Random Thoughts
1. As a reminder the Barstool Sports/Glynn Hospitality 2nd chance suicide pool for is going to start week 4. It’s free to enter. You need to make your pick before Friday of week 4 and the week after that at any Glynn Hospitality Bar. These include Hurricane O’Reillys, Clerys, Dillon’s, Purple Shamrock, Jose Macs, Coogans and the Black Rose. There should be little sheets to pick your team in each bar but if there isn’t just ask the Bartender. We will mail out all the picks before Sunday’s games so you can check who everybody took. The winner will get a ski and stay package three days and two nights including lift tickets and hotel accommodations at Killington Mountain courtesy of Bud Light. Oh and there is one catch. If you watch your team play at Hurricane O’Reilly’s and they lose you get a mulligan. (One mulligan per player for the entire season) But you still can’t pick that team again.
2. Apparently somebody has started a website called ncaahazing.com. Their credo is “hazing kills, mascots do not,” whatever the hell that means. It appears that these nerds’ entire goal in life is to prevent college kids from having fun. I mean I can certainly understand trying to prevent certain types of hazing activities that are actually life threatening but I think you’ve gone over the line when you’re freaking out about kids not getting kicked out of school for playing Beirut. The good folks at ncaahazing.com are all upset that the Manhattan lacrosse players pictured in photos posted on their site weren’t expelled by the university. They thought the school was being too easy on them by only canceling the season. Are you freaking kidding me? I can’t even tell that hazing is going on in the pictures. If anything the Manhattan students deserve to sue the school. Apparently it’s illegal for college kids to be college kids anymore. The fact that I even found out about ncaahazing.com makes me sick to my stomach. This just proves that sometimes the Internet isn’t only for good stuff like porn, online gambling and the Stool. Unfortunately, dorks can have their voices heard too.
3. Let me start this rant by saying I drafted Larry Johnson with the first pick in my fantasy draft. And as I write this, I am frantically looking for a way to trade his sorry ass to some other sucker in my league. Yup, I am already 100% convinced that Larry Johnson is going to be a bust. I had my doubts about him before the season began because of the new coach and the fact that Willie Roaf retired, but I got swayed by all these so called fantasy experts who ranked him as the #1 player in the draft. Shame on me for listening. Now with Trent Green knocked unconscious, any chance of LJ having a great season are basically tossed out the window. I’m telling you that KC is going to suck this year. They made the Bengals and Broncos defenses look like the 85 Bears the last two weeks. I think it’s safe to say that everybody who drafted Larry Johnson #1 in their fantasy league got Hermed. So here is what I am telling fellow Larry Johnson owners to do. Trade him now before it’s too late. You need to be a forward thinker on this one. Don't sit on your hands until it's obvious he is going to stink. Make the move while he still has some value. This has been a public service announcement from your leader, El Presidente.
4. GREELEY , Colo. -- The University of Northern Colorado's reserve punter was arrested Tuesday, accused of stabbing his rival in his kicking leg. Mitch Cozad, a sophomore from Wheatland, Wyo., allegedly attacked starting punter Rafael Mendoza in a parking lot in Evans on Monday night, Evans police Lt. Gary Kessler said.
For those of you keeping score at home Northern Colorado is a division IAA school. I mean it’s one thing for a DI backup punter to try and whack the starter, but a division IAA backup punter? That’s just crazy. I mean is it that big of a deal to be the punter for Northern Colorado that you need to go around stabbing people in the leg?
5. This random thought is going to be short and sweet. Do you think Kirk Herbstreit is banging Erin Andrews? I think they're both married, but that doesn't matter. They're both good looking people. They're always on the road together, staying in the same hotel. They have great chemistry during their telecasts. I vote yes.
