How Barstool is Saving the World
“Do you know the story of Prometheus? Prometheus was a god who stole the power of fire from the other Gods and gave control of it to the mortals. In essence, he gave us technology, he gave us power…I just want what Prometheus wanted.”
-Lex Luthor, “Superman Returns”
Last week someone asked Manzo, Chisholm, Kati and me how we ended up writing for Barstool. We all had different stories, but mine was simply that I loved the paper and I was looking for a side job writing about sports.
That’s it. That was the only goal. At the time I was happy to be on board with a flimsy, struggling, but entertaining little gambling rag because it gave me a chance to write, period. What I couldn’t have known at the time was that I was joining up with an outfit that two years later would be asses deep in the Great Struggle of Our Times, the battle for democracy itself.
Not just us. The people who read Barstool. Our message board posters. Daily visitors to our blog. And fans of other websites as well. Any time you get your news from a non-traditional source, you’re fighting the power. Every time you goof off at work ogling Adriana Lima pictures, you’re striking a blow for freedom. Whenever you place a bet with some Antigua sports book, you’re arming a soldier in this great fight. Watch reality TV or vote for your “American Idol” favorite, and you’re grabbing a rifle and standing post.
We’re the Visigoths sacking Rome. We’re Les Miserables storming the Bastille with torches and pitchforks. We’re the farmers and craftsmen chasing the British out of Boston on March 17th so someday government workers in Suffolk County can get St. Patrick’s Day off. We’re the labor pool at the Pits Bessemer Steel Works beating the Pinkertons at a staring contest. We’re the nameless rabble that for far too long have let a privileged, elitist few have all the power until we finally got cheesed off enough to climb off the damned couch and get control of things for ourselves.
Boston is the world’s leading manufacturer and distributor of Institutional Arrogance. For a mid-major city without a hell of a lot of influence on the outside world, we nevertheless manage to produce more schools, hospitals, businesses and media outlets who think the sun shines out their asses than any other city on Earth. Consider the only institution in the city more arrogant than The Boston Globe: The Globe sports page.
Since back in Ted Williams’ day, The Globe (or whatever it was called then) has had a tradition of writers who treated the sports page like it existed only to make athletes and coaches in this town kiss up to them like they were a dying rich man. The latest, and possibly best example is Ron Borges. Rather than, say, give his readers their fifty cents worth of football news, Borges uses the space he’s given to carry out his own personal vendettas, grind his private axes and pick his secret nits.
And no one has come into Borges niggling little crosshairs more than legendary Patriots Uber Coach, Bill Belichick. A couple of weeks ago, Borges was so blinded by his petty hatred for the great man, that he famously reversed his own opinion of Adalius Thomas. In Borges’ eyes Thomas went from the best free agent on the market, to the newest Patriot, to a colossal waste of money and oxygen, in just under 48 hours.
Why would Borges pull such a patently obvious 180? Because he felt he could. He’s the Globe’s top football writer, so he could get away with it. It's the arrogance of power. But what Borges and his employers ignored is that there are different rules today than the ones Teddy Ballgame had to play by. People are sick of getting their news from bitter, vindictive jerk offs. And they’re paying attention. So in that same issue where he reversed his own assessment of Thomas, Borges lifted an entire piece from Seattle writer and was caught by an anonymous Seahawk fan who emailed the quotes along to a national football website. And before he knew what hit him, Borges was suspended for a month, forced to sit home everyday wallowing in his misery, complaining about how unfair it all is, and plotting his revenge.
But no one outdoes our colleges when it comes to Institutional Arrogance. When BC Law student Adrienne Reynolds had the presence of mind to make a rational, mature decision to appear in Barstool wearing (oh the horror) a bikini and a Superfans t-shirt, the entire BC Law student body lapsed into apoplexy. “There’s a grown woman posing in beach attire! Help us! Now our careers are threatened, our lives are ruined, and we’ll never go on to help ease our nation’s lawyer shortage!” Why the bizarre overreaction? Because BC is another institution in this town that’s used to getting its ass kissed. And they’ve yet to catch on that there’s a paper in town other than “The Heights.” One run by the common man. And the common man likes beautiful girls in bikinis.
This goes for the entertainment industry as well. Remember that puss-face that Faith Hill put on after Carrie Underwood beat her out for a Grammy? That was pure Institutional Arrogance. Faith is an established star. Carrie is an “American Idol” winner. So to Hill, there’s no way Underwood could be as deserving as herself. The fact that tens of millions of people voted Underwood means nothing to an old school, certified star. But “American Idol” is democracy in action. It's the public choosing whom they like. I’ve got a friend who, every time I mention “Idol,” looks at me like I’m heading to Ogunquit to walk the streets in assless leather chaps. But like I tell him, “Idol,” and therefore America, discovered Chris Daughtry. Record producers discovered Milli Vanilli. Whom should I trust?
That’s why so much of Hollywood hates reality TV. It threatens the established order because it makes stars out of ordinary people at the expense of them. But like the old media, it’s their own fault for arrogantly turning out such a crappy product for so long, because you knew we had nowhere else to turn. Besides, I refuse to accept that Rocky from “Survivor: Fiji” isn’t a hundred times more entertaining than the fat kid from “Two and a Half Men.”
I’m well aware how the traditional media types regard guys like us. To them, all bloggers and independent outlets like ours are made up of a bunch of wretched, miserable, talentless hacks, sitting in our basements in our dirty underwear, counting down the days until Hayden Panetierre turns 18. I’d refute that idea right now, if it wasn’t true.
But that’s OK. That’s pure democracy. That’s how the Founding Father’s wanted this all to work. Ben Franklin would‘ve put Adrienne on the cover of Poor Richard’s Almanac if he had the means. Thomas Paine was probably sitting in his basement in dirty underwear when he wrote Common Sense, and he changed a nation. I think if they saw what’s happening today, regular people with real jobs wrestling control of information and entertainment away from the established media and people in charge, they’d be proud of what’s going on. And I think they’d read Barstool. The only difference I think is that they wouldn’t worry about Panetierre’s birthday; they weren’t real big on the “age of consent” thing.
So keep reading us and you’re striking a blow for liberty and democracy. Viva la ‘Stool. Viva la Liberte.