From Her Perspective

It’s been snowing for six months straight.  Every morning you’re either scraping your car, breaking your neck on the ice on the sidewalk while walking to the train, or careening down 128 hoping you don’t spin out on a patch of black ice and die.  I know, I know.  We live in New England.  This is what happens.  If you don’t like it, leave.  This bad weather happens every year, so stop complaining.  No way.  It has never been this bad ever in our whole lives.  I’ve worn nothing but Ugg boots for three years now, and everyone knows Uggs are the ugliest shoes of all time.  AND mine give me blisters.  But losing toes to frostbite is definitely worse, so what are you going to do?  I’m officially over it.

This past weekend, we experienced approximately four minutes of above freezing temperatures, and my brain began to thaw.  Visions of tube tops and pasty Irish guys with horrible sunburns began to dance through my head.  As a great scholar (I think it was Uncle Buck) once said: “Hope springs eternal”.  So let’s talk about some good things that we can focus on for a bit while we wait for this effing winter to end.

Nothing is more exciting than the prospect of sitting at an outside bar.  Actually, sitting outside anywhere, enjoying a cocktail, sort of gets me hard.  Whether you’re talking about CitySide in Brighton (which is closed for renovations until March, boo), Tavern on the Water in Charlestown, or your crappy little porch at your apartment, there is nothing better than a cold beer as the warm sun shines down on you, listening to music and hanging out with your friends.  Just thinking about that, and the fact that if we’re lucky, we can count the time until we’re able to do that in weeks (I mean, yeah, it could be ten weeks, but it sounds better than months, doesn’t it?), assuages my ire the tiniest bit.  What else do we got?

I’m also fantasizing about going to the water this summer.  Can you wait?  I know I can’t.  Take a moment to visualize a long, hot day down the Cape, or wherever you like to go, coming home all tired and salty but going out anyway, meeting chicks who have that perfect sunburny-tan thing, super relaxed, hanging out with your friends, maybe your friend’s wife’s hot friend is there… excuse me, I think I need a moment.  That, of course, leads me to my next favorite…

Grilling.  You probably thought I was being dirty, didn’t you?  Ha!  I know you can grill year round and it’s always delicious, but nothing beats a lazy evening outside, maybe around a fire pit, if you’re very lucky, with ribs sizzling on the grill.  My mouth is watering just thinking about it.  And fine, I’ll say it.  Fooling around outside is awesome when it’s warm.  I’m not talking about that bullshit making out on the Common or anything lame like that, but roof decks were made for this type of thing.  And of course the beach is a little, um, sandy, but always a fun spot for a romp.

Weddings can be a pain in the ass, of course, but if there is an open bar, you really don’t have much to complain about.  Everyone gets married in the summer, and though they get expensive, you don’t hear about many shitty weddings.  There’s always a redeeming factor, even if it’s only the ugly outfits the wedding party has to wear or the drunken little person who tried to feel you up at the after party.  Well, maybe that was just me.  And single girls are extra easy at weddings, so everybody wins. 

So I know there’s not much we can do except wait out the next month or so (I know, I know, I’m being overly optimistic, leave me alone) until we can retire our disgusting, salt-soaked wool gear for a bit.  Until then, we can watch Spring Training (for the weather, of course – it’s like reading Playboy for the articles), perfect frozen margarita recipes, and maybe even work out a little.  Hm, scratch that last one; muscles are overrated.  Fingers crossed, we’ll be bumping into one another on the roof deck at Fiore before we know it.  Or the sidewalk in front of my Mom’s house.  I don’t care.  At this point, I’ll take what I can get.