6. As part of Boston University's eternal jihad against the school's sports programs, university officials have banned swear words from Terrier sporting events. Listen, I understand that there are little kids at sporting events and that the people around the little buggers need to be somewhat restrained in their foul-mouthed exuberance. And I'm guessing that 99% of the BU students understand that same thing. ut you can't give some security guard the authority to toss a guy out of a sporting event if he swears. If some BU kid, sitting in the student section, yells that BC "fucking sucks" should the kid really face getting thrown out of the game and potentially barred from any future BU sporting events? And, honestly, I don't understand how BU can differentiate between a student swearing at a sporting event and a student swearing anywhere else on BU property. What's the difference between some BU undergrad dropping a F bomb in Agannis or in Warren Towers? How can BU censor the language of some of its students during specific activities but allow swearing at all its other events? If a kid is walking around BU's Art Gallery and says that a painting is "fucking great" is a security guard going to mace him, throw on the flexicuffs and call for backup? It's too bad that ice hockey isn't more popular with BU's eurotrash and Middle East mafia because then the university wouldn't dare interfere.
7. I hate the Manning family. Everybody knows this. I fucking hate them. Therefore, it pains me to admit that Peyton Manning is an absolute monster when it comes to commercials. Everything he does is funny. I sit there and try not to laugh, but I can’t help it. I mean I’ve got to give him credit where credit is due. He is good at commercials. And the thing that really sucks about the commercials is that they somehow make me want to start to like him. Therefore, whenever they come on I just repeat to myself over and over his quote after the Colts last playoff loss which reminds me why I hate him so much..
“"I’m trying to be a good teammate here. Let’s just say we had some problems with protection."
8. What is the deal with Matthew McConaughey ? Did people see him at the Texas vs. Ohio State game? Although I guess the better question is how could you miss him? He was sitting there on the sidelines jumping up and down like an asshole trying to get the players and crowd pumped up. Nevermind the fact that any fool could see that Texas was totally outclassed and had no shot. But I would have paid anything for Mack Brown to have given him a helmet for one play so somebody could have knocked the bongos out of him and shut him up. Listen, I have no problems with celebrities supporting their home town team or their college alumni. And I don’t doubt for a second that he is a hard core Texas fan. But give it a rest. Why is he even allowed on the sidelines? And where are all his college buddies? Why is seemingly at the game alone? Who goes to a big game by themselves? If I ever become rich and famous I can promise you that you wouldn’t find me hanging out alone on the sidelines jumping up and down like an asshole. I mean he must not have any friends, right? And at the very least he’s bisexual.
9. What do people think of these new trash cans in Boston? If you haven’t seen them they almost look like mini dumpsters. They are especially prevalent in Downtown Crossing. The good news with these things is that they hold a lot more trash. The bad news is you need to get a lot more involved in the dumping of the trash process. You physically need to pull down the bar on the dumpster to open it and put the trash inside. Think of it as a giant mailbox. Now I readily admit that I’m a germaphobe. I hate touching the poles on the T and I don’t like messing around with these giant trash cans. The bottom line is that I don’t want my hands touching anything but my trash when I throw something away. Unfortunately, that’s just not possible with these new garbage dumpsters. Getting bigger trash cans is a great idea, but can’t we just get bigger trash cans instead of these trash mail boxes?
10. “I have learned a valuable lesson. It won't happen again."”
- That was a vow from Lions assistant coach Joe Cullen after getting busted for driving nude yesterday in Michigan.
Okay, the beauty of this story is that a bunch of my buddies played for this guy at the University of Richmond where he was the defensive coordinator. Therefore they spent about an hour on the phone with me trying to figure out how somebody can drive naked. As my buddy Elio put it, “I’d at least wear underwear.” This story prompted us to think of any circumstances where it is acceptable to be driving alone with no clothes on. The only two things we could come up with were as follows:
- You got a call from a girl who said come over buck naked so we can f-ck.
- You’re f-cking a girl and her husband comes home and you just take off without your cloths.
