From Her Perspective

Summer is here, and this means baseball, flip flops, and squeezing yourself into formalwear you thought you were done with forever after the senior prom.  I’m talking about weddings, kids.  We’ve seen the movie and we all know that weddings can be prime hookup territory, but there are some things you have consider.  If you are single, do you bring a date?  How drunk should you get?  Is it okay to pants the groom? (I am joking, of course, as you should know the answer is an unequivocal NO.)  I thought this would be a good time to clear up any questions you may have regarding attending someone’s big day…

Let’s talk about wedding dates.  If you have a boyfriend or girlfriend, you’re in the clear, nothing to worry about.  However, the random wedding date is usually something a female thinks is mandatory so she doesn’t look like a lonely, washed up hag in front of her closest friends that she hasn’t seen in ten years.  I think that for the most part, this is a bad idea.  Of course, if you are getting over a horrible breakup that resulted in your own wedding being called off, then, pumpkin, you’ve been through enough.  Do whatever you want.

The problem with the random wedding date is that it’s very hard to explain to the other guests at the wedding.  Inevitably, you will be asked who the lucky girl/guy is, and when your special day is coming.  It sucks to have to tell people over and over again that you are “just friends” because everyone knows that “just friends” is code for “we’re in love”.  At least, that’s what everyone is going to think.  Yes, you have a warm body next to you and someone to slow dance with when “The Way You Look Tonight” is inevitably piped through the speakers, but it can be extremely awkward. 

If you know lots of people at the wedding, and your date doesn’t, you’re going to be stuck babysitting unless he/she is a social butterfly.  This awkwardness is heightened tenfold when you are at a wedding that requires an overnight stay (and, let’s be honest, any wedding reception worth its salt requires an overnight stay).  One bed or two?  You don’t want to appear presumptuous, but you know it’s likely that one of you is going to be feeling lonely/horny.  Then it gets weird.  Then it probably gets kind of hot.  But then it’s just weird again.  And since you came together, you’re going to have to go home together.  I don’t envy you on that trip home.

I want to take this moment to differentiate between a guy bringing a random date and a girl bringing a random date.  Most guys bring random dates in the hope that the girl they bring will be so moved by all of the eternal declarations of love that she will put out, no questions asked.  This is definitely not the case.  Yes, girls are usually more “sensitive” to romance, but if she doesn’t have an emotional attachment to those getting married, it’s not necessarily true that she will put out.  I’m just saying be careful.  I think that you’re far more likely to have a good time going by yourself and putting your hot moves on the cute, single bridesmaid whose childhood sleepover buddy has just ditched her for the land of grownups.

We all know that the best weddings have an open bar.  This is generally a blessing, but can be a curse.  Please remember that your buddy’s parents and grandparents are sitting fifteen feet away from you.  It is not the time to expose yourself, tell horribly embarrassing stories over any sort of microphone, or do anything that will cause the bride to get mad at the groom (or vice versa).  You are obviously encouraged to have fun, but make sure the day stays about the happy couple and not your inability to control yourself around the hot high school waitress that served you your chicken Marsala.

Picking up chicks at a wedding is pretty easy, no question.  Dancing with the bride or groom’s mother, grandmother, or the flower girl will pretty much guarantee the good kind of attention.  Dancing with your guy friends generally yields the same result.  It’s cute watching you let go of your inhibitions.  Cute enough, let’s hope, to make her let go of hers.

Weddings are super fun.  It’s a chance to overeat, get drunk and make out with girls who smell really good.  It is also likely the female guests at the wedding will be wearing their best (read sluttiest) undies and won’t be shy about letting you see them.  Be smart, be safe, have fun and here’s to having a lucky, lucky night…