Puck Talk
80's lyrics for each NHL Team
This type of column has been done to death but, since I’ve never written one, I thought I’d take a stab at it. Here’s a quick blurb for all 30 NHL teams as we head down the stretch with an appropriate 80’s lyric for each club.
Anaheim Mighty Ducks
You're on the road and now you pray it'll last The road beyond was rockyBut now you're feeling cocky
 -From Break My Stride-Matthew Wilder
Somebody break up the Ducks. At the end of November they were just hanging around, under .500, and heading for nowhere. Now they’re one of the hottest teams in the league. 5th place in the West and climbing. And Teemu Selanne’s pumping home two goals a night lately.
Atlanta Thrashers
Don't you forget about meI'll be alone, dancing --- you know it, baby -From Don’t You Forget About Me-Simple Minds
I had these guys dead and buried in the middle of the season but Bob Hartley has them playing great. I wouldn’t be surprised at all to see them overtake Montreal or Tampa for a playoff spot. And I hope they do. They’re fun to watch.
Boston Bruins
You can see the summit but you can't reach itIt's the last piece of the puzzle but you just can't make it fitDoctor says you're cured but you still feel the painAspirations in the clouds but your hopes go down the drain
 -From No One Is To Blame-Howard Jones
What can you say? All we heard was how the Bruins had been planning for the lockout for years and how everything had played out just as they expected. This was going to be their vindication. But they blew it. They let the wrong guys walk (Have you seen Brian Rolston’s stats lately?). They whiffed on all of their big free agent targets (Peter Forsberg, anyone?). They tossed big money at a guy who gave them nothing (Zhamnov). And when the dust started to settle, and the season was slipping away, they shipped out Thornton, and then Samsonov, for about 75 cents on the dollar. Ultimately, it cost Mike O’Connell his job, which I guess, might end up working out better in the long run anyway. But I still have my doubts. As long as the Jacobs family is signing the checks I don’t trust it. In summary, another banner year for the black and gold.
Buffalo Sabres
You may not be looking for the promised land,but you might find it anyway
 -From Living In America-James Brown
I think a lot of people knew the Sabres had plenty of good young talent before the season started but I don’t think many people predicted anywhere near the kind of success they’ve had this year. Granted, they’re not playing very well in the last few weeks. And, granted, they won’t have the luxury of beating up on the Bruins (who they tap-danced on all season) once the playoffs start. But I have to give credit where credit is due. Now if they’d only do something about those hideous uniforms. Please, for the love of God, bring back the blue and gold. Â
Calgary Flames
Every time you call my nameI heat up like a burnin' flameBurnin' flame full of desireKiss me baby, let the fire get higher -From Abracadabra-Steve Miller Band I try to avoid the obvious. Like using Running With the Devil for the Devils. Or Rock You Like A Hurricane for Carolina. But I had to go with Steve Miller here because, frankly, it’s been a bit of a magic act on Calgary’s part to find themselves atop their division this late in the year. Iginla’s not having a big year. Amonte was their big name pickup and he’s got all of 12 goals. Half the roster has a negative +/- rating but there they are with 92 points. Miikka Kiprusoff might be the most underrated goalie in the league.
Carolina Hurricanes
And it don't take money, don't take fameDon't need no credit card to ride this train
 -From Power Of Love-Huey Lewis & The News
They might not be the sexiest team in the league but the Canes are definitely legit. Eric Staal is quietly throwing up 40+ goals and close to 100 points and nobody seems to be making that big a deal about it. Well, I’ll make a big deal about it. That’s a dynamite season for a kid in his 2nd year.
Chicago Blackhawks
I did my best But I guess my best wasn't good enough'Cause here we are back where we were beforeSeems nothing ever changesWe're back to being strangersWondering if we oughta stayOr head on out the door
 -From Just Once-James Ingram
Remember when the Blackhawks were a relevant, vibrant NHL franchise. I think it was sometime in the 90’s. I think Dirk Graham was involved. Eddie Belfour and Jeremy Roenick both had game. Chicago Stadium would rock when they sang the anthem. Man, those were the days. Now? The Hawks are going to miss the playoffs for the 7th time in 8th seasons. And you thought the Bruins were bad.
