The Phantom Degenerate: The Poker Room at Seabrook

(The Phantom Degenerate makes his debut here in this week’s issue of The Stool.  Prior to Seabrook, “The Phantom” has lost many a dollar frequenting degenerate parlors throughout the country for the better part of the last 15 years.  Some of these establishments include Wonderland, Suffolk, Foxwoods, Mohegan, Newport Grand, the sadly now defunct Milford and Bridgeport Jai Alai’s, SportsHaven, Raynham-Taunton, Le Casino de Montreal, Tampa Downs, Niagara Falls, a riverboat in Burlington, Iowa, The Orleans situated “just a tad” off The Strip in Las Vegas, the Jackson Street OTB in downtown Chicago, and of course The Marina Club in Marina, California, where they sell cock rings in the bathroom for 25 cents a pop and Korean prostitutes re-raise you with 2^nd pair at the poker table.  Whether or not any of this makes me qualified for the job of "Phantom Degenerate", we can only hope.)

Onto the review…

For almost a year now I’ve been hearing from friends and co-workers alike about the new Poker Room at Seabrook Greyhound Park, located just across the border in Seabrook, New Hampshire.  Well finally last Saturday I made the 45 minute drive up from Boston to get my first look at the closest legal poker room to my apartment.  (To get there, just take 95 North to Exit 1, then follow the enticing signs that read “Dog Track”.)

“The Cut”

The first two things I wondered before sitting down for the 1 p.m. $50 No Limit Hold Em’ Tourney on Saturday were 1., who was running this joint?  Was it the city, the state, the track, or a bunch of Paulie Walnuts types with pinstriped suits and slicked-back multi-colored hair?  And 2., how the heck is it legal to play poker on non-Indian land?  Well my fears of illegitimacy were quickly put at ease when I found out “Capone’s” was the name of the private company hired by Seabrook to run their poker room.  Seriously, that’s the name. 

As far as the legality, apparently anything goes in the tax-free Granite State.  "Live Free, Gamble, Then Die" is the new motto on the license plate. Actually they’re allowed to have poker at Seabrook under the condition they contribute 25% to charity.  What charity? I don’t know, and frankly, I don’t care.   

“The Tourney”

The tournament itself was very well run; I was pleasantly surprised.  Granted I only lasted an hour and half, but for the time I was present among the 140+ players who entered, everything ran smoothly, and other than my cards, I had no complaints.  The blinds were reasonable: you started out with $2000 in chips, 25/50 small-big blind for the first 20 minutes, then 50/100, 75/150, 200/400, etc.  They were plenty of TV’s to keep me distracted too -- one showing “Rounders”, the others with horse and dog racing simulcast.  The dealers and staff were all pleasant, no critical misdeals or anything.  And unlike Foxwoods, I actually saw a waitress. 

“Dress Code”

You wouldn’t know it if you were there on Saturday, but jean shorts, a.k.a. “jorts” are NOT required.  Repeat: NOT required. My buddy and I counted 35 total pairs, half of them with t-shirts tucked IN to the jorts.  I don’t get it, it was only 50 degrees on Saturday, why was everyone wearing shorts, let alone JORTS at Seabrook?  Yet another question for the scholars to decide...  (Actual dress code states “no tank tops for guys, and no halter tops or bathing suit tops for girls”, which is interesting because they have no pool at the dog track.)

“Cash Games and Sit n’ Goes” 

In addition to the regular tournaments offered all day Wednesday through Sunday, Seabrook also has cash games and Sit n’ Goes.  Although I was probably 25 years younger than anyone at the table, I liked the Sit n’ Goes.  Buy-ins are anywhere between $30 and $120; the atmosphere, naturally, was fairly relaxed, and the level of play was somewhere in between the main tournament and the cash games.  Basically 90% of the table was just looking to get out of the house. Losing money was almost secondary. On tilt from my early exit in the main tournament, I entered a $60 Sit n’ Go and finished 7th on Saturday, flopping a full house on the first hand and not winning another pot the rest of the f’ing tournament.  It was more like just a go, without the sit.

As far as the cash games, this clearly was the low point for me and everyone else wasting away at the $1-2 LIMIT Hold Em’ table.  Yes, LIMIT.  It was freaking awful.  I was one step away from pulling a Frankie Pentangeli in the bathtub playing these tables. “$1 is the bet… call, call, call, call, call.  Raise to $2…  Call, call, call, call, call.”  It was as painful as it gets, especially when you’re losing.  The biggest pot I saw in 2 hours was 35 bucks.  Even $2-4 limit would’ve been fine, but $1-2 is just brutal.  (They also have Omaha and 7-stud.) 

“Blackjack Tournaments”

Yes, they actually offer Blackjack tournaments at Seabrook.  I didn’t play in any but they do have them, and supposedly they’re a great way to make money because most people don’t know A., how to play blackjack, or B., tournament strategy.  Frankly I don’t know much blackjack tournament strategy either but that doesn’t mean I can’t learn from watching GSN.  Stay tuned for details on a future endeavor, and of course the follow-up article entitled “Why I Hate the Blackjack Tournaments at Seabrook Greyhound Park”.

“Prostitutes”

Didn’t see any.  (Awww)  Again, this is a relatively new establishment.  We’ll check back in in a few months.

“Percentage of Limpers”

When I say percentage of limpers here, I mean not only the percentage of people who limp-in before the flop, but the number of people actually limping around the poker room.   I’d say 30% for pre-flop limping, 60% for actually limping, which is a lot lower number, frankly, than I expected.  Out in Vegas at The Orleans, we hit nearly 90% on the limping around scale where at Foxwoods you’re talking in the neighborhood of 50%.  Just beware of the limpers.  Both at the tables, and especially around the room.

“Overall Level of Degeneracy”

The overall level of degeneracy for the Poker Room at Seabrook was 4 out of 10, which is a very good score.  Obviously the higher number, the worse the establishment.  You don’t want anything over a 7.  (Marina Club got a 10).  Again, the Sit n’ Go’s and main tournament especially were very well-run and organized.  Although I didn’t notice any cameras, everything seemed legit with the Capone’s crew.  The Poker Room was well-maintained, the dealers were friendly and they had plenty of TV’s for simulcast and baseball.  Sure, while Seabrook doesn’t have the action and amenities of Foxwoods, you’re a degenerate, it’s legalized poker, and best of all, it’s only 45 minutes away.

Website: www.seabrookgreyhoundpark.com