Gongshow U.

(Editors Note: I’m proud to welcome our newest writers to the Stool. And guess what? They are good old fashioned Superfans. They’ll be writing Gongshow U. every two weeks to keep all our miserable cube dwellers dreaming of their glory days. (Cue Springsteen) These guys also have their own Gongshow website. And I even here one of them is a goalie for the BC hockey team which should make all the Superfans warm and tingly)

Gongshow: noun; from 70’s TV game show; means chaotic, crazy, disorderly,
out of control, fun; can be a party, a test, a fight, a class, a game, anything.

Some say that Boston is the ultimate college town. With more than 300,000 college students living in and around the city, even the Dungeons & Dragons faithful can find their niche in the Beantown nightlife. Each college brings something different to the table, and Boston is a melting pot of these personalities.

The Boston schools fit together like the members of a family. Kids come here because they don’t want to spend four years doing keg stands in the basement of a frat house in upstate New York. We aren’t crunchy enough to head out to Colorado or UVM to connect with the earth for $40,000 a year. Going south wasn’t an option, although the coeds from under the Mason-Dixon do look great on ESPN’s College GameDay. We were smart enough to realize that Boston is one of the greatest places in the country to spend the college years, and we’re enjoying it.

This town does have its drawbacks, however. Your typical college student is on a tight budget, and this is an expensive city. Not all of us are heirs to the Dubai oil empire, and we don’t have a BMW (with BU decals) to valet outside of Aria. Most of us are buying used books and chasing Happy Hours around Cleveland Circle or Kenmore Square. Between cab rides, cover charges, and expensive drinks, a night downtown could easily cost you an iPod Shuffle. This is why a large percentage of the student population ends up keeping it local, frequenting the dive bars in their respective neighborhoods and never really capitalizing on what Boston has to offer.

Besides being expensive, Boston’s weather can also be an issue. If you grew up around here, it shouldn’t be too painful. But the long walks from BC’s Upper Campus to class in the December slush are enough to keep even the math majors in their dorm rooms. As Thanksgiving approaches each year, winterization sets in. Just as boaters shrink-wrap their Boston Whalers to protect them from the elements of a harsh New England winter, the collegiate vixens of the Northeast bundle up in their Uggs, sweatpants, and hooded North Face jackets- their true beauty not to be seen again until after spring break. Meanwhile, the girls of Vanderbilt, Miami, Texas, USC, etc. are still subsisting on their summer wardrobe and sun-bathing on their school’s front lawn.

With its Puritan roots, Boston isn’t the most student-friendly place. Boston Police have cracked down on everything from football tailgating to house parties, and the paddy wagon seems to cruise Allston-Brighton like an after-hours ice cream truck. Boston closely monitors all bars for underage drinking, and it seems as though a retina scan is the next step in the intense ID-checking process. Boston’s bar scene is much different than that in Providence, where a high schooler’s Blockbuster card can get him into any of the college bars. Sake bombing, once a reliable option for younger college students, has also become strictly regulated. This leaves some underagers confined to their dormitory on weekend nights, dominating Halo 2 but hating life. The male freshmen who do manage to venture off-campus travel in large, roaming coed groups and employ the Dick Tracy method of social planning- while on the bus or T, eavesdrop on other passengers and listen for important leads on parties. These crucial bits of information are usually in the form of an abbreviated street address (“1942”) or a residence description (“white house”). Upon arrival at their destination, the boys of the group know it will be an uphill battle to get into the party. Freshman girls are almost universally welcome at these affairs, but their male friends often get turned away and left out in the cold, cursing the inferior nightlife and lack of loyalty exhibited by the departed vixens. The dejected rookies will usually head to a nearby late-night pizza joint and bask in their misery. To add insult to injury, they will probably get challenged to a duel by their school’s posterboy homeless man on their way home. At BC, there is Chief Morningstar, who claims that all weekend revelers are “on his land” and challenges roughly 80% of passersby to a fight on any given night. There will be a Chief Morningstar interview coming soon in Gongshow U., and we will hear his side of the story.

