NFL Picks
Things couldn’t have gone much worse for us in the NFL in week 1. We didn’t exactly come flying out of the gates with a 2-5 start. Our mortal lock was a complete disaster as the Rams somehow got out righted by the San Francisco 49’ers. Serves me right for betting on Mike Martz. That’s the equivalent of jumping off a building and not expecting to get hurt. It was just a dumb move on my part. But never fear; it’s going to take more than one bad week to ruin my confidence. The NFL season is a marathon not a sprint. But having said that it is already desperation time in the NFL. I can’t afford another losing week so I spent extra time hitting the books and getting ready for this week’s matchups. I feel like all of Stool Nation is depending on me and I don’t want to let them down.
Season - 2-5
Last week – 2-5
Mortal Lock 0-1
Detroit at Chicago – 1.5
The Lions marched down the field against Green Bay on their opening drive last week and scored a TD like it was nobody’s business. Joey Harrington was strutting around like he was the cock of the walk. (Is cock of the walk a real expression or is that an El Presidente special?) Anyway, the Lions didn’t score again until late in the 4th quarter against what promises to be a sub par Packer defense. If I was a Lions fan this would make me very nervous. The Bears meanwhile played the ugliest football game not only of the week but of the century as they lost 9-7 to Washington. The more I write about this game the more I am becoming ashamed of myself for even talking about it but it’s too late to go back now. I think Chicago will shut down Detroit in their home opener. It’s one thing for the Lions to win indoors and a totally different thing to win on the road. Don’t ask me how the Bears are going to score, because I haven’t got a clue but they’ll find a way to win this game.
The Pick – Bears
San Diego at Denver -3
This game features two teams that are coming off crushing losses. The Chargers dropped a game that they should have won while the Broncos got raped and pillaged by the Miami Dolphins. THE MIAMI DOLPHINS! Here is a question for you. What team do you think is more over rated as a result of winning a super bowl in the past decade; the Broncos or the Ravens? I feel like everybody treats these two teams like the defending super bowl champs every year and they both suck. I think San Diego is still pretty good and I expect them to bounce back with a win at Mile High. Oh my god, somebody is picking against the Broncos in Denver!!! Better yet, I’m making them my mortal lock.
Mortal Lock – SD
Buffalo at Tampa -2.5
JP Losman will not be in the NFL in five years. You heard it hear first. I’m just not sold on this guy. I think Tampa’s defense will shut down Willis McGahee and force Losman into at least two interceptions. Meanwhile Tampa Bay may sneaky be one of the teams to watch in the NFC. I look for the Bucs to build on their opening day upset against the Vikings and post another win against the Bills.
The Pick – Tampa
Minnesota at Cincinnati -3
This is the classic you have to bet against what you think you should bet NFL game. Cincinnati is everybody’s dark horse this year. They just scored an impressive victory against the Browns which only enhances their reputation as an up and coming team. Meanwhile the Vikings got trounced by the Buccaneers. Everybody is wondering whether the loss of Randy Moss has crippled the Viking offense. The new owner of the Vikings said he drove around all day on Monday in his car and has decided to become much more active in everything from play calling to what they serve in the cafeteria. This has Bengals blowout written all over it right? Wrong. Don’t ask me how Mike Tice does it, but he always wins the game right before he should get fired and this is one of those games. Just when you think it’s time to take the pencil out of his ear, Mike Tice delivers an unexpected victory and this will be one of those weeks. It’s too easy to bet against the Vikes here. Too god damn easy.
The Pick – Minnesota
Pats at Carolina -3
I take the Patriots every week. Even when you think they will struggle, they never do so it’s not worth thinking too much about it. Just trust in Belichick and collect from your bookie. “Hey why’s he calling me meat, I’m the one driving the Porsche. Don’t think just pitch.”
The Pick - Pats