Random Thoughts
1. Let me ask you this; who is responsible for removing all the political signs and other crap from Election Day that are still haunting the streets of Brighton? I guess I can understand if you were volunteering for a candidate that ended up losing and you didn’t feel like collecting all of the signage scattered around town, but if your guy won the election, doesn’t it send a bad message when you simply leave that shit there to rot? Deval Patrick’s first act as governor should in some way, shape or form involve a DPW truck coming through my neighborhood and picking up all the tattered remnants of his campaign signage, and while they’re at it, everyone else’s too.”
2. Dlisted.com reports that the newly single Britney Spears had a late night in NYC recording tracks for her new album. She left Sony Music at around 5:30 this morning and is said to be headed to Miami. She is working on her first album since 2003’s In the Zone. Pharrell Williams confirmed that he’s working on some tracks with Brit.
This is going to be a huge CD and you want to know why? Because that cat Pharrell is the real deal. The First Lady and I were having a discussion the other day about who we’d invite to lay tracks down on a CD that we were recording. Pharrell was at the top of my list. I’d probably have some weird concoction of Pharell, Jimmy Buffett and Kelly Clarkson. If that doesn’t spell platinum record, I don’t know what does.
3. Boston.com - The MBTA board voted unanimously this afternoon to approve the T's second set of fare increases in three years despite the objections of Governor-elect Deval Patrick and Boston Mayor Thomas M. Menino. MBTA General Manager Daniel A. Grabauskas has said that the T doesn't want a fare increase, but that heavy debt and anticipated budget shortfalls make it necessary.
This story is such a kick in the balls. How the hell is the T operating at a loss? You’re telling me that they are taking in 1.1 million passengers a day and they are losing money? How is that possible? Do T conductors make 100 grand a year or something? I’ll admit that I haven’t been on the T in awhile so maybe they are serving complimentary drinks now? Seriously I feel bad for anybody who rides the T. I’d rather suffer through the Bataan Death March than take the Green Line from Cleveland Circle to Park. I mean riding the T is bad enough without them raising the rates on your ass. This is like a giant FU to everybody who rides the T. It’s basically saying I know we suck and I know we can’t manage our way out of a paper bag, but we don’t care because we can always just raise rates and if you don’t like it than walk. As a side note, who has the power to fire these clowns? Why are they untouchable? Do they only report to CTU or something? At the very least can we fire the guy who decided to spend money on giving away Dunkin Donuts gift cards to nice to riders? I want his head on a platter.
4. The Inside Track had an article last week about Larry Izzo’s 2nd annual Karaoke event which was held at Avalon on Monday Night. I think it is to raise money for Veterans, but don’t quote me on that. Apparently Tom Brady did attend but according to the Track “he stayed at the club only about 20 minutes.” 20 minutes! You know you’re big time when 20 minutes of your time can put the stamp of approval on an event. And I feel like if Brady doesn’t show up than it’s not even really a party. I’d rather be hanging out at a Stool event than a Bradyless Patriots event. As a side note, what is the minimum amount of time that somebody has to stay at a party to get credit for going? I think 20 minutes is just about the minimum time frame. That's like a sitcom without the commercials. I’ve seen Diddy do a walk through at a Sweet Sixteen party on MTV which lasted like 2 minutes and I don’t think that is legit. 20 minutes gets you credit for attending. Man Law. By the way do you think it took longer for Larry Izzo to beg Brady to come to this thing than the actual time that Brady was there?
5. The big news of week at the University of Miami was of course the tragic death of Bryan Pata. “Pata, 22, was shot to death Tuesday night outside his off-campus apartment, less than two hours after practice and an informal team dinner ended. Pata’s sudden death raises an interesting question. What happens to somebody’s Myspace page after they get murdered? Does somebody have the responsibility to turn it off? Or does the Myspace page live on forever? And is it totally normal to continue to leave comments for the dead person? In the case of Bryan Pata it appears as though the answer is yes and yes. Despite the fact that Pata is no longer alive his Myspace page is hotter than ever. It’s kind of like how a baseball card becomes worth more when somebody dies. Here are some of the comments people have left him since he got killed;
- D amn, it was so weird not getting my usual "Yo" from you today... Today was killer.