Colorado Avalanche
I don't know where I'm goinbut I sure know where I've beenhanging on the promises in songs of yesterday.
 -From Here I Go Again-Whitesnake
Nowhere near the team they were 5 or 10 years ago (has it really been 10 years since that first Cup?) but still fighting the good fight. Joey Sakic just keeps going and going.
Columbus Blue Jackets
Tho' I keep searching for an answerI never seem to find what I'm looking for.Oh Lord, I pray you give me strength to carry on'cos I know what it means to walk along the lonely street of dreams.
 -From Here I Go Again-Whitesnake
Back-to-back Whitesnake! And an appropriate lyric for the lowly Blue Jackets.
Dallas Stars
I made it through the wildernessSomehow I made it through
 -From Like A Virgin-Madonna
I have no idea how the Stars have one of the best records in the league. Don’t get me wrong. Nice team. Lot of guys with playoff experience. Nice goalie in Turco. I don’t get it though. They don’t seem like the kind of team that should’ve coasted to 100 points. Maybe the West is just that bad.
Detroit Red Wings
Tom bo li de say de moi yaYeah, Jambo JumboWay to parti' o we goin'Oh, jambaliTom bo li de say de moi yaYeah, JUMBO JUMBO!
 -From All Night Long-Lionel Richie
Best record in the league. Loaded with talent. Playing with the added incentive of sending Stevie Yzerman out as a winner. Life’s just one big party for Detroit. At least for now. I’m still not sold on Manny Legace in the playoffs.
Edmonton Oilers
She kicked her shoes off onto the floorShe said, "Drive fast, speed turns me on.” -From Parents Just Don’t Understand- D.J. Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince
In honor of Northlands Coliseum (I refuse to call it by any other name). Best ice in the league.
Florida Panthers
You put the boom-boom into my heartYou send my soul sky high when your lovin' startsJitterbug into my brainGoes a bang-bang-bang 'til my feet do the same
 -From Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go-Wham
I have no idea what any of that means and I have no idea what to make of the Florida Panthers so that seems about right.
Los Angeles Kings
Posse in effect hangin' out is always hype
 -From Wild Thing-Tone Loc
I’m sorry. I just wanted some Tone Loc in here.
Minnesota Wild
I've been working so hardI'm punching my cardEight hours for what?Oh, tell me what I got
 -From Footloose-Kenny Loggins
That just about sums up the Wild for me. Bunch of head-working guys that play their ass off. Great fans. But, at the end of the day, what do they have to show for it? Not much. At some point you need the horses.
Montreal Canadiens
Crazy Horse, Paris, FranceForgot the names, remember romanceI got the photos, a menage a trois
Musta broke those Frenchies laws…
 -From Girls, Girls, Girls-Motley Crue
Perhaps mildly offensive to our neighbors to the north but for some reason this song immediately popped into my head when I thought of the Habs and 80’s lyrics so I’m sticking with it. I’ll personally dedicate it to Mike Ribeiro, who’s about as French as they come.
Nashville Predators
Midnight, and I'm a-waiting on the twelve-oh-fiveHoping it'll take me just a little farther down the line
 -From Queen Of Hearts-Juice Newton
Queen Of Hearts is an underrated little song and Nashville is an underrated little team. I’ve been saying it since the start of the season. These guys are legit. You just watch.
New Jersey Devils
Don't you know I'm still standing better than I ever didLooking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid
 -From I’m Still Standing-Elton John
You can change the rules and try to make the game more wide open but the Devils are still going to hang around and be a pain in everyone’s ass come playoff time. You can just smell it. I wouldn’t want any piece of these guys in the first round. Not with Brodeur in there.
New York Islanders
Man I ain't getting nowhereAh, just living in a dump like this
 -From Dancing In The Dark-Bruce Springsteen
They can’t blow up the Nassau Coliseum fast enough for me. I’m convinced the Islanders will never rise again until they get out of there. It’s too depressing.
