Ken & Ariel: Things Drunk Girls Do
Dear Ken & Ariel: A bunch of us went out drinking a few weekends back, and came back to my place afterward. My boyfriend passed out on the couch, and to be funny, a couple of my girlfriends took pictures and video of themselves straddling him, shaking their asses in his face and pretending to blow him. It was funny at the time, but now the photos are starting to spread around and, worse, my boyfriend seems to be spending an inordinate amount of time looking at them. I just want to forget it ever happened, but it's become a real big joke between him and them, something they all bring up whenever we're together. Am I being jealous and overly sensitive here?
Ariel Says: I think you have a valid point; if you were to do your best Jenna Jameson impression with, say, his amateur league hockey buddies after the semi finals, I doubt he'd be anxious to see those special moments captured on film for posterity. However, with your tacit permission, your man got to an 85% fulfillment of one of the top ten dude fantasies of all time—your hottie friends all over his jock like a melting ice cream cone in summer. And, even better, he's got actual evidence! So yeah, unfortunately this'll be the talk of the town for a while. What are your options? Well, you can try sabotage; tell him that it's too bad your friends won't stop talking about his pinky-sized package that they felt while playing porn stars. Then tell your friends that you caught him jerking off to the pics and he confessed to a fantasy involving them, several dildos, and the donkey show in TJ. Both parties will be so freaked out/grossed out that eye contact and positive social interaction will be kept to a minimum. Or, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em; ask both parties for a repeat performance and make damn sure that your cute ass is front and center in all the pictures.
Ken Says: First things first, why the hell don’t the women I date hang out with girls like your friends? A group of drunk chicks who think it’s a hoot to faux-blow a guy when he’s zonked out on Bud Light? Christ almighty, if I ever passed out in front of any of the Kennette’s friends, their first impulse would be, “Great! He’s out! Let’s put on Lost.” Regardless, I have to agree with Ariel’s positioning, although another option would be working the jealousy angle by getting pictures of you sitting on the chest of some other passed out dude. And as I happen to spent most of my spare time passed out, I’d be happy to offer any assistance you might need.
Dear Kenneth & Ariel: I’m a chick and I live with two other chicks, both of whom have no problem with walking around the place naked. Honestly, I don't need to see anyone's boobs or vayjay but my own, and I don't know how to tell these two to knock it off. They really helped me out of a jam by letting me move in, so I feel awkward saying anything... but I really, really need to say something. Any ideas?
Ariel Says: I'm not sure what your options are, my dear Prudence. They let you move into their nudist colony, as you said to "help you out of a jam" so you kind of have to play by the house rules. Of course, you have a right to express your discomfort/distaste at looking at a pair of hooters as you try to enjoy your Special K and OJ at the breakfast table, something along the lines of "It makes me uncomfortable when you guys walk around naked." But there's no guarantee they'll change their ways. You may just have to suck it up and get used to it - who knows, you may start to find clothing to be an inconvenience, too.
Ken Says: I find your friends’ lack of respect for your feelings utterly disturbing. My suggestion is to make the boldest statement of all by moving out. Of course, you’ll need someone to help you out with any messy “lease-breaking” complications. That’s where I come in. Tell your roomies I’ll have my stuff over by 5:00pm.
Need fake advice? Hit up www.kenandariel.com for more.