Unfortunately Joe Cullen has a long history of alcohol problems and neither of these situations seem to be the case here. Again, I have some buddies who can flat out drink and have done some crazy drugs in their lifetime including one guy who roofied himself just to see what it felt like. But none of them have ever driven nude. I mean that sets the bar pretty freaking high in terms of weird drunken behavior.
11. One of the best things about doing my 48 hour long paper route is that I get to walk into all types of bars at all types of hours. I feel like if you really want to get a handle on what Boston and the surrounding neighborhoods are all about than you need to walk into the Beacon Hill Pub at 12:30 on a Tuesday Night or Silgo’s in Davis Square or even the Middle East in Cambridge. I always get a kick out of the types of characters you find in these places at odd times. For example the other day I walked into O’Brien’s in Allston (across from Sports Depot) at 4:15 in the afternoon. There were 6 old guys lined up at the bar who looked like they hadn’t seen the light of day or shaved in about 2 months. And they were all sitting drinking and watching Jaws on TNT or something. It was the part where Jaws is going under with the 3 barrels. And then one of the guys pipes us and drops the following gem on everybody:
“You see a fish that big and you got a boat that size, you got to go back in……............…Trust me.”
I couldn’t stop laughing about this line the rest of my route. The thing that struck me so funny is that he wasn’t saying it to be sarcastic or funny or anything like that. He was really trying to offer his fellow bar mates legitimate advice. And nobody said a word when he said it either. Everybody just kind of shook their head like “ya, you’re right.” I almost wanted to tell the guy that Chief Brody wanted to go back in and get a bigger boat, but Quint was too crazy. Anyway, that line made my day. Maybe it’s just because Jaws is my favorite movie of all time.
12. Have people heard about this new diet called the “cookie diet?” You eat 6 cookies per day and 6 ounces of chicken for dinner and you lose a ton of weight. Well, no shit you’re going to lose weight. You could call this thing the Bon Bon diet, the Butterfinger diet or anything else you want. But what happens when you starve to death? I mean I can tear through 6 cookies in my sleep. These things better be freaking huge if you only get 6 of ‘em all day. And are Orca fat people like Pete Sheppard the only ones on this diet? These people can lose 15 points just getting up from their chair. That’s just genetics. Maybe I should invent the Ice Cream diet and let people have six scoops of ice cream all day and tell them they have to pay me for the ice cream. I’m pretty sure you’d lose weight if that’s all you ate. I’m not a fat man by nature but I’m still convinced the only and best way to really lose weight is to hit the gym.
13. From an article about NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell:
The league is looking at the possibility of wiring players other than quarterbacks so that there will be fewer false starts by visitors in noisy stadiums. "Don't get me wrong," Goodell said. "I love the 12th man. But keeping the game moving without so many penalties is also very important."
Are you kidding me? You've got to be kidding me. The NFL is worried about fans, sometimes referred to in other businesses as "paying customers," making too much noise and affecting the game? Oh, the horror. I've long defended football against charges that it's the "No Fun League" for trying to eliminate stupid end zone celebrations and other such pre-rehearsed, choreographed idiocy. Not because I'm some cranky old bastard purist, but because I think they're lame. I have yet to meet the guy who says, "I dunno...I didn't really enjoy that touchdown; I kinda wish Harrison woulda done a little Crump number or something..." But the league is indefensible on this one. Is there anything more exciting in football than a home crowd causing the visitors to screw up? Or when it gets so loud the QB has to call time out, and then the noise gets louder? How many times have you bet on a mediocre Kansas City or Minnesota team strictly on the basis of the 12th man? This is the worst idea since the Stuart Scott-John Madden interview. What's next, ten-foot high letters on the message board saying "Let's Make Some NOISE!!! (but not too much)"?