- I STILL CANT BELIVE THIS SHIT MAN! YOU WAS A HOOD STAR
- These were the last words u said to me.... "Girl u betta make that time... I know that shit is hard but u can do it... we won are last game... we played f.I.u... we got into a big fight with them that shit was crazy... the police had to break it up... but they got what they wanted..."
I hope for Pata's sake they have Myspace in heaven (I can't imagine they wouldn't) so he can read all these quotes about him. But more importantly I'm putting Chisholm in charge of shutting down our myspace page if I die. (assuming he has time) I just feel like I'll have better things to do in heaven than check our myspace page and tell people about events on earth that I can't attend anymore.
6. I couldn't have given two craps about the election last week. I just figure whomever got into office would just start f-ing things up. The only dog I had in the fight was Question 1, which would've allowed grocery stores to sell wine. Pretty simple thing to wish for, right? Wrong. Question 1 got its ass kicked, 56% to 38%. Not even close. This is huge victory for the crowd that sees government as a great, big, benevolent nanny, watching out for us and protecting us from ourselves, for our own good. I swear if there was a question on the Massachusetts ballot requiring you to chew your food and making it illegal to swim within a half an hour of eating, it'd win in a landslide. If you think allowing more stores to sell Merlot and Cabernet wouldn't be such a polarizing issue, then you don't know this state. More importantly, you knew that once stores were allowed to carry wine, that beer sales was just a matter of time. So maybe, just maybe, I could run into Stop & Shop on an NFL Sunday, grab something to eat for the games, and be able to fill the beer fridge without trudging halfway across the South Shore. Yeah, you'd think so. The opponents of Question 1, who by an amazing coincidence happen to own all the liquor licenses in the state, kept saying "Do you want to make it easier for teens to buy alcohol?" No, asswipes...I wanted to make it easier for me to buy it. But gee, thanks for looking out for me.
7. I finally saw Borat last week. I went to the movies on a Tuesday Night. That should tell you just how badly I wanted to see this thing. Therefore it cuts me deep to be the first person on planet earth not to declare this the funniest movie of all time. In fact, I was pretty disappointed with it. Maybe I was just expecting too much going in, but I don’t think so. Now keep in mind that I’m a huge Ali G fan. I own both the DVD’s for season 1 and 2 and have probably watched them each 50 times. And I think that was part of the problem. Going into it I was basically expecting to see the best Borat skits of all time. Essentially similar stuff from the Ali G show except on steroids. But for my money his HBO show is better than the movie. I think a major problem for me was the fact that the plot was such a big part of it. I didn’t want to see Sasha Cohen acting in a real movie. I just wanted to see one skit after another as he traveled across the country. Also, I had a hard time differentiating what was real and what was fake. Like was the black prostitute really a prostitute or was she an actor? Some of the stuff like that was confusing and took away from the movie. Now don’t get me wrong, I thought it was funny. But I don’t see how any real fan of Ali G could walk out of the movie theater and say it lived up to expectations. As far as the people giving it 2398 stars, I can only assume they never watched the show to begin with.
8. Inside Track - We’ve got a new power couple for you: Tito Ortiz and Jenna Jameson. The light heavyweight title contender and renowned porn star are officially an item, and with Ortiz’ championship bout against Chuck Liddell less than two months away, fans should get used to seeing plenty of Jameson in the coming weeks.
This is mystifying to me. Why would a celebrity want to date a porn star? (As a side note, we are qualifying Tito Ortiz as a celebrity right?) Anyway, assuming that he qualifies, it just makes no sense to me on any level. Celebrities can bang porn stars whenever they want right? You don’t have to date them to f-ck them. That’s the rule. I’m guessing that Ortiz could just call up Jenna Jameson whenever he felt like it and say he wanted to f-ck her and she’d be forced to come over. I’m pretty sure that’s in the celebrity/porn star constitution. So what’s the advantage of dating her? Dating Jenna Jameson doesn’t make me jealous at all and I feel like if I’m not jealous than there is no point to be dating that person in the first place.
