NFL Picks
For the first time all season we’ve dropped under the .500 mark in the NFL. It’s truly a sad day for everybody here at the Stool. Clearly right now we are zigging when we should be zagging and zagging when we should be zigging. As a side note, I totally understand how and why teams quit at the end of the season when they are no longer in contention. It just sucks to come to work everyday and know that you have no chance of winning or making the playoffs. That’s exactly how I feel writing this column. This season has totally sucked. Even if I have a winning week I’m still going to be way down for the season. But every week I still button up my chin strap and go to work. That’s what we professionals do.
Season Record 19-21 Last Week 1-3-1 Mortal Lock Record 5-3-1
Dallas at Giants +3.5
I wonder what the odds makers were thinking this line was going to be at the beginning of the 4th quarter of the Giants vs. Titans game last week? I’m thinking the G-men would have been a 1 or 2 pt favorite. The Giants were winning 21-0 at the time only to blow that lead and lose 24-21. El Presidente of course bet on the Titans first half line which is maybe the most frustrating thing of all time. I was actually rooting harder against the Titans in the 4th quarter than I was rooting for them in the first half. There is nothing worse than betting a half time line and losing and then seeing your team cover the game. It just sucks and it stinks and it sucks. Let that be a lesson for all the kids out there not to bet half time lines. Leave that shit to the degenerates like me. Anyway, I’ve got to believe that the Giants are totally devastated after that game and are going to quit on the season. Look for pretty boy Tony Romo and company to put the final nail in the cofflin this week at the Meadowlands.
The Pick – Dallas
Arizona at St. Louis -6.5
Speaking of devastating emotional losses, the Cardinals haven’t showed up since they had the Bears right where they wanted them and let them off the hook. The Bears are who we thought they were. I’d be stunned if Arizona won a game the rest of the season.
The Pick – St. Louis
Minnesota at Chicago -10
I feel like the Bears are the closest thing we have to a bully in the NFL. They love beating the hell out of all the crappy teams in the league. And they especially love doing it after somebody stands up to them like the Pats did last week. Nothing gets the bully’s confidence back quicker than smashing the weakling. The Vikings have been playing terrible now for over a month and they always suck in cold weather to begin with. This should be a nice confidence booster for Rexy and company as they’ll stomp all over the Vikings at home.
The Pick – Bears
Detroit at Pats -13.5
I think the staff of the Stool could beat the Lions this week and we don’t even have 11 guys. We’d have to play iron man football and probably only have like 8 guys on the field at one time and we still may cover. That’s how bad the Lions are. It will take a miracle for the Pats not to win by 2 TD’s vs. this team. As a side note, Ron Borges has picked the Lions by 7.
Mortal Lock – Pats
Jags at Miami -1.5
The Dolphins are in the middle of their patented late season run which will probably once again earn them Sports Illustrated preseason Superbowl selection next year. I don’t see any reason why their winning streak will end this week against the woefully inconsistent Jacksonville Jaguars. The First Lady doesn’t even know what the NFL initials stand for, but she knows that the Jags lost twice to Houston and that means they suck.
The Pick - Miami