From Her Perspective

Last time, I opened up a page of that messy, messy book that was my formative years to hopefully give you a little insight with regard to mistakes you really should avoid making at all costs, because the outcome is always mortifying. To recap, I suggest avoiding not getting the hint, pretending boring people aren’t boring, no matter how hot they are, and cutting back on the gossip.  All are important, but I guess you can fumble through these without any real damage.  These next three are big ones – ones you really can’t come back from.  Trust me, I’ve tried.

It’s so important to understand that absence does make the heart grow fonder, isn’t it?  Yeah, I wish someone had told me that a few years ago, because I 100% did not get it.  I was totally the girl who would answer the phone, even when it should have been clear that the guy wanted to leave a message so he wouldn’t have to talk to me.  I emailed guys at work when all they wanted was a booty call.  A little mystery is never bad, and it’s good to do your own thing and not obsess over one person when you could be getting action from many people.  Also, you look totally pathetic.  That’s a good tip: don’t be pathetic.  It’s probably a good question to ask yourself before you do something that you know you really shouldn’t. 

Speaking of not being pathetic, staying in a relationship that isn’t working just so you don’t have to be alone is awful.  I put up with guys who were total deadbeats, losers, and even one guy who wore leather pants in PUBLIC just so I didn’t have to be by myself.  And please don’t get me started on the two guys with mustaches, on purpose.  Or the one who didn’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re”, for real.  Or the one who thought it was a good idea to try and trip me in front of his friends.  And the leather pants, it will haunt me for the rest of my life.  Are you kidding me?  Terrible.  If someone is a total weirdo, or bitch, or asshole, just walk away.  It’s not going to change, trust me.  

God, I had really, really bad taste.  Ew!

Anyway, the last one, the one that I definitely think is the most important of all, is not to be That Guy (or That Girl, you know what I mean).  Don’t be the one to get a girlfriend and suddenly have no social life, or change your personality completely.  You know tons of people who have put themselves in this situation and it always drives you crazy, doesn’t it?  Having a relationship is great, but if you end up sucking as a person, it’s not worth it.  It makes your friends mad, it makes you look bad, and basically, you deserve better than that.  This is one we could probably talk about all day, but let’s leave it at that.  I don’t want to go giving you any funny ideas…

So there you have it.  The things you shouldn’t ever do, and really don’t need to experience for yourselves because, let’s face it, they’re totally embarrassing.  So now you can focus on important things, like grilled cheese sandwiches and the girls having lunch in Post Office Square.  Now that summer’s coming, it’s more important than ever not to be an idiot.  Nobody wants to be sitting alone in their apartment watching reality shows about cake decorating when everyone else is out having fun, right?  Wait, have I said too much?