Ken + Ariel

Hi Ken and Ariel. What are your thoughts on sleeping with a guy on the first or second date? Am I completely blowing any chances of a more than sexual relationship with a guy I'm sleeping with so soon?

Ken Says: If it’s a first date with me, then I say, heck yeah. Because that cuts to the chase. Consider this: Relationships aren’t all about sex, but that’s a big part of it. I mean, you wouldn’t date and/or marry someone who wasn’t a spectacularly good lay, correct? Now, there are certain things about people – let’s call them “personal quirks” – that might take a while to reveal themselves. Maybe she likes to pick fights with cab drivers when she’s drunk. Maybe he likes to paint “Red Sox 4 Eva” on his ass and sprint naked through the yard after each Sox victory. Maybe she keeps voodoo dolls of all her ex-boyfriends in the attic. All potential deal breakers – but also the sort of things that don’t become apparent ‘til a few weeks or months into the relationship. But a bad fuck? You’ll be able to spot that the minute you get rolling. So while some might consider you “slutty” for screwing on the first date, I would prefer to think of you as a cautious consumer, who’s simply performing responsible due diligence. Party on.

Ariel Says: In the game of Russian Roulette we call modern dating, the answer is yes, no and everything in between. Just because you sleep with someone on the first date doesn’t mean you’re in a serious relationship, but just because you sleep with someone on the first date could mean you suddenly ARE in a serious relationship, and just because you sleep with someone on the first date could also mean you get crabs and slash his tires and become a lesbian. But I’ll leave my cousin Myrna out of this. You see, sweetie, there are no guarantees. Many happily ensconced “smug marrieds” will tell you they waited, and the less smug will tell you that a combination of a non-stop to LA, numerous little bottles of Absolut and an initiation to the mile-high club was what started their happy life together. It’s really what you’re comfortable with. If sex for you is something quite intimate and emotional, you may want to wait and see if this fellow is worth the trouble. If you tend to ride cowboys like the subway (get off and switch to another train), then by golly, have at it and enjoy. Because no matter what the outcome, sex is but one component to a successful relationship (it’s a really fun, relaxing, highly enjoyable component, but hey, it’s still one of many.) Sooner or later you will have to get down to the business of making it work.

K&A: Whenever my girlfriend gets drunk, she's all over her roommate. Her roommate's a girl also, which seems pretty cool, but she's sometimes so busy making out with and feeling up her roomie she almost forgets I'm in the room. I used to think it was for show, but she does it even when it's just the three of us hanging out. Should I be nervous that my girlfriend's gonna switch teams on me?

Ariel Says: You know, The New York Times was talking about your girlfriend just the other day. Well, about her female sexuality, at least. See, what lipstick lesbian flick fans and practically any nightclub-goer these days knows, female sexuality tends to be more fluid. Many things can turn us on, even if we’re only betrothed to the throbbing member. It doesn’t mean we all go and make out with our roommates when we’re bored or when Grey’s Anatomy is a repeat, but it does mean there’s a greater percentage that it’ll happen on our end before it happens on your end. Anyway, this really has nothing to do with the price of rice in China or your question. I think your girlfriend is bisexual. She has double the chances of getting a date on Saturday night than you or I, according to Woody Allen. Pretty cool. But that also means you have twice the competition. Keep your eyes open and if she starts to prefer “staying home and hanging out with the roomie” to your company, I think the writing may be on the wall.

Ken Says: Dude, the only thing you should be concerned about is that she might start feeling up her roomie and you’re not around to see it. Honestly, who the fuck complains that his girlfriend makes out with other nubile young women? I know many guys who would kill to be in your position, and most would be trying to find a way to take it all to the next level, orchestrating some bizarre scenario involving a kiddie pool full of whipped cream, dog leashes, fireworks, leather straps and masks, Crisco oil, cheerleader outfits and a full-on game of “hide the fist.” You should be, too. And if you’re not taking it upon yourself to film it all to share with your buddies later, then you’re not much of a friend at all.

Ask a question at kenandariel@barstoolsports.com or visit www.kenandariel.com.