9. Have people been following the Revered Ted Haggard story? You, know, the evangelical preacher, with ties to the White House. (By the way I love when people use that "ties to the White House” line so loosely. I've been to the White House. I've met George Bush. He has no idea who I am, but if I was ever arrested for some sordid crime, I'm sure some enterprising journalist would say I had "ties to the White House") Anyway it turns out Reverend Ted was paying a male escort for sex and meth. My favorite part of the story, of course, is the denial. He looked up a gay escort service on-line, called, got a massage, but never had sex and although he had the escort procure some meth, he never used it, although he was "very tempted" to do so. Look, I have no problem with this guy doing whatever he wants to do in the privacy of his own home (or the privacy of room 212 at the Boulder Motel 6). If his wife can live with it, it's cool by me. The picture of him driving his kids in the car yesterday was funny though. The look on his son's face sitting in the back seat was priceless. I can't imagine what was running through his head. If I were him I would put a positive spin on it and be pumped that for the rest of his life there isn't much he could do that would get him in trouble with dad. I always wondered how I would handle the " you smoked pot, why can't I?" question from my kid. I'm thinking that will be a walk in the park compared to “You snorted meth off a guys penis, why cant I?”.
10. Record Online.com - A Wallkill varsity soccer player was arrested last night and charged with punching a Cornwall player in the face, knocking out three teeth and fracturing her jaw. Cornwall police charged the player with second degree assault — a Class D felony — for the actions after Tuesday's Section 9 Class A quarterfinal in Cornwall. According to police, Crespi punched a Cornwall junior defender once in the face during post game handshakes. Cornwall police Sgt. Philip Sinagra said last night the incident was unprovoked. "In the course of our investigation, we were unable to come up with a motive," Sinagra said. "It doesn't seem like anything precipitated this."
Now here is the catch. The soccer player was a chick! Yup, Jasmine Crespi, 16, sucked punched Ashley Thorpe in the face during the post game handshake knocking 3 teeth out and forcing her to get her mouth wired shut. And the police say there was no motive! What are they stupid? Clearly Ashley Thorpe got exactly what she deserved for hooking up with Jasmine’s boyfriend. There is absolutely no other explanation. Girls don’t go around punching each other’s brains unless somebody banged somebody’s boyfriend. You don’t have to be Inspector Gadget to figure that one out. Am I right or am I right?
11. Dlisted.com - Apparently, during a film shootScarlett Johanssonleft her mic on when she went to get busy with an unidentified male in a truck. One of the sound operators noticed that her shit was still on and listened and taped while Scarlett and the dude made out and then she leaned over and gave him a sloppy bj. She ends by telling the dude “Yeah, cum.”
Umm, oh my god. A Scarlett Johansson sex tape! Are you kidding me? This has to be God’s way of apologizing for the Pats game last night. How else can you explain it? I mean when you ask the hypothetical question “So who would you like to see in a porno movie?” Scarlett is a top 10 answer. This rumor is too good to be true and that’s just how I’m going to treat it until I see visual evidence. And if it turns out that this is a sham than God is really sticking it to us lately because this would be the worst kick in the balls of all time.
12. The big news in the world of food that I’d never eat in a million years is that McDonalds is bringing back the Mcrib sandwich from retirement. All I can say is thank god.
“The company announced last year that it would discontinue the sandwich. But due to popular demand, they're bringing it back. The company has created a "McRib Farewell Tour II" campaign to accompany this limited time occasion. Once the tour is over, the McRib Sandwich will be retired forever, according to McDonalds. However, they also launched a special website containing a petition to prevent permanent retirement: http://www.mcrib.com
I got to admit I’m a little shocked that there was enough “popular demand” to bring back the Mcrib. Not only have I never tried the McRib sandwich, but I don’t know anybody who has tried that before. I feel like you’re rolling the dice when you order McNuggets at McDonalds, never mind a rib sandwich. (Although truth be told, Barstool writer Pete Manzo claims to order the fish fillet from McDonalds which is beyond gross in my eyes) Anyway, speaking of bringing stuff back from retirement, I’m still waiting for Ben and Jerry’s to unretire Vanilla Chocolate Chunk Ice Cream (chocolate chip) It’s my favorite ice cream in the world and they put it in the graveyard like 10 years ago. It just doesn’t make any sense how you kill off chocolate chip ice cream. It seems Un-American. But if the Mcrib can make a comeback so can Vanilla Chocolate Chip. I’ve just got to keep the faith. Maybe I should start a campaign to bring it back through Barstool Sports. It would finally be putting my power as El Presidente to a good cause.
