From Her Perspective

“Honey, does my butt look huge in this dress?”
“Baby, do these jeans emphasize my lovehandles?”
“Sweetheart, do my arms look like sausages in this top?”

These questions, along with a slew of others I am sure you have heard ten thousand times, are most likely the Bane of your existence. It pisses you off, because you know she looks fine and cannot figure out what she is talking about. And while you know that if you don’t tell your girl that she not only looks beautiful, but should probably gain five pounds because she is too small, you’ll be relegated to the couch or worse, your own disgusting apartment, for the next month. You also know that if she does look bad in whatever she’s wearing, you want to tell her, especially if you’re annoyed.

I am sure all of you have blown up at a girl because you thought they were acting stupid about the way they look and most specifically, their weight. Maybe if you understand why they act this way, it’ll be a little easier to take on a day-to-day-to-minute basis…

Girls are insecure because they are constantly presented with ideals they are supposed to live up to that are really hard. Most girls do not have the time to spend three hours a day working out, followed by sessions with a stylist, make-up artist and hairdresser. And when it’s cold, or if they’re tired, or bored, or happy, they just want to lie in our beds and eat macaroni and cheese. It’s inevitable that their “perfection” will be marred at least slightly. And that is when the anxiety comes into play, full-force.

Let’s draw a comparison. It’s sort of like if everyone expected guys to be really good at sports - like Tom Brady good. And if you don’t perform at that level, you aren’t good enough. That’s silly, of course most of you guys aren’t athletes; nobody expects you to be that way. But there is a standard expected of females that just isn’t there for males. A guy can be chubby, hairy and ugly and if they have a great personality, they’ll get chicks. But everyone knows that if a fat girl walks into a bar, the only way she’s getting any that night is if she has a hot friend that you are trying to get with and you make your friend go after to up your chances with the other one. They are always aware of the fact that they are expected to look perfect, which they are not. Even if they are, they’ll think they’re not. That’s how girls were brought up, to never celebrate their accomplishments or speak positively about the way they look.

Additionally, most girls who are in their twenties, thirties and beyond are heavier than they were when they were in college. I know I was a size zero until I was twenty-three, due in part to youth, good genes and an eating disorder. Now that I am “normal” size, there are lots of days when I obsess over myself in the mirror, wishing that I looked the way I used to. I remember how many guys were after me then. And the girls you know remember how they looked then, too. And they see how guys, regardless of how old and disgusting they are, ogle coeds as if they had a chance in hell. Everyone knows they don’t, but if a girl is already feeling a bit badly about herself, watching you drool over someone she was ten years ago isn’t going to help matters.

They compare themselves to celebrities and other people in the media, but they also compare themselves to their friends. You know they can pick out fifty positives about every girl they know, but would be hard-pressed to think of five about themselves. If you were constantly picking yourself apart, you wouldn’t be very confident, either. That’s why she asks you a million times if she looks good – because she honestly doesn’t think she does.

So what are you supposed to do? Think about how you would feel if everything you saw around you told you that the way you are isn’t good enough. That your you-know-what is too small and you’re too short and you don’t make enough money and. That’s what your girl is dealing with everyday. And you know she’s very sensitive so she takes all of this stuff around her to heart. She knows it’s not attractive, she knows it annoys you, but sometimes she just needs a little encouragement from someone whose opinion matters to her. You know she looks hot, so just help them a bit by telling them so. After all, you’d do her…

I know that sometimes it’s hard to deal with girls’ insecurities, and your patience is definitely appreciated. Girls try their best to keep the constant dialogue running through their head as quiet as possible, but sometimes it leaks out. That’s when you have to step up to the plate, tell her she’s great, sip your beer and wait for her to finish getting ready. Someday she’ll feel better about herself, but that day is not today. You still whine about getting cut from JV football in 1994 and she tells you how you were totally robbed, just let her have this one.