From Her Perspective

By Kati Cawley
feedback@barstoolsports.com

The sun is streaming through your bedroom window. Birds are chirping and you feel a sense of calm that you haven’t felt in months. Lazily, you roll over and stretch your arms and notice that you’re not alone. Your heart leaps in your throat, and you can suddenly hear said birds whistling “Time to Play the Game”. There is a hot girl sleeping in your bed and you are more than 98 per cent sure you had sex with her last night.

So you’re up, and maybe she’s up, too, but pretending she is asleep. You have two choices: you can either pretend to go back to sleep as well and let her be the stand-up guy, or you can take charge. Without question, girls love it when a guy takes charge. So be the man and make her feel like what she did last night wasn’t a mistake.

If she is pretending to be asleep, pretend to wake her up. If you can remember her name, just say something like, “Hey, Christina, are you awake? I’m going to get some water, do you want anything?” This will give her a chance to run in front of the mirror and get rid of the smudgy mascara and corral her bed head while you are in the kitchen. And when you’re getting the water, put some ice in it. If you don’t remember her name, just call her “dude” or something like that. If you call her “honey” or “sweetie”, it will sound fake. Just be normal.

If you haven’t already, offer her a big shirt. Girls love wearing guy’s big shirts. It makes them feel small and adorable and taken care of. So even if you are one of those guys who thinks it’s cool to wear a size Small, keep an XXL around for these occasions. She will flounce around and think she’s cute and who knows, you may even get some.

She is probably mortified that she got caught in this situation, period. Most girls, even if they are sluts, either are still embarrassed or at least will pretend to be embarrassed. And it is unlikely that they brought a toothbrush with them and they are probably talking into their pillow so as not to offend you. So offer them one. If you don’t have one, offer her mouthwash. If you don’t have that, tell her you are sorry you don’t have a toothbrush and you know it’s ghetto but if she wants to brush her teeth with her finger, which is fine. She’ll probably laugh when you say that, and that’ll help break any tension that may be lingering.

If you like her and, more importantly, respect her, ask her for her phone number. Sex is a big deal. Lots of times, when a girl has random sex, she will feel insecure about it the morning after and the mornings to follow. If you’re interested in her, call her the next day. Don’t wait, because the longer you do, the more she will feel like she was used for sex and the harder it will be for you to get back in her good graces. Normally, I am a big proponent of the three-day rule, but after sex, those rules go out the window.

Conversely, if you turn around to see a girl that makes your heart stop for another reason (i.e. because she is so ugly), there are a few niceties you can toss her way to make her feel like the evening wasn’t a total loss and that you aren’t a total bastard. Don’t offer the shirt, as she will think you like her. You may offer the toothbrush, because that’s more of a matter of decency than anything else. You don’t want her leaving your apartment feeling used and tasting like last night’s Rolling Rock.

The question of calling her or not is tricky, as you don’t want her to feel like she is a whore and that you’re a jerk, but you also don’t want to lead her on. The nicest blow-off I ever got from a guy was after a night of canoodling and I knew he wasn’t interested, and I guess I wasn’t, either, but was so funny that I didn’t even care that I was getting the brush-off. If you can distract her and make her think that the night was worth it, anyway, you can end things in a nice way and not give her the wrong impression.

Waiting to have sex is ideal. It doesn’t eliminate all of the problems and insecurities that are bound to develop, but it cuts out a few. Actually, it is probably important to remember these things even if you’re having sex for the first time with a girlfriend. The thing to remember that will make you a guy to remember is that your main focus should be making the girl feel good, like she wasn’t an idiot for boning you. It doesn’t matter if things don’t work out in the end, if you handle yourself like a gentleman, she’ll remember you as a gentleman. And tell her hot best friend you are a gentleman. You see where I’m going with this. So don’t forget the Trojans and go have fun.