14. Have people heard of this new store called Johnny Cupcakes? I first heard about it at the movies when there was an ad for it before the movie began. Then I walked past the store on Newbury Street the other day and decided to check it out. Now I may be wrong, but as far as I can tell the entire premise behind Johnny Cupcakes is that they put a cupcake logo on shirts and shorts. I think that’s it. Seriously, that’s the entire concept of the store. They take normal clothes and stick cupcakes on them. And I guess people are buying them like they’re going out of style. I’m confused. How can Johnny Cupcakes afford a store on Newbury Street and the Stool can’t afford an office? Maybe the key is to change our logo to a cupcake? “Don’t think, just throw.”
Reader Email
Hey Barstoolsports,
First off, I love your magazine and the website. I check the website for new Random Thoughts every time I check my email. Today I came across your Random Thought about college hazing and I think the quote was "Apparently it’s illegal for college kids to be college kids anymore." Well I am a senior at Boston College and, let me tell you, it is illegal here to be a typical college kid. I don't want to get into what it was like before I turned 21 because it brings up too many feelings of resentment towards this school.
But I will give you an example of how Boston College has made it their mission to ruin any chance of a good time for students. Last Saturday was the big football game against Clemson. It was also the first BC home game to kick off the season. The first new rule at BC is that the Mods, which is senior housing, are completely fenced off minus one entrance where students are IDed(spelling?) before entering the property. Yes, there is a 21 only zone on football days. If anybody's younger sibling wanted to hang out before the game, it cannot happen anymore. When my friend's younger sister, who is 20 and goes to Northeastern, tried to scale the fence to get in, she was accosted by BC Police, on bikes no less, and berated by the "officers" aka Rent-a-Cops. They were swearing at her and treating the situation as if she had just killed someone. She was then "escorted" off campus and told if she ever came back she would be arrested for trespassing. Wow. Oh God. A 20 year old girl wanting to hang out and have a good time with her sister and her peers. What is the world coming to?
Another great rule about this 21 only zone is that no one can bring alcohol in the day of the game, which supposedly curbs the amount of alcohol that can be consumed before the game because God forbid if the kids get a little wasted before kick-off. What it really means is that the night before any home game, the people who live in the mods have their friends come over and drop their alcohol off for game day.
Literally, these mods have a multitude of thirties with name tags so that on game day people can claim their shit. Just so BC can supposedly appease the Boston Police. And also forget about beer balls or kegs. Not allowed on campus, but you can have "7 cases of beer; or 3 gallons of any other a1coholic beverage." This is just a little overview of the pre-game. Now after the amazing win in double overtime, you would think that at least in this 21 zone kids who are legal would be allowed to celebrate appropriately. Wrong. At 8pm, chaperones, essentially RAs, BC officials, and parents, came around to each individual Mod distributing trash bags, telling everyone to clean up, and instructing everyone to go inside. If anyone chooses not to follow this rule, they are going to be 'written up' and face possible suspension. This rule is supposed to protect residents of Newton and Brighton from noise and disturbance that some BC students tend to make while drinking. Except the Mods are in the middle of campus.
It would literally take a bomb going off for any resident in the area to hear the partying in the mods. And these rules are just game day rules. If at any other time residents of the Mods want to have a 'social gathering' (they are not called parties here at BC), you must "keep doors closed and maintain control of those entering and leaving the apartment/Mod. Open containers of alcoholic beverages are not allowed in hallways, stairwells, lounges, common areas, backyards, Mod patios and front steps or outside the residence hall/modular apartment. For the safety and well being of those attending the party, and to control noise, all windows must he kept closed. Non-alcoholic beverages and food must be served whenever alcoholic beverages are served." Wow.
Basically, try not to have fun as much as possible. I thought that when I turned 21, I would have a better social experience at BC than my previous 3 years. But I have been proved wrong. At "The Heights", it is indeed illegal for a college kid to be a college kid.
Sincerely,
Disgruntled BC Student
Thanks for the email. I think it’s safe to say that if you want to go to a college where good sports and having fun is important then BC is not the place for you.