NFL Picks
Week 1
Thank God the NFL is here. If I had to wait another week I think I may have killed myself. I mean it’s hard enough to wait for football season when the Red Sox are in the middle of a pennant race, but with the Sox long since eliminated I had to talk myself down off a ledge at least twice a day. And then those “Is it Monday yet” billboards started popping up all over Boston and it was almost too much to handle. I was like Pavlov’s dog drooling all over myself whenever I saw those things. Now as much as I look forward to the NFL season that doesn’t mean it’s all just fun and games. Oh no, the NFL is serious business. I mean if you gamble as much as we do at the Stool than your entire week depends on how you do every Sunday afternoon. I mean, if you have a big week you don’t have a care in the world. You’re eating at Ruth's Chris and buying shit on Newbury Street that you didn’t even know existed. On the flip side, if you get crushed you can’t answer blocked phone calls on your cell phone because it could be your bookie and you need to convince your girlfriend that McDonalds is fine dining. Fortunately, for all you degenerates out there, we realize just how important Sundays are for you or any man with a set of balls who likes to gamble. And we are here to help guide you on the journey that is the NFL Season. So climb aboard the Barstool Sports express as we look to have our best year ever and finally put the man out of business.
Miami at Pitt -1
I still can’t believe the Steelers won the Super Bowl last year. I know, I know, I sound like a typical Pittsburgh fan that whines and moans after the Pats demolish them in the playoffs every year. But nobody can look me in the eye and tell me that the Steelers were the best team in the league last year. In fact I’d argue that last year’s Steelers team was the worst team they had in like the last 5 years. The Pats would have beaten them by 20pts had they not choked against Denver. Anyway, the point of this rant is that I don’t think Pittsburgh was that great last year and I think they’ll be even worse this year. In fact it wouldn’t shock me if the defending Super Bowl Champs didn’t even make the playoffs. And this was before everything went to shit for Pittsburgh in the off-season. Hines Ward is questionable for the opener and Ben Rothlisberger has followed up his motorcycle accident with an emergency appendectomy which is going to sideline him for the opener. I thought the Steelers would struggle to be 9-7 this year and that was before Roethlisberger started almost dying every week. I’m convinced that the Steelers made a deal with the devil last year to win the Super Bowl and now it’s time to pay the piper.
The Pick – Dolphins
Buffalo at New England -8.5
Some people call me a homer because I pick the Patriots every single week. But here is the thing. They’ve been the best team in the league 4 out of the last 5 years and this year will make it 5 out of 6. The Pats are going to be scary good this year. SCARY GOOD. I tentatively have them penciled in as going 16-0 on the season. And it couldn’t start off any easier for the Pats than getting a bye week against the hapless Bills. Let me ask you this? Who is the QB of Buffalo? Is it really J.P. Losman? It couldn’t be could it? I feel like the Bills could hold an open tryout and find a better QB than Losman. The bottom-line is this; anytime it is Tom Brady vs. J.P. Losman you bet heavily on Tom Brady. It doesn’t matter whether it’s football, 4 square or a spelling bee. Tom Brady is going to crush J.P. Losman every day of the week and twice on Sunday in anything. If the Pats win this game by anything less than 20pts I’d be stunned.
Mortal Lock – Pats.
Philly at Houston +3.5
This was an exact quote of mine from my fantasy draft after I drafted Dominick Davis with my 4th round pick for my 4th straight running back and people were giving me shit about it.
“You idiots left me no choice by somehow not drafting Dominick Davis yet. It was a no brainer. I had to draft him and save you all from your stupidity”
Well just yesterday Dominick Davis was put on injured reserve essentially icing him for the season. My question is this; since when is a fucking knee bruise go from day to day to keeping you out for the entire year? What the hell is wrong with this guy? I want some compensation from my league office or something. I freaking hate the Texans. How can you not draft Reggie Bush if you have guy who needs to sit out the entire year with a bruise? I don’t know if Philly is going to bounce back this year or not, but I’m so disgusted with the entire Texan organization that I need to bet against them and vent all my hatred.
The Pick – Philly
Chicago at Green Bay +3
What’s the over under on how many games until Bret Favre starts talking about retirement? I have it at 2. My guess is that the Packers will get crushed in their first two games and Brett will start trying to steal the headlines from all the good teams by calling his own press conferences saying he’s thinking about hanging them up at the end of the season. Of course, we all know he’s going to play until there are no teams willing to give him a contract anymore. Personally I hope Favre keeps on playing because he’s become one of the easiest bet againsts in the history of the NFL. I mean he is just horrible. And the best part is that all those idiots on ESPN basically praise him for how bad he is. I’ve never heard anybody called a gunslinger every time they throw an interception like Favre is. Well, in any case look, for the Bears to get about 5 turnovers against Green Bay as they win going away.
The Pick – Chicago
Dallas at Jags -3
Everybody knows I think Drew Bledsoe sucks right? But I think the Cowboys are loaded this year and are going to be very good. And I’ve always said that if you surround Drew Bledsoe with a great RB, great TE, great WR’s and a great offense line he can be productive. Also, despite all this preseason controversy with T.O, I’m convinced he is going to have a huge year. In fact my Super Bowl prediction is Dallas vs. New England. (How much fun will that be?)
The Pick - Dallas