New York Rangers
Look at what's happened to meI can't believe it myselfSuddenly I'm on top of the worldShoulda been somebody else
 -From the Greatest American Hero Theme-Joey Scarbury
Did the Rangers make some kind deal with the devil during the lockout that I don’t know about? All of a sudden Jaromir Jagr is the best player in the world again. Henrik Lundqvist comes out of nowhere and wins 30 games. Somehow the entire Czech Olympic roster seems to have wound up in New York. I don’t get it. Biggest surprise team in the league.
Ottawa Senators
If this is it, please let me know
If this ain't love you'd better let me know
 -From If This Is It-Huey Lewis & The News
Best team in the East for most of the year but the burden of proof is on them come playoff time. Is this going to be another historic flame-out for the Sens or is this the year they live up to their potential and get to the Finals?Â
Philadelphia Flyers
I'll be your non-stop loverGet it while you canYour non-stop miracleI'm your man
 -From Get Out Of My Dreams, Get Into My Car-Billy Ocean
In honor of Peter Forsberg. If he can stay healthy Philly’s a contender. Without him, they’re just an ordinary team. Simple as that.
Pittsburgh Penguins
Well we're waiting here in AllentownFor the Pennsylvania we never foundFor the promises our teachers gaveIf we worked hardIf we behaved -From Allentown-Billy Joel
So much for all that preseason hype about the Penguins being contenders. That took about 10 minutes to blow up in everyone’s face. Sidney Crosby isn’t the problem either. He’s been fine. Top 15 in scoring all year. The problem is no defense. The Pens are dead last in goals against. Throw in disappointing years from their other big guns, plus only 26 games out of Lemiuex, and you’ve got a giant mess. I still think the Pens could be nasty in five years though. Lot of good young talent there, plus another high draft pick coming this summer.
Phoenix Coyotes
I’ll be back in the high life again
All the doors that closed one time will open up again
 -From Back In The High Life-Steve Winwood
It was a tough year for Wayne between the gambling allegations with Janet, Canada’s early exit from Torino and struggling through the NHL season with his young Coyotes. It’s hard to keep a good man down though. Mark my words. Gretz will be back.
San Jose Sharks
And I'm lookin' in the mirror all the time, wondering what she don't see in meI've been funny, I've been cool with the linesAin't that the way love supposed to be
 -From Jessie’s Girl-Rick Springfield
Since the Thornton trade it seems like they’ve been scoring goals hand over fist but every day I look at the standings and every day there are the Sharks on the outside looking in. They’ve had games in hand forever, and it still feels like they’re going to squeeze in, but if they keep losing back-to-back games to the likes of the Phoenix Coyotes they ain’t going anywhere. And some other dude like Jessie’s going to be banging their chick. Â
St. Louis Blues
Once upon a time I was falling in love but now I'm only falling apart -From Total Eclipse Of The Heart-Bonnie Tyler From the longest consecutive streak of playoff appearances in professional sports to a complete disgrace overnight. A complete and utter disgrace.
Tampa Bay Lightning
When the walls come tumblin' downWhen the walls come crumblin' crumblin'When the walls come tumblin' tumblin' down
 -From John Cougar Mellencamp-Crumblin’ Down
If you couldn’t tell, I don’t think the Lightning are going to repeat as champions.
Toronto Maple Leafs
How come you're always such a fussy young manDon't want no Cap'n Crunch, don't want no Raisin BranWell don't you know that other kids are starvin' in JapanSo eat it, just eat it -From Eat It-Weird Al Yankovic The Leafs bother me. I feel like they’re always complaining abut something. Tucker and Allison and Satan. Utterly unlikable team. I hope they miss the playoffs.
Vancouver Canucks
You're a real tough cookie with a long historyOf breaking little hearts like the one in me
 -From Hit Me With Your Best Shot-Pat Benatar
I don’t like this Canucks team either. Too much sizzle and not enough steak. They’ve been a trendy pick for 5 years or so now but what have they really ever done in the postseason?Â
Washington Capitals
I can't fight this feeling any longer.And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow.What started out as friendship, Has grown stronger.
I only wish I had the strength to let it show.
 -From Can’t Fight This Feeling-REO Speedwagon
In honor of the sublime Alex Ovechkin who has single-handedly led my fantasy team the finals of my league. One more week Alex. All I ask is for one more big week.