13. There was a story today in the Inside Track (I love those ladies) about a 30 year old virgin. Here is what it said;
As we told you back in August, Sarah is facing her 30th birthdayTuesday, and she’s never technically had sex. So she asked the editors of Janemaggie to help her get some action before the big 3-0. Sarah signed a legal document attesting to her chaste condition and in return, the Jane gals vowed to get her deflowered. Toward that end they set up a Web site asking men - or friends of eligible men - to nominate candidates to rock Sarah’s world. She’s been dating - and blogging about it - ever since, but still hasn’t found Mr. Right. “I was trying to count how many guys I’ve dated since this started - it’s more than 20,” Sarah said. “I haven’t met any losers. A couple of tools and some guys who were great but just weren’t right for me. I definitely had some sexual chemistry with a couple of guys and I’d definitely like to pursue that further.” “I just feel unsettled, a little bit,” she said. “The deadline was arbitrary and I knew that if I didn’t make it, it would be fine. But I’m just looking for what every girl wants: Someone to connect with and not be embarrassed by.” “I think I will definitely be a 30-year-old virgin,” Sarah told the Track yesterday. “But there’s no way in hell I’ll be a 31-year-old virgin!”
This story is an absolute joke to me. This is one of the worst publicity stunts I’ve ever heard of. This has nothing to do with her not being able to lose her virginity. She obviously doesn’t want to lose her virginity and is doing this all for attention. In my mind this is the equivalent of somebody living in Boston blogging about how they’ve never been to a Red Sox game and they just hope they get to one before they are 30. Dude, just buy a ticket and go. It’s that easy. Same thing here. Listen, honey it ain’t that difficult to find a guy to screw you. Don’t complain about how you can’t lose your virginity when you can go out any night of the week and get nailed. Am I right or am I right?
14. So after Trivia at Game On last week I went to a Heineken party at The Rack. Sebastian Telfair was in the house. First of all he really isn’t that tall. I’m like 5”10 and I almost could look him eye to eye. Larry Izzo was also in the house and he’s like a midget. Anyway, All night I was trying to convince the girl I was with that she should walk up to Sebastian in a cute/sexy/funny way and ask him if he shot “Fabulous”. I think she would have been able to pull it off with no problem. I feel like pretty girls can say whatever they want as long as they say it in a flirtatious way. Plus, it would have been a great scoop for the Stool. I wanted her to whisper the following sweet nothings into his ear;
"Hey Sebby, I loved Through The Fire. You’re so hot. Sorry about your medallion. Did you get that back? Was it Fabulous? Is that why you had him kneecapped. That’s so hot”
So here is the question. How do you think Telfair would have reacted if Alanna went up to him and said this to him? I think he would have been cool with it because Alanna is hot and the Stool would have had the scoop of the year. It would have been a win, win for everybody.
15. Have people seen this new Dr. Pepper commercial which claims there is something like 27 flavors in each sip of Dr. Pepper. First of all, I don’t even know how that is possible, but more importantly that just sounds gross. I can’t think of one product where if you mush together 27 different flavors together, the end result tastes good. In fact it sounds like one of those “I Dare You” games that you play when you go to McDonalds or something and you pour the coke into the Orange Soda into the Sprite and then putter pepper, salt and ketchup in it and dare somebody to drink it. I mean who wants 27 different flavors in one drink? Did they mean ingredients? Regardless, it’s not hard to see why nobody drinks Dr. Pepper.