These negative aspects of collegiate life in Boston are far outweighed by the endless advantages of this superior college town. As the nation’s “Best Sports City,” there is always a game to watch or a team to root for. The city-wide student body finds common ground in rooting for the Sox and Pats, and last year’s World Series celebration was perhaps the single most unifying event in the history of the schools of Boston. Kids from every school in town headed into Kenmore Square that late night in October, and someday we’ll all be telling our grandchildren, “I was there.”

Marathon Monday is also a momentous occasion, especially for students at BC and BU. Waking up early on Marathon Monday is the closest thing to Christmas morning, as everyone knows that a venerable gongshow awaits. With police focused on crowd and traffic control, collegians are able to celebrate the arrival of freakish Kenyan distance runners and springtime uninhibited by academics and authorities. This marks the official end of winterization, and vixens that had been hibernating emerge from their North Face cocoons and join the fun. Marathon Monday is like football tailgating, except there is no game and it goes on all day long. Come 7 P.M., the once unstoppable revelers are tucked away in their extra-long twin beds, dreaming of the next year’s gongshow.

While there are certain shared aspects of Boston, each school is unique and has its own personality. BC, at the end of the green line, straddles the Brighton and Chestnut Hill line. With ACC football and basketball and a perennial powerhouse hockey team, BC offers the most athletic entertainment of all the area schools. Whether it’s tailgating on Shea Field, storming the court after a big hoops win, or going to the Beanpot, there’s always a game worth going to at BC. The BC social sphere is focused around Cleveland Circle, where many juniors have off-campus apartments and also where all of the regular BC watering holes are. Mary Ann’s, a historic institution, is located on Beacon Street at Mile 22 of the Marathon. It is the classic BC haunt, and patrons have been known to disappear in the third-world quality bathrooms at “Scary Ann’s.” The Cleveland Circle area has respectable depth with Roggie’s and Cityside, and the always underrated Applebees ($2 Coors Light drafts) batting cleanup.

Coming together with BC at Harvard Ave. is heated rival BU. The larger of the two schools, BU is spread out along Comm. Ave and has Kenmore Square and Fenway Park within its grasp. The BU students, a more diverse crowd, can be found anywhere from The Dugout, a basement bar with cheap drinks and a good atmosphere, to the various nightclubs on Lansdowne Street, where BU’s Euro side can shine through. BU’s basketball and hockey teams also draw religiously devoted crowds. With Fenway Park right around the corner, BU students have many options when it comes to nearby nightlife.

Harvard may be the most underrated player in the city’s collegiate social scene. Between its “finals clubs,” which are like non-residential frat houses, the Harvard-Yale game, and gongshow bars such as The Hong Kong, Harvard and the Harvard Square area have a lot to offer. Just don’t forget your TI-83 in case a rowdy freestyle calculus battle breaks out in the bar.

Northeastern, known for its chaotic post-championship celebrations, has its own niche on Huntington Ave. With a loyal “Dawg Pound,” the Huskies garner considerable support from their students in football, basketball, and hockey. Bars such as Punter’s Pub, Conor Larkin’s, and Our House are the local hot spots, while many Northeastern students opt to head downtown for more diverse choices.

In addition to the four “Beanpot” schools, there are numerous smaller colleges which also contribute to the social scene. Simmons, Emmanuel, Suffolk, and Emerson are all role players. Blaine keeps everyone looking beautiful. These schools contribute to the talent pool and add depth to Boston’s roster of prestigious institutions. Just as with every championship team, there are studs and there are grinders. The smaller schools are getting the assists, laying down sacrifice bunts, making the blocks that nobody sees, and refilling the water bottles. The bigger schools are scoring the goals, basking in the glory, signing the autographs, getting the girls, and enjoying the gongshow that is Boston.
Greels&Pearcey