From Her Perspective

From her perspective

Before things begin getting serious between you and your girlfriend who’s not quite yet your girlfriend (GWNQYG), basically before you attach the “label” that makes you break out into a cold sweat (yes, I’m referring to the word girlfriend), there is one question you need to find the answer to — is she high maintenance?

If you think the answer is yes, don’t panic and kick her to the curb just yet. There are actually two different kinds of high maintenance women — and only one needs to be shown the door.

The high maintenance women you are familiar with are the ones who constantly expect ridiculously expensive gifts, trips around the world, to be waited on hand and foot — you get the picture. These women, who we’ll call Kick Them to the Curb High Maintenance, are self-serving creatures who are more into being catered to than they are to you. They need a servant, not a boyfriend.
Identifying these women can be some what tricky if you’re only looking for those who like clothes, shoes, traveling and shopping. Because it describes every woman. Stop thinking like you. Start thinking like me.

Kick Them to the Curb High Maintenance women can be identified by their attitude. If one Friday night you suggest heading out to the local dive bar for a few drinks and your GWNQYG gawks at the prospect saying something like, “I associate with a higher class of people,” she is indeed a Kick Them to the Curb High Maintenance woman.

You should proceed by dumping her immediately. Oh, and maybe rub her nose in it too. She’s so into herself she won’t even notice, but you’ll feel great until the next “relationship” (Don’t cringe. If you’re out of college, you should become familiar with the term “relationship”).

The other high maintenance women, Know What They Want High Maintenance, are a little less obvious and you may not even realize that you’ve either dated and/or been involved with one. Stop fantasizing. You can do that later. Let’s focus on this column for now. Stay focused, fellas.

Know What They Want High Maintenance women are just that — women who know what they want. These women aren’t willing to settle for anything less than what they feel they deserve. They want to be treated a certain way, expect certain things and you’ll hear it if you don’t comply. No, don’t give up just yet, they are not the same women, I swear.

In guy speak, this simply means that when you have something that’s important to you, such as a car, there are certain things you have to do to take care of it. You have to get the oil changed every 3-5,000 miles, rotate the tires and give it a tune-up every once in a while. The same can be said for a Know What They Want High Maintenance woman — she requires certain things, certain treatment in order for the relationship to run smoothly.

Sounds like the Kick Them to the Curb High Maintenance woman to you, you’re thinking? Well, I did say they were high maintenance, but the reason the Know What They Want High Maintenance women aren’t ones you should get rid of is simple — she genuinely cares about you and wants your relationship to work. If she didn’t, she wouldn’t be in it.

Did the light bulb turn on yet? No? How about now? Finally. Examples of things the Know What They Want High Maintenance women need from you in relationships are things like respect, a phone call every now and then, a compliment, appreciation — ringing any bells yet? Basically, these women just want to feel wanted and will walk if they don’t. End of story.

Kick Them to the Curb High Maintenance women are more like those shiny rims that spin or the noisier exhaust you recently installed on your car, or lust after online — they’re hot, they’re flashy, they’re the envy of all your buddies but will put you in an early financial grave.

If you’re willing to take that risk and flash and fun is all you’re looking for, go for it. I hear living in a box on the street corner isn’t that bad. The guy in the box next door showers when it rains. Maybe you should start perfecting your rain dance now.

But if you actually have feelings, those things inside you that make you happy and sad, stick it out with the Know What They Want High Maintenance woman. It’s the lesser of the two regrets. If a Know What They Want High Maintenance woman leaves your sorry behind, you still have your money and possibly a portion of your pride. A Verne Troyer sized portion.

If a Kick Them to the Curb High Maintenance woman dumps you, you won’t have anything. No money. No pride. And most importantly, no flash and fun.