From Her Perspective

By Kati Cawley
feedback@barstoolsports.com

The holidays are once again upon us, and it is time for good boys and girls everywhere to both give and receive (get your minds out of the gutter) in celebration and thanks. That’s all well and good, until you’re forced into a crowded mall, clutching a fistful of ATM cards and a vague notion of what you think your girl would like to find under the Christmas tree, Hanukah or Kwanzaa bush, or wherever you choose to put your gifts. It’s a tough situation, and you don’t want to mess this one up, especially if it’s your first holiday together. So, here is a little guide that you can refer to in case you’re up Christmas’ creek without a paddle…

If you have been dating less than one month: This is the most difficult time period in which to choose a gift. Do you even give a gift? How much money do you spend? You don’t want to look overly interested, but you don’t want to look like a cheap bastard, either. I say your best bet is something small and sweet, like a movie or book you know she likes or a funny gift. I would advise against getting anything like concert tickets or tickets to a show that takes place far out into the future. The relationship is still way too new and anything can go wrong, in which case you don’t want to be stuck high and dry, single and stuck with two tickets to Christina Aguilera.

Two to six months: You are getting to know each other better, and have more of an idea of what she likes, so your gift can be more intimate and reflect her personality. You can start buying things that involve future plans, like Red Sox tickets if you can really see a future with her, and since you have a better idea of what her style is, you may even want to venture into clothing territory. But don’t enter a store without a list of sizes. It’s easy; all you have to do is discreetly check the labels on her jeans, shirts, or whatever you plan to buy her. It’s very important not to guess, as this could lead to a pot of troubles that you are more than likely unwilling to get into. Guys tend to buy XXXL tops (perhaps to reflect their ideal breast size), and size Zero pants (again, reflecting a fantasy). I don’t know any girl who actually fits into both of these sizes, so it’s unlikely your girl will, either.

Six to nine months: I would say you are now safely in the lingerie zone. So feel free to start leafing through the Victoria’s Secret catalogue, or, if you can afford it, venture into La Perla, but unless she’s into the spike heels and vinyl, go for sexy and pretty as opposed to sexy and trashy.

Ten months to a year: Jewelry is currently an option for you. I would say that buying any serious rocks may be a bit premature, but I have no idea how your relationship is going, so maybe I’m wrong. But a nice little blue box from Tiffany never hurt anyone… and if you don’t know exactly what to get her, choose a simpler piece as opposed to a gaudy one. Guys tend to go for the most outrageous, sparkliest, flashiest items when it comes to jewelry, and most girls prefer understated pieces. It is also important to make sure you know what type of metal she prefers – yellow gold to white, for example, and any allergies she may have. I have a friend who is allergic to gold, and I am allergic to sterling silver. This was a major point of contention two Christmases ago, when my ex gave me a beautiful pair of Tiffany earrings that turned my ears to raw, purple, steak-like nubs. He was not happy when I returned them, but it was a health hazard!

There are also some presents that you never, ever want to give a girl because she will either laugh in your face or laugh as soon as you leave. Never give stuffed animals, as they are uninspired and we are past the point of giving one another toys, so unless it’s a joke gift, skip the teddy bear route and go for something a little more grown-up. It’s also not recommended to buy slutty, trashy-looking outfits that you want to see her in, but know she would never actually wear because it is either not her taste or cheap and disgusting. I would recommend that if you are thinking of getting creative with clothes (i.e. buying something she didn’t expressly ask for), ask a female with taste similar to her own to come with you and help pick something out. You don’t want to find your gift stashed in the bottom of her closet next Easter.

So there you go. We all know gifts aren’t the most important thing, people are, but it’s always nice to be able to surprise someone with something they like. Hopefully there will be happy holidays for all of you, and you will get as much as you give. And if anyone’s asking, I’m partial to white gold and sapphires and I’m a huge Christina fan… you know, just in case…