Guess Who Wins: MLB Playoff Predictions
You know you’re dating a cool girl when you go to visit her for the weekend in New York City and she doesn’t mind that you drag her to a sportsbar on Sunday to watch week four football and the last day of the regular season in baseball—all the while checking your fantasy teams on your cell phone.
I don’t know how many relationships come crashing down this time of year (“lockdown time” in playaspeak) but I imagine it’s quite a few. Personally, I’m like T.O. in October. If I go five minutes without a sports update my girlfriend will be yanking pills out of my mouth and lying to police about it. (Obligatory T.O. joke: check.)
It’s bad enough I will be meeting my girlfriend’s parents for the first time on October 21, which, because the cosmos hates me, is also Game 1 of the World Series.
We’ll be having a lovely evening with a fine dinner followed by some theater, and then we’ll likely discuss the economy over some wine at a classy establishment, and I will smile and be polite the whole time, while inside I’ll be thinking WHAT IS THE FUCKING SCORE WHAT IS THE FUCKING SCORE WHAT IS THE FUCKING SCORE??!!!
(I’m already practicing my food poisoning face so I can have an excuse to sneak off to the bathroom multiple times for updates. “Hey, this steak tastes like e-coli!”)
I can’t wait for the playoffs to start. October may be peak football season, but October is October. Other than March, there isn’t a month that exemplifies a sporting event like October says playoff baseball.
With the Yankees essentially clinching the AL East after “that five-game series” (which is really all we’ll need to say for the next 20 years to have everyone know what we’re talking about) I’ve been neck-deep in football for the past month, but I’m going to bring us all back to the proper mindset with my:
MLB Playoff Predictions
Because I’m feeling lazy (surprise, surprise) we’ll do this in a quick head-to-head format and get you out of here in one post-Taco Bell visit to the bathroom. We’ll start with the AAAA League, because they’re pretty much irrelevant, especially now that Pedro is a no go. Speaking of which…
NLDS
Dodgers over Mets (in 5)
You can say whatever you want about how the Mets dominated the National League this year. All I see is Lowe/Maddux/Penny vs. Duque/Glavine…Traschel. I know Penny may not get a start and has had a down second half, but still… losing Pedro was catastrophic for the Mets, even if he can only go 6 innings on a good day. Pitching wins in the playoffs, unless you’re a team that has an All-Star at every position, and who has that? (oh, wait…).
Plus, I’m loving the irony of Nomar being in the playoffs when the Red Sox aren’t.
Padres over Cards (in 4)
I’m going with the Padres here for many reasons, but mainly just because I want to see:
NLCS
Padres over Dodgers (in 7)
Let’s see… Nomar, Cla Meredith, Josh Bard, David Wells, Todd Walker, Lowe, Embree, Bellhorn, Dave Roberts, Rudy Seanez… I thought the Red Sox didn’t make the playoffs this year? And whose turn is it to sit with Theo to make sure he doesn’t hurt himself? I’ve…uh, got a doctor’s appointment. I think it’s your turn.
(Okay, seriously, the Padres owned the Dodgers in the regular season, winning the season series 13-5. Can’t ignore that.)
World Series Runner-Up (aka National League Champions): San Diego Padres
Now for the league that actually matters.
ALDS
Yankees over Tigers (in 3)
You know what happiness is? Happiness is Minnesota clinching the central division on the last day of the season. Why? Because no matter what anyone on the Yankees says, you do not want to face Johann Santana in a five game series. It’s not that I’m scared of Santana… okay, I’m scared of Santana.
The Tigers can’t score at all, and their Ace is Kenny “Camera Shy” Rodgers. Meanwhile, the Yankees have a current or former All-Star at every single position. Okay, that’s never happened before. Ever. As I wrote in my blog (www.billbeard.blogspot.com) the 1927 Yankees didn’t have that, and the 1998 Yankees came close, with seven current or former All-Stars. (Posada would later become one, making it technically eight guys.)
I can’t believe this story isn’t bigger. This lineup is just insane. The guy who finished third for the AL Batting title (Robbie Cano, .342) is batting ninth for chrissakes. After the first two batters, they go left-right or switch down through the lineup, so you can’t pitch around them and playing the odds is pointless. I know pitching wins in the playoffs, but this is not only a proficient lineup but also a patient one. They’ll be through the opposition’s starting pitchers by the sixth inning, and there isn’t a team out there that can claim a top-tier middle relief core.
As much as I hate to crush the morale of people in Detroit, who are excited just to be in the playoffs… wait, I don’t really care about them. Nevermind. Yankees in three games, Jim Leyland gets lung cancer in two years.
Twins over A’s (in 5)
This series will have the best pitching in the entire playoffs, with Santana, Zito and Harden all going in the first two games. The Twins would have been a lock for this series and probably the AL with Liriano, but he’s out, and so is Radke probably. Still, I think the Twins win because Billy Beane is actually one of the worst GMs in baseball, despite what everyone thinks—division titles are great, but write a book when you win a World Series with that strategy. MoneyBall doesn’t work. It’s time everyone figured that out.
ALCS
Yankees over Twins (in 6)
The Yankees own the Twins in the playoffs, but I think they’ve closed the gap a little bit with the M&M boys (Mauer and Morneau). And whether Randy Johnson or Jaret Wright goes as the Yanks #3 pitcher really doesn’t matter, because the Twins don’t have a deep rotation either. In short, there’s going to be a lot of offense in this series. Some 12-10, 8-9 games. But the Yanks have more of it, and they move on to the Fall Classic.
World Series
New York Yankees vs. San Diego Padres
Given the NL’s performance over the past two years, I really don’t need to tell you the outcome of this. In fact, I don’t even mind that I’m going to miss the first game to meet my girlfriend’s parents. (Did I mention it’s her birthday and they’re flying in from California?) I’m not upset. I mean, not even a little. Not even slightly. I am perfectly okay with that. It’s only a game, right? Just a game. Doesn’t mean anything. Not a big deal. And I’m not going to think about the fact there’s like a 80% chance I might get a ticket to this game if the Yankees were to make it, because I wouldn’t want to go anyway. Nope. I’d rather not watch at all. Seriously. I’m good.
Wow. If I cry in front of my girlfriend’s dad, would that be bad?
At times like this, I try to find comfort in numbers. And the number I like right now is:
27
Yankees in 5.