodgers' success last season and an offensive threat like him is not easy to find," Dodgers general manager Ned Colletti said in a statement. "His versatility, mental toughness, clutch performances and leadership capabilities make him a perfect fit for the team."
Obviously, Dodgers GM Ned Colletti gets it. It’s great to see Nomar finally get rewarded with his long overdue contract. It takes a true American Hero to persevere the way #5 has done after Larry Lucchino stuck a knife in his back and left him for dead in the cold Boston night. Nomar's contract isn't just a victory for him. Oh no, it's a victory for good over evil. It's a victory for America and the very foundation that this country is built upon.
As a side note, here is a trivia question for all you trivia buffs out there. Name the 3 active players with the highest career batting average and a minimum of 5,000 plate appearances?
If you guessed Todd Helton, Vlad Guerrerro and Nomar Garciaparra you'd be right. And Helton really doesn’t count since he plays in Colorado. I think it’s safe to say that if you were starting a team today you’d probably have to decide between drafting Vlad or Nomar #1 overall. It’s 6 of one, half dozen of the other.
Reader Email
Email #1
My buddy just found out from a girl he is dating (and really likes) that she has slept with 18 dudes. She's 25. It upset him. This got us to the discussion of how many is too many for a girl? Certainly a guy can't be with a girl who has slept with more guys than he has girls. Most guys are of the impression that anyone other than them is one too many, but keeping a realistic and fair perspective on it, we tried to come up with a scale that defines a girl's sexual status based on how many guys she has slept with:
0 - psycho
1-3 - angel
3-5 - picky, but has a wild side
6-8 - kind of slutty
8-10 - bona fide slut
10+ - cum dumpster, stay away
Let’s get some discussion going on this. Of course, for guys, there is no scale, right?
Let me start by saying 18 is automatic punch in the face high. I mean that’s off the scale high. I obviously don’t know your buddy, but I really feel bad for him. I can’t imagine falling for a girl who says she’s slept with 18 dudes and she is only 25. That’s a big old slap in the face. Anyway, now onto your scale. Obviously the age factor plays a major part in this thing. I’m going to assume for the sake of discussion that the girl is 25 years old. So let’s say she had two serious boyfriends in high school. There is 2 right there. And we’ll give her 2 more serious boyfriends in college. Mark down another 2. We’ll throw in 2 more post college relationships. 6. And we’ll give her one crazy night for 7. So I think 7 and under you’re in the clear. I’d say 8-10 is kind of slutty. 10+ is a cum dumpster/